Feeling Fabulous in your 50's ( or whenever)

Christiane Northrup is busily telling us that Goddesses never age.

And she's right, we just grow ever more fabulous with each passing year.

I feel sorry for the people that don't get that.

For the ones who think that, once you hit a certain age, you become  "unf**kable" or invisible.




That somehow women become irrelevant.


And so we start dreading certain birthdays... especially if they end in a zero. We dread turning 40 or 50 and cannot imagine ourselves at 60 or older.


We slather on "anti-aging" creams in the hopes that somehow, this will magically turn back time. Or we go for a little botox or something else to just freshen us up a bit.


What we really need to do is embrace who we are now. Embrace all that we have been through to bring us to this point. All those struggles, the highs, the lows that are our life - they mean something and not just to us but to those that shared those times with us.


And those experiences leave lasting reminders.


When I went through my divorce ,while also having a baby and starting a new relatiosnhip, my hair started falling out in clumps and then, one tiny patch of it ,went grey. I was thirty at the time. And it didn't feel like the end of the world. It felt like a badge of honor "Look what I've been through and I'm still standing"


When that patch got bigger and whiter, when my eldest was a teenager, I knew that I was wearing the badge of all mothers that worry and fret over their kids and wonder if the kids will survive the coming years in one piece ( they all did, relatively unscathed)


All those wrinkles around my eyes are from the smiles and the tears of being a Mum. Those stretch marks are where not only my skin had to stretch to birth the new me that was being born - the mother that would do anything for her children.


We need to stop fearing the numbers: the ages, the dress sizes, the pounds or kilos that stare back at us.

Those numbers do not define us.


They measure one small aspect of who we are and that is all.


How to feel fabulous, at any age, is a state of mind. It always comes back to loving ourselves and loving all the varying "you's" you have been . A new "you" emerges over the years. You let go of old ideas of how life "should" be and instead go with what is. You stop focusing on the "shoulds" and do what makes you happy. You realise that all the time you have spent angsting over "what will people think?" was wasted because people aren't thinking about you at all, they are too busy worrying about their own shit.



You have had an amazing life. You have had struggles and triumphs. You have survived your twenties, thirties, forties and are in your fifties and beyond. Not everyone is so lucky. Each day is a blessing and carries within it its own reward. Start looking for them and realise life loves you, start loving it back.




Want more tips for loving your life? Check out my book "The Goddess Guide to Sex, Love and Life"

Feeding my Inner Child

Your inner child stays with you throughout your life. It is that small, tender part of you that feels things strongly, that maybe wishes things had been different when you were growing up - even if you had the most loving, caring parents. It is the part of you that wants more attention, more affection, that feels needy and would just like MORE, even if it can't define exactly what more it wants.

* Just bear with me while I do a temporary trip down memory lane - When my eldest son was first learning to talk  the very first word he ever clearly said was "more" which then became the only word he said for ages. More food, more story, more cuddles  were all summed up in one neat, little word -"MORE" *

Meanwhile back to the actual point of today's post;

We have been doing a lot of Inner Child work as part of the Self Love Immersion ( There is still time to join so head over and join the fun) and it is amazing the stuff that comes up. I have just been working on the next three emails to go out and look forward to hearing what is going on with the ladies in the group.

One of the exercises this week was to find a picture of ourselves as a baby or toddler and post it to our desktop, as a cellphone wallpaper or somewhere that we would see it daily. (yes, that's me and my Mum) What I found this week was how much my inner child still felt wounded, unloved and in need of some appreciation, some celebration.

Now, that is not to say that my parents didn't do the best that they possibly could to love me. I was the fourth of five children and I know now as a Mother of three just how hard it is to meet the expectations of all your kids and the more kids you have ( in my case, step children got added to the mix) the harder it gets and inevitably someone feels that they are not getting their fair share of attention.

When we were growing up we didn't have birthday parties ( well, I remember having one when I turned five)  , what Mum  did do though was make us chocolate eclairs for a birthday treat. As my week progressed I could feel myself longing for one, for the acknowledgment that I was special and someone cared for me ( I know, such a first world problem). I launched my book earlier this year and I still didn't feel like I had celebrated or acknowledged that enough. I am also fully aware that it is my job to fill me up, to acknowledge myself and my achievements, to celebrate me.

And then I saw it.

 Sitting at the supermarket.

The perfect eclair. ( Now, would be a good place for a picture- except I ate it!!)

 Now most store bought ones are a sorry affair - fake cream, melted chocolate instead of chocolate icing and dry, crusty choux pastry.

This one was nothing like that - I could tell just by looking at it. So I did what any rational child would do - I bought it and ate it. More than that I savored it  and talked to my Inner Child telling her how proud of her I am , how much I love her and what a great job she is doing. And I felt myself soften and bask in that praise and feel just a little more whole.

So how have you fed your Inner Child recently? Come over and join the Self Love Immersion group and share . Sign up for the emails here and don't worry this weekends email gives you a round up of all the past emails so you can catch up.

Mothering Ourselves

 Happy Mother's Day!

Or maybe it's not. Maybe you are one of the people for whom Mother's day, with all its Hallmark cuteness and saccharine sweetness, is just a painful reminder of what you don't have. Maybe you can't have children of your own and Mother's Day is just a yearly reminder. Or maybe you lost your mum; through illness or old age. Or maybe your Mum didn't know how to mother you and the day just shows how flawed she was.

Or maybe you are like me.

My Mum did a great job but due to various situations we no longer speak. We haven't for the past 6 years and I don't see that changing any time soon.

Once you step into your authentic awareness you can't go back and be the person they want you to be  regardless of who they are.

