It is time to immerse yourself in LOVE, to sink into all the love that is already available to you - the love you have for yourself.
In our fast paced life we forget that we are our first and last love. We are the ones that we will be traveling through life with, the one who will be with us for the big moments and the small moments. Others may come and go, some will travel with us for a long stretch of time but we are the only ones that will be with us from the beginning to the very end.
The only trouble is no-one has taught us how to look after ourselves.
Yes, we know how to shower and dress ourselves. We know how to brush our teeth and do up our shoes. We know when we need to go to the doctor and the dentist.
What we don't know is how to care for ourselves when we are going through a dark night of the Soul, when fear and doubt and anxiety seize us and threaten to drag us under. We don't know how to deal with our everyday bouts of despair and angst. We turn to our friends or our partner but they often only hug us and say " everything will be ok" and we believe them because we don't know what else to do.
"With every act of self care your authentic self gets stronger, and the critical, fearful mind gets weaker. Every act of self care is a powerful declaration: I am on my side, I am on my side, each day I am more and more on my side."
Susan Weiss Berry
What better time to start a Self Love Journey than Mother's day so you can start mothering your inner child and nurturing yourself like only a mother can. Mother's day is May 10 here in NZ so I am going to start a FREE Self Love Immersion on May 10. It will be three weeks of emails with fun activities for you to do so you can start falling truly, madly, deeply in love with yourself.
We all seem to go just a tiny bit crazy over the holiday season. We rush around like the world is going to end to morrow with "To Do" lists a mile long.
And an even longer list of "Shoulds":
I shouldbuy everyone I know a gift including the kids teachers, the postman, the garbage collection guy and the lady that does my hair.
I should go home for the holidays. I should go to all the events I am invited too so I don't hurt any one's feelings.
My house should be decorated and everything should be cleaned and look like the team from House and Garden are about to drop by for a photo shoot.
I should cook everything form scratch and provide alternatives in case any vegan/lactose intolerant/gluten free/following a strict diet/Paleo/ nut allergic people stop by.
I should prepare enough food in case the apocalypse happens over the holiday break happens.
*Yawn* makes me tired just writing it. The reality is that we don't need to do any of that stuff. What we need more than anything is to take a deep breath ( gone on just try it, right now) and relax.
We need to switch our focus back to what the holiday season is all about ; LOVE, PEACE and GOODWILL to ALL. The holidays are a time to reflect on the past year and look forward to the coming year with anticipation of better things to come.
Here's a list to help guide you through the coming season:
(1) Breathe: If you find yourself getting worked up or agitated take a moment to take three nice, slow deep breaths. If you are still worked up try another three. Trust me, just pausing to breathe can make the world of difference.
(2)Simplify: Write a list of all that you need to do. Now look at it and decide how you can cross at least half of it off. Do you really need to make everything from scratch or can you buy some of it ready made? Is it really important to clean the windows, clean the carpets and reorganise the linen cupboard or could you just leave that til later? Does the garden really have to look perfect? Get the idea? Pull back to a level of sanity.
(3) Delegate: Look at your list again and ask yourself who else could do that job for you?
(4) Enjoy: IF you aren't having fun then you are doing it wrong! The holidays are about FUN and if you are so busy running from one task to the next that you are just stressed and grumpy then everybody loses
(5)Hydrate: ( this one is for all of us in the Southern Hemisphere!) While you are out and about doing all your Christmas jobs remember to DRINK, and NO, I don't mean alcohol! It gets hot and shopping is hard work so always take a water bottle with you and actually drink it.
(6)BREATHE: Yes, I know it's on here twice because that is how important it is.
(7)Hug: Hug yourself, hug your kids, hug your friends, hug your partner. Hugging releases oxytocin which is not only the bonding hormone but also makes us feel more connected, relaxed and secure and we could all do with more of that.
(8) Relax: Christmas is only one day and we all try to cram in so much activity and a years worth of bonding into one day. We also have far too high an expectation of what our family holiday is supposed to be or should ( there's that word again!) so just STOP and let it all unfold without feeling you have to control it all.
That's it in a nutshell. What is your best tip for surviving the holidays? Leave me a comment below.
My book "Every Goddesses Guide to Sex, Love and Life" is coming out in the New Year. Join my email list to keep up to date with all things Goddess -y
From this we can see that nurturing ourselves can mean that we are literally nourishing our bodies, mind and spirits but we are also educating and training ourselves to put ourselves first, to take better care of us and not always put others first.
So here are the daily challenges for Nurturing November
(1) Wash your make up brushes. This is one of those little jobs that we often overlook but it is important. Every time we use them we are trapping skin cells and bacteria in them and then next time we use it we spread that bacteria across our face. Not a great idea!
(2) Take a technology break. This one can be a real challenge but lets face it do we really need to be available 24/ 7? Walk away from your computer, put down your cell phone and relax.
(3)Check the expiry dates on your make up and skincare. Yes, they all expire! The life of a mascara is only about 3 months!! Check out this article for the shelf life of your other make up essentials.
