Nurturing November - Daily Self Love

We are now into the  third month of  our self love journey. We started in September with the Self Love Challenge and continued by awakening all of our senses with Orgasmic October.

Now we are moving into Nurturing November.

Why Nurturing?

First let's look at the dictionary definition;

nurtured, nurturing.

1.

to feed and protect:

to nurture one's offspring.

2.

to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster:

to nurture promising musicians.

3.

to bring up; train; educate.

noun

4.

rearing, upbringing, training, education, or the like.

5.

development:

the nurture of young artists.

6.

something that nourishes; nourishment; food.

From this we can see that nurturing ourselves can mean that we are literally nourishing  our bodies, mind and spirits but we are also educating and training ourselves to put ourselves first, to take better care of us and not always put others first.

So here are the daily challenges for Nurturing November

(1) Wash your make up brushes. This is one of those little jobs that we often overlook but it is important. Every time we use them we are trapping skin cells and bacteria in them and then next time we use it we spread that bacteria across our face. Not a great idea!

(2) Take a technology break. This one can be a real challenge but lets face it do we really need to be available 24/ 7? Walk away from your computer, put down your cell phone and relax.

(3) Check the expiry dates on your make up and skincare. Yes, they all expire! The life of a mascara is only about 3 months!! Check out this article for the shelf life of your other make up essentials.

(4) Drink, drink, drink! yup, I'm talking about water here. Not coffee. Not alcohol. Not tea. Just pure, clear water. Did you know dehydration could be the reason you wake up still tired in the morning? Or how about the fact that dehydration impacts on lubrication??? If that doesn't make you grab a glass of water I don't know what will.

(5) Make a spritz for your face. Blend together some of your favorite essential oils and water. Find a misting bottle and away you go. Check out this article for some inspiration.

(6) Give yourself permission to say "No" . We are coming up for the silly season which can mean lots of function to attend. Some are a "Hell, Yes." While others are a "Do I have to?" and these are the ones that you just say "No." IF that feels too bald a statement to make then amend it to " No, that doesn't work for me." Simple. Clean. No apology necessary.

(7) What makes you happy? Stop and think about what really lights you up. Create a list of all the things that bring you joy. Start doing these things regularly ( if you are not already). Keep it somewhere handy for next time you are having a down day and then do one of those activities for a quick lift.

(8) Find a picture of the younger you. I've got a picture of me at 7 and another of me at 11 on my altar and I talk to her daily. Doing inner child work helps us to feel loved and secure as adults. especially if we didn't feel that way as a child.

(9) Buy an indoor plant.  Peace lilies, spider plant, gerberas, Mother-in -laws tongue and golden pothos are just some of the plants that are great for purifying the air in your home. I have a phalenopsis orchid on my office desk because orchids flower so long and are simply stunning and I love to surround myself with beauty.

(10) Book in for a check up with your doctor. I don't often go to the doctor as I tend to treat myself. There are somethings that you need to get checked though. Blood pressure, cholesterol levels, smear tests and breast checks are important and we tend to put them off. Your health is important so go get checked.

(11) Eat some kelp. October was Breast cancer awareness month or as I like to call it BREAST HEALTH AWARENESS ( yes I meant to put that in capitals.) Breasts need iodine (hence the kelp) and selenium, both of which are deficient in NZ soils. Men need both of these for their prostate health too so it's a win/win. Good sources of iodine are : kelp,kombu, wakame and Himalayan pink salt.

(12) Eat or drink something fermented.  I love making my own fermented products such as kefir and kombucha. These products are rich in probiotics in concentrations far greater than any commercial yogurt or probiotic pill. Populating your gut with healthy bacteria can have a positive impact on your mood especially if you suffer from anxiety or depression.

(13) Practice deep breathing. Most of us breathe far too shallowly so take a few minutes to slow down and just breathe in as deep as you can.

(14) Ask your Angels for a sign.

When we were building our house we were trying to decide between two building companies as they both had floor plans that we liked. One company had a plan that was called Grace and the other one was called Tuscan. On the day we decided I asked the Angels for a sign to help us. As we drove from one company to the next I kept seeing the word Grace everywhere.... so we went with that one. Ask for a sign and then pay attention!

(15) Start a journal. I am stationery mad and have numerous journals going at all times. I have a gratitude journal, an inspiration journal, a quote journal and a myriad of others. Keeping a journal can be a place for you to pour out all your angst, catalog all your ideas, and get all of your "to do's " out of your head.

(16) Massage your breasts. Breasts need regular massage to ease the congestion caused by wearing a bra all day. Underwire bras can stop the flow of lymphatic fluids and breast massage helps move and release this. Want more info? Go here.

(17) What is your proudest moment?  Take some time and reminisce about the proudest moments of your life. Write them down in your journal. Start a discussion with your husband and children about what their proudest moments are.