So I set about mothering myself and I'm running a Self Love Immersion to help you mother you too,

Here's some simple steps to mother yourself today:

(1) Ask what your inner child needs

Start your day by tuning in to the wounded child within you. What does she most need from you today? Rest? Play?  Whatever it is go do that.

(2) What didn't you get when you were younger?

Maybe you needed more affection than you got. Or maybe you needed a space to yourself. Find a way to give that to yourself today.

(3) Praise yourself

When you have achieved something or had a hard day remember to tell yourself what a great job you did. take a moment and give yourself a pat on the back. Acknowledge your achievements,

(4) Give yourself a pet name

I read this article today and loved the part where a women mentioned that her three year old daughter talks to herself saying " It’s ok little sweetie, you’re tired …it’s ok, little sweetie, you need a snack and a drink.” Maybe we all need to take a leaf out of her book and start talking to ourselves the same way.

(5) Be gentle

Regardless of what you are going through be gentle with yourself. Take a nap or head to bed early. Cry if you need to. Do whatever feels right to you at that moment.

(6) Come and join the Self Love Immersion

Sign up for the emails http://eepurl.com/bea4Bj and get a daily dose of self love inspiration.

Dear Women of the World

Dear Women of the World,

You are not broken.

You are not something that needs to be fixed.

All the messages that you are receiving that are telling you that this magic pill will slim you down or this diet or this shampoo will make your hair full and glossy and able to be tossed over your shoulder in one gorgeous, smooth swathe or that your period will be a breeze if you just use this tampon, it is all LIES!

You are enough - just as you are right now. All of your imperfections and flaws are what make you beautiful and human and more YOU than any commercial could ever make you.

Please stop listening to all the shit in the women's magazines ( actually please just stop buying those, it only encourages them to print even more of the same shit) that tells you how to get "bikini ready" (you already are! Just go buy one and put it on) or how to "lose a dress size in a week" ( that's why Spanx were invented!) or "how to please your man" (guess what? He already loves you and longs to please you! True story.)

You are enough.

And as for the worries about the grey, hair have you seen what the latest fashion trend is? Young women are dying their hair various shades of grey, platinum and silver because, the simple fact of the matter is, silver is SEXY! We've all heard the term Silver Foxes applied to men once their hair turns so it is time we started embracing ours too.

Wrinkles? All of those are war wounds, battle scars and treasures to show that we have LIVED and survived, that we have birthed life, from our very bodies. We have seen stuff and been through things and WE ARE STILL HERE. Let's not fight the aging process because the opposite - dying young, is not something I relish.

In fact it is time for us to rage, rage against the dying of the light ( thank you Dylan Thomas) and give thanks for all our body has been though. We need to honour our process of living and not meekly hang our heads and feel that we are no longer valid, vital  members of society. It is time to stop kowtowing to the fashion industry, style gurus, beauty industry, and realise that they are just trying to sell us something. They don't care about us, they care about their bottom line and if they can keep us insecure about our looks, our worthiness, our bodies then they will do all they can to keep doing it so they can sell us even more.

I'll say it again, YOU. ARE. ENOUGH.  Right now. Here . Today. Just as you are. You are worthy and valuable and beautiful, now.

And that won't change. No matter how old you get, how wrinkled and grey, you are still enough.

Look at the faces of your loved ones when you walk into a room, their faces will light up with love now that you are here. Your lover, your kids, your grandkids - to them you are everything and how you look has no bearing on that at all.

You are enough.

Lots of love ,
Me .


PS: If you are feeling less than in love with yourself right now come and join my FREE Self Love Immersion . Sign up here

The Invisible Woman Syndrome

 Women make up roughly half of the population.

We are seen on just about every billboard, in every magazine, in lots of movies and television shows ........right up until we hit a certain age. It seems like movie directors and advertising executives don't think that women deserve to be seen on screen after they hit a specific age.

Amy Schuler did an awesome sketch with Julia Louis Drefuss, Patricia Arquette andTina Fey where they ae celebrating Julia's last fuckable day. She has hit the date and time where her desirability has expired..... well as far as movies and television directors are concerned. (Google it, it's hilarious)

The trouble is that women, in general buy into this myth that we somehow lose our desirability at a certain age, the we become invisible.

I don't buy it. And I don't want you to buy it either.

We can be sexy and desirable at any age. What it comes down to is a mindset, a belief in ourselves, in our sexuality and that people will still want to have sex with us regardless of our age.

We see it in the movies where men, of any age, can get with the most gorgeous woman around and nobody bats an eye. In the movie Focus, Will Smith is twice Margot Robbie's age but that is ok. Or look at just about any other on screen male / female romance and the male actors are often considerably older than their female counterparts and yet when Madonna recently kissed a young guy on stage at Coachella and everyone started talking about her age and how she shouldn't be acting that way.

Female sexuality seems to threaten people's sense of decorum and decency, especially if the woman in question is anything older than thirty or forty. Guess what? Women in their fifties and older are still having sex. In fact, many report they are having the best sex of their lives, the older they get the better it gets. Quality definitely takes the place of quantity as you get older but sex never goes off the menu altogether.

Thankfully women are starting to fight back. Geena Davis started the Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media in 2007 to fight against gender discrimination in the entertainment industry. Not to mention Shonda Rhimes and all the strong female casts she has in her shows such as Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder and Grey's Anatomy. These shows not only depict strong female characters but also female sexuality in various forms

I talk about the Invisible Women Syndrome in my book The Goddess Guide to Sex, Love and Life plus reclaiming our sense of who we are , not defined by what others think of us, instead claiming ourselves as the Goddesses that we are.

I am also starting a Self Love Immersion program on May 10 and it is completely FREE.  Sign up for the newsletters here


And most of all keep being your awesome , sexy , desirable self.