What's wrong with Miley?

It seems like everyone is talking about Miley Cyrus.

Here's just some of the articles I have read today:

Moms who drink and swear  ( seriously love her blogs. Go check it out)


Mamamia

And this http://sexologist.tumblr.com/post/59399069155/a-sexologists-two-cents-on-the-2013-mtv-vmas

The most Googled word this week?

TWERKING! Seriously.  Who comes up with these words?

In my opinion, ( and that's all it is, my opinion) our society has lost the connection between sex, sexuality and sensuality.

Miley may think that she is all grown up and Tweet about how much she loves sex ( and drugs, but that's a whole other blog) but what she is consistently demonstrating is the pseudo "sexy"image we have come to expect from Hollywood. The bump and grind is sexy stripped down ( pardon the pun) to its most basic, it is lap dances and stripper poles and porn and far, far removed from the truly, stripped, down, bare faced intimacy of a truly orgasmic sexual experience.

We have been told over and over that sex sells. And it does. Everything from toothpaste to cars to alcohol. But the trouble is the sex they are using to sell to us is soulless. It reduces women and men to mere body parts; thrusting boobs, pouty lips and hairless  bodies.

We are lured by the superficiality of looks and then obsess over our own body not matching up to those airbrushed ideals. We are lulled into thinking that sex is a heady rush to climax which both partners reach simultaneously with a few thrusts from him and heaving sighs fro her.

None of that is real and leaves us all feeling somewhat dissatisfied, like binging on a packet of biscuits; it seemed like a good idea at the time but didn't quench the hunger you truly had.

And that is the point I am trying to make; Miley is craving attention, lusting for it and will do anything to get it.  In our over sexualized world the one sure fire way to attract attention is to bring out your "sexy".

Madonna did it with her bared breast.

Janet Jackson did it with her nipple slip.

Angelina Jolie did it with her carefully staged, out thrust leg 

So how is a girl supposed to compete with all of that?

By going one stage further and stipping down to her flesh toned underwear and grinding  ( I can't bring myself to use the term twerk) on anything that stands still including a foam finger (?????)

Does this make her look sexy?  Ummmmmm no. Does it make her look like she is on the edge of a mental break down a la Britney? Yup sure does.

But what does it say about our culture that young musical artists are going to further and further extremes?

Well let's just pause for a moment and remember Cher and That outfit and remember how she ended up astride a canon. ( a canon people!) and it's not just her.
Stars are regularly posting "selfies" on Twitter; naked, in their underwear, in bikinis. Whatever takes their fancy.






 The stakes just keep getting higher, the boundaries keep getting pushed ,sex keeps getting cheapened and our bodies along with it.

If sex and bare bodies are everywhere that you look then what is sacred and special any more?

Photo from The Mirror. co.uk

If singers are flashing their arse during a concert then are we no longer seduced by their music?

What is left of seduction? Or sensuality?

When we are letting it all hang out what is left to cherish?


So how about we focus on the music and not the displays of body parts.

How about we calm down, take a step back and decide that baring all on stage is not a display of being comfortable in your sexuality but a desperate cry for "more attention, please".

Lets decide that being sexy, in the words of that great philosopher, Christopher Ashton Kutcher, is about being smart, thoughtful and generous ( Don't know what I'm talking about? Go watch this ).

Sexy is an inside job. It is being confident in who you are and radiating that out from your very being.

When in doubt ask yourself "What would Marilyn do?"

Sex and Money

There are a few things that most people find difficult to talk about.

One of them is money .

The other is sex.

Yet these two things go together like wine and cheese, peaches and cream, and anything else that is decadent and delicious.

Both of them are to do with our base chakra and the base chakra is all about survival. It is about your roots, where you come from, where you belong and having your basic needs met.
The base chakra is how we connect to Mother Earth and our sense of belonging.

Sex and money.

The world revolves around both of them and 9 times out of 10 if you have issues with one you will have issues with the other.

Why?

Well because they both have a lot to do with giving and receiving. Most of us are good at giving;  we give compliments, we share any excess that we may have whether its from our garden or fruit trees. We love to give. We donate to charities. We share our favorite places to have coffee or find the best outfit. We invite people over to share food with us.