(18) Clean out your handbag. Handbags are like a time capsule of our life. All manner of things get tossed in there for safe keeping or for "just in case" moments. I don't know about you but I tend to be a bit of a good girl scout and carry all sorts of things "just in case"; tampons, panadol, plasters, safety pins, pens and paper to name just a few. I also like to rotate my handbags ( I have a handbag fetish) which means I get to go through and toss items I don't need in there like old receipts, old tissues and business cards of people I no longer remember.

(19) Start growing your own sprouts. Simply having a jar of sprouts on your bench will make you feel healthier, not to mention virtuous! Sprouts can be tossed in a salad, added to a sandwich or added to your green juice. YUM!

(20)  Make a vegetarian meal. Adding just one vegetarian meal to your week will increase your vegetable intake and improve your health. Not to mention the impact on animal welfare if we all ate less meat. Need some inspiration? Click on the link. Lots of great recipes and information here.

(21) Try oil pulling. This one takes a bit of getting used to. I've been doing it for a couple of years now and my mouth just doesn't feel clean until I've done twenty minutes of oil pulling. So what is it? Simply take a spoonful of oil ( I use coconut oil as it is antibacterial) and swish it around in your mouth like you do mouthwash. Do it for twenty minutes. You need to build up to this as you mouth will ache at the beginning so start with five and then keep going. Your breath will be fresher and your mouth will be healthier. Spit your oil in the rubbish not down the sink or you will clog your pipes.

(22) Drink some kombucha. Kombucha is fermented tea. I know, it sounds disgusting but it really is delicious. There are a few commercial brands available now so check out your local health shop and give it a try.

(23) Clean your car inside and out.  Cars, like handbags, are a time capsule of your life and nothing feels nicer than getting into your car when it is all sparkly clean. So get to it.

(24) Write a letter to your inner child. Let her know that everything worked out ok. That you love her and share with her some of what you have learned from being an adult.

(25) Upgrade yourself. Find a way to upgrade some aspect of your life today. Do you always buy a small drink? Upgrade to medium. Do you always buy the cheapest toilet paper? Upgrade to a 3 ply.
Do you always pluck your own eyebrows? Upgrade to an eyebrow shape and tint. You deserve the best so upgrade yourself today.

(26) Make your own body scrub. Get some sugar or fine salt. Add enough oil until it looks like wet sand ( apricot oil or sweet almond oil are good). Add a couple of drops of your favorite essential oil. Stand in the shower stall ( water off) and scrub your whole body then turn the water on and rinse off. Your body will feel soft and delicous.
Dance.

(27)Dance. Put on your favorite music and have a dance party for yourself.

(28) Indulge in your favorite treat. For me that is Whittakers Creamy Milk chocolate. Whatever it is for you take a moment and truly savor your treat.

(29) What is one thing that you struggle with about yourself?  Write about it in your journal. Ask yourself what it would be like if you accepted this. How would you be different if you accepted it?  What would need to change in order for you to accept it?

(30) Give yourself a pedicure. Our feet do so much for us and yet we ignore them. Just for today treat your feet.
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Being authentic

On any given day we wear numerous masks; being who people expect us to be.

We are the good mother to our children, the perfect wife for our husband, the loyal worker and the trusted friend.

Sometimes in amongst all of that being everything to everybody we lose ourselves. We forget who we are, what we want , what lights us up.

Now I am not saying that we need to stop being all those other labels and hats that we wear .

What I am saying is that we need to give ourselves the space, time and commitment to being our most authentic selves. We need to get still and quiet and listen to our inner voice, our gut instinct, our true nature.

If you have been following along with the September Self Love challenge and the Orgasmic October - awakening all of our senses blogs you will have some ideas for creating more space for your authentic self to shine through. ( stay tuned for the November blog - I haven't finished with self love yet!).

Peeling off the layers of others ideas of you can take time. We are so much more than anyone has ever led us to believe. And as Marianne Williamson famously said "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

But instead of reaching to be our most authentic selves we hide behind the mask of our small idea of our self.

I get it.

I truly do. If we were to be our most authentic selves we would have to put ourselves out there. We would have to be bigger than our fears and those suckers, on any given day, can go from tiny to monumental, insurmountable. We would have to fulfill our potential, not just talk the talk but actually take the action necessary to achieve our goals and dreams.


Mmmmmhmmmm scary!

So instead we play small.

We blame our parents. Our ex. The government.

We list all the reasons why we shouldn't go be awesome; I'm not good enough. Who am I to think I can do that?

Oh, that little negative voice in our head can be a real bitch at times. I hear her kick in every time I sit down in my chair to write a blog post or send out a newsletter. Some days she is very, very loud and insistent so I take her out for coffee and we have a little chat.

You see I have been getting the urge to write since as long as I can remember. I adore stationery  (clue number one). I cannot go past a book shop with out stocking up on pens and paper and I now have lost count of how many notebooks and journals I have got ideas jotted down in.

I read. Constantly (clue number two). If there are no magazines or books to hand I will read a cereal packet from top to bottom.

Words and quotes  make my heart do the happy dance (clue number three). But for some reason I never put all that together to mean I should be writing.

