Hot Mess Sisterhood

Let's face it on any given day we can all be a bit of a hot mess.

i know that when I was growing up I thought that by the time I reached X age I would totally have all my shit together.

I am 53.

I am still waiting for that day.

The truth is we are all making it up as we go along.

When we were kids it looked  like all the adults knew what they were doing. They knew how to parent, drive a car, balance a checkbook, keep food on the table and keep their relationship going. To be honest my parents relationship didn't look that great so I was taking notes on "what I don't want in a relationship". Turns out I wasn't paying close enough attention  but that's a story for another day.

I left home at 18 and moved straight in with my boyfriend and thought that now I would have my shit together and begin to "adult". Boy, was I wrong. I went on to have kids and figured now I would know how to "adult". Nope, wrong again. Instead I suffered from post natal depression and our kindly doctor told us that I needed loving support from my husband. Instead I left him when my son was four months old.

We got back together but eventually I left him.

With two young kids I figured now I would begin to get my life sorted. Oh, how I laugh! Instead I got pregnant to my ex and then divorced.

I have just staggered from one cluster fuck to the next all in the guise of being an "adult" and "knowing what I am doing". I did make some smart moves though, namely meeting and marrying my current husband.

I am older and wiser now but life can still knock you sideways which is what happened to me a few years back when I went through a complete nervous breakdown. And just like Brene Brown's therapist I call it a Spiritual Awakening ( watch until the 11 minute mark to get the reference).

I dissolved into a heap. I didn't function. I went on antidepressants which is so against everything I believed up until that point.

This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I am a therapist. I am the one that helps people and here I was, not even able to help myself. It took me a long time to pull myself back together and it took lots of self care, lots of unending support from my beloved husband and time, lots of time.

Then it became my dirty, little secret. I felt like a fraud helping people when I had fallen apart so spectacularly. I didn't want to share about it. I didn't want to blog about it (although the nudge to do so has been there for a long time) I kept it to myself.

So why am I sharing it now?

Because we all have crap days.

Because talking about our shit, heals our shit.

Because I want you to know that I know.  I know what it is like to fall apart. I know what it is like to struggle. To struggle with being a Mum and wondering if you are doing a good job . To struggle with the idea of leaving and "what will that do to the kids?" . To struggle with an inopportune pregnancy and weigh all of that up. To struggle with starting anew relationship when there are kids involved.

Because I survived it all and thrived and I know you can too.

Because putting all my cards on the table feels real and raw and vulnerable and powerful and empowering all at the same time.

Because reclaiming myself as a Sex Goddess and stepping fully into my authenticity is just how I roll.


Want to join me? Check out my book "The Goddess Guide to Sex, Love and Life"

Or come join me over at Awaken Your Inner Goddess Facebook group

Gorgeously Gray - a journey in self acceptance

My hair first started going gray in my late twenties. At the time I was going through a divorce, had just given birth to my third child and started a new relationship with a divorced Dad of four girls. Not only did I start going gray my hair also decided to start falling out, in clumps. Thankfully that trend soon righted itself but the grays kept on coming.
Not being one to shy away from things to do with my body I decided to dye my hair black (it was a dark brown to start off with) and to enhance my grays by getting the whole piece dyed silver.

Want to read more?  Go check it out at The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/caitlin-grace/refuse-to-dye-gray-hair_b_8298354.html

Body shame

We all know that we are supposed to love our body.

And we all have that one niggly part of us that we just wish looked better.

That spot is different for all of us. For some its their thighs, or their cellulite. For others it is the size and shape of their nose.

Still others wish that their butt was bigger or smaller or a tiny bit more pert.

And some of us resort to surgery to "correct" the imperfection.

It seems like no sooner have we got comfortable with ourselves than somebody ( and I have not even the vaguest notion of who it could be) comes up with yet one more thing that we should be striving to attain.

First it was the "perfect" vagina which saw a huge upswing in requests for labiaplasty which still continues to blow my mind on a regular basis. ( Go check out my other post on Your Amazing Vagina or Love your labia, ladies).


Then came the "thigh gap" which only a tiny number of people can attain. Although according to this article "thigh gap" is just a new name for "heroin chic"( seriously, who comes up with these names) which preceded it.