Giving is just part of our nature.

Receiving, on the other hand, is not.

What do you do when someone pays you a compliment?  Do you brush it aside? More than  likely you do.

Or you will pay them a compliment right back.

Instead of just taking a moment to bask in the gift that they just gave you, you rush to give something in return.

This deprives you ........ and them, of the sheer pleasure of giving.

So lets take this back to sex. If you are intent on giving your partner the ultimate  pleasure experience, how open are you to receiving the ultimate pleasure experience at the same time? Chances are you are so focused on them and how they are feeling that your own enjoyment is a secondary concern.

 This is especially true if you are female.

Woman are hardwired to give.... and give ...... and give some more. as mothers that is built right in to our DNA. So when it comes to sex we can find ourselves overly focused on his pleasure.

That is not to say that we are not concerned with our own, we are , but somewhere in the back of our mind is the nagging feeling that  maybe, just maybe we aren't orgasming fast enough. Maybe his fingers, his tongue is getting tired, maybe he is getting bored with how long we are taking.

Why? Because in any sex scene that we see on the television ( or porn. Yes, women do watch porn, shocking but true!) the female is writhing in ecstasy with a mere glance in the males direction and then having a mind blowing orgasm in seconds ( usually in complete sync with the male counterpart. Because that happens all the time in real life, right?).

Now this is not to say that men don't suffer from this same conflict. They do. Especially the lovingly, devoted men. Or the ones who want to be great lovers. These men take their time and are determined to satisfy their women, no matter how long it takes.

The trouble is in both cases the individuals are only focused on giving. They are sacrificing their own pleasure for the pleasure of their partner.

But for a truly delicious sexual experience there has to be an equal amount of give and take. Both partners need to be open to not only giving the most pleasure but also to receiving the most pleasure and that is where it can get tricky.

And if you are blocked from receiving pleasure then you will be blocking the flow of money into your life too.

Money is energy in paper form. The sole purpose of money is to show appreciation for something. ( take a moment and let that sink in). In fact I will say that again: The sole purpose of money is to show appreciation for something


As I mentioned before sex and money are both base chakra issues  and the key emotions at the base chakra that inhibit the flow of sex and money are Shame, Fear and Fighting for survival.

The foundation of these blocks go back to childhood because everything does. Not because your parents were bad people but becasue that is when your subconscious mind was open to EVERYTHING. This is when all your views on the world were laid down. Everything that you now believe, feel, think or know for certain is from what environmental, emotional and spiritual events happened in the first 7 -8 years of your life.

So cast your mind back to your childhood and see if you can remember a time when you were scared or embarrassed or when you felt you had to fight for your right to be here. Now imagine another time, and another. I bet you can list at least half a dozen, if not more.

Each and every time you have feelings of shame, fear or fighting for survival you are adding another brick to the wall, literally cutting yourself off from the juice of life, all the sex and money that could be flowing to you.

Its all dammed up behind the wall .

So how do we take the wall down?

Firstly be realising that we have a wall.

Secondly by deciding to be more open.


And well I'll share some more tips with you next week.



If you can't wait that long then maybe its time you booked a session with me so go click on the Services page to find out how.







PS: Did you know that when we orgasm the areas of our brain that light up are the areas to do with confidence, courage and creativity?

How to love your life

When you read the average magazine you soon discover that you are broken.

You discover that who you are and how you look is not enough.

Your hair is not straight enough or the right colour or glossy enough compared to the women in the adverts.

Your body is not tall enough or thin enough.

You didn't bounce back to your pre baby weight within days of giving birth like all the movie stars and models did.

Your life isn't unfolding into one glorious , joy filled, panorama, full of endless close family gatherings at which everyone is deliriously happy,. It is not an endless round of happy coffee outings with half a dozen of your best friends because in reality you only have one or two close friends.

You are not having wave after wave of orgasmic sex with your husband night after night because frankly you are too tired.

Your home does not look like the pages of magazine either.

So you try a little harder, you work out more, you eat better, you clean the house and straighten your hair. You read all the self help books and the articles in the magazine. You buy all the right products. You attend seminars and courses.