Even when I was told (repeatedly) in card readings, clairvoyant readings etc that I was a writer I would smile politely and nod and then file that away as "not on your life"

Then I found blogging. Oh happy day!!! Now I finally felt that I had a voice!!

Then people actually started reading, following and commenting. Joy upon joy!

What does this mean for you?

(1) Go back to the beginning. If you haven't found something that lights you up from the inside out go back and look for clues in your younger years. Trust me the child in you knew what lit you up then and you can rediscover it by looking backwards

(2) Keep it simple. What makes your heart sing doesn't have to be earth shattering and of epic proportions. What it does have to do is make you want to do the happy dance every time you think of it. It does have to make you lose yourself in the process of doing it.

(3) Commit time to it. If it lights you up then you will be your most authentic self while you are in pursuit of it. Look at all the people who dress as their favorite characters at Comic Con? Do they care what others think of them? No, they are deliriously following their passion and have committed time and effort to it for no other reason than it brings them joy.
It might look like they are trying to be someone other than themselves but in reality they are tapping into the archetype of the hero to bring that aspect of themselves to the fore.

(4) Be open. Being our most authentic self means we have to be open and vulnerable. Sure some people might not like you and may be more than happy to tell you so but that is more about them than it is about you. Being your most authentic self does threaten those who are heavily invested in playing small, it shakes their comfortable view of the world. Leave that issue with them and keep being open and authentic.

(5) Play. Take a leaf out of Madonna and David Bowie's book and keep trying different persona's until you feel you have found your right fit. Just like a child plays dress up trying to figure out what being an adult will look like to them, try on different aspects of yourself until one just feels right. The more fun you have with it the better.

What do you think? What is the best way to find your most authentic self? What worked for you?
I would love to hear your thoughts.

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Does sexy have an expiry date?

Due to a technical glitch I lost the first post of this so here we go again with take two:

This morning I started my day by watching this video from a project called What's underneath.

In it Jackie O' Shaugnessy a 62 year old actor and model talks about how she has never felt enough; thin enough, smooth enough or just enough at all. She had always felt that she needed to modify her looks in order to be acceptable.

The same can be said for just about every woman on the planet which is why we have a multi billion dollar industry for weight loss, cosmetic surgery and not to mention hair dyes and make up. Women being dissatisfied with their bodies is a lucrative business.

And then I read this article from Carol Sarler and here's the headline:

Don't believe the ads. I'm afraid sexy does have a sell-by date and it's way before 60

Venus of Willendorf - Fertility Goddess

She had also seen Jacky in some advertisements for underwear but instead of seeing this as an empowering beautiful  acceptance of bodies of all ages and sizes she chose to see it as an excuse to berate older women for showing their bodies. In her mind being sexy is something only young fertile  women should be. I'm not entirely sure what her cut off date is for being sexy but she does go on to mention 

"Sexy is the means by which the female lures her mate.
Sexy is attracting the seed to make your babies"

Um, all I can say is WTF?

If sexy was only about fertility and breeding then I suggest we go back to these fertility symbols as the epitome of "sexy". The truth is what I find sexy and what you find sexy might be poles apart and have very little to do with procreation and more to do with just plain sex.

Let's stop judging and berating women for what they choose to wear, for what size they are and whether or not they fit into your idea of "sexy" or not.


How I look and choose to dress is up to me. Your approval is not needed or required.



 What we should be doing is applauding and celebrating the diversity of images that we are, finally, starting to see in the fashion industry. After all it is what we have been asking for, for years; more ethnic diversity, broader spectrum of ages, different body shapes and sizes. Now they are listening we  ( well a small sector) are saying "Oh no, my eyes are offended"

And let's just talk about sex for a minute ( or maybe longer). Sex doesn't stop just because you are no longer having babies. In fact some of the best sex you will ever have happens after all the kids have left home and you are moving towards menopause. It is something we would all rather not talk about  because the thought of old people having sex is  ewww gross ( not really but in our youth obsessed culture that's more bull shit we are fed)

We have become so youth focused that we are all ( supposedly) trying to cling to the last vestiges of our youth by whatever means possible but let's be realistic for a moment, youth is fleeting. On average we live until our 80's and are only sexually available from our late teens and once we hit our 30's it is (supposedly) all over. that is a very brief window in which we are "allowed" to be sexy.

.        Youth is wasted on the young. Oscar Wilde

Sex gets better as you age. You become more comfortable in your own skin ( hopefully). You are less inhibited and the rush to orgasm is lessened. You are not so driven by lust (and that powerful urge to procreate) and so sex becomes a sensual feast rather than the drive thru take away it was before. Now I am not saying that the sex you have when you are younger isn't great  ( okay I am but that's because I've been young and now I'm old -ish and I know what I'm having now transcends the sex I had when I was younger).

If we truly want to make the world a better place to live in then articles like the one in the Daily Mail do us a huge disservice. We need to celebrate beauty in whatever form it comes in. Instead of dragging people down for how awful they look ( in your eyes) let's celebrate all the differences. Instead of trying to squash everyone into a small box marked beautiful, sexy people let's redefine what that means with much broader strokes.

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