All any of this does is make us, as women, uncomfortable in our own skin. We feel that there is some unattainable standard that we are failing to meet. With the ubiquitous use of social media and hashtags we are able to compare ourselves to other women out there who are posting pictures of their perfect thigh gap. Or boast about their session at the gym. Or show you just what they are eating.

Which, for those that may already be feeling insecure about their bodies, just makes us all feel a little bit worse.

What if, instead of looking at all those pictures on Instagram we look in the mirror and tell ourselves how beautiful we are and how much we appreciate our body?

What if instead of comparing our body to some media image we set about falling back in love with our bodies and the gifts that they give us? Have you ever watched  a bay or a toddler playing ? they take a never ending delight in their own bodies, it is only as we get older that we switch to feeling like we are less than.

What if instead of looking at the pics of someone else's green juice or plate of healthy salad we head to the kitchen and create our own self nurturing, healthy concoction?

What if we told ourselves every day, endlessly, all day long that who we are is enough. That how we look is just fine?

What if we told each other how great we are and got really comfortable giving and receiving compliments? And not just for how we look but for the way that we go about our lives.

What if we made the best compliment that you could give someone "You are an awesome kick ass women" instead of "You look great. Have you lost weight?"

Step away from technology. Look in the mirror and remind yourself of all that you have been through and all that you have achieved and you are still here. Strong, capable, beautiful. Sure you may have a few silver hairs or a laugh line here and there maybe even a stretch mark or two They are marks that you have lived, where them with pride.


Want to learn how to let go of the past and move into your future with a deeper sense of self love? Then check out the Awaken Your Inner Goddess course.

Body Love

Let's face it  we are all insecure about our bodies.

Yes, even the super models have days when they obsess about one specific flaw that is undetectable to the human eye.

And it seems the pressure just keeps mounting.

We are supposed to be wafer thin, hairless with well defined arms and abs and the perfect, tight ass, long legs and gorgeous, pert breasts. Now, it seems we are also supposed to have the perfect looking vulva.

More and more young women are opting for labiaplasty to perfect their labia and "neaten" their vulva.  I have written about this before  (here's another one . Oh, ok one more or check out this cool new blog I have found  ) and I would love it if it didn't have to be talked about anyomore but the truth is we still don't know enough about our bodies and it is hurting us; mentally, emotionally and physically.

In many African and Muslim countries genital mutilation is a common practice to ensure that women do not enjoy the sexual act. This happens to young girls before they are even of an age to be sexual. Thankfully the practice is now becoming outlawed as people are , finally, waking up the barbaric nature of it.

Except in the West where women are now paying to mutilate their own genitals in the name of a "designer vagina" or a mistaken belief that it will make them more desirable.

Let's just look at the absurdity of this shall we?

(1) There are a limited number of people who will see your labia and anyone that is up close and personal and makes a comment about the look of your labia is simply disqualifying themselves from ever getting that close again. Because, let's face it, penises are not exactly gorgeous to look at either.

(2) Our genitals are packed full of nerve endings for the sole purpose of giving us pleasure. Any surgery that is done to this area will most definitely be compromising those nerve endings so while your vulva might look stylish the "ooohhhh ahhh-ness" will be severely diminished. Why would you do that to yourself?

More than anything we have to start loving ourselves and accepting our flaws as the unique characteristic that make us the unique little snowflake that we are.

What would Cindy Crawford look like without her signature mole? Or Nicole Kidman without her freckles? And think how much happier Micheal Jackson would have been if he had just loved himself instead of having endless plastic surgery?

Now I know accepting ourselves is easier said than done BUT ( and it is a big but) it is the only way that we get to be happy, content, life affirming individuals. The only other option is constant dissatisfaction, dieting, moaning about the size of our thighs, more dieting until we finally realise at age (Pick one. Because I guarantee that you will hit a certain age and realise that you wasted far too much of your youth worrying about some part of your body that is actually ok) that NONE OF IT MATTERS!.

It doesn't matter if your thighs touch - take a look at pictures of Marilyn Monroe.

It doesn't matter if your vulva is an innie or an outie.

It doesn't matter  if you have a physical flaw what matters is that you are alive and healthy and living your life.

That is all. Go be happy. Leave all the body doubts there on the floor.

For more advice on loving yourself check out my latest book "The Goddess Guide to Sex, Love and Life