Uncovering your authentic self

Who are you?

Now, who are you really?

Aside from your name and your job title who are you?

Being authentic is one of those catch phrases that gets bandied about a lot lately and it seems like we are all trying to figure out just who the hell we really are.

Why is that?

Well, generally it is becasue we have spent so much fucking time and energy trying to please somebody, or several somebodies, or everybody. We seem to have got the message early in our life that we just weren't measuring up so we figured that we needed to be "something else" only that never felt quite right so we tried again and again to be "just right"

Oh my God it's exhausting just writing that all down. But we've all done it haven't we?

Smiled when we wanted to cry.

Smiled when inside we were seething.

Smiled and said "I'm fine" when we wanted to scream and fall apart.

Smiled, through gritted teeth and smiled and smiled and kept everything so tightly wrapped so you didn't unravel.... until.

Until you noticed that your face ached and your stomach felt tied in knots and you were looking forward so, so much to that glass of wine ( or three) at the end of the day so you could "relax"  only you still felt wound tight as a drum.

Until your body was screaming at you, in constant pain with lots of little, and big, niggles; headaches, back aches, aches upon aches, sore throats, chest infections, skin eruptions. Oh,the list is long.

Until. You. Just. Can't. Take. It. Any. More.

So you set out to be your most authentic self..... only you have forgotten what that looks like. Or feels like.

In fact you just feel numb and Oh my God, so TIRED.

You have forgotten how to just be you.

You have forgotten how to have fun without alcohol

You have forgotten how to feel.

How do you get back to yourself?

(1) Start saying "no"

If someone offers you something; a piece of cake, a job, the chance to go to a party and you don't feel a "Hell, Yeah" inside of you then it's a "Hell, No". End of story.
doing things out of obligation or a sense of "having to" isn't fun for anybody so don't do it.

(2) Spend some time alone

We get so used to  being plugged in; to our phones, to the internet, that we forget what it is like to be alone with our own thoughts. try it. Try for one day to disconnect from the phone, from the computer, from other people. Just be with yourself and see what comes up. Figure out what you love to do and do that.

(3) Remember

Find some pictures of you when you were a child, the younger the better and try and remember what lit you up then. Chances are there is some part of you that would still love that now.

(4) Play

Take sometime to paly. Splash in puddles. Blow bubbles. Spend the afternoon coloring in. Or ride your bike. Go to the beach.

Spend some time doing nothing much at all that doesn't involve electronics. You might find you actually like it.

(5) Spend time in Nature

Nature soothes us like nothing else. It takes us back to our primal state and restores our Soul.

(6) Journal

Handwriting activates different parts of our brain and helps us to unravel all the ideas, thoughts and beliefs that we have banging around inside our heads.  Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way" is a great place to start as it gives you writing prompts for each day.


(7) Book a session

If all else fails book a session with me so we can uncover what is truly holding you back from being your most awesome self.

When I grow up I want to be.....

I love books. Always have, always will.

I was never happier than when I was getting lost in a good story. In fact, I resented having to stop reading to do things like eat lunch. Books were my safe haven, my escape from the world so the first thing I wanted to be when I grew up was a librarian.

Think of it, surrounded by books all day , everyday. Walls and walls of stories to lose yourself in. In fact when I was at Intermediate school the first class I was in was adjoined to the library and my teacher was also the librarian.

 I thought I had died and gone to heaven! I worked in there in my lunch-breaks, uncatalogued and filing books. I learned the Dewey decimal system and would happily flip through the cards to discover the right number for the topic I was researching. Total Bliss!

I was already a voracious reader and this love has never left me.

Then I moved on to high school and I turned my attention to wanting to be a lawyer or a journalist. My sister, meanwhile, had been given a typewriter as she was learning typing and shorthand. I was soooo jealous and I think that was my first longing to be a writer.

I had no idea how to type or even what I would type. I just knew I wanted to type. Not that I told anyone. I did, however, do some writing for the school newspaper.

But I wasn't happy at home and was looking for a way out and it showed up in the form of a job at the telecommunications office and then I met my (first) husband at the ripe old age of 17, left home at 18 and the rest is history.

It may have taken me a long time to find my voice as a writer but I am so glad that I never gave up on my love of books, my thirst for knowledge and my desire to help others. All of that has culminated in my first book "The Goddess Guide to Sex, Love and Life."  Go check it out.

