Self Care for surviving the holiday season

We all seem to go just a tiny bit crazy over the holiday season. We rush around like the world is going to end to morrow with "To Do" lists a mile long.

And an even longer list of "Shoulds": 

I should buy everyone I know a gift including the kids teachers, the postman, the garbage collection guy and the lady that does my hair.

I should go home for the holidays. I should go to all the events I am invited too so I don't hurt any one's feelings.

My house should be decorated and everything should be cleaned and look like the team from House and Garden are about to drop by for a photo shoot.

I should cook everything form scratch and provide alternatives in case any vegan/lactose intolerant/gluten free/following a strict diet/Paleo/ nut allergic people stop by.

I should prepare enough food in case the apocalypse happens over the holiday break happens.

*Yawn* makes me tired just writing it. The reality is that we don't need to do any of that stuff. What we need more than anything is to take a deep breath ( gone on just try it, right now) and relax.

We need to switch our focus back to what the holiday season is all about ; LOVE, PEACE and GOODWILL to ALL. The holidays are a time to reflect on the past year and look forward to the coming year with anticipation of better things to come.

Here's a list to help guide you through the coming season:

(1) Breathe: If you find yourself getting worked up or agitated take a moment to take three nice, slow deep breaths. If you are still worked up try another three. Trust me, just pausing to breathe can make the world of difference.

(2) Simplify: Write a list of all that you need to do. Now look at it and decide how you can cross at least half of it off. Do you really need to make everything from scratch or can you buy some of it ready made? Is it really important to clean the windows, clean the carpets and reorganise the linen cupboard or could you just leave that til later?  Does the garden really have to look perfect? Get the idea? Pull back to a level of sanity.

(3) Delegate: Look at your list again and ask yourself who else could do that job for you?

(4) Enjoy: IF you aren't having fun then you are doing it wrong! The holidays are about FUN and if you are so busy running from one task to the next that you are just stressed and grumpy then everybody loses

(5) Hydrate: ( this one is for all of us in the Southern Hemisphere!)  While you are out and about doing all your Christmas jobs remember to DRINK, and NO, I don't mean alcohol! It gets hot and shopping is hard work so always take a water bottle with you and actually drink it.

(6) BREATHE: Yes, I know it's on here twice because that is how important it is.

(7) Hug: Hug yourself, hug your kids, hug your friends, hug your partner. Hugging releases oxytocin which is not only the bonding hormone but also makes us feel more connected, relaxed and secure and we could all do with more of that.

(8) Relax: Christmas is only one day and we all try to cram in so much activity and a years worth of bonding into one day. We also have far too high an expectation of what our family holiday is supposed to be or should ( there's that word again!) so just STOP and let it all unfold without feeling you have to control it all.


That's it in a nutshell. What is your best tip for surviving the holidays? Leave me a comment below.


My book "Every Goddesses Guide to Sex, Love and Life" is coming out in the New Year. Join my email list to keep up to date with all things  Goddess -y

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An Ode To Women

As I said in last weeks post An Ode to Men I would write an ode to all the fabulous women in my life, of which there are many.

Things I love about my Friends:

My wedding day 2009. That's me in purple!

(1) They inspire me
My friends Heather and Margie knew that my wedding day was hard for me as my parents had decided not to come due  to a family feud
(shit happens!) so they decided to be my Fairy God Mothers. After the wedding ceremony they came and anointed my husband and I with Fairy Blessings and wishes which was incredibly special and sometime I will never forget.
I got a message from Heather yesterday that she is losing her battle with cancer. she battled through bowel cancer before I met her and then this year developed breast cancer and had a mastectomy. Unfortunately it has now returned. And its winning. Heather has always remained true to her own beliefs and has been an amazing tower of strength for me. she is an inspiration.

(2) They encourage me
I have been working on various projects and my friends constantly urge me onward ( some might call it nagging!). On the days when I want to chuck it all in and think that every word I write is shit, they are there reminding me that this is part of the process and things will get better.

(3) They nurture me
When I have days  when I am overcome with sadness about the state of the world, life and everything else they check in on me to make sure I am eating and getting dressed or they drag me out of the house to remind me that there is still the wonders of cake to behold.

(4) They are real
We don't do mean gossip or keep up with the Kardashians or American Idol or X Factor. It's ok if that's your thing but it's not what we are into. We share about how life really is for us - no holding back, no "I'm fine" when your life is falling apart. I am there for them and they are always there for me.

(5) We eat cake
My friends come in all shapes and sizes and none of them is obsessed with the calorie count of the food they eat. We eat what we love and enjoy it without the "Ooo I shouldn't have eaten that " bullshit.

My friends are all amazing, intelligent and creative women and I am blessed to have them in my life.


My Daughters:

I would love to post a picture of them because they are all stunning but I haven't asked them if I can so I won't :(

Technically they are my step daughters but they are just as much a part of me as my sons and have been part of my life for 22 years which is longer than any of them had been alive when I came into their lives.

(1) They accept me
Yes, it has been a turbulent, roller coaster ride but we are comfortable with each other now. I love them and they love me.
The day I married their father was the happiest ( and saddest) day of my life and my daughters made everything go smoothly without being asked and I don't know where we would have been without them

(2) They are talented
All of them are creative and talented in a myriad of ways. In fact one of them is designing the artwork for the cover of my upcoming book. She sent me the sketch for it the other day and it was so beautiful I can't wait to show it to you.!!

(3) They own their shit
As I mentioned in #1 it has been an interesting ride but I have to give them credit for apologizing for  past events. That takes immense courage and is more than many people take the time to do.


