Cosmic Kissing

Do you remember when you first started dating, back when you were a teenager?
 Kissing was the best thing in the world. The intensity of his lips touching yours sparked a cascade of sensations throughout your whole body. You could kiss each other into a mad frenzy of passion - just by kissing.

Whatever happened to that?

When did kissing just become a quick peck on the cheek or a brief touch of the lips before you both dashed off in separate directions?

When did the spark go out?


Next time you kiss your significant other take the time to really connect with their lips rather than just brushing them with yours and departing. Notice how soft your partners lips are, take a moment to breathe in their scent. Just connect lips to lips for moment of pure sensual pleasure - not as a prelude to anything else.

Trust me, if you take the time to  regularly kiss your partner things will also start to heat up on all levels of your relationship.

In fact lots has been written on the benefits of a ten second kiss everyday. Ten seconds doesn't sound like a long time .....until you try it. The idea is not to time it so much as to spend some time connecting and enjoying the moment.

There is nothing so sensual as a prolonged, tongue tangling kiss. The taste of your lovers mouth, the wetness of the mingled saliva and the softness of the lips stimulates all of your senses and calls to mind the sensations of another set of lips.

A deep, long kiss connects you on so many levels and sets off sparks of interest all over your body and before you know it you are back to feeling like a teenager again, wanting nothing more than to lose yourself in kissing your darling from head to toe.

Start adding one ten second kiss into your daily routine - with out expectation of anything more and see what changes .


Leave me a commnet and let me know what you'd like me to discuss next! Happy Kissing!

Sacred Sex Part 3

Claiming your identity as a Sex Goddess comes down to two things: (1) body confidence and (2) deciding that you are.

For me these two things were intertwined.

 I guess it really started when I left my first husband at the age of 27. I had two young kids (4 and 6 at the time) and, even though I was having an affair at the time, I still felt very self-conscious and “who would want me now”.  I was tall and slender but still felt fat. My ex-husband and I had hung out with another couple, friends of his for years, and she was dainty and petite and blonde and I felt completely ungainly and fat in comparison.

After a few months of being separated I had found a great bunch of friends who valued me for myself and not as part of a couple. One of them was a cool guy who was also a photographer and one day, out of the blue he asked if I would pose nude for him as he wanted to develop that side of his craft. Even though it made me feel sick to my stomach I said yes….. and then wondered what the hell I had got myself into.

It was one of the most liberating experiences ever. I turned up, with a bottle of wine for Dutch courage and we got started. The defining moment was when I saw his hands shaking as he set up the camera and I realised in that moment that he was just as scared as I was and so I relaxed.

At the end of the shoot I felt FABULOUS! Imagine a man spending the whole day focused totally on YOU and you will get the idea.

Jump ahead  a few years …….. and a few more!  Now I am no longer the slender girl but a voluptuous woman with 3 children of my own, 4 step daughters and ……wait for it grandchildren but still only in my 40’s. EEEk! So while off on a naughty weekend with my darling I go shopping for a gorgeous sexy bra. The woman in the lingerie shop is showing my dull, boring grandma bras UNTIL I said to her “I am a sex goddess and I want something gorgeous not Nanaish and not beige.” What possessed me I don’t know! But I left that shop with gorgeous underwear and a new sense of who I was.

I hope you are getting the idea.

NOBODY is going to come along and anoint you as a Sex Goddess. No mystical fairy with a golden wand is going to say “From this day forward you….. (Insert name here) are a Sex Goddess!” Nope it ain’t going to happen .

But you get to CLAIM it for yourself. Draw yourself up to your full height, take a deep breath in , draw your shoulders back , thrust your breasts out  and declare it: “I am a SEX GODDESS! I know what I want and I am not afraid to ask for it.”

Feel it in the very depths of your being. Keep repeating it until it resonates from within you.

Now as I said at the beginning feeling confident in your own skin is a BIG part of being a Sex Goddess. My naked photo shoot went a long way to making me feel good about myself . The next part came when my very own Gok Wan moment happened. I have a gay friend and at that time he owned a women’s boutique and held fashion shows in our town as his alter ego Crystal Chandelier.

