Good bush, Bad Bush

 I am talking about pubic hair. Why? Because for some reason, that is still unclear to me, we now feel like we have to remove every hair from our body except for those on our head. Every other hair though is somehow suspect and best ripped from the body after covering in with wax.

Reading articles such as this tend to confirm my view that its all a bit wrong ( just my opinion folks). The one ( and only ) time I shaved my pubic hair was in my early twenties and seeing myself returned to that prepubescent state was just a bit icky.
I am a WOMAN not a girl and I choose to look like a woman.

And then there is the fact that pubic hair is there for a reason ( You can read stories  here and here )
Yes, that tuft of fluff that covers your mons is there for a reason. Its not just a decoration or something to be shaped, dyed or trimmed into submission.

Frankly, I blame Barbie  and her hairless  approximation of womanhood that we all seem to grow up with and want to emulate. We have been brainwashed into believing that being hairless is a woman's natural state.
The sad thing is that young men are also being brainwashed into thinking that hair is 'dirty' and needs to be removed.

Are we becoming more and more, hairless, sexless drones?  It seems like we are. we have males modelling as females here and females modelling as males here.

How about we start accepting that women grow hair on other places than their heads and be comfortable with that? How about we stop trying to emulate porn stars, or feeling that we have to be completely bare for reasons of cleanliness? Really ? Are we still convinced that our vagina's are somehow inherently dirty?
And could we please stop comparing it to plants that need to be trimmed like this commercial for women's razors http://youtu.be/bfzI_NcET-c

How do you feel about your pubic hair? Do you go bare or barely there?

Uh oh! Menopause

Menopause. The one word that is likely to strike fear into any women of a certain age.

Society has been telling us that youth is where its at, that only the young are beautiful. So we have been trying to turn back time ( who sang a little Cher when they read that? yeah , me too!). Exercising our butts off, slathering on the latest anti wrinkle cream and eating anti aging foods.

But then menopause leapt out of the ethers and descended upon us. For some this means  night sweats, hot flashes, vaginal dryness and painful intercourse. If you read the popular magazines they imply that it is the majority of women that go through all these painful symptoms but that is not the case. Yes, some women do experience them but not the majority. some women may have some of these symptoms for a short while and some may breeze through it with barely a hot flash.

I am lucky enough to be in the latter group but I have been preparing for menopause since I was in my thirties. Why? well, because none of that sounded pleasant and I wanted to enjoy the freedom of finally having no periods to deal with.

I started by taking Maca and it has become my best friend throughout the whole experience. I also drink lots of water every day and eat a diet full of fruit and vegetables and low on processed foods. The biggest step though has been learning to love myself and that has been the hardest journey and the most rewarding.
I also avoid xenoestrogens by not storing food in plastic or microwaving foods in plastic

First, lets talk about Maca. It is a cruciferous vegetable, grown in South America that  helps balance the hormones in males and females. It also helps boost your energy levels, increases stamina, supports the adrenals and supplies your body with all the B group vitamins and a host of other vitamins and minerals. Did I mention it boost your libido too? You can take it either in powder form or in tablets. I prefer the powder so I can regulate my own dose and add it to smoothies. ( in the next issue of my newsletter I will give you some delicious ways to add it to your diet - go sign up now!).

Secondly, drink lots of water........ and then go drink some more! Did you know dehydration plays a large part in lack of lubrication? Well now you do  - go have a drink now. Seriously! I'll wait......... there now doesn't that feel better?

Lubrication can become an issue during menopause and if you don't believe its a problem just try going down a slide ..... naked.! Yup, not comfy at all! So you are drinking plenty of water and taking your maca and things are still a little ... dry? What next? Drum roll please.... try the Kegelmaster.

Kegelmaster

Now when I was about 15 I learnt about doing my pelvic floor exercises and then promptly forgot about them again until after baby number 1. Kegels are vital for keeping a good blood flow to the whole vaginal region and blood flow equals increased libido ( ask any man if you don't believe me) and increased lubrication. Trouble is most of us have been doing them wrong.
 ( Hands up if you clench you buttocks or tighten your thighs? Wrong!!!).
This nifty little gadget allows you to tighten against it so that you are exercising the muscles in the right way . You also get to add differing levels of resistance as your muscles gt strengthened.

If all else fails then using a lubricant like coconut oil can add to the fun. I use coconut oil because I know whats in it and I don't want any chemical nasties in my delicate areas plus it works as a great overall massage oil to add more sensory delights to the process. Coconut oil is also antibacterial, anti fungal and shhhhh , tastes good too! Win win win! The only down side is you can't use it with latex rubber.


Lastly, loving yourself is the best gift you can give you. No, you are never going to be young again but you have wisdom and beauty far beyond mere looks and now is the time to fully embrace them.

Oh libido where did you go?