(4) Drink, drink, drink! yup, I'm talking about water here. Not coffee. Not alcohol. Not tea. Just pure, clear water. Did you know dehydration could be the reason you wake up still tired in the morning? Or how about the fact that dehydration impacts on lubrication??? If that doesn't make you grab a glass of water I don't know what will.
(5)Make a spritz for your face. Blend together some of your favorite essential oils and water. Find a misting bottle and away you go. Check out this article for some inspiration.
(6) Give yourself permission to say "No" . We are coming up for the silly season which can mean lots of function to attend. Some are a "Hell, Yes." While others are a "Do I have to?" and these are the ones that you just say "No." IF that feels too bald a statement to make then amend it to " No, that doesn't work for me." Simple. Clean. No apology necessary.
(7) What makes you happy? Stop and think about what really lights you up. Create a list of all the things that bring you joy. Start doing these things regularly ( if you are not already). Keep it somewhere handy for next time you are having a down day and then do one of those activities for a quick lift.
(8) Find a picture of the younger you. I've got a picture of me at 7 and another of me at 11 on my altar and I talk to her daily. Doing inner child work helps us to feel loved and secure as adults. especially if we didn't feel that way as a child.
(9) Buy an indoor plant. Peace lilies, spider plant, gerberas, Mother-in -laws tongue and golden pothos are just some of the plants that are great for purifying the air in your home. I have a phalenopsis orchid on my office desk because orchids flower so long and are simply stunning and I love to surround myself with beauty.
(10) Book in for a check up with your doctor.I don't often go to the doctoras I tend to treat myself. There are somethings that you need to get checked though. Blood pressure, cholesterol levels, smear tests and breast checks are important and we tend to put them off. Your health is important so go get checked. (11) Eat some kelp. October was Breast cancer awareness month or as I like to call it BREAST HEALTH AWARENESS ( yes I meant to put that in capitals.) Breasts need iodine (hence the kelp) and selenium, both of which are deficient in NZ soils. Men need both of these for their prostate health too so it's a win/win. Good sources of iodine are : kelp,kombu, wakame and Himalayan pink salt.
(12) Eat or drink something fermented. I love making my own fermented products such as kefir and kombucha. These products are rich in probiotics in concentrations far greater than any commercial yogurt or probiotic pill. Populating your gut with healthy bacteria can have a positive impact on your mood especially if you suffer from anxiety or depression. (13) Practice deep breathing. Most of us breathe far too shallowly so take a few minutes to slow down and just breathe in as deep as you can.
(14) Ask your Angels for a sign.
When we were building our house we were trying to decide between two building companies as they both had floor plans that we liked. One company had a plan that was called Grace and the other one was called Tuscan. On the day we decided I asked the Angels for a sign to help us. As we drove from one company to the next I kept seeing the word Grace everywhere.... so we went with that one. Ask for a sign and then pay attention!
(15) Start a journal. I am stationery mad and have numerous journals going at all times. I have a gratitude journal, an inspiration journal, a quote journal and a myriad of others. Keeping a journal can be a place for you to pour out all your angst, catalog all your ideas, and get all of your "to do's " out of your head.
(16) Massage your breasts. Breasts need regular massage to ease the congestion caused by wearing a bra all day. Underwire bras can stop the flow of lymphatic fluids and breast massage helps move and release this. Want more info? Go here.
(17) What is your proudest moment? Take some time and reminisce about the proudest moments of your life. Write them down in your journal. Start a discussion with your husband and children about what their proudest moments are.
(18) Clean out your handbag. Handbags are like a time capsule of our life. All manner of things get tossed in there for safe keeping or for "just in case" moments. I don't know about you but I tend to be a bit of a good girl scout and carry all sorts of things "just in case"; tampons, panadol, plasters, safety pins, pens and paper to name just a few. I also like to rotate my handbags ( I have a handbag fetish) which means I get to go through and toss items I don't need in there like old receipts, old tissues and business cards of people I no longer remember.
(19)Start growing your own sprouts. Simply having a jar of sprouts on your bench will make you feel healthier, not to mention virtuous! Sprouts can be tossed in a salad, added to a sandwich or added to your green juice. YUM!
(20) Make a vegetarian meal. Adding just one vegetarian meal to your weekwill increase your vegetable intake and improve your health. Not to mention the impact on animal welfare if we all ate less meat. Need some inspiration? Click on the link. Lots of great recipes and information here.
(21) Try oil pulling. This one takes a bit of getting used to. I've been doing it for a couple of years now and my mouth just doesn't feel clean until I've done twenty minutes of oil pulling. So what is it? Simply take a spoonful of oil ( I use coconut oil as it is antibacterial) and swish it around in your mouth like you do mouthwash. Do it for twenty minutes. You need to build up to this as you mouth will ache at the beginning so start with five and then keep going. Your breath will be fresher and your mouth will be healthier. Spit your oil in the rubbish not down the sink or you will clog your pipes.