People came from everywhere to watch his shows and the tickets sold out in days.  At least 300 people per event. You guessed it he asked me to model. Up until then all his models had ben dainty, slim women and then he asked me. By this stage I was well into being a grandma and my youngest son was 14. Again I said yes and panicked later. (Are you starting to see a pattern? Take the plunge!)

Walking down that catwalk in front of 300 people was one of the best things I’ve ever done.  My friend put me in clothes I would never have worn and I looked good. The funny thing was women much younger and slimmer came up to me afterwards and told me how brave I was for doing it as they would never have had the confidence to do it.

All those women that you are comparing yourself to? They feel just as insecure as you do!  Even Julia Roberts has parts of her body she doesn’t like. Everybody does.

But when you show up, naked in a mans bed all that is going through his mind is “I’ve got a naked women in my bed!” That’s it!

He is not looking at the cellulite or the jiggly bits. No, he is just happy because he is going to have sex. With you!

Seriously, start getting comfortable being naked and loving your body. Your man does.

 And if you don’t have a man yet? Once you start oozing sex goddess energy and body confidence the men will come running.

Next episode:  Cosmic Kissing coming soon!

Sacred Sex Part Two

So how does it feel now that you have embraced your inner Sex Goddess/God ? Are you feeling more empowered? More confident in yourself? Great! If not then read on.... read on!

Even if the only step you have taken so far is to acknowledge, quietly, secretly, inside yourself that maybe you could possibly be a Sex Goddess then you are on your way. The next step is to start getting comfortable with that possibility.

What would a Sex Goddess do?

What would she wear to make herself feel sexier?

What rituals would she perform to help get her in the mood?

What music would a Sex Goddess listen to to help her feel aligned with her inner most self?

For me it starts with finding the sexiest underwear every day, even if no-one else is going to see it. I know that I have a secret. I know that I am wearing a gorgeous bra and knickers or a sexy camisole or whatever else I feel like. The new bamboo underwear has the most luxurious soft texture and feels great against the skin.

Next find a deliciously scented moisturiser and whenever you get out of the shower or you feel like you need a bit of special attention, spend a few moments rubbing it into your hands, arms, legs or feet. Quite often while watching tv at night I will take a moment and massage my feet or if hubby is sitting next to me, I will get him to do it for me.

Or how about starting your day by looking at yourself, naked in the mirror and saying "Good morning gorgeous. I love you. Lets have a great day"

My husband and I have a ritual that we do every day, without fail he kisses me before he leaves the house, one of us will ring the other at least once throughout the day just to say hi or at least send a text, he kisses and hugs me as soon as he gets home and then we sit and discuss our day for at least half an hour. Recently we have added in taking a bath together. We are lucky enough to have a two person spa bath and it was one of the best investments we made when we built this house. There is nothing like a good soak and a chat to bond you and help you feel more intimate with each other.

When we first got together our kids( and we have 7 between us!!) ranged in age from 6 weeks old to 16. We had five living with us and it wasn't always easy making room for all of them in our lives but I made it a point that right from the beginning, we had a space for us to connect at the end of the day. Yes, it took some adjusting but the kids got used to it and they knew that we needed that time to say hi and just be.

Creating a sacred space in your bedroom is also important. Your bedroom should be a sacred haven that you can retreat to, to relax and unwind and just take some time for yourself.
Things that you should remove from your room RIGHT NOW: television, exercise equipment, pictures of your children ( seriously there are lots of other places you can have them) or your parents ( what were you thinking???) , computers or anything to do with work.

Your bedroom should be full of delicious scents so go get some scented candles or soy melts for your oil burner. I have some delicious vanilla scented ones going at the moment and the house smells divine. If you want to add a bit of spice to your life then drop a few essential oils on your sheets so that the moment you slide between them a subtle aroma wafts out - yum. I am right into Egyptian cotton sheets for the sheer luxurious feel of them as I slide between them - nothing beats it!

Another great idea is to have pictures of the two of you and other romantic pictures in your bedroom as a subtle reminder that this room is all about love and sex. The picture above is called "The Kiss"by Gustav Klimt and is one of my favourites. We have a tile with this image on it hanging in our bedroom.

Your mission today is to check out your bedroom with new eyes and see what you need to take out and think about what you can add in. Go to it!

Stay tuned .... Part three coming soon!