I've written about it before and its likely I will write about it again... and again. Its a topic that seems to generate a lot of interest and we all have differing ideas on what a normal sex drive is and what it is not. Today I came across an old article from the Mamamia website on women who charge their husbands for sex, if they are not in the mood and he wants sex then hand over the money, honey. ( You can read it here http://www.mamamia.com.au/relationships/some-wives-get-paid-to-have-sex/)

Now I don't know about you but this just makes me sad. Where is the love? Where is the mutual respect? Where is the hot, burning desire for your partner?

I know that we can't all be on the same page at the same time and I know that as women we often have a lot on our plates. I am also sure that the men that we marry  love us and care for us on an emotional as well as a sexual level. I also know the damage that constant rejection has on a man.

We forget that we wield enormous power in our relationships, we can allow or deny our man sex. We can manipulate them with sex and often do ( even when we deny that it is what we are doing).

But we often overlook one important factor - men are emotional creatures just like us. When he is asking us for sex he is opening himself up to a need to connect with us on a different level, he is exposing his vulnerability, his weak spot. When we constantly bat him away we are, in essence, denying him our love. Think about that for a minute.

Maybe he is longing for a sense of closeness to you and the only way he knows to express that is through sex. Men are taught that it is "soft" to want hugs or kisses. Tare taught, repeatedly, through mainstream media that all men want is sex and as women we are programmed to believe the same. We become wary of him touching us because we assume that means he has sex on the brain.

My darling husband was repeatedly called a "horny old goat"by his ex wife. She believed he was only ever after one thing. Now, he could have been an entirely different man then to the one I know now. AllI know is he longs for intimacy and touch and he touches me .... a lot. We sit holding hands to watch tv, he massages my feet or strokes my legs or lies with his head in my lap every night. Does that mean we have sex every night ? No, it means that he loves to feel connected to me through touch.

So how do you connect with your partner so that you both get your needs met?  Having a conversation with your partner is the best place to start. Make sure to really LISTEN to what he has to say. Keep your heart open and drop the defensiveness, Look into his eyes and pay attention and ask that he does the same. Talk aobut your feelings without resorting to "You make me feel..."You should..."etc

What if you just have lost your mojo all together? You are just never in the mood and sex seems like just a chore?
Remember it is your sex drive and it is up to you to reboot it again.
How? Take some time to connect with yourself again, find out what turns you on. Is it the spoken word? Then check out Ear Erotica HERE

Is it he written word? Then check out some erotic fiction such as the Fifty Shades of Grey series.

Still not feeling the tingle? Book yourself in for a massage, spend some time connecting with your girlfriends, go to the movies. Remember what it was like to have time to yourself . Pamper yourself.

Or maybe your  sex life has become just a little run of the mill and you are bored out of your mind. Take control and change your attitude - don't leave it all up to him. Buy yourself some sexy underwear and do a slow reveal for him, send him saucy text to get him revved up and to build the anticipation for both of you.

Ask yourself "What would my Inner Sex goddess do? " then go do that!!

Your sex drive is in your hands - literally! Have a party in your own pants

The Big O

Lets talk about orgasms.


Women regularly fake orgasms.

I've never personally understood this phenomenon.

To me if your partner is not taking the time to stimulate you properly  then it is your job to show him or teach him how to do the job properly. Faking it robs you both of the sensual pleasures of love making. Stop it at once!

If you watch any love scene in the movies  ( or porn....especially porn!), you are under the false impression that women will ( a) orgasm at the drop of the hat (b) orgasm through penetration only.

This is true - for a very small minority of the population. A mere 20 % of women can be brought to orgasm through penetration alone.

Twenty per cent!!

 That is not a significant number  but if you happen to be one of the lucky ones - congratulations. The fabulous Jill Hamilton of In Bed with married Women wrote an awesome blog on the "science"  of orgasms and you can read it here

There have been articles written about the G spot and whether or not it exists ( read it  here )

We are told that there are three types of orgasm; clitoral, vaginal and blended (read it here)  or according to other articles I have read anything from 7 to 9 differing types of orgasm.

 Are you starting to feel the pressure? Do you feel you could be missing out?

If you are spending time faking orgasms so as to ( a) not disappoint your partner, (b) make him hurry up and finish already or (c) just because then yes, you are definitely missing out. And guess what? So is your partner!

If you are regularly having orgasms, any kid of orgasm  then congratulations!

Here are ten good reasons to increase the number of orgasms that you are having  and if that's not enough inspiration for you consider this: The more sex you have the more your body wants it and the sexier you feel inside and out. As we age our sex drive can diminish and sex keeps everything in working order.

For females, as we go through menopause, our vagina's can suffer from dryness and thinning of the vaginal walls. The best remedy for this is regular sex. This will keep a good blood supply to the vaginal area thereby assisting with lubrication and thinning. The worst thing to do is to stop having sex! Once that happens the symptoms get worse which leads to the catch 22 of not wanting sex due to lack of lubrication because you are not having sex.

For males, as you age your erections become less firm and the refractory time between them becomes longer. Guess what? The less sex you are having the less firm your erections will become and the lower your sex drive.

Use it or lose it is a very real statement when it comes to sex and desire.