(22) Drink some kombucha. Kombucha is fermented tea. I know, it sounds disgusting but it really is delicious. There are a few commercial brands available now so check out your local health shop and give it a try.
(23) Clean your car inside and out. Cars, like handbags, are a time capsule of your life and nothing feels nicer than getting into your car when it is all sparkly clean. So get to it.
(24) Write a letter to your inner child.Let her know that everything worked out ok. That you love her and share with her some of what you have learned from being an adult. (25) Upgrade yourself. Find a way to upgrade some aspect of your life today. Do you always buy a small drink? Upgrade to medium. Do you always buy the cheapest toilet paper? Upgrade to a 3 ply.
Do you always pluck your own eyebrows? Upgrade to an eyebrow shape and tint. You deserve the best so upgrade yourself today.
(26) Make your own body scrub. Get some sugar or fine salt. Add enoughoil until it looks like wet sand( apricot oil or sweet almond oil are good). Add a couple of drops of your favorite essential oil. Stand in the shower stall ( water off) and scrub your whole body then turn the water on and rinse off. Your body will feel soft and delicous.
Dance.
(27)Dance. Put on your favorite music and have a dance party for yourself.
(28) Indulge in your favorite treat. For me that is Whittakers Creamy Milk chocolate. Whatever it is for you take a moment and truly savor your treat.
(29)What is one thing that you struggle with about yourself? Write about it in your journal. Ask yourself what it would be like if you accepted this. How would you be different if you accepted it? What would need to change in order for you to accept it?
I don't know about you but I loved the September Self Love Challenge. In fact I loved it so much that I decided to put my thinking cap on and come up with a follow on.
So here we are at Orgasmic October. But it's not quite what you think.
Orgasmic October is about awakening ourselves to all of our senses - getting back in touch with our truest self. We seem to get so busy rushing around being everything to everybody that we forget to stop and savor the little moments and those little moments are our life.
And who knows becoming more aware of all your five senses might just open you up to being a more sensual you
So here are the Orgasmic October Challenges
(1) Dance like no one is watching. The latest version of this meme is " Dance like no one is watching... because their not they are all looking at their phones" .
For me there is nothing I like more than my own dance party at home to music I love and the bonus is it's a great way to get in some exercise Check out this girl for some inspiration
(2) Clean your windows, Lacking some clarity in your life? Clean your windows for a fresh new perspective. Yes, really!
As a bonus clean your windows and dance!!
(3) Add some aromatherapy oils to an oil burner. There are so many great blends you can choose from . Ask yourself how do you want to feeland then google a blend to help with giving you more of that blend. Or go check out Le'Esscience Gillian has blends for sleep, concentration, destressing, or even feeling more sensual.
(4) Stop and smell the flowers. Now that Spring is here the flowers are starting to show their faces again so take a moment and truly appreciate all their beauty.
(5) Open all the doors and windows in your home. Let that fresh sweet Spring air blow all the cobwebs away literally and figuratively. There is nothing nicer than allowing fresh air into your home.
(6)Buy some body butter and use it all over your body. Give thanks to all parts of your body as you rub it in.
(7) Get a massage. Either ask your partner for one or book in at your local day spa.
(8) Buy some sexy underwear. InSeptember I urged you to replace your old, tired undies. Now I want you to go buy something sexy. Not just any cotton underpants will do for this but something that will make you feel like a million dollars.
(9)Make a delicious fruit salad. Savor all the different flavors of the fruit and let the juices drip down your chin, fully immerse yourself in the lushness and sweetness of the fruit.
(10) Sit in the sun for twenty minutes. Soak up those rays and allow yourself to revel in how good it feels on your skin.
(11)Wear an outfit that makes you feel sexy. For a long time I have only worn jeans. That was until last summer when I found some gorgeous maxi dresses and now that the sun is out nothing makes me feel sexier than wearing one of my maxi dresses... with out underwear. Shhhh it's our little secret.
(12) Order a jade egg. Ladies, you will not believe what this will do for your sex life. Jade eggs have been used for hundreds of years to tone and tighten your pelvic floor muscles. Now, I have been doing Kegel's ( sporadically) since I was fifteen but nothing compares to using one of these. I have discovered muscles I never even knew I had. Plus for any ladies in your menopausal years using a jade egg helps with elasticity and lubrication. Win, win , win. Just do it and use it. Trust me.
(13) Do a womb healing meditation. Last month we wrote a letter to our uterus and now we take it a few levels deeper and do some womb healing though meditation. I will be posting a womb meditation for purchase in my store in the next few days so make sure to come back and check it out.
(14) Try a new perfume. Spend some time at your local chemist or shopping mall and try out some new scents. I recently asked my friend Raewyn of Nature's Finest Skincare to create an all natural perfume for me and I love it. She called it the Ultimate Goddess. Delicious.
