Returning to my hippie roots

I have always been a bit of a hippie.

When I first left home, at 18, it was to live in a housebus with my boyfriend and travel around the country. When we finally settled down it to live in a house  we built out of nothing in the back of beyond. It was one kilometre to our letterbox over hills and valleys.

We had no electricity and I cooked on a wood stove year round.( I still miss that wood stove) I baked our bread from scratch, no bread makers back then. And I was, literally, barefoot and pregnant.

Jump forward 30 odd years and here I am again living in rural NZ. This time I have a lovely house and a five minute drive to the closest town.

I am still barefoot but now all my kids have grown up and left home and two of my boys have kids of their own.

We have solar power to heat our water and a wetback in the fireplace to heat it in the winter. We are ,quietly, thinking of getting a wood stove to replace the fire place so we can cook on it . ( told you I missed the wood stove).

We have a flock of chickens and a rooster that never stops crowing. We also have fruit trees galore and a little patch of wild, regenerating native bush. Our property is our orchardist neighbors nightmare, it is all overgrown and wild and we love it.

Ugli fruit from our tree

Now that I am spending my time at home writing I get to see all the wonders of nature up close and personal. I get to look out at the ever changing view; our little patch of sea view that gleams brightly on sunny days and disappears into the mist on rainy days. I can watch the tuis singing in the flax bush while they sip greedily on the nectar. I can see the hawks swooping in the sky or rising , gently on the thermals.

I also have all sorts of things brewing on my bench. Kefir is always on the go and we now have a source of beautiful raw, organic milk - just like the good old stuff, straight from the cow.

 

 

 

Kefir, kombucha and fermented vegetables brewing on the bench

We have finally perfected making kombucha, in fact one of our bottles exploded the other day because it got so fizzy. We have been trying all sorts of flavors and mixes and have even started adding in various herbs to give it more of a tonic value.

Nothing beats a cold glass of kombucha on a hot day, nothing!

And now I am making smudge sticks out of  various herbs we have growing. Oh my God these smell so delicious

Smudge sticks

Master Tonic brewing

The plan this year is to grow a bigger herb garden and create lots of tonics and home remedies. Nothing beats having a storehouse of herbal remedies at your fingertips. Herbal teas, herbal cream  oh yes I am totally kicking my Hippi,Witchy - ness into high gear and it feels so good.

The beauty of all this is a deeper connection with Mother Earth and my own innate Goddessness. I am harvesting by the moon. I am infusing my herbal blends with Reiki and crystal energy.

More than that I am taking back my power.

I am taking it back from the supermarket chains who are exhorting me to buy this product to clean this thing.

I am taking it back from the beauty industry that is telling me I need to shave here, moisturize that, dye this. Um, No thanks. I like my own smells. I don't need to smell like  some chemical conception. I would much rather use some essential oil blend, create my own personalised, fragrance and cleansing potions for my skin at a fraction of the price.

I am taking it back from the pharmaceutical companies who are creating a pill for every ill that is making us sicker and needing yet another pill to counterbalance the side effects of the first pill until people are taking a handful of pills every day. I also realize that I am blessed with good health so I am working every day to keep that true for me and mine and the longer I can stave off the need for any drugs the happier I am.

I am also not reckless and if we needed medication I would be the first one to hop in the car and head to the doctor. In the meantime I am creating tonics and herbal teas and stocking my house with all the goodness that I can

What is your favorite herbal remedy? Or do you have a cleaning product or beauty product that you make?

Gorgeously Gray - a journey in self acceptance

My hair first started going gray in my late twenties. At the time I was going through a divorce, had just given birth to my third child and started a new relationship with a divorced Dad of four girls. Not only did I start going gray my hair also decided to start falling out, in clumps. Thankfully that trend soon righted itself but the grays kept on coming.
Not being one to shy away from things to do with my body I decided to dye my hair black (it was a dark brown to start off with) and to enhance my grays by getting the whole piece dyed silver.