My Mother in Law

My mother in law passed away at the beginning of this year and I was truly blessed to have her in my life. She was a beautiful women, both inside and out. All the jokes about mothers in law being obnoxious was not true in her case. She loved me and I loved her and I miss her daily.

Women can be the most loving, supportive and nurturing forces in your life or they can be bitchy, back stabbing energy suckers. I have had both in my life but due to natural selection I am now only surrounded by amazing women.

I honor them for the parts they play in my life and I treasure each and every one of them. A network of amazing friends is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Choose wisely and don't be afraid to let some friendships end. It just makes space for someone better to arrive.

An Ode to Men

Let me just state right up front that I love men in general and my husband in particular. Sure, men are hairy and loud. They fart and think that belching the alphabet is funny and they scratch their privates while in public but lets face it, where would we be without them?

Yes, I know that women are equally as awesome ( and obnoxious, in different ways)

Yes, I know that  women can do all that men can do.

I also know that we need to start taking the time to appreciate each other more.

I read 81 Things that Dads do that make us Weak at the knees which made me smile and remember raising my kids.

That post then inspired Steven Lake to write My Wife tells me Ten Things I do that Make her Happy

And now I'm writing my own list.

10 Things My Husband does that make me weak at the Knees:

(1) Empties the trash. No big deal, no "look what I'm doing for you". Nope, he just empties the trash. Sure he may not always replace the bin liner but so what?

(2) He is always glad to see me.  It doesn't matter if I am looking frazzled, with my hair pointing in every direction but the one I want it too or all glammed up  he always greets me  with "Hey Beautiful" . That is a little slice of heaven right there.

(3) He calls me his Life Wife. We are both doing this marriage thing for the second time so that is a vote of confidence in our relationship and our bond. *swoon*

(4) He says "thank you" after every meal. No matter what I cook for him he thanks me for a delicious meal. Every time. *double swoon*

(5) He always checks the car. Putting petrol in the car is about my limit when it comes to car maintenance. So if I am off on a trip he does all the blokey checks; tyres, oil and whatever else needs doing. He also schedules all the servicing after asking me if I need the car that day.

(6) He made it part of our wedding vows to keep me in chocolate and "bling". He looks at jewelery catalogs more than I do!

(7) He listens. Whenever I am talking to him I get his full attention. He makes eye contact and fully engages with what I am saying regardless of whether it interests him or not.

(8) He sends me texts so I know he's thinking of me. Once or twice a day I'll get a text from him just to say "hi". Some are smutty. some are lovey dovey. Either way I know he's been thinking of me . *melting*

(9) The way he smiles. Just that. Seeing his face wreathed in joy makes my heart go all gooey inside.

(10) His hugs. He wasn't much of a hugger when we first got together  but now he gives the best hugs ever.

Bonus (11) Love the way he is sooo gentle with animals.

Five Things I love about my Sons:

(1) They are not afraid to be totally themselves. They are all different and they are all proudly who they are.

(2) They embrace their soft side. My eldest has four kids and I have seen hi be incredibly gentle and tender with his daughters while encouraging them to be adventurous  too. My middle son used to try and organize romantic interludes for my hubby and me when he was 11. Or he would pick flowers for hubby to give me. So sweet

(3) They call their mother. My youngest just had some great news. Who did he call? His Mum. One hour later and we ran out of things to talk about. So grateful that they keep in touch.

(4) They know what I like. Youngest sent me a purple scarf from the US. ( Love purple, love scarves!) Middle son gave me a turquoise Buddha for my birthday ( I now have quite a collection of Buddhas). Eldest sent flowers and photos of my grandy's.

(5) They all end their calls with "Love you Mum" * just a puddle on the floor*

Three Things I love about my  (male) Hairdresser.

(1) He listens. Yup, listening is HUGE. HUGE I tell you!. By simply paying attention I feel validated, heard and valued.

(2) He cares. When my mother in law passed away earlier this year and I had a not-so-great haircut from one of the other stylists at the salon, Richard fixed it for me and made me feel great in the midst of a shitty, shitty time.

(3) He gets me. He understands the look I want to achieve and at the end of cutting my hair he says
" There you are. Now you look more like you." *swoon*
( If you want to check out his work go here )

Come back next week and I will post my "Ode to Women" for all the Fabulous ladies in my life.

Who do you need to show some appreciation too?


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When Life hands you lemons

Life is unpredictable.

Life is about change. We are either green and growing or ripe and rotting. Doesn't sound very inviting does it?


But the reality is that the only constant in life is change. Trouble is most of us get uncomfortable with change we like things as they are.

We like the status quo.

Its familiar and comfortable and comforting but you don't get to grow with comfortable and comfort.

               Let go or be dragged. Zen Proverb

Seeds only grow when they are buried deep underground. There in the dark their outside is cracked open and then and only then can the transformation into a plant begin.

Chicks resting in their eggs can only be birthed from cracking the shell from the inside. If you try and crack it from the outside then life dies.

In order for a caterpillar to transform into a beautiful butterfly it has to completely let go of all it knows, melt into liquid and then.....wait.

Life is like that .

Transitions are never easy. Transitions are not comfortable but they are necessary for us to grow, change and transform into all that we can be.

               Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Haruki Murakami

What are you struggling with at the moment?

What transitions are you going through?

What do you need to let go of?


Come over to my Facebook page  and tell me what you are going through to go in the draw to win a FREE session with me either in person or via Skype. (valued at $80NZD)

  Come back next week for some tips to get through it, get on top of it or let it all go.