(15)Eat your next meal mindfully. Studies have shown that when we are distracted like watching television or working at our computer while we eat we are barely aware of what we are eating and hence we eat more. Just for one meal today focus only on your food. Present it in the most visually appealing way. Take your time and savor each mouthful. Put your knife and fork down between bites and just enjoy the food.
(16) Today whenever someone asks " How are you?" reply "I'm fabulous." By the end of the day you will be feeling more fabulous than when you started. Your mood is more in your control than you realise and by affirming all day how great you are feeling you literally shift your perception of how well your day is going to one with more ease and flow. And that is FABULOUS.
(17) Chant. Chanting a mantra clears your throat chakra, raises your vibration and shifts your energy. If you pick a simple mantra such as "Om Shanti" which means " Peace" or if you prefer English " I am love" then you start to again shift your focus to a more loving and peaceful state. The Buddhists traditionally chant any mantra for 108 repetitions. If you use the same mantra every day it becomes like your own personal theme song and will become part of your daily routine.
(18) Seduce your partner..... or yourself. We can get into a routine with our sex lives and forget the deliciousness of anticipation and the building of desire throughout the day ( and yes you can do this for yourself if you don't have a partner - that's what your imagination is for). Delayed gratification is not something we are used to anymore. We want what we want NOW not later but anticipation is a powerful aphrodisiac and will heighten all your sense for the whole day.
(19) Try our some new make up. Play dress up like you did when you were younger. Try some new looks with your make up. Go to a make up counter and ask for a make over. It is always good to try something new and not stick to the safe look you have always had.
(20) Make your bedroom a sensual haven. First off remove anything that doesn't have to do with sex or sleeping because that is all your bedroom should be about. No work, no television and no exercise equipment. Lots of soft furnishings, soft lighting, delicious smelling oils and romantic art work.
(21) Read a sexy book. Something better than Fifty shades of Grey . Here's some inspiration so head to your local library and see what you can find.
(22) Ask your partner to massage your feet. It has been proven that when your feet are warm you will be more orgasmic so don't head to bed with cold feet.
(23) Make some bliss balls. For two reasons (1) they are delicious and (2) rolling them in your hands is a bit like when you were a kid. Here's a recipe to get you started.
8 Medjool dates, pitted and blended with 1 tablespoon of hot water
2 tablespoons of honey
2 Tablespoons of Cacao ( raw cocoa)
2 T Hemp protein powder
1 Cup of nut butter
1 tsp vanilla essence
1/2 teaspoon of cayenne pepper.
Blend together and roll in coconut.
These are hot balls which is great for boosting blood to the extremities... if you catch my drift. Use less cayenne or omit if you are not keen on hot stuff.
(24) Space clear your home. Spring is a great time to ramp up the energy in your home. Check out Karen Kingston's book " Creating Sacred space with Feng Shui" for tips on how to do a space clearing. Have fun clapping, ringing bells and singing bowls. The neighbors will wonder what the hell you are doing but your house will feel incredible when you have finished.
(25) Sit in silence for an hour.Just be still. Pay attention to the sounds around you. Feel the breeze. Smell the air.
Okay an hour might be too long but try and see how long you can sit for. Keep doing it each day until you can do it for one hour.
(26) Make a delicious raw dessert like Chocolate Caramel Pie: Sign up for my newsletter for the recipe. This is seriously delicious. I have a sweet tooth and have been working to reduce my sugar craving so raw desserts are helping me curb the desire while being incredibly delicious.
(27) Laugh out loud. They say that kids laugh 300 times a day while adults only summon up 4.Sure we type LOL but most of us aren't actually laughing out loud. Today make it your mission to laugh out loud at anything. Ready? GO!
(28) Listen to your favorite sexy singer. Mine is Leonard Cohen, his sultry voice and awesome lyrics are perfect for getting in the mood. Create your own sexy playlist on Spotify and then play it often.
(29) Bath or shower with your partner. My husband and I spend hours together in the bath talking shit and being real. When you are that naked andclose to each other it is far easier to be vulnerable and open.
(30) Smile. All day. Smile at strangers. Smile at the girl on the checkout. Smile at the guy making your coffee. Smile at the old lady who is taking forever to decide. Just smile. It's catching and costs nothing. But it makes you feel good.
(31)Embrace your inner pagan. It is Halloween so light a fire if you can or light some candles and make your house feel cozy. Toast some marshmallows.... even if it is over a gas flame. In the northern hemisphere it is time to celebrate the harvest and here in the southern hemisphere it is time to celebrate the coming of Summer. Do whatever you can to celebrate the changing of the seasons.
Don't forget to sign up for my newsletter for more raw recipes.
Spring is an amazing time of year. It truly feels like a time of rejuvenation and rebirth and after a long cold, dreary winter there is nothing I love more than to fling open all the doors and windows and let the fresh air clear out all the cobwebs and dust bunnies that have collected everywhere
We are just over two weeks into the September Self Love Challenge and I have to say I am loving it. Have you been following along on my Facebook page? Each day I share exactly how I did that day's challenge and members of the page share their ideas.
But self love is more than just drinking green juice and giving yourself facials.