Sacred Sex

What if sex was a slow, langorous, intimate exchange? What if you could take your time and slowly appreciate every aspect of your lover? Their scent, their taste, their touch, the softness of their skin? And as you are melting deeply into their eyes you completely let go and immerse yourself, for that one brief, fleeting moment in each others energies.


Believe it or not this is exactly what sex is meant to be like. Unfortunately for a lot of us it has become more mundane, another task to cross off the to do list before dropping off to sleep, rather thatn the deep meaningful connection that it used to be.

Lets face it once kids come along and the sunkissed days of our early relationship are behind us sex can become a bit formulaic and humdrum. The bells and whistles have been replaced with short, swift, a connects to b, thank you very much good night, routine.



So how do you bring back the spark? How can you reconnect in a more soulful , loving way while juggling the needs of kids, jobs, and the never ending domesticity of everyday life?


The first step is to remember that you are still a sexy being . Nothing is sexier than a person who feels sexy on the inside. The most powerful decision I ever made was the day I decided that I was a Sex Goddess. When informed my husband he looked at me and said "Of course you are" because he is a very clever man and knew that by reinforcing my belief there would be no stopping me.

So how did I come to that decision? I don't honestly know, it just welled up inside me that how I looked and how I felt did not have to be dictated by anyone but myself. In embracing my Sex Goddessness I also acknowledged my husband as my Sex God.

 There is nothing so liberating as deciding to love yourself. Your body is where you live and it will be with you until the day that you die. Look at all the miraculous things your body does for you with out you even having to think about it: breathing, digesting, growing new cells, growing new skin, the list goes on and on.

Once you love yourself everything changes.You eat better. You connect with your body on a different level. You pay attention to your aches and pains and try to figure out what that means. Most importantly you realise that this body that you love, loves you back and gives you the most immense pleasure.

Did you know that the brain views meditation and orgasm as the same experience? Slightly different parts of the brain ligh up during orgasm than do during meditation but for all intents and purposes the brain proceses them the same way. Why? Because in that moment of orgasm the boundaries between you and  everything else blur and you become one with the Universe. It is the closest that most of us will come to enlightenment in this lifetime.

Now doesn't that sound like something that you would like to take a bit more time with?

So back to how do we make more of a connection in amongst.... you know....... life?

Step two decide that it is more important than....... ( a) the latest episode of Amrerican Idol or whatever your tv "must watch"programme is (b) folding the laundry   ....... or whatever your must do domestic task is  ( I am sooooo not a domestic goddess but I totally get the fact that some women are)  (c) catching up with facebook, emails etc. In fact just decide that its important full stop. Once you decide then you will make time for it. Simple

Step three (and this is all we've got time for folks) snuggle more. Once the kids are in bed cuddle up on the couch, hold hands, kiss each other.Affection should be built into your every day routine. Send regular texts or phone just to say hi.
Great sex begins outside of the bedroom in small gestures that say "I love you and I was thinking of you "that accumulate over the day.

Be bold decide that you want something more for your sex life. Then  ask for it. Embrace your inner sex Goddess.

Stay tuned for part two.... coming soon!

50 Shades of Fabulous

Everyone seems to be all aflutter with the release of the series of books called "Fifty shades of Grey". Its like someone has pulled back the curtain and revealed a HUGE secret; women like sex!

Funnily enough this was not news to me. I have been fascinated with sex and the workings of it since........ well, I guess since puberty kicked in and my hormones took flight.

While all my friends were getting into alcohol and drugs I was reading and researching all I could to figure out how sexed worked. I was not, however, hugely promiscuous. I still knew that sex was something special, sacred even. I was raised as a catholic but gave that up when I realised that a man in a dress who had, supposedly, never had sex was trying to dictate how my sex life worked.

Sex has been hidden and tucked away  and regarded as something "dirty" and best left behind closed doors. But it is this very hidden aspect of it that has made it so my sterious and disconnected from us somehow. Nobody can come out and say what they want or how they really feel and so all sorts of distortions and unneccessary angst is caused.

We are far more comfortable with violence, murder and mayhem on our screens than the naked body, or heeaven forbid, people engaging in sexual activity. " Sex and the City"did lift the lid on female sexuality and make it s bit more acceptable, even though the show was actually written by two gay men.

 Then the programme ended and with it sex moved back into the darkness, only to be dragged out again with the "Fifty Shades of Grey" phenomenon.