Want to read more?  Go check it out at The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/caitlin-grace/refuse-to-dye-gray-hair_b_8298354.html

Immerse yourself in Love

It is time to immerse yourself in LOVE, to sink into all the love that is already available to you - the love you have for yourself.

In our fast paced life we forget that we are our first and last love. We are the ones that we will be traveling through life with, the one who will be with us for the big moments and the small moments. Others may come and go, some will travel with us for a long stretch of time but we are the only ones that will be with us from the beginning to the very end.

The only trouble is no-one has taught us how to look after ourselves. 

Yes, we know how to shower and dress ourselves. We know how to brush our teeth and do up our shoes. We know when we need to go to the doctor and the dentist.

What we don't know is how to care for ourselves when we are going through a dark night of the Soul, when fear and doubt and anxiety seize us and threaten to drag us under. We don't know how to deal with our everyday bouts of despair and angst. We turn to our friends or our partner but they often only hug us and say " everything will be ok" and we believe them because we don't know what else to do.

"With every act of self care your authentic self gets stronger, and the critical, fearful mind gets weaker. Every act of self care is a powerful declaration: I am on my side, I am on my side, each day I am more and more on my side."

Susan Weiss Berry

What better time to start a Self Love Journey than Mother's day so you can start mothering your inner child and nurturing yourself like only a mother can. Mother's day is May 10 here in NZ so I am going to start a FREE Self Love Immersion on May 10. It will be three weeks of emails with fun activities for you to do so you can start falling truly, madly, deeply in love with yourself.

Sign up here and get your first email on May 10. Come and join the private Facebook group here.

For more inspiration on loving yourself get my new book The Goddess guide to Sex, Love and Life only available at Amazon.

An Ode to Men

Let me just state right up front that I love men in general and my husband in particular. Sure, men are hairy and loud. They fart and think that belching the alphabet is funny and they scratch their privates while in public but lets face it, where would we be without them?

Yes, I know that women are equally as awesome ( and obnoxious, in different ways)

Yes, I know that  women can do all that men can do.

I also know that we need to start taking the time to appreciate each other more.

I read 81 Things that Dads do that make us Weak at the knees which made me smile and remember raising my kids.

That post then inspired Steven Lake to write My Wife tells me Ten Things I do that Make her Happy

And now I'm writing my own list.

10 Things My Husband does that make me weak at the Knees:

(1) Empties the trash. No big deal, no "look what I'm doing for you". Nope, he just empties the trash. Sure he may not always replace the bin liner but so what?

(2) He is always glad to see me.  It doesn't matter if I am looking frazzled, with my hair pointing in every direction but the one I want it too or all glammed up  he always greets me  with "Hey Beautiful" . That is a little slice of heaven right there.

(3) He calls me his Life Wife. We are both doing this marriage thing for the second time so that is a vote of confidence in our relationship and our bond. *swoon*

(4) He says "thank you" after every meal. No matter what I cook for him he thanks me for a delicious meal. Every time. *double swoon*

(5) He always checks the car. Putting petrol in the car is about my limit when it comes to car maintenance. So if I am off on a trip he does all the blokey checks; tyres, oil and whatever else needs doing. He also schedules all the servicing after asking me if I need the car that day.

(6) He made it part of our wedding vows to keep me in chocolate and "bling". He looks at jewelery catalogs more than I do!

(7) He listens. Whenever I am talking to him I get his full attention. He makes eye contact and fully engages with what I am saying regardless of whether it interests him or not.

(8) He sends me texts so I know he's thinking of me. Once or twice a day I'll get a text from him just to say "hi". Some are smutty. some are lovey dovey. Either way I know he's been thinking of me . *melting*

(9) The way he smiles. Just that. Seeing his face wreathed in joy makes my heart go all gooey inside.

(10) His hugs. He wasn't much of a hugger when we first got together  but now he gives the best hugs ever.

