Loving yourself through changes

Loving yourself is never a one-and-done deal.

There is always more of you  to love.

 Why?
 Because who you are today is different to who you were yesterday.. or last week or last month... or five years ago.

Change is the only constant.

Our beliefs change. we learn new things and things that we believed years ago, we now realize don't hold true for us any more.

Our relationships change. People who were our best friends for a long time we no longer see any more because we grew apart. Or the person that we married and thought was the love of our life we now realize was just a temporary stop on our journey through love.

Our body changes. We gain weight or we lose weight. Our body ages and we now have trouble with our hearing or our eye sight or our body just feels different than it used to.

And so we have to fall in love with our self... over and over again. Just like we do with our significant other.

I discovered this for myself recently. I am currently losing weight without even trying. Let me back up for a minute and say that I was always skinny growing up. My mother was always trying to convince me to eat and I was a picky, picky eater ( and as all mother's do she cursed me by saying " I hope you have a child as fussy as you when you grow up". Thanks Mum, I did, with bells on!). I was alsop teased unmercifully by adults and children alike. 

I was told not to stand side on or I might disappear altogether, that I was lucky my legs didn't snap and run up my arse ( who says that to someone?), that I should be careful in the wind in case I got blown away. That is just the adults. This kids just called me "stork legs"

I stayed skinny until I turned thirty although I was always terrified of becoming fat and obsessed over my weight.

Then came the perfect storm: I got pregnant to the man I was divorcing, I gave birth, got a tubal ligation, turned thirty and met the man of my dreams ... and his four girls. Not only did my hair start falling out in handfuls - so much that my hairdresser asked what to do about my bald patches but the weight ( which had all dropped off dramatically after the birth) all started piling on... and on ... and on.

I took a long time adjusting the image I had of myself to the image that was now in front of me. In my mind I was still slim. I tried eating differently. I tried exercising nothing changed.

It took me a long time to get comfortable and love my new body.

Over the past few years I have fallen deeply in love with my curvy body. I  called myself voluptuous. I claimed myself as a Sex Goddess. I wrote a book  and I shifted my mindset about what my body meant to me.

For the past couple of years I have been doing self love challenges and I am currently running Nurturing November ( a free email course. Sign up here ) and now the weight is falling off.

Yes, I changed my eating habits but not drastically. I am following the Paleo lifestyle ( I loathe to call it a diet becasue it doesn't feel like a diet at all) but not stringently. I have increased the amount of physical activity I'm doing because I have more energy although I wouldn't call it exercising ( that's in the plan though!)

But here's the thing my body is shedding the excess pounds which is great but I am also adjusting to the new slimmer me again. My clothes are getting lose and baggy. I have already gone down one size and these are now loose on me too.

As the pounds are dropping off I am learning to love myself in a new way. The stretch marks are becoming deeper and more noticeable now they are not stretched over fat, my breasts are not as plump and round as they once were. Not only is my body losing weight but,of course, I am older than I was when I was last slim so everything is different.

Oh and menopause is definitely on the horizon. Fun times.

The biggest thing I am learning ( relearning, reminding myself, noticing) is that my body really is only a very small part of who I am  and the Me that I have to love is the one who lies inside all of that. So I am loving myself a little more every day.


So here are my five tips to loving yourself through change:

(1) Change is inevitable.
 Accept that change is going to happen. If you keep struggling to keep things the same you are going to miss out on all the fun.

(2) Get comfortable with the new "normal" 
Once you accept that change is happening embrace it. All change feels uncomfortable at first but struggling with it, resisting it will only make the transition last longer and feel miserable in the process.

(3) Be gentle with yourself.
Some days everything will feel fine and others you will struggle with. It is all okay. Beating yourself up for having a bad day won't help. Taking a warm bath and going to bed early might be just the thing you need. Gentle, gentle.

(4) Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and say "I love you"
Keep reminding yourself how much you love you. Even on the days you feel like crap. Especially on the days you feel like crap. Do something you love. Treat yourself like your own best friend.

(5) Celebrate!
Take the time to acknowledge how far you have come . Every small step in the direction you want to go is a huge victory so take the time to celebrate. And keep going!

Body Love

Let's face it  we are all insecure about our bodies.

Yes, even the super models have days when they obsess about one specific flaw that is undetectable to the human eye.

And it seems the pressure just keeps mounting.

We are supposed to be wafer thin, hairless with well defined arms and abs and the perfect, tight ass, long legs and gorgeous, pert breasts. Now, it seems we are also supposed to have the perfect looking vulva.

More and more young women are opting for labiaplasty to perfect their labia and "neaten" their vulva.  I have written about this before  (here's another one . Oh, ok one more or check out this cool new blog I have found  ) and I would love it if it didn't have to be talked about anyomore but the truth is we still don't know enough about our bodies and it is hurting us; mentally, emotionally and physically.

In many African and Muslim countries genital mutilation is a common practice to ensure that women do not enjoy the sexual act. This happens to young girls before they are even of an age to be sexual. Thankfully the practice is now becoming outlawed as people are , finally, waking up the barbaric nature of it.

Except in the West where women are now paying to mutilate their own genitals in the name of a "designer vagina" or a mistaken belief that it will make them more desirable.

Let's just look at the absurdity of this shall we?