Lets not let it sink back into oblivion. Lets embrace the fact tha women love sex as much (if not more than!) men. Lets claim our status as Sex goddesses and embrace all the juiciness of that title. Lets throw open the doors and talk about sex openly as the beautiful, natural, sacred act that it is. Lets revel in our sensuality.

Who's with me?

Time to Upgrade

I recently turned 50. Or as I like to say I upgraded to the new version 5.0 complete with new software and the latest high tech accessories.

For most of us any birthday after 30 that ends in a zero is cause for concern. We are fasting becoming "over the hill ", "middle aged", or boring old farts.

I choose to look at it differently. I choose to embrace the passing of the years and to embrace the fact that now I have upgraded to this new, brighter, wiser version of myself I can become more fully my SELF.

I know when I was younger I couldn't wait to grow up. I think we all fall into the belief when we are children, that when we are older we will have all the answers, that life will somehow make more sense. Unfortunately I still make it up as I go along.

Some days I definitely feel like I have all my shit together, all my ducks lined up neatly in a row, but mostly I am just winging it, flying by the seat of my pants. And I'm ok with that.

A year ago when my son was just 19 he was going through some major stress. He was moving flats and as he doesn't drive or have a car ( and where he lives he doesn't need to) trying to figure out how to get his stuff from point A to point B was causing him some stress. add to this the fact that a friend with a car had failed to show up to help and the deadline to be out of the flat was fast approaching and my poor boy was a bit of a wreck. Oh and I forgot to mention that I live hundreds of miles away!

Wise boy that he is he rang his Mummy for some long distance support. As I listened to him berate himself for not being something or someone other than his own perfect self, my heart ached. When he finally stated that he "should have all his shit sorted out by now." Mummy took a deep breath and explained to her darling boy that at 49 she still didn't have hers all together yet either and in fact he was doing a great job. I pointed out all the great things he had done in the short time he had left home; he had found a flat and a job, helped his friend get a job too and was now moving. He had been paying all his bills on time and making a new life for himself. All at the tender age of 19.

He's now 20 and about to embark on another new adventure. He's moving again. This time to America, where his Dad lives.

Yup he's upgrade to the next best version of himself and taking a leap of faith.

I tell you those birthdays that end with a zero are empowering. All the years between are preparing you, to launch you kicking and screaming into the next best version of yourself. When you hit the one that ends in 9, take a deep breath and brace yourself . For the best is yet to come. Hold tight, take a leap and prepare to fly.

Who are you?

I love to get inside people's heads.

I like to figure out what makes me tick and what makes others tick too.

I have an insatiable curiostiy for the workings of the human mind and when I discovered the enneagram it was like all my christmases had come at once.

Just by listening for certain key phrases I could get a glimpse behind the masks that we all wear and really SEE that person for who they are beneath it all.

In my own family it has helped me have a new understanding for my children especially my youngest son. When I learnt about the enneagram he was about 10 ( he's now twenty) but of all my kids ( I have seven altogether, some mine , some my partners. I'll save that for another blog!) I couldn't quite put my finger on what point of the ennegram he was.

So I gave him the material to read and he said "that's me". As soon as he showed me what number he was I realised that of course he was righ and I couldn't believe I had missed it. It explained so much about who he was as a person and helped me to parent him better, with more understanding and compassion.


With that simple exercise; giving him all the information about all the different aspects of the enneagram, I made a powerful discovery. Once you have that information you can see and decide for yourself who and what you are. far better to find it for yourself than have someone point out "Oh you are such a ......."


Since then I have shared the enneagram with lots of clients, frineds and family and the thing I love the most is when the lightbulb goes on and they go "Thats me!"


Not only does the ennegram describe your personality it also shows you how you react when under pressure or when everytnhing is flowing smoothly and optimally in your life. It reveals your strengths and weaknesses. It describes in complete detail what your deepest emotions are and why you feel that way.

There is no clear history of where it came from although it has been around for hundreds of years. It seems to have orginated as a spiritual tool to uncover your soul's deepest longings and over time has become a tool for psychologists to better understand their patients.

In the life of any lightworker or those who are questing to uncover the meaning of life the enneagram is the greatest tool I know of and I am excited to be running a workshop on it in October.Read about it here