I don't think we ever fully "grow up", we are always growing and exploring new facets of ourselves and finding ways to be more authentically ourselves on a daily basis. Writing is one of the ways that I can peel back all the layers of my life and discover who I am and what makes me tick. Looking back at when I was a child the me I am now was visible even back then, just waiting for me to pay attention to the signs . Or it could just be that I am a late bloomer and a slow learner. either way I am happy that I have finally found my bliss.


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Being authentic

On any given day we wear numerous masks; being who people expect us to be.

We are the good mother to our children, the perfect wife for our husband, the loyal worker and the trusted friend.

Sometimes in amongst all of that being everything to everybody we lose ourselves. We forget who we are, what we want , what lights us up.

Now I am not saying that we need to stop being all those other labels and hats that we wear .

What I am saying is that we need to give ourselves the space, time and commitment to being our most authentic selves. We need to get still and quiet and listen to our inner voice, our gut instinct, our true nature.

If you have been following along with the September Self Love challenge and the Orgasmic October - awakening all of our senses blogs you will have some ideas for creating more space for your authentic self to shine through. ( stay tuned for the November blog - I haven't finished with self love yet!).

Peeling off the layers of others ideas of you can take time. We are so much more than anyone has ever led us to believe. And as Marianne Williamson famously said "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

But instead of reaching to be our most authentic selves we hide behind the mask of our small idea of our self.

I get it.

I truly do. If we were to be our most authentic selves we would have to put ourselves out there. We would have to be bigger than our fears and those suckers, on any given day, can go from tiny to monumental, insurmountable. We would have to fulfill our potential, not just talk the talk but actually take the action necessary to achieve our goals and dreams.


Mmmmmhmmmm scary!

So instead we play small.

We blame our parents. Our ex. The government.

We list all the reasons why we shouldn't go be awesome; I'm not good enough. Who am I to think I can do that?

Oh, that little negative voice in our head can be a real bitch at times. I hear her kick in every time I sit down in my chair to write a blog post or send out a newsletter. Some days she is very, very loud and insistent so I take her out for coffee and we have a little chat.

You see I have been getting the urge to write since as long as I can remember. I adore stationery  (clue number one). I cannot go past a book shop with out stocking up on pens and paper and I now have lost count of how many notebooks and journals I have got ideas jotted down in.

I read. Constantly (clue number two). If there are no magazines or books to hand I will read a cereal packet from top to bottom.

Words and quotes  make my heart do the happy dance (clue number three). But for some reason I never put all that together to mean I should be writing.

Even when I was told (repeatedly) in card readings, clairvoyant readings etc that I was a writer I would smile politely and nod and then file that away as "not on your life"

Then I found blogging. Oh happy day!!! Now I finally felt that I had a voice!!

Then people actually started reading, following and commenting. Joy upon joy!

What does this mean for you?

(1) Go back to the beginning. If you haven't found something that lights you up from the inside out go back and look for clues in your younger years. Trust me the child in you knew what lit you up then and you can rediscover it by looking backwards

(2) Keep it simple. What makes your heart sing doesn't have to be earth shattering and of epic proportions. What it does have to do is make you want to do the happy dance every time you think of it. It does have to make you lose yourself in the process of doing it.

(3) Commit time to it. If it lights you up then you will be your most authentic self while you are in pursuit of it. Look at all the people who dress as their favorite characters at Comic Con? Do they care what others think of them? No, they are deliriously following their passion and have committed time and effort to it for no other reason than it brings them joy.
It might look like they are trying to be someone other than themselves but in reality they are tapping into the archetype of the hero to bring that aspect of themselves to the fore.

(4) Be open. Being our most authentic self means we have to be open and vulnerable. Sure some people might not like you and may be more than happy to tell you so but that is more about them than it is about you. Being your most authentic self does threaten those who are heavily invested in playing small, it shakes their comfortable view of the world. Leave that issue with them and keep being open and authentic.

(5) Play. Take a leaf out of Madonna and David Bowie's book and keep trying different persona's until you feel you have found your right fit. Just like a child plays dress up trying to figure out what being an adult will look like to them, try on different aspects of yourself until one just feels right. The more fun you have with it the better.

What do you think? What is the best way to find your most authentic self? What worked for you?
I would love to hear your thoughts.

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