But nothing seems to work. Somehow you still feel like things are just not quite "right" and you don't know why.There is even a name for it now "the Goldilocks Effect" or trying to be "just right".


We all seem to be round pegs trying to fit into a very square hole. An unattainable square hole called "perfection". an unattainable square hole shaped by photoshop and unrealistic ideas of what beauty actually is.

And here is the thing that we have all forgotten.


The one thing that if you take the time to remember it and use it everyday will transform your life.

Are you ready?

You are not broken.

There is nothing about you that needs to be fixed because you never were broken.

Now I am not saying that we shouldn't exercise or eat right or maintain our bodies. No, what I am saying is that it is time for us to try loving ourselves as we are  right now, today!

We have tried (and tried and tried and tried!) to fit ourselves into the acceptable image that the media, society and everyone else constantly shoves down our throats. We have tried to be "normal" but more and more  we are realizing that "normal" isn't who we are.

Most of the people I know are rebels, idealists, dreamers, creatives and "normal"just is not their frame of reference. Our society has become so homogenized and bland that we have forgotten who we are and who we want to be.

What I am suggesting is that we start a movement towards self love. That we stop feeling like we have to conform, to squeeze our self into the prescribed image  that society has laid down for us. That we get in touch with our own bodies and figure out what works for it best. That we stop comparing ourselves to the stick thin models on the runway and realize that they were blessed with exceptional genes that we do not posses. That we wake up to the photshopping and retouching that goes on in print media so that what gets printed is not even remotely like the model or actress that stood before the camera.

Let's take a collective deep breath and honour who we are. We have value far beyond just our looks so let's stop obsessing over every pound ( or gram or whatever measurement your country uses to keep track of your weight) we lose or gain. stop obsessing over what size clothes we fit into. I know America has an adult size 0 but frankly I still believe that size is for babies and that is all. And let's face it every brand has a slightly different version of any so called standard size..

I see far too many truly, beautiful women who do not get naked with their husbands or who are constantly trying to lose weight to measure up to some ideal version of themselves. Too many of us have given up on showing up in the world because of the opinions of others and it has to stop.


I am currently creating a LOVE YOUR BODY program complete with workbook, gratitude journal and meditations to help you learn to love every aspect of your body. Sign up for my FREE monthly newsletter for all the latest info and helpful hints for loving your body today. Click the highlighted link for the sing up form
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Digging Deep, Letting go, Moving on

The trouble with doing deep, inner transformational work is that it never ends.


 Just when you think you have got all your shit handled you will find or be presented with a new scenario, a slightly different slant on the same old story. Something or someone ( it's usually a someone) will present it itself and you will be stopped in your tracks.

The bad news is that the deeper and clearer that you get with your boundaries the more this is likely to happen.

I think  the Universe ( God, Goddess, Source whatever you call it) has a warped sense of humour. She ( I'm going with she because IT is just a tad impersonal for the maker/creator of the Universe, but that's just me) will see you cruising along with all your ducks in a row, feeling like the Queen of your Universe and so she will think to herself "I wonder if she has finally let all of that shit go? I know I'll just give her a little test"  And Voila just like that a situation is placed before you that resembles some chit from the past that you have already let go of....... or so you thought.


The good news is that if you have been paying attention to your own life and you are awake and processing your stuff, you will immediately recognise this for what it is, a test.  With that clarity you will handle the situation differently, gracefully and with the utmost ease and you can carry on your happy way.

Or............

You haven't processed your stuff, you have stuffed it down deep inside and when a new situation arises to test you, you hang your head and go "Why does this shit always happen to me?"


Um, well that's because you need to learn this lesson.

You need to learn how to release and let go.

Letting go is one of the hardest things that we, as humans , do.

We cling to people, situations, even things that NO LONGER SERVE  US!

Why?

Because letting go is painful. It requires change.

Most of us would do anything rather than change.

Change means looking at everything in your life and asking "does this serve me?" If the answer is no then you let it go.

Change means reevaluating the relationships in your life. This one is really scary because we don't want to upset people. We want people to like us, often, at any cost. Even if that cost is to ourselves.