Bonus (11) Love the way he is sooo gentle with animals.

Five Things I love about my Sons:

(1) They are not afraid to be totally themselves. They are all different and they are all proudly who they are.

(2) They embrace their soft side. My eldest has four kids and I have seen hi be incredibly gentle and tender with his daughters while encouraging them to be adventurous  too. My middle son used to try and organize romantic interludes for my hubby and me when he was 11. Or he would pick flowers for hubby to give me. So sweet

(3) They call their mother. My youngest just had some great news. Who did he call? His Mum. One hour later and we ran out of things to talk about. So grateful that they keep in touch.

(4) They know what I like. Youngest sent me a purple scarf from the US. ( Love purple, love scarves!) Middle son gave me a turquoise Buddha for my birthday ( I now have quite a collection of Buddhas). Eldest sent flowers and photos of my grandy's.

(5) They all end their calls with "Love you Mum" * just a puddle on the floor*

Three Things I love about my  (male) Hairdresser.

(1) He listens. Yup, listening is HUGE. HUGE I tell you!. By simply paying attention I feel validated, heard and valued.

(2) He cares. When my mother in law passed away earlier this year and I had a not-so-great haircut from one of the other stylists at the salon, Richard fixed it for me and made me feel great in the midst of a shitty, shitty time.

(3) He gets me. He understands the look I want to achieve and at the end of cutting my hair he says
" There you are. Now you look more like you." *swoon*
( If you want to check out his work go here )

Come back next week and I will post my "Ode to Women" for all the Fabulous ladies in my life.

Who do you need to show some appreciation too?


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Being authentic

On any given day we wear numerous masks; being who people expect us to be.

We are the good mother to our children, the perfect wife for our husband, the loyal worker and the trusted friend.

Sometimes in amongst all of that being everything to everybody we lose ourselves. We forget who we are, what we want , what lights us up.

Now I am not saying that we need to stop being all those other labels and hats that we wear .

What I am saying is that we need to give ourselves the space, time and commitment to being our most authentic selves. We need to get still and quiet and listen to our inner voice, our gut instinct, our true nature.

If you have been following along with the September Self Love challenge and the Orgasmic October - awakening all of our senses blogs you will have some ideas for creating more space for your authentic self to shine through. ( stay tuned for the November blog - I haven't finished with self love yet!).

Peeling off the layers of others ideas of you can take time. We are so much more than anyone has ever led us to believe. And as Marianne Williamson famously said "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

But instead of reaching to be our most authentic selves we hide behind the mask of our small idea of our self.

I get it.

I truly do. If we were to be our most authentic selves we would have to put ourselves out there. We would have to be bigger than our fears and those suckers, on any given day, can go from tiny to monumental, insurmountable. We would have to fulfill our potential, not just talk the talk but actually take the action necessary to achieve our goals and dreams.


Mmmmmhmmmm scary!

So instead we play small.

We blame our parents. Our ex. The government.

We list all the reasons why we shouldn't go be awesome; I'm not good enough. Who am I to think I can do that?

Oh, that little negative voice in our head can be a real bitch at times. I hear her kick in every time I sit down in my chair to write a blog post or send out a newsletter. Some days she is very, very loud and insistent so I take her out for coffee and we have a little chat.

You see I have been getting the urge to write since as long as I can remember. I adore stationery  (clue number one). I cannot go past a book shop with out stocking up on pens and paper and I now have lost count of how many notebooks and journals I have got ideas jotted down in.

I read. Constantly (clue number two). If there are no magazines or books to hand I will read a cereal packet from top to bottom.

Words and quotes  make my heart do the happy dance (clue number three). But for some reason I never put all that together to mean I should be writing.

Even when I was told (repeatedly) in card readings, clairvoyant readings etc that I was a writer I would smile politely and nod and then file that away as "not on your life"

Then I found blogging. Oh happy day!!! Now I finally felt that I had a voice!!