(1) There are a limited number of people who will see your labia and anyone that is up close and personal and makes a comment about the look of your labia is simply disqualifying themselves from ever getting that close again. Because, let's face it, penises are not exactly gorgeous to look at either.

(2) Our genitals are packed full of nerve endings for the sole purpose of giving us pleasure. Any surgery that is done to this area will most definitely be compromising those nerve endings so while your vulva might look stylish the "ooohhhh ahhh-ness" will be severely diminished. Why would you do that to yourself?

More than anything we have to start loving ourselves and accepting our flaws as the unique characteristic that make us the unique little snowflake that we are.

What would Cindy Crawford look like without her signature mole? Or Nicole Kidman without her freckles? And think how much happier Micheal Jackson would have been if he had just loved himself instead of having endless plastic surgery?

Now I know accepting ourselves is easier said than done BUT ( and it is a big but) it is the only way that we get to be happy, content, life affirming individuals. The only other option is constant dissatisfaction, dieting, moaning about the size of our thighs, more dieting until we finally realise at age (Pick one. Because I guarantee that you will hit a certain age and realise that you wasted far too much of your youth worrying about some part of your body that is actually ok) that NONE OF IT MATTERS!.

It doesn't matter if your thighs touch - take a look at pictures of Marilyn Monroe.

It doesn't matter if your vulva is an innie or an outie.

It doesn't matter  if you have a physical flaw what matters is that you are alive and healthy and living your life.

That is all. Go be happy. Leave all the body doubts there on the floor.

For more advice on loving yourself check out my latest book "The Goddess Guide to Sex, Love and Life

Being authentic

On any given day we wear numerous masks; being who people expect us to be.

We are the good mother to our children, the perfect wife for our husband, the loyal worker and the trusted friend.

Sometimes in amongst all of that being everything to everybody we lose ourselves. We forget who we are, what we want , what lights us up.

Now I am not saying that we need to stop being all those other labels and hats that we wear .

What I am saying is that we need to give ourselves the space, time and commitment to being our most authentic selves. We need to get still and quiet and listen to our inner voice, our gut instinct, our true nature.

If you have been following along with the September Self Love challenge and the Orgasmic October - awakening all of our senses blogs you will have some ideas for creating more space for your authentic self to shine through. ( stay tuned for the November blog - I haven't finished with self love yet!).

Peeling off the layers of others ideas of you can take time. We are so much more than anyone has ever led us to believe. And as Marianne Williamson famously said "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

But instead of reaching to be our most authentic selves we hide behind the mask of our small idea of our self.

I get it.

I truly do. If we were to be our most authentic selves we would have to put ourselves out there. We would have to be bigger than our fears and those suckers, on any given day, can go from tiny to monumental, insurmountable. We would have to fulfill our potential, not just talk the talk but actually take the action necessary to achieve our goals and dreams.


Mmmmmhmmmm scary!

So instead we play small.

We blame our parents. Our ex. The government.

We list all the reasons why we shouldn't go be awesome; I'm not good enough. Who am I to think I can do that?

Oh, that little negative voice in our head can be a real bitch at times. I hear her kick in every time I sit down in my chair to write a blog post or send out a newsletter. Some days she is very, very loud and insistent so I take her out for coffee and we have a little chat.

You see I have been getting the urge to write since as long as I can remember. I adore stationery  (clue number one). I cannot go past a book shop with out stocking up on pens and paper and I now have lost count of how many notebooks and journals I have got ideas jotted down in.

I read. Constantly (clue number two). If there are no magazines or books to hand I will read a cereal packet from top to bottom.

Words and quotes  make my heart do the happy dance (clue number three). But for some reason I never put all that together to mean I should be writing.

Even when I was told (repeatedly) in card readings, clairvoyant readings etc that I was a writer I would smile politely and nod and then file that away as "not on your life"

Then I found blogging. Oh happy day!!! Now I finally felt that I had a voice!!

Then people actually started reading, following and commenting. Joy upon joy!

What does this mean for you?

(1) Go back to the beginning. If you haven't found something that lights you up from the inside out go back and look for clues in your younger years. Trust me the child in you knew what lit you up then and you can rediscover it by looking backwards

(2) Keep it simple. What makes your heart sing doesn't have to be earth shattering and of epic proportions. What it does have to do is make you want to do the happy dance every time you think of it. It does have to make you lose yourself in the process of doing it.

(3) Commit time to it. If it lights you up then you will be your most authentic self while you are in pursuit of it. Look at all the people who dress as their favorite characters at Comic Con? Do they care what others think of them? No, they are deliriously following their passion and have committed time and effort to it for no other reason than it brings them joy.
It might look like they are trying to be someone other than themselves but in reality they are tapping into the archetype of the hero to bring that aspect of themselves to the fore.

(4) Be open. Being our most authentic self means we have to be open and vulnerable. Sure some people might not like you and may be more than happy to tell you so but that is more about them than it is about you. Being your most authentic self does threaten those who are heavily invested in playing small, it shakes their comfortable view of the world. Leave that issue with them and keep being open and authentic.

(5) Play. Take a leaf out of Madonna and David Bowie's book and keep trying different persona's until you feel you have found your right fit. Just like a child plays dress up trying to figure out what being an adult will look like to them, try on different aspects of yourself until one just feels right. The more fun you have with it the better.