Going Deeper
Self Love is about accepting yourself on a deeper level.
Forgiving yourself for any past mistakes.
Embracing your shadow side - that part of you that you don't want people to know about. That you deny even to yourself (I'll write a blog on that next week - promise!)
It is also about releasing shame.
I listened to Brene Brown talk about the difference between shame and humiliation. Humiliation is I did something bad while shame is "I am bad". One of the areas in which we are often ashamed is our sexuality.
I can only speak as a woman here and say that this is especially true for us. There are so many conflicting messages we receive around our sexuality ; we are supposed to be sexy but not too sexy, we are supposed to have sex but not too much, we are supposed to show we enjoy it but again, not too much and the list goes on and on.
I am sure men have a similar list because society is just not geared to cope with sexuality. Male sexuality is a tad more acceptable than woman's though.( in my opinion)
Womb Healing
At the beginning of last year I wrote this article about space clearing our genitals. As a Reiki therapist I "see" a lot of armoring and wounding in people's energy field. I know that this is cleared with Reiki energy.
I recently found a Facebook page called Kundalini Dance and she has a course called Female Sexual Soul Healing and offered two of the meditations for free download over the course of the past two months, both of which I have downloaded and used for myself. Both practices are deeply healing and I highly recommend her course.
Now you are probably wondering what these meditations can do for you.For a start they will help you release any past traumas or painful experiences (Reiki can do this for you too) you may have had during your sexual awakening. And let's face it when we first venture into the realms of sex and sexuality there are always some bumbling and fumbling issues which can leave us all feeling that somehow everyone else got the gist of sex ... except you.
I remember after my first sexual experience I thought to myself " is that it? what is all the fuss about?" No, it was not a great experience even though, in all my worldly wisdom, I decided that I needed an older guy to deflower me as he would have some idea of what he was doing.
No, he didn't. ( he was 27, I was 16).
And that is just part of the sexual wounding that we can take on board.
Releasing any old baggage whether through womb healing or Reiki makes us feel more like ourselves again, more alive, more vibrant, more confident.. Regardless of how much work you have done on yourself in the past there is always more to clear and release.
If you have never done any personal work then now would be a good time to start. Contact me to book a session today.
They say that a change is as good as a rest but do you know whats even better? An actual rest.
I've just been away for a short break. A break from work. A break from thinking too much. A break from technology. It was only for four days and it was brilliant.
The day before we went away the power was out until 1o'clock in the afternoon. This meant that all my last minute cleaning and laundry got put on hold for the better part of the day. It was almost like starting the holiday early. There was not a lot we could do so we relaxed and just let the day unfold as it would.
Luckily we had a small gas element so we could make a cup of tea to help us get into relaxed mode. Once the power came back on none of that "important"cleaning stuff seemed so important any more.
Then we were off for our actual holiday. Three nights staying at the lovely Taupo De Bretts; beautiful accommodation, king size bed, underfloor heating and best of all, all day passes for their thermal pools.Starting and ending the day lolling about in delicious hot thermal pools is my idea of heaven
And then we came home and guess what? the day after we got home the power was off for the whole day . ( Seriously people stop crashing into power poles!) This was the third power outage in two weeks (two due to car accidents and one due to a storm) ( No one was seriously injured in either car accident)
Luckily I was still in holiday mode so decided to stay in my pj's and read all day. Yes, one whole book devoured just like that ( "Screw You Dolores by Sarah Kate Lynch in case you were wondering. Great book, did make me giggle quite a few times. Have now decided that Sarah Kate should be my new best friend! Though I don't drink so that's not likely to happen LOL!)
Things we take for granted
Once the power was restored ( again!) at 4:30 in the afternoon the house started to hum again and it made me realise just how noisy houses are . We don't notice the fridge humming and the whir of the computer until the power goes out and everything is completely silent. In our house when the power goes out so does the water which can make things tricky. No showers, no flushing the toilet and no cups of tea.... unless there is some water still left in the jug.
So with all these power outages hubby and I are now thinking even more about being self sustaining.. we already have solar for the water heating and a wet back on the wood fire. Now we want to start collecting rain water so we don't have to rely on the town supply. All of which would bring me full circle to how I lived when I first left home. At that time my (ex) husband and I lived with no power. I cooked on a wood stove, which heated our water which we gravity fed from a spring (most delicious water I have ever tasted). I baked all our own bread ( no bread makers in those days), washed nappies in a wringer washing machine that my ex had rigged a lawn mower motor too. I loved it even though it was hard at times.
Now we have instant everything. Power at the flick of a switch. Hot and cold running water that we don't even think about. Instant connectivity via text or email. Broadband that we moan about not being fast enough. In the process we have lost so much.
Talk to me
One of the things I love about spending time with my husband is how much we still have to talk about..... even after 21 ( nearly 22) years of being together. When we are together we are together. He's not attached to his cell phone checking his texts and neither am I . When we go out to a cafe or to dinner we sit and talk to each other. Sadly that is not that common these days as everyone seems to be gazing wistfully at their smartphone instead of into the eyes of their darling.