Then people actually started reading, following and commenting. Joy upon joy!

What does this mean for you?

(1) Go back to the beginning. If you haven't found something that lights you up from the inside out go back and look for clues in your younger years. Trust me the child in you knew what lit you up then and you can rediscover it by looking backwards

(2) Keep it simple. What makes your heart sing doesn't have to be earth shattering and of epic proportions. What it does have to do is make you want to do the happy dance every time you think of it. It does have to make you lose yourself in the process of doing it.

(3) Commit time to it. If it lights you up then you will be your most authentic self while you are in pursuit of it. Look at all the people who dress as their favorite characters at Comic Con? Do they care what others think of them? No, they are deliriously following their passion and have committed time and effort to it for no other reason than it brings them joy.
It might look like they are trying to be someone other than themselves but in reality they are tapping into the archetype of the hero to bring that aspect of themselves to the fore.

(4) Be open. Being our most authentic self means we have to be open and vulnerable. Sure some people might not like you and may be more than happy to tell you so but that is more about them than it is about you. Being your most authentic self does threaten those who are heavily invested in playing small, it shakes their comfortable view of the world. Leave that issue with them and keep being open and authentic.

(5) Play. Take a leaf out of Madonna and David Bowie's book and keep trying different persona's until you feel you have found your right fit. Just like a child plays dress up trying to figure out what being an adult will look like to them, try on different aspects of yourself until one just feels right. The more fun you have with it the better.

What do you think? What is the best way to find your most authentic self? What worked for you?
I would love to hear your thoughts.

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Does sexy have an expiry date?

Due to a technical glitch I lost the first post of this so here we go again with take two:

This morning I started my day by watching this video from a project called What's underneath.

In it Jackie O' Shaugnessy a 62 year old actor and model talks about how she has never felt enough; thin enough, smooth enough or just enough at all. She had always felt that she needed to modify her looks in order to be acceptable.

The same can be said for just about every woman on the planet which is why we have a multi billion dollar industry for weight loss, cosmetic surgery and not to mention hair dyes and make up. Women being dissatisfied with their bodies is a lucrative business.

And then I read this article from Carol Sarler and here's the headline:

Don't believe the ads. I'm afraid sexy does have a sell-by date and it's way before 60

Venus of Willendorf - Fertility Goddess

She had also seen Jacky in some advertisements for underwear but instead of seeing this as an empowering beautiful  acceptance of bodies of all ages and sizes she chose to see it as an excuse to berate older women for showing their bodies. In her mind being sexy is something only young fertile  women should be. I'm not entirely sure what her cut off date is for being sexy but she does go on to mention 

"Sexy is the means by which the female lures her mate.
Sexy is attracting the seed to make your babies"

Um, all I can say is WTF?

If sexy was only about fertility and breeding then I suggest we go back to these fertility symbols as the epitome of "sexy". The truth is what I find sexy and what you find sexy might be poles apart and have very little to do with procreation and more to do with just plain sex.

Let's stop judging and berating women for what they choose to wear, for what size they are and whether or not they fit into your idea of "sexy" or not.


How I look and choose to dress is up to me. Your approval is not needed or required.



 What we should be doing is applauding and celebrating the diversity of images that we are, finally, starting to see in the fashion industry. After all it is what we have been asking for, for years; more ethnic diversity, broader spectrum of ages, different body shapes and sizes. Now they are listening we  ( well a small sector) are saying "Oh no, my eyes are offended"

And let's just talk about sex for a minute ( or maybe longer). Sex doesn't stop just because you are no longer having babies. In fact some of the best sex you will ever have happens after all the kids have left home and you are moving towards menopause. It is something we would all rather not talk about  because the thought of old people having sex is  ewww gross ( not really but in our youth obsessed culture that's more bull shit we are fed)

We have become so youth focused that we are all ( supposedly) trying to cling to the last vestiges of our youth by whatever means possible but let's be realistic for a moment, youth is fleeting. On average we live until our 80's and are only sexually available from our late teens and once we hit our 30's it is (supposedly) all over. that is a very brief window in which we are "allowed" to be sexy.