What do you think? What is the best way to find your most authentic self? What worked for you?
I would love to hear your thoughts.

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Does sexy have an expiry date?

Due to a technical glitch I lost the first post of this so here we go again with take two:

This morning I started my day by watching this video from a project called What's underneath.

In it Jackie O' Shaugnessy a 62 year old actor and model talks about how she has never felt enough; thin enough, smooth enough or just enough at all. She had always felt that she needed to modify her looks in order to be acceptable.

The same can be said for just about every woman on the planet which is why we have a multi billion dollar industry for weight loss, cosmetic surgery and not to mention hair dyes and make up. Women being dissatisfied with their bodies is a lucrative business.

And then I read this article from Carol Sarler and here's the headline:

Don't believe the ads. I'm afraid sexy does have a sell-by date and it's way before 60

Venus of Willendorf - Fertility Goddess

She had also seen Jacky in some advertisements for underwear but instead of seeing this as an empowering beautiful  acceptance of bodies of all ages and sizes she chose to see it as an excuse to berate older women for showing their bodies. In her mind being sexy is something only young fertile  women should be. I'm not entirely sure what her cut off date is for being sexy but she does go on to mention 

"Sexy is the means by which the female lures her mate.
Sexy is attracting the seed to make your babies"

Um, all I can say is WTF?

If sexy was only about fertility and breeding then I suggest we go back to these fertility symbols as the epitome of "sexy". The truth is what I find sexy and what you find sexy might be poles apart and have very little to do with procreation and more to do with just plain sex.

Let's stop judging and berating women for what they choose to wear, for what size they are and whether or not they fit into your idea of "sexy" or not.


How I look and choose to dress is up to me. Your approval is not needed or required.



 What we should be doing is applauding and celebrating the diversity of images that we are, finally, starting to see in the fashion industry. After all it is what we have been asking for, for years; more ethnic diversity, broader spectrum of ages, different body shapes and sizes. Now they are listening we  ( well a small sector) are saying "Oh no, my eyes are offended"

And let's just talk about sex for a minute ( or maybe longer). Sex doesn't stop just because you are no longer having babies. In fact some of the best sex you will ever have happens after all the kids have left home and you are moving towards menopause. It is something we would all rather not talk about  because the thought of old people having sex is  ewww gross ( not really but in our youth obsessed culture that's more bull shit we are fed)

We have become so youth focused that we are all ( supposedly) trying to cling to the last vestiges of our youth by whatever means possible but let's be realistic for a moment, youth is fleeting. On average we live until our 80's and are only sexually available from our late teens and once we hit our 30's it is (supposedly) all over. that is a very brief window in which we are "allowed" to be sexy.

.        Youth is wasted on the young. Oscar Wilde

Sex gets better as you age. You become more comfortable in your own skin ( hopefully). You are less inhibited and the rush to orgasm is lessened. You are not so driven by lust (and that powerful urge to procreate) and so sex becomes a sensual feast rather than the drive thru take away it was before. Now I am not saying that the sex you have when you are younger isn't great  ( okay I am but that's because I've been young and now I'm old -ish and I know what I'm having now transcends the sex I had when I was younger).

If we truly want to make the world a better place to live in then articles like the one in the Daily Mail do us a huge disservice. We need to celebrate beauty in whatever form it comes in. Instead of dragging people down for how awful they look ( in your eyes) let's celebrate all the differences. Instead of trying to squash everyone into a small box marked beautiful, sexy people let's redefine what that means with much broader strokes.

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Orgasmic October - Awakening all our senses

I don't know about you but I loved the September Self Love Challenge. In fact I loved it so much that I decided to put my thinking cap on and come up with a follow on.

So here we are at Orgasmic October. But it's not quite what you think.

Orgasmic October is about awakening ourselves to all of our senses - getting back in touch with our truest self. We seem to get so busy rushing around being everything to everybody that we forget to stop and savor the little moments and those little moments are our life.

And who knows becoming more aware of all your five senses might just open you up to being a more sensual you

So here are the Orgasmic October Challenges

(1) Dance like no one is watching. The latest version of this meme is " Dance like no one is watching... because their not they are  all looking at their phones" .
For me there is nothing I like more than my own dance party at home to music I love and the bonus is it's a great way to get in some exercise Check out this girl for some inspiration

(2) Clean your windows, Lacking some clarity in your life? Clean your windows  for a fresh new perspective. Yes, really!
As a bonus clean your windows and dance!!

(3) Add some aromatherapy oils to an oil burner. There are so many great blends you can choose from . Ask yourself how do you want to feel and then google a blend to help with giving you more of that blend. Or go check out Le'Esscience Gillian has blends for sleep, concentration,  destressing, or even feeling more sensual.

(4) Stop and smell the flowers. Now that Spring is here the flowers are starting to show their faces again so take a moment and truly appreciate all their beauty.

(5) Open all the doors and windows in your home. Let that fresh sweet Spring air blow all the cobwebs away literally and figuratively. There is nothing nicer than allowing fresh air into your home.

(6) Buy some body butter and use it all over your body. Give thanks to all parts of your body as you rub it in.

(7) Get a massage. Either ask your partner for one or book in at your local day spa.

(8) Buy some sexy underwear. In September I urged you to replace your old, tired undies. Now I want you to go buy something sexy. Not just any cotton underpants will do for this but something that will make you feel like a million dollars.