Life is short. And these days so is our attention span.
We spend far too much time checking our phones, updating Facebook (I know I am guilty of that!), taking selfies and reading our emails
We spend far too little time talking, hugging, touching, making love and connecting with those right in front of us.
The more we stare at our screens the less connected we feel to those around us and the lonelier it makes us feel. It seems like everyone else's life is far more interesting than our own. We forget that they are only posting the highlights and often, are tweaking the truth to make it appear better than it actually is.
5 Simple steps to change your life:
(1)Set the timer when you sit down in front of the computer. Doesn't matter whether you set it for 5 minutes or two hours but once it goes off step way from the screen and engage in something elseor with someone for the same amount of time that you were on the computer.
(2)Keep a gratitude journal. Each day take time to notice what you have in your life that you are grateful for. Try not to repeat the same things each day. Remember to include things like your eyesight, hot and cold running water.
Yesterday when the power finally came back on I took a shower and that water flowing over me felt so good.
(3)Don't look at your phone.Make a commitment to not look at your phone when you are with ( a) your partner (b) your friends. Just be in the moment. Be present and give them your undivided attention. This alone will improve all your relationships.
(4) Have one day a week without electronics. In the past Sunday was a holy day. A day for going to church or at least, spending with family. Maybe now we need to set aside one day of the week that we do not have our cellphones or computers on. The world will not stop if we do this but our life may improve.
(5)Book a holiday. We all need to rest, relax and recharge. It doesn't have to be a long break, even a weekend away will do. You don't even need to leave home. Staycations are great...... if you commit to connecting with the people that you live with and disconnect from the technological world for the duration.
Bonus!
(6)Read a book. Seriously. Lose yourself in a rollicking good yarn. Nothing beats an actual book. Yes, I do have an e reader. No, I am not completely anti technology. In fact, I lovetechnology and that is part of the problem we all love it so much we forget what it was like before it came along with all its sparkly, glittery distractions. Maybe its time we just took a teeny step back to how life was before. Technology will still be waiting for us when we decide to reconnect. Truly. It will.
These are some of the things that go through our minds when we think of taking care of our self. "I don't have time for that. I should be helping the kids with their homework/doing the dishes/folding the laundry etc etc"
And the truth is those things are important but so is taking the time to love yourself.
If you are constantly looking after everyone else's needs and desires then you better be making sure that your own needs and desires are being met too.
So let's try that again.
Self love is............
Vital. For your emotional, mental and physical wellbeing.
Self Love is............
A key ingredient in a healthy lifestyle.
Self love is.............
The cornerstone of good self care
Self Love is............
Accepting yourself.. warts and all. Not feeling you have to be perfect before you are allowed to be happy but being happy now.
Self love is......
Saying "No"when you don't want to do something without feeling guilty. rather than saying "yes"and then kicking yourself.
Self Love is.......
Being your own best friend.
Self Love is.........
Having clear boundaries in all your relationships.
Self love is.......
Whatever you decide you need.
Come over and join us at The Self Love Club . It is free to join and regular tips are shared on loving yourself more.
Last week I wrote about building up the intimacy in your relationship that it takes work and like a muscle it will get flabby if you don't use it.
Which kind of got me thinking about the other intimacy muscle that we are supposed to flex on a regular basis and often forget about all together. Yes, I am referring to the pelvic floor muscle. Now, guys before you click away from the page thinking this isn't relevant for you, take a breath and keep reading because guys need to do their pelvic floor exercises too.
Reasons to do your pelvic floor exercises
From Doreen Virtue
That's right, just as ladies need to practise their pelvic floor exercises to maintain good blood flow to their genitals and keep their vaginal walls snug, men need to do their pelvic floor exercises too. Doing your pelvic floor exercises ( if you are a man) will massage the prostate gland and maintain good blood flow to your genitals which has to be a good thing surely?
Pelvic floor exercises are on of the simplest forms of exercise that we can do. In fact I'm doing mine as I sit and write this so you can't get easier than that. Here's a link for the men, even though he is talking about after care from prostate cancer, far better to start looking after your prostate NOW!
Here;s a link for women, and yes ladies, we need to do them regardless of whether or not we have had babies or are thinking of having babies.
We just have to make ourselves more of a priority. We have to put some thought into caring for ourselves. And if we don't care for ourselves who else is going to?
Self care also means more than just going through the motions of exercising, brushing your teeth, showering. It also means looking after your emotional well being, your physical wellbeing including the parts of you that you take for granted or tend not to pay much attention to.
Good genital health
There are certain minerals that men require to maintain good prostate health and those are selenium and zinc and just like men need them for their prostates we need selenium and iodine for our breast health . In fact we should all be taking a good liquid mineral supplement to help us stay healthy. Men lose minerals every time they ejaculate so definitely need to keep those minerals topped up. Teenage boys can become quite minerally depleted due to masturbation so Mums make sure you are giving your boys a liquid mineral.