.        Youth is wasted on the young. Oscar Wilde

Sex gets better as you age. You become more comfortable in your own skin ( hopefully). You are less inhibited and the rush to orgasm is lessened. You are not so driven by lust (and that powerful urge to procreate) and so sex becomes a sensual feast rather than the drive thru take away it was before. Now I am not saying that the sex you have when you are younger isn't great  ( okay I am but that's because I've been young and now I'm old -ish and I know what I'm having now transcends the sex I had when I was younger).

If we truly want to make the world a better place to live in then articles like the one in the Daily Mail do us a huge disservice. We need to celebrate beauty in whatever form it comes in. Instead of dragging people down for how awful they look ( in your eyes) let's celebrate all the differences. Instead of trying to squash everyone into a small box marked beautiful, sexy people let's redefine what that means with much broader strokes.

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10 Commandments for Self Love

In the bible ( Mark 12:31 in case you are interested) it states:  You shall love thy neighbor as thyself. The trouble is we have been taught that the important part of that quote is "Love thy neighbor" when in reality the most important ( so important I am using bold and italics) part is "as thy self"

Yup, it's right there in the bible ( so it must be (a) true and (b) important) that we are supposed to love ourselves. The trouble is we weren't raised to love ourselves. That was frowned upon as selfish and greedy and vain. We weren't important . Other people were and we should shower them with love and affection and well, everything.

Well I say a very profound "Fuck that" to that idea. Because we cannot truly, fully and completely give something that we do not have. we have to fill ourselves up with love first so that the overflowing love we have for ourselves, flows out to others and saturates the whole world ( love that imagery. Sure it may be a bit cheesy but go with it anyway)

So let's dive right in to the new commandments shall we? 

10 Commandments for Self Love 

(1) Be Kind. Be kind to yourself first and foremost. Too often we berate ourselves "Why are you so stupid? That was pathetic. what a loser " Stop it.

(2) Be Still.  Nap when you need to. Meditate. Especially when you don't have time. Make time, don't try and find it. Just declare: this time is for meditating and make it so. Do it daily. For five minutes or thirty or an hour. Just do it.

(3) Be Active. Take a walk. Dance. Hit the gym. Swim. Just move. Find a way that you love and keep doing it.

 (4) Be generous. Buy yourself that book you've been wanting. Give yourself a gift on Mother's day, Valentine's Day, your birthday and Xmas. You deserve it. Take yourself out for lunch, you don't need to wait for someone else to take you. Buy yourself flowers.

(5) Be Committed. Honor the promises you make to yourself the same way you would making a promise to someone else. You wouldn't let them down so don't let yourself down either.

(6) Be Grateful. Write a list of all that you are grateful for each day. Do a minimum of five. The more you give appreciation for the things already in your life, the more good things you will notice and the more will show up.

(7) Be Loving. Every day look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself how much you love you. EVERY. Day.
We tell our friends, family and lovers how much we love them ( you do, right?) so make it part of your daily routine to say it to yourself.

(8) Be Strong. Learn to say "No". No is a complete sentence, it requires no explanations, no excuses. "Do you want to come to the party?' "No". Set clear boundaries of what is and isn't acceptable to you and then stand firm.

(9) Be your own cheerleader.  "Good job. Well done. That was amazing." Take time to acknowledge when you have done something to be proud of ( like writing an awesome blog post! Good job Caitlin *pats self on back* ). Validate yourself, don't wait for someone else to say it. Do the Happy Dance when you finish something. ( don't know how? Just dance and be happy)

(10) Be your own BFF.  Having a bad day? What would your best friend suggest? Go do that . You are the only person you will be friends with for your whole life so check in with yourself and be your own best friend.