Change means taking a leap of faith and working out the details on the way down. Faith means trusting in something greater than yourself. Trusting that the Universe has got your back.... and she does.

Change takes courage. Courage to do things differently. Courage to stand up and say "This is who I am!" Courage to do what is best for YOU, regardless of others opinions.

Change is about being comfortable with your discomfort. Stepping out of your comfort zone, stepping into where the magic happens and knowing that you have what it takes to make it happen.

Change means loving yourself enough to carry on in spite of what others think.

 Changing the world happens when the world is full of people with the courage to live life on their terms. When people are fully awake to their own potential and are ready to do what ever it takes to make their dreams a reality.

Letting go, it sounds so easy but take a look inside a hoarders house and you will see that those two little words pack a  big punch. If you are ready to make some changes in your life then take a look at your own clutter and see where it is that you are still holding on. Decluttering is a powerful tool for inner work.

Start with one drawer, or one room and see and feel the shift in your energy as you drag out all the old memories and decide which ones to keep and which to let go of. Do not be surprised if it is harder than you think.
 Clarity is the gift that you receive at the end of it ( and generally, several bags of junk to take to the dump or donate to goodwill).



If you have an area that you need some help with, if you are wanting to move on and not sure how or have some issues you need help letting go of, click on the SERVICES tab above to see how I can help you

Love yourself + 5 tips to add more love into your day

Self love

Two little words that pack a big punch.

Trouble is most of us are so busy worrying about what others think of us that we forget what it is that we like about ourselves. We continually look outside of ourselves; to the media, to our friends, to any on else that might possible have an opinion about the way we wear our hair, or what colours we should be wearing or even, heaven forbid, who we sleep with.

None of this is news.

I have written about self love before Self care here and here Space Clearing your Junk and even here Self Acceptance is a Fickle Beast.

I have written about  loving certain aspects of our bodies here Love your Labia, Ladies.

And I will probably be writing it about it again ...... and again........ and again.

Why?

Well, because most of us still don't love ourselves enough, if at all. We all wish that we could be someone different  or that our bodies could look somewhat different than they currently do.

 If we have curly hair we want it straight or vice versa.

If we have  big breasts we want smaller ones Or if we have small ones we want bigger ones.

If we are fat we want to be skinny. If we are skinny we wish that perhaps we were more curvy in certain places.

I could go on and on but frankly it makes me weary.

I watched an old video today of Julia Roberts interviewing George Clooney (because , you know, I love me some George! And lets face it , we all get lost in Youtube from time to time) and you can check it out here
Any way back to my blog ( because that's where all the FUN happens , people!)  George asks Julia if she has any body issues and her reply just STOPPED . Me. In. My . Tracks. She said "Well, yeah I'm a girl."

"Well, yeah, I'm a girl"

So all girls are supposed to have body issues? It's just a given now? We are alive, we are female and we have body issues?

When did this happen? And who forgot to give me the memo?

Its this kind of negative programming that has become so insidious in todays world.

Then we wonder why our kids are growing up wanting to change who they are or wanting plastic surgery to change what they can't fix.

So I say it again.... Why can't we just love ourselves? Why don't we try just loving our body as it is ? Today. Right now. Without having to change a thing.

Because if we truly loved ourselves then we would eat great food....... instead of food like substance that the advertising companies want you to eat.

If we truly loved ourselves we would move our bodies in whatever way felt great for us.

If we truly loved ourselves it wouldn't matter to us how others looked, we would be too busy enjoying our own lives to focus on what others are doing.

If we truly loved ourselves we would be working to create more beauty and love in our world purely for the fact that it makes our hearts sing.

So my challenge to you is this; commit to doing one small act of self love every day for 21 days.

Here's a few ideas to get you started:
(1) Meditate for ten minutes every day

(2) Create a green juice or smoothie that you love and add that to your daily routine

(3) Stand outside, in bare feet and connect with the Earth for 5 minutes each day

(4) Start a gratitude journal. Write down five things in your day that you are grateful for

(5) Try dry skin brushing before your shower. as you brush your skin tell your body how much you love it.