And now that I have mentioned the "m"word lets just focus on it for a minute. Nobody wants to talk about it or admit to it but the truth is it is a healthy thing to do. Ladies, listen up, this applies to you too. Our genitals require blood flow to keep them functioning in an optimal fashion and there is no better way to increase the blood flow to your genitals than masturbation ( well there is sex, of course, but if that is not an option then self sex is good substitute!!).
Masturbation also keeps your libido cranking. You know the old saying "Use it or lose it"? Well that definitely applies when you are talking about your libido. It doesn't take much for it to go into hibernation and can take a while to get kick started again
We all know about avoiding STD's (or whatever the latest abbreviation is for sexually transmitted disease is) ( we do, right??? ) and since I have been off the dating scene for over twenty years I can only talk about what I know, which is a loving committed relationship. So always carry your condoms, always! And use them. They won't prevent anything left in the bottom of your handbag or in your wallet.
Talking about probiotics
Another key ingredient to genital health is good gut flora ( who knew?) Yup, probiotics help maintain the right flora in our genitals and ladies there are even specific brands of probiotics for us. We can also care for our lady parts by eating regular amounts of fermented foods such as kefir ( waaaaayyyy more bacteria than just yoghurt), fermented vegetables and drinking kombucha.
Happy gut = happy you.
And while we are discussing bacteria, using coconut oil as a lubricant is great for maintaining good health. Coconut oil is antibacterial, anti fungal and anti microbial and will help with thrush. It's also good to eat!
Last week I wrote about falling in love with your partner as it has been a bit of a love fest at my house for a while now. And falling in love with your partner is great.
Much of the time we protest that relationships are hard work.
That we have to take the time and consciously put effort into keeping love, passion and sex alive in our relationship.
The truth is relationships with others are easy.
Sure we have days where the sound of our partner's voice is like nails on a blackboard ( for those of you young folk its not a great sound. Google it. I'm sure somewhere there is a Youtube video of someone demonstrating it - pause while I check Yup! Here you go )
But most of the time it only takes a few minutes for us to remember that time he brought us flowers...... he had picked himself.... for you ( yes my honey did that for me recently!) or that text he sent that says"Yr my drm boat" ( another gem from my honey!) and we go all mooshy and squishy inside and sigh and feel waves of love swirl around us like moonbeams on a dark night.
EASY.
EFFORTLESS.
There we are back in love with our dreamboat.
No, what is hard is falling in love with yourself, over and over again.
Forgiving yourself for the stupid things you have said or done.
Loving yourself in spite of the fact that you are 20 pounds overweight and haven't exercised for months.
Loving yourself even when your hair just won't sit right dammit!
Loving yourself when you opened your mouth and something stupid, hurtful and even as you say it you wish you could take it back but you can't.
Loving yourself even when it feels like nothing is going right in your life right now , in fact it's just one giant suckfest and then the car breaks down or the vacuum cleaner packs up when you haven't vacuumed for weeks and you have people coming over in, like, five minutes. ( that happens to you too right?). Or you have just lost your job and have no idea how you are going to get another one.
Loving yourself is something that we all pay lip service too.
Then we fall into the trap of beating ourselves up....... because we ate cake.
Or we put ourselves down for not exercising this week ( month, year!)
Or we lie in bed going over all the stupid things we have done for the past week ( month, year, decade!)
Or we obsess over the kilo ( or two, three, five) we have gained. And then we go on ( yet another) diet and then beat ourselves up for failing at that too.
And so starts the never ending loop of just not being, quite good enough.
We measure ourselves against the latest "it"celebrity/model/pop singer. We look at their skinny bodies in all the magazines and wonder why we can't look like that 24/7. Forgetting that they have (a) a stylist (b) a personal trainer (c) a nanny to look after the kids and (d) a chef to cook for them or at least a nutritionist to help them.
So how do we just STOP the endless diatribe against ourselves and START truly, madly, deeply loving ourselves?
I Love YOU!
Just like in last weeks article.
We start by looking ourselves in the eye as we wash our face, apply our makeup and any other chance we get and say, out loud "I Love you. You are awesome and beautiful and talented and I just wanted you to know how much I love you."
Yup all of that, while making eye contact.
By telling your self how much you love you , you start to reconnect to your own innate wisdom and self belief and you stop looking for outside validation.
I value my.....
Start each day by writing down a minimum of three things that you value about yourself. I do this at the same time as I do my gratitude journal.
This practice helps reaffirm that who you are has inherent value and worth, because you do.
We tend to think that who we are is represented by our bodies but as all the great teachers tell us "You are not your body. You have a body but you are not your body" take a moment to think about that.
Gratitude
Give thanks for all the things that you have present in your life and all the fun stuff that you get to do. Far too many of us move through our day taking it for granted but life is precious and taking a moment to give thanks for your body; your sense of smell, the things you can taste or hear or touch, the fact that you have two functional legs and can run and jump and walk wherever you want to go, these things are a blessing.
Just ask someone who can no longer do those things.
Get up, dress up, show up
I work from home and it would be super easy to never get out of my pj's but guess what? Yup every day I get up, dress up and show up just like I am off to work... because I am.
I wear matching underwear ( if you're a guy you probably don't realize how great this makes us girls feel) and I dress as if I am off to work including jewelery and accessories. I don't necessarily wear make up because that is a some days yes, some days no thing for me but I always make an effort with how I look REGARDLESS of whether I am leaving the house or not.
Why?
Because it makes me feel great.
I don't have outfits that I wear om "special "occasions because being alive is a special occasion.
So get up, dress up and show up for your life
I am launching my
LOVE YOUR BODY REVOLUTION program soon.
Sign up for my newsletter for all the details of when it's coming.
In the meantime here's a wee taster of what is coming.
Trouble is most of us are so busy worrying about what others think of us that we forget what it is that we like about ourselves. We continually look outside of ourselves; to the media, to our friends, to any on else that might possible have an opinion about the way we wear our hair, or what colours we should be wearing or even, heaven forbid, who we sleep with.
And I will probably be writing it about it again ...... and again........ and again.
Why?
Well, because most of us still don't love ourselves enough, if at all. We all wish that we could be someone different or that our bodies could look somewhat different than they currently do.
If we have curly hair we want it straight or vice versa.
If we have big breasts we want smaller ones Or if we have small ones we want bigger ones.
If we are fat we want to be skinny. If we are skinny we wish that perhaps we were more curvy in certain places.
I could go on and on but frankly it makes me weary.
I watched an old video today of Julia Roberts interviewing George Clooney (because , you know, I love me some George! And lets face it , we all get lost in Youtube from time to time) and you can check it out here
Any way back to my blog ( because that's where all the FUN happens , people!) George asks Julia if she has any body issues and her reply just STOPPED . Me. In. My . Tracks. She said "Well, yeah I'm a girl."
"Well, yeah, I'm a girl"
So all girls are supposed to have body issues? It's just a given now? We are alive, we are female and we have body issues?
When did this happen? And who forgot to give me the memo?
Its this kind of negative programming that has become so insidious in todays world.
Then we wonder why our kids are growing up wanting to change who they are or wanting plastic surgery to change what they can't fix.
So I say it again.... Why can't we just love ourselves? Why don't we try just loving our body as it is ? Today. Right now. Without having to change a thing.
Because if we truly loved ourselves then we would eat great food....... instead of food like substance that the advertising companies want you to eat.
If we truly loved ourselves we would move our bodies in whatever way felt great for us.
If we truly loved ourselves it wouldn't matter to us how others looked, we would be too busy enjoying our own lives to focus on what others are doing.
If we truly loved ourselves we would be working to create more beauty and love in our world purely for the fact that it makes our hearts sing.
So my challenge to you is this; commit to doing one small act of self love every day for 21 days.
Here's a few ideas to get you started:
(1) Meditate for ten minutes every day
(2) Create a green juice or smoothie that you love and add that to your daily routine
(3) Stand outside, in bare feet and connect with the Earth for 5 minutes each day
(4) Start a gratitude journal. Write down five things in your day that you are grateful for
(5) Try dry skin brushing before your shower. as you brush your skin tell your body how much you love it.
I got up nice and early and headed to the computer to check out a few things and before I knew it it was 1:30 in the afternoon and I still wasn't dressed.
I had however updated my facebook page, answered emails, done two meditations after listening to some inspirational speakers on the Hay House Summit, eaten breakfast and read several articles relating to social media and how to maximize it for my business.
What I hadn't done was take the time to fully care for my self.
I had been solely focused on my business.
I hadn't taken the time to shower and dress which is a morning ritual. I have my vision board on the outside of my glass shower to focus my mind on all my goals, personal and business.
I hadn't taken the time over breakfast to think about what I would write in my gratitude journal so that hadn't been done either.
I hadn't taken the time to do reiki on myself before I even got out of bed.
I had walked outside and fed our chickens and spent a few moments connecting with nature.
I had picked some mandarins off our trees to have with my breakfast.
But suddenly it was 1:30 and the day seemed to have slipped away from me. I know that my rituals help to focus me and feed a deeper connection to Spirit that I need for my work to flow smoothly . I also know that this is not the end of the world and that tomorrow is a brand new day for me to embark on.
I also know that self care is vital for mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. So tonight I will be running a bath and taking a long, deep soak with Epsom salts to ease the tension that always seems to end up in my shoulders. I will bring out my gratitude journal and write about all the great things that have happened today and all the mundane, simple things for which I am eternally grateful. I will spend some time connecting with my darling husband for her grounds me and gets me out of my head like no-one else can. And as I drift off to sleep tonight I will give myself some reiki and do some EFT to clear up any negative energy patterns that I may be berating myself with.
Do you have any rituals that you do daily? What helps keeping you on track? Leave a comment below.