As an added bonus for reading this far here's a couple more for you:

(11) Use glitter. It's hard to be down when there is glitter involved. Don't feel like vacuuming the floor? Add a dash of glitter and your whole house is instantly transformed into a magical place of wonder and delight. Try it if you don't believe me. Because frankly, life is too short to worry about housework!

(12) Wear your tiara. Real or imagined, life is pretty damn fun in a tiara

Right, that's me off to sprinkle glitter, put on my tiara and deal with the rest of my day . Oh and make sure to pop over to to sign up for my newsletter to receive your cope of the FREE A Goddess's Daily Ritual for Self Love  

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Sexy is.......

Back in the seventies when I was growing up ( yeah I know that dates me) there was a cartoon series called Love is. 

They were designed by a woman called Kim Casali and were basically love notes to her husband.

I loved those cartoons as I was a romantic even way back then. I even had a set of Love Is sheets.

And if I was a talented  artist I would reignite the idea.

Only mine would be Sexy Is. Because it seems like  we have forgotten what it truly means to be sexy.

Even though we have nudity thrust ( good word, thrust!) in our faces and sex is used to sell anything and everything that you can imagine and now pop stars are posting naked selfies on Instagram and Twitter we seem to  think that that is what sexy is.

It’s not.

Here’s my take on what sexy is, just try and picture cute cartoon images to go with it.

Sexy is……… not a shape.

( Although if I had to pick one I would say it was round but that’s just me, yours might be completely different like a large thrusting ( yup, still love that word) rectangle or pillar)

Sexy is………. Not a size

( I know, I know we all assume it will be whatever size we are and frankly I think that is exactly as it should be. God knows ,I am sexy and large and quite possibly round)

Sexy is…… self- confidence.

( yes, it is that intangible, inner self belief that makes you sexy not the fact that you wear a size zero

 ( and seriously who are those people and could we not get them some adult size clothes) ( that’s my own personal rant against American sizing which just seems odd for fully grown adults)

Sexy is……… loving who you are

Sexy is…… willing to be naked; emotionally, spiritually and physically

(naked goes way beyond just removing your clothes. To me it is a willingness to see and be seen by those that you are intimately engaged with)

Sexy is……. All in the mind.

(Lets face it the brain is the biggest sex organ there is. Stimulate that and you are way ahead of the rest)

Sexy is……not an age .

( you can be just as hot at 50 as you can at 30.)

Sexy is….. different things to different people.

( I just went on Pinterest, purely for research you understand, and typed in sexy to the search bar. Seems like Justin Bieber is sexy and so is Johnny Depp. High heels, leather, lace, naked bodies- male or female, bondage, tattoos, spanking, being fit, reading, being intelligent and feet are just some of the things people find sexy)

I’m sure you get the idea. The more you feel like you are the sexy goddess ( or god, if you are male) that you are the more you will become that. It really starts with you. The minute you let someone else define whether or not you are sexy ( or anything else for that matter) that is when you give up control of how you feel about yourself. And if the day comes when that person no longer feels that way about you, then your world crumbles and you are left to rebuild your belief in yourself … one brick at a time.

What do you think? What does being sexy mean to you? Leave me a comment below, I’d love to hear your opinions.

How to fall madly, deeply, passionately in love with your self every day

Last week I wrote about falling in love with your partner as it has been a bit of a love fest at my house for a while now. And falling in love with your partner is great.

Much of the time we protest that relationships are hard work.

That we have to take the time and consciously put effort into keeping love, passion and sex alive in our relationship.

The truth is  relationships with others are easy.

Sure we have days where the sound of our partner's voice is like nails on a blackboard ( for those of you young folk its not a great sound. Google it. I'm sure somewhere there is a Youtube video of someone demonstrating it - pause while I check Yup! Here you go )

But most of the time it only takes a few minutes for us to remember that time he brought us flowers...... he had picked himself.... for you ( yes my honey did that for me recently!) or that text he sent that says"Yr my drm boat" ( another gem from my honey!) and we go all mooshy and squishy inside and sigh and feel waves of love swirl around us like moonbeams on a dark night.

EASY.

EFFORTLESS.

There we are back in love with our dreamboat.

No, what is hard is falling in love with yourself, over and over again.

Forgiving yourself for the stupid things you have said or done.

Loving yourself  in spite of the fact that you are 20 pounds overweight and haven't exercised for months.

Loving yourself even when your hair just won't sit right dammit!

Loving yourself  when you opened your mouth and something stupid, hurtful and even as you say it you wish you could take it back but you can't.

Loving yourself even when it feels like nothing is going right in your life right now , in fact it's just one giant suckfest and then the car breaks down or the vacuum cleaner packs up when you haven't vacuumed for weeks and you have people coming over in, like, five minutes. ( that happens to you too right?). Or you have just lost your job and have no idea how you are going to get another one.

Loving yourself is something that we all pay lip service too.

Then we fall into the trap of beating ourselves up....... because we ate cake.

Or we put ourselves down  for not exercising this week ( month, year!)

Or we lie in bed going over all the stupid things we have done for the past week ( month, year, decade!)

Or we obsess over the kilo ( or two, three, five) we have gained. And then we go on ( yet another) diet and then beat ourselves up for failing at that too.

And so starts the never ending loop of just not being, quite good enough.

We measure ourselves against the latest "it"celebrity/model/pop singer. We look at their skinny bodies in all the magazines and wonder why we can't look like that 24/7. Forgetting that they have (a) a stylist (b) a personal trainer (c) a nanny to look after the kids and (d) a chef to cook for them or at least a nutritionist to help them.

So how do we just STOP the endless diatribe against ourselves and START  truly, madly, deeply loving ourselves?

I Love YOU!

Just like in last weeks article.

We start by looking ourselves in the eye as we wash our face, apply our makeup and any other chance we get and say, out loud "I Love you. You are awesome and beautiful and talented and I just wanted you to know how much I love you."

Yup all of that, while making eye contact.
By telling your self how much you love you , you start to reconnect to your own innate wisdom and self belief and you stop looking for outside validation.

I value my.....

Start each day by writing down a minimum of three things that you value about yourself. I do this at the same time as I do my gratitude journal.

This practice helps reaffirm that who you are has inherent value and worth, because you do.

We tend to think that who we are is represented by our bodies but as all the great teachers tell us "You are not your body. You have a body but you are not your body" take a moment to think about that.

Gratitude

Give thanks for all the things that you have present in your life and all the fun stuff that you get to do. Far too many of us move through our day taking it for granted but life is precious and taking a moment to give thanks for your body; your sense of smell, the things you can taste or hear or touch, the fact that you have two functional legs and can run and jump and walk wherever you want to go, these things are a blessing.

Just ask someone who can no longer do those things.

Get up, dress up, show up

 I work from home and it would be super easy to never get out of my pj's but guess what? Yup every day I get up, dress up and show up just like I am off to work... because I am.

I wear matching underwear ( if you're a guy you probably don't realize how great this makes us girls feel) and I dress as if I am off to work including  jewelery and accessories. I don't necessarily wear make up because that is a some days yes, some days no thing for me but I always make an effort with how I look REGARDLESS of whether I am leaving the house or not.

Why?

Because it makes me feel great.

I don't have outfits that I wear om "special "occasions because being alive is a special occasion.

So get up, dress up and show up for your life


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How to love your life

When you read the average magazine you soon discover that you are broken.

You discover that who you are and how you look is not enough.

Your hair is not straight enough or the right colour or glossy enough compared to the women in the adverts.

Your body is not tall enough or thin enough.

You didn't bounce back to your pre baby weight within days of giving birth like all the movie stars and models did.

Your life isn't unfolding into one glorious , joy filled, panorama, full of endless close family gatherings at which everyone is deliriously happy,. It is not an endless round of happy coffee outings with half a dozen of your best friends because in reality you only have one or two close friends.

You are not having wave after wave of orgasmic sex with your husband night after night because frankly you are too tired.

Your home does not look like the pages of magazine either.

So you try a little harder, you work out more, you eat better, you clean the house and straighten your hair. You read all the self help books and the articles in the magazine. You buy all the right products. You attend seminars and courses.

But nothing seems to work. Somehow you still feel like things are just not quite "right" and you don't know why.There is even a name for it now "the Goldilocks Effect" or trying to be "just right".


We all seem to be round pegs trying to fit into a very square hole. An unattainable square hole called "perfection". an unattainable square hole shaped by photoshop and unrealistic ideas of what beauty actually is.

And here is the thing that we have all forgotten.


The one thing that if you take the time to remember it and use it everyday will transform your life.

Are you ready?

You are not broken.

There is nothing about you that needs to be fixed because you never were broken.

Now I am not saying that we shouldn't exercise or eat right or maintain our bodies. No, what I am saying is that it is time for us to try loving ourselves as we are  right now, today!

We have tried (and tried and tried and tried!) to fit ourselves into the acceptable image that the media, society and everyone else constantly shoves down our throats. We have tried to be "normal" but more and more  we are realizing that "normal" isn't who we are.

Most of the people I know are rebels, idealists, dreamers, creatives and "normal"just is not their frame of reference. Our society has become so homogenized and bland that we have forgotten who we are and who we want to be.

What I am suggesting is that we start a movement towards self love. That we stop feeling like we have to conform, to squeeze our self into the prescribed image  that society has laid down for us. That we get in touch with our own bodies and figure out what works for it best. That we stop comparing ourselves to the stick thin models on the runway and realize that they were blessed with exceptional genes that we do not posses. That we wake up to the photshopping and retouching that goes on in print media so that what gets printed is not even remotely like the model or actress that stood before the camera.

Let's take a collective deep breath and honour who we are. We have value far beyond just our looks so let's stop obsessing over every pound ( or gram or whatever measurement your country uses to keep track of your weight) we lose or gain. stop obsessing over what size clothes we fit into. I know America has an adult size 0 but frankly I still believe that size is for babies and that is all. And let's face it every brand has a slightly different version of any so called standard size..

I see far too many truly, beautiful women who do not get naked with their husbands or who are constantly trying to lose weight to measure up to some ideal version of themselves. Too many of us have given up on showing up in the world because of the opinions of others and it has to stop.


I am currently creating a LOVE YOUR BODY program complete with workbook, gratitude journal and meditations to help you learn to love every aspect of your body. Sign up for my FREE monthly newsletter for all the latest info and helpful hints for loving your body today. Click the highlighted link for the sing up form
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Love yourself + 5 tips to add more love into your day

Self love

Two little words that pack a big punch.

Trouble is most of us are so busy worrying about what others think of us that we forget what it is that we like about ourselves. We continually look outside of ourselves; to the media, to our friends, to any on else that might possible have an opinion about the way we wear our hair, or what colours we should be wearing or even, heaven forbid, who we sleep with.

None of this is news.

I have written about self love before Self care here and here Space Clearing your Junk and even here Self Acceptance is a Fickle Beast.

I have written about  loving certain aspects of our bodies here Love your Labia, Ladies.

And I will probably be writing it about it again ...... and again........ and again.

Why?

Well, because most of us still don't love ourselves enough, if at all. We all wish that we could be someone different  or that our bodies could look somewhat different than they currently do.

 If we have curly hair we want it straight or vice versa.

If we have  big breasts we want smaller ones Or if we have small ones we want bigger ones.

If we are fat we want to be skinny. If we are skinny we wish that perhaps we were more curvy in certain places.

I could go on and on but frankly it makes me weary