(9)  Make a delicious fruit salad. Savor all the different flavors of the fruit and let the juices drip down your chin, fully immerse yourself in the lushness and sweetness of the fruit.


(10) Sit in the sun for twenty minutes. Soak up those rays and allow yourself to revel in how good it feels on your skin.

(11)Wear an outfit that makes you feel sexy. For a long time I have only worn jeans. That was until last summer when I found some gorgeous maxi dresses and now that the sun is out nothing makes me feel sexier than wearing one of  my maxi dresses... with out underwear. Shhhh it's our little secret.

(12) Order a jade egg. Ladies, you will not believe what this will do for your sex life. Jade eggs have been used for hundreds of years to tone and tighten your pelvic floor muscles. Now, I have been doing Kegel's ( sporadically) since I was fifteen but nothing compares to using one of these. I have discovered muscles I never even knew I had. Plus for any ladies in your menopausal years using a jade egg helps with elasticity and lubrication. Win, win , win. Just do it and use it. Trust me.

(13) Do a womb healing meditation. Last month we wrote a letter to our uterus and now we take it a few levels deeper and do some womb healing though meditation. I will be posting a womb meditation for purchase in my store in the next few days so make sure to come back and check it out.

(14) Try a new perfume. Spend some time at your local chemist or shopping mall and  try out some new scents. I recently asked my friend Raewyn of Nature's Finest Skincare to create an all natural perfume for me and I love it. She called it the Ultimate Goddess. Delicious.

(15) Eat your next meal mindfully. Studies have shown that when we are distracted like watching television or working at our computer while we eat we are barely aware of what we are eating  and hence we eat more. Just for one meal today focus only on your food. Present it in the most visually appealing way. Take your time and savor each mouthful. Put your knife and fork down between bites and just enjoy the food.

(16) Today whenever someone asks " How are you?" reply "I'm fabulous." By the end of the day you will be feeling more fabulous than when you started. Your mood is more in your control  than you realise and by affirming all day how great you are feeling you literally shift your perception of how well your day is going to one with more ease and flow. And that is FABULOUS.

(17) Chant. Chanting a mantra clears your throat chakra, raises your vibration and shifts your energy. If you pick a simple mantra such as "Om Shanti" which means " Peace" or if you prefer English " I am love" then you start to again shift your focus to  a more loving and peaceful state. The Buddhists traditionally chant any mantra for 108 repetitions. If you use the same mantra every day it becomes like your own personal theme song and will become part of your daily routine.

(18) Seduce your partner..... or yourself. We can get into a routine with our sex lives and forget the deliciousness of anticipation and the building of desire throughout the day ( and yes you can do this for yourself if you don't have a partner - that's what your imagination is for). Delayed gratification is not something we are used to anymore. We want what we want NOW not later but anticipation is a powerful aphrodisiac and will heighten all your sense for the whole day.

(19) Try our some new make up. Play dress up like you did when you were younger. Try some new looks with your make up. Go to a make up counter and ask for a make over. It is always good to try something new and not stick to the safe look you have always had.

(20) Make your bedroom a sensual haven. First off remove anything that doesn't have to do with sex or sleeping because that is all your bedroom should be about. No work, no television and no exercise equipment. Lots of soft furnishings, soft lighting, delicious smelling oils and romantic art work.

(21) Read a sexy book. Something better than Fifty shades of Grey . Here's some inspiration so head to your local library and see what you can find.

(22) Ask your partner to massage your feet. It has been proven that when your feet are warm you will be more orgasmic so don't head to bed with cold feet.

(23) Make some bliss balls.  For two reasons (1) they are delicious and (2) rolling them in your hands is a bit like when you were a kid. Here's a recipe to get you started.
 8 Medjool dates, pitted and blended with 1 tablespoon of hot water
2 tablespoons of honey
2 Tablespoons of Cacao ( raw cocoa)
2 T Hemp protein powder
1 Cup of nut butter
1 tsp vanilla essence
1/2 teaspoon of cayenne pepper.
Blend together and roll in coconut.
These are hot balls which is great for boosting blood to the extremities... if you catch my drift. Use less cayenne or omit if you are not keen on hot stuff.

(24) Space clear your home. Spring is a great time to ramp up the energy in your home. Check out  Karen Kingston's book " Creating Sacred space with Feng Shui" for tips on how to do a space clearing. Have fun clapping, ringing bells and singing bowls. The neighbors will wonder what the hell you are doing but your house will feel incredible when you have finished.

(25) Sit in silence for an hour. Just be still. Pay attention to the sounds around you. Feel the breeze. Smell the air.
Okay an hour might be too long but try and see how long you can sit for. Keep doing it each day until you can do it for one hour.

(26) Make a delicious raw dessert like Chocolate Caramel Pie: Sign up for my newsletter for the recipe. This is seriously delicious. I have a sweet tooth and have been working to reduce my sugar craving so raw desserts are  helping me curb the desire while being incredibly delicious.

(27) Laugh out loud. They say that kids laugh 300 times a day while adults only summon up 4.Sure we type LOL but most of us aren't actually laughing out loud. Today make it your mission to laugh out loud at anything. Ready? GO!

(28) Listen to your favorite sexy singer. Mine is Leonard Cohen, his sultry voice and awesome lyrics are perfect for getting in the mood. Create your own sexy playlist on Spotify and then play it often.

(29) Bath or shower with your partner. My husband and I spend hours together in the bath talking shit and being real. When you are that naked and close to each other it is far easier to be vulnerable and open.

(30) Smile. All day. Smile at strangers. Smile at the girl on the checkout. Smile at the guy making your coffee. Smile at the old lady who is taking forever to decide. Just smile. It's catching and costs nothing. But it makes you feel good.

(31) Embrace your inner pagan. It is Halloween so light a fire if you can or light some candles and make your house feel cozy. Toast some marshmallows.... even if it is over a gas flame. In the northern hemisphere it is time to celebrate the harvest and here in the southern hemisphere it is time to celebrate the coming of Summer. Do whatever you can to celebrate the changing of the seasons.

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Honoring Your Self - 10 tips to more Self Love

Play is an important part of self care.

We were taught as children that it was important to share and to think of other peoples feelings. We got the message early on that we needed to think about the impact of what we were doing on other people.

We learned that we needed to play nice.

We learned to tie our shoes, recite the alphabet, say "please"and "thank you".

What we didn't learn was how to care for ourselves. Sure we learned that we needed to eat our greens, brush our teeth and wash regularly.

But we didn't learn how to nurture ourselves. We didn't learn the importance of our feelings. In fact we  may have been told to stop crying because we  weren't really hurt when actually, we were really hurt. Maybe we weren't bleeding but our pride had been hurt or we felt foolish or embarrassed or we just needed a good cry.

So we did learn how to shut our feelings down or maybe we learned that we need to sedate those feelings with food ( or when we are older with drugs, sex, alcohol or mindless television).

What if we started nurturing ourselves? What would it look like to put ourselves first? Our wants and need?

What if we started saying "No"when we didn't want to do something instead of saying "Yes"and then trying to think up ways of getting out of it?

What if we valued our time so we stopped wasting it on mindless activities; constantly updating facebook, scrolling through our emails, posting endless pics on Instagram of food we are about to eat?

Even little things that we do everyday that don't seem to mean much can have a huge impact on honoring and valuing yourself. Danielle LaPorte wrote this beautiful piece on making the most of your body and one tip hit me: I stocked up on face cloths and use a clean face cloth every night. Fresh and luxy… and better for your skin. Now that is not a big deal, using a fresh face cloth every night
 ( in her case) but I decided that I would make that one small change and see if it made a difference.

It did.

I felt better about myself from the time I got up in the morning until I went to bed at night. I made more of an effort in other areas of my life. I stuck to commitments I made to myself. All from changing one small habit.

10 Tips to Honor Yourself  More

(1) Clean out your underwear drawer
Its a simple thing but it has a huge impact. Well it does for us girls anyway. Throw out all your ratty old underwear - we all have them. They might have been your favorites once but now they are just old and a bit grotty so bin them. then get yourself some lovely new knickers and bras.

When it comes to bras please, please, please get fitted for one. Too many woman are wearing the wrong size bra so if you haven't been fitted for a while you are probably one of them. Nothing makes a woman feel hotter or sexier than matching bra and panties.

(2) Dress for success

Everyday, no matter how you are feeling or what you are doing dress up. Now I work at home and it would be really easy to just lounge about in my pj's all day but everyday I get up and dress like I am off somewhere important. No track pants for this girl. It makes me feel special and important ( and my husband loves it - so that's a bonus!)

Knowing that you look good makes you feel good too and takes no more effort than slipping into trackpants and a sloppy jumper so choose something pretty instead.

(3) Set an intention

Decide that you are worth more; more time, more effort, more love, just more. Set an intention to start honoring yourself more. Write it down. Put it somewhere that you will read it daily and make sure to read it daily.
"Today I will honor myself by exercising.


"Today I will honor myself by making healthy food choices.

"Today I will honor myself by taking time out to meditate."

 (4) Keep your commitments to yourself
Often we will decide that our diet starts tomorrow or we will exercise for 30 minutes each day or we will give up smoking or start going to the gym but instead we choose the opposite. We decide that it's too cold to exercise today or we haven't got time to go to the gym but we have time to waste on Facebook or playing a game on Xbox.
The reason is because we don't values our relationship with ourselves. If we made a commitment to our best friend to meet up for coffee we would but it's just too easy to cut ourselves some slack and so we do.Over and over and over again.

Now I want you to value your commitments to yourself.

(5) Create a Sacred Space
Bringing the element of scared space into your home helps you to feel balanced and restored when you come home. You can either create an altar somewhere in your home or make your bedroom a sacred sanctuary ( or both). I have an altar in my walk in wardrobe so that when I am getting ready for my day I can pause and reflect on the things that are important to me.

An altar is just a space that you place a collection of items. You may want crystals, candles, pictures of deities or anything that represents the sacred to you. Each day take a couple of minutes to state your intention at your altar, light a candle and ask your higher power for blessings throughout your day. Incense is also nice as when you return at the end of the day the lingering scent reminds you of your commitment to honoring yourself.

(6) Surround yourself with beauty

Take time to acknowledge the everyday beauty around you; sounds of the birds singing, flowers that are growing, clouds in the sky, whatever form of beauty that you see everyday.

I love to have fresh flowers in my home and it always lifts my spirits to notice them throughout my day. Flowering plants in the home just seem to bring the place to life. I am carefully cultivating my phalenopsis orchids at present and cannot wait until the bids burst forth in bloom. Seeing those buds make my heart sing every day.

Beauty lifts our souls and feeds our spirit so make your home as beautiful as possible. Eliminate or reduce clutter and get rid of any thing that is broken and hasn't been repaired. If it has been languishing waiting for repair for longer than three months chances are pretty high that you don't actually need or want it - throw it out!

(7) Love your body
 Keep it well hydrated. Your body is 50 -60% water and it needs lots of it to function well. Water flushes toxins from the body, helps your brain to function optimally and keeps all your cells juicy and plump.

Eat the most nourishing, healthful food you can find. Include lots of fruits and vegetables in the whole rainbow of colors! What you eat today literally becomes the body you have tomorrow.
Moisturise your body from the inside out be eating good quality fats such as  organic butter, coconut oil, avocados, salmon,chia seeds and hemp seeds. All of these contain the right kind of fats for your body.

 (8) Speak kindly to yourself and about yourself

Words have immense power. Don't believe me?  Say out loud "I have cancer". I bet you anything you like you don't want to say it because you don't want to put that energy out into  the world. Your thoughts about yourself carry that same energy, whether you say them out loud or not.

If you are having a bad day be extra careful with the things that you are telling yourself as you can lead yourself into a downward spiral of negativity very quickly.

Instead keep repeating over and over "I am doing the best that I can."and watch how your energy shifts. Imagine that you are talking to the younger you and let her know that you are looking out for her.

Pat yourself on the back regularly and celebrate all the steps that you take that are moving you in the direction that you want to go in.

(9) Take time to be still and quiet

Spending time quieting your mind at the beginning or end of a busy day helps your body to relax and unwind. If you do it first thing in the morning it allows you to ease into the day with a greater sense of calm. If you do it at the end of the day it helps you let go of all that has happened throughout the day and unwind ready for sleep.

We tend to surround ourselves with noise and distraction but the reality is we need quiet and solitude to help us reconnect to ourselves, to hear what our internal dialog is saying. Meditation doesn't need to be long or complicated. In fact five minutes of meditation; following your breath in and out will quiet the mind enough for you to receive some benefit.

A few restorative yoga poses at the end of the day helps kick the parasympathetic nervous system into gear so we relax and let go.

(10) Keep a journal

Making it a daily habit to write down five things you are grateful for, three things you value about yourself and anything that you are proud of yourself for. The simple act of writing things down helps reinforce them into our memories and also makes us pause and think about the quality of our day.


There you have it 10 reasons to start honoring yourself and practising more self care. Which one are you going to try first?




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Flexing your other intimacy muscle

Last week I wrote about  building up the intimacy in your relationship that it takes work and like a muscle it will get flabby if you don't use it.

Which kind of got me thinking about the other intimacy muscle that we are supposed to flex on a regular basis and often forget about all together. Yes, I am referring to the pelvic floor muscle. Now, guys before you click away from the page thinking this isn't relevant for you, take a breath and keep reading because guys need to do their pelvic floor exercises too.

Reasons to do your pelvic floor exercises

From Doreen Virtue

That's right, just as ladies need to practise their pelvic floor exercises to maintain good blood flow to their genitals and keep their vaginal walls snug, men need to do their pelvic floor exercises too. Doing your pelvic floor exercises ( if you are a man) will massage the prostate gland and maintain good blood flow to your genitals which has to be a good thing surely?

Pelvic floor exercises are on of the simplest forms of exercise that we can do. In fact I'm doing mine as I sit and write this so you can't get easier than that. Here's a link for the men, even though he is talking about after care from prostate cancer, far better to start looking after your prostate NOW!

Here;s a link for women, and yes ladies, we need to do them regardless of whether or not we have had babies or are thinking of having babies.



We just have to make ourselves more of a priority. We have to put some thought into caring for ourselves. And if we don't care for ourselves who else is going to?

Self care also means more than just going through the motions of exercising, brushing your teeth, showering. It also means looking after your emotional well being, your physical wellbeing including the parts of you that you take for granted or tend not to pay much attention to.

Good genital health

There are certain minerals that men require to maintain good prostate health and those are selenium and zinc and just like men need them for their prostates we need selenium and iodine for our breast health . In fact we should all be taking a good liquid mineral supplement to help us stay healthy. Men lose minerals every time they ejaculate so definitely need to keep those minerals topped up. Teenage boys can become quite minerally depleted due to masturbation so Mums make sure you are giving your boys a liquid mineral.

And now that I have mentioned the "m"word lets just focus on it for a minute. Nobody wants to talk about it or admit to it but the truth is it is a healthy thing to do. Ladies, listen up, this applies to you too. Our genitals require blood flow to keep them functioning in an optimal fashion and there is no better way to increase the blood flow to your genitals than masturbation  ( well there is sex, of course, but if that is not an option then self sex is good substitute!!).

Masturbation also keeps your libido cranking. You know the old saying "Use it or lose it"? Well that definitely applies when you are talking about your libido. It doesn't take much for it to go into hibernation and can take a while to get kick started again

We all know about avoiding STD's (or whatever the latest abbreviation is for sexually transmitted disease is) ( we do, right??? )  and since I have been off the dating scene for over twenty years I can only talk about what I know, which is a loving committed relationship. So always carry your condoms, always! And use them. They won't prevent anything left in the bottom of your handbag or in your wallet.

Talking about probiotics

Another key ingredient to genital health is good gut flora ( who knew?) Yup, probiotics help maintain the right flora in our genitals and ladies there are even specific brands of probiotics for us. We can also care for our lady parts by eating regular amounts of fermented foods  such as kefir ( waaaaayyyy more bacteria than just yoghurt), fermented vegetables and drinking kombucha.

Happy gut = happy you.

And while we are discussing bacteria, using coconut oil as a lubricant is great for maintaining good health. Coconut oil is antibacterial, anti fungal and anti microbial and will help with thrush. It's also good to eat!

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This is why we can never win

Ideas of what constitutes beauty are constantly changing. Our obsession with thinness has only been around since the sixties with the likes of Twiggy and  Jean Shrimpton ( aka The shrimp) and what people forget is that fashion designers are not interested in the model but in the drape of the clothes. Models are, in fact, glorified clothes hangers.

They don't want annoying things like curves, boobs, bellies and butts, to detract from the clothes which is where your focus is supposed to be. So models are getting younger and younger and thinner and thinner.

But it doesn't stop there.

No.

We all know that images are photoshopped to within an inch of their lives so that often those portrayed no longer even resemble themselves. Skin is smoothed, pesky things like pores, are removed, necks are lengthened, waists are narrowed, thighs thinned, well, the list is endless.

So the average woman is left feeling less; less than beautiful, less than sexy, less than desirable, just less. What do we do? We follow the latest diet or exercise craze in an attempt to attain that which is unattainable; the perfect body that we see portrayed before us in every magazine, every television show, every commercial.

We read column inches of how the latest superstar dropped her baby weight by some crazy means ( I don't read the mags so couldn't come up with an example LOL!) failing to mention that she has a nanny, a personal trainer and possibly even a cook.

We watch reality shows likeThe Biggest Loser believing that the weigh in's are held weekly and then get disappointed with our own meagre weight loss in the same time frame when it is all a lie.

And then we have this news.

It seems the latest winner of The Biggest Loser was a female. But that is not the shocker.

No, what is "shocking" is that she started the show fat ( no shock there), proceeded to lose lots of weight on the show which is why she won and then came back for the big reveal even skinnier. She thinks she looks great but everyone else thinks she has gone too far and now looks skeletal.

And this is why we can not win when it comes to our body image.

I know that it is important that we don't promote obesity as a healthy image. It is also important that we don't value thinness above all else.

Healthy is not a size.

Beauty is not a size.

There are just as many unhealthy thin people as there are unhealthy fat people, it's just that they are harder to spot and therefore more acceptable.

There are just as many thin people that smoke to excess or drink to excess or eat tonnes of junk food or do drugs or well the list goes on.

There are just as many truly beautiful fat people  as there are thin people we just aren't looking at them through non judging eyes. We see only the unacceptable fat and declare them ugly and lazy and stupid and lacking in willpower when the fact is we have no idea of what they have been through or what they are going through.

So instead of looking at others and deciding on their merits,  or lack thereof, how about we look at ourselves and decide on our own value and worth?

 How about we stop waiting for the world to accept us  and we start accepting ourselves?

How about we focus on loving who we are so we can love others as they are?

Because, who knows what beauty will look like tomorrow?



If you are interested in learning to love yourself from the inside out then come and join the Self Love Club

Click the link for all the details. Starts February 14 2014 Join today! Now starting March 14!!!

The Power of "Thank you"

I have been keeping a Gratitude journal for years. Well, mostly in fits and starts. Some weeks I do it every day and then somehow I fall of the wagon and days, sometimes weeks or even months go past without a single gratitude entry. And here's the funny thing ( not funny haha, just funny/strange) when I am doing my gratitude everyday my life flows better.

I notice things to be grateful for; the soft rain after days of sunshine, a warm fire when it's freezing outside, new flowers on my rose bushes, birds flying up to my window to say "hi" and always, a;ways my darling for being awesomely himself.

Then life starts getting busier. I am happier, calmer and more grounded and somehow the ritual of writing in my gratitude diary falls by the way side.

That is until this year.

This year I made a conscious choice to continue the practice all year. I even added in an extra component, a gratitude jar. I had a large flagon that my father in law had given me ( actually he gave me three - lucky me! thanks Bill!) and I started to write down things that happened each day or week that I was grateful for, I wrote them on little post it notes and I will take them out on New Years Eve to look back over my year and see just how blessed I truly am.

But mostly I write in my journal. I also created the 100 days of Gratitude over  on my Facebook page , come over and join us, we are on day 63!! This has been a great way to keep the focus on gratitude and share it with my followers. The lovely part has seeing how they are joining in and sharing what they are grateful for too.

At Christmas time I start feeling all mooshy and grateful for all the people who have helped me throughout the year and one of the ways I share this is by sending them "thank you"notes or buying them chocolate
 ( because that's the same thing, right? ). I do this for my hairdresser, my accountant, our postie  and , when I lived in town, the guys who picked up the recycling (only I got them beer).

Gratitude is one of the highest vibrations

You see, it is so easy to take people for grated. Sure, I am paying those people to do a job for me and all of them do it well so isn't it worth acknowledging how much you appreciate the work they do for you by giving them a gift? To say "hey I really value and appreciate the work you do for me?". Because, let's face it, everyone like to know that they are appreciated.

And here's the funny thing about showing appreciation; you feel good, they feel good and (wait for it) anyone who sees the exchange also feels good. How cool is that? Everyone gets a boost of feel good hormones coursing through their bodies, which boost the immune system, lowers the blood pressure and generally just makes you go all mooshy and lovey dovey inside.

Now, if you believe in the Law of attraction ( which you should, because it is a law, just like gravity. Uh oh things are getting a bit woo woo in here, brace yourselves) what you will begin to notice is that as you express more gratitude you will find more things to be grateful for. You will realize that you are already blessed with an abundance of good things in your life and begin to feel more content with yourself, your relationships and life in general.

Gratitude can change the world

All this from the simple act of writing down what you are grateful for, each day.

One of the things I give thanks for each and every day is my husband. Which makes me more loving towards him, which in turn makes him more loving towards me ( you see how this can spiral out of control can't you?)

Not noticing all that your partner does for you can lead to feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction but by simply acknowledging what they are doing, thanking them verbally and also in your journal, shifts the energy noticeably and in a short space of time.

Gratitude has the power to transform your life and the lives of those around you. It is simple, effective and costs next to nothing

So who do you need to say "thank you"to?  What and who are you grateful for? Now is a good time to let them know.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Thank you for sharing it  ( you are sharing it, right?) Thanks for coming over and liking my Facebook page. Oh and thanks for leaving a comment, I love hearing from you guys!!

Healing Touch

* Heavy sigh* I have just been BLISSBOMBED!

I have talked before about the importance of touch and I still believe that we all need to be touched, far , far more than we actually are.

I, myself, am a bit of a touch whore, I need to be touched , lots and often, In fact I think my idea of heaven is somewhere that you lie around being touched and pampered all day, every day.

Now, I'm not selfish ( well maybe just a little bit), I also do a fair amount of touching, hugging and pampering of those people who are precious to me.

Image from Raising Ecstasy Facebook page

As I have said  we all need touch and none more so than those who are healers, which, let's face it is all of us whether we realize it or not.

I have had a rough week this week, with lots of minor stresses and strains. This generally results in my shoulders hovering up around my ears somewhere, tension headaches and snappish moods, not great for anyone to be around. Luckily, I had booked in for a massage with the lovely Pauline from Healing Touch by Pauline.

I've had massages before and they have been great but none of them came close to the experience of a hot stone massage with Pauline. I had heard of hot stone massage before and seen images of people with stones lined up down their back but I had no idea what I was in for.

First up was selecting the wax that Pauline was going to use and since I was interested in feeling like a girly-girl I went for Jasmine and Neroli - simply divine. The room was dimly lit which created a lovely soothing atmosphere, as did the soft music and plush towels. So far, so massagey

Once I stripped off and snuggled under the towel Pauline reemerged and ever so gently, but  firmly, started massaging my back And then she started hitting the knots and tight bits. Oh my Lord! You never fully realize how tight you are until a massage therapist hits those spots. Once she introduced the hot stones the bliss escalated to a whole new level.

At first I wasn't sure if she had just warmed her hands on the stones or if she was actually massaging me with the stones. She was. And OMG they are the most amazing feeling! The best way I can describe it is they feel like liquid heat and take your body into a completely different dimension. I imagine it as something akin to lava (you know, without the skin melting temperature), melty ( in a good way) just hot enough to be soothing and make your muscles sigh with delight.

I cannot begin to describe for you all the intricate ways in which she used those stones.

Artist unknown

I do know that once I rolled over ( not a small feat in itself as I was already mostly jelly from all the relaxation, oh and naked.... did I mention I was butt naked? And my boobs do tend to take on a life of their own when freed from the confines of my bra, so all semblance of decency had left the building by this stage. I went to a male masseuse at one stage and he discreetly left the room for me to roll over - one boob still managed to wrangle its way out from under the towel, which he thoughtfully tucked back in when he returned LOL. ) now where was I? Ahh,yes, lying on my back Pauline  proceeded to place hot stones all down my front (delicious) which was great right up until I laughed and it became like a 10 point earthquake with stones about to be launched in all directions ( note to self: tuck in boobs and don't laugh on the massage table).

After two whole hours of being pampered ( could have happily laid there all day), oiled to within an inch of my life ( still delightfully oiled even now as I write this - delicious), muscles in a  state of total bliss, unfurled and soft, I feel unbelievably grounded in my self, centered in a way that I wasn't before we started.

Now, just a quick word for the ladies, Pauline also does breast massage ( take a deep breath). She only does so if you are comfortable with the idea and let me tell you, you should get comfortable with the idea , pronto. Sure my husband "massages"my breast on a regular basis but it is nothing compared to the therapeutic benefits of a proper breast massage and yes she uses the hot stones here too - heavenly. You see our poor breast get hoisted into bras which prohibits proper lymphatic drainage, especially if you wear under wire bras ( and with boobs the size of mine I need all the help I can get to keep them pointing outward and not downward).

If you want to make an appointment with Pauline ( and really you should) go here. and if you are not in NZ or too far away hunt out your local massage therapist and book yourself in today because as the ad says "Because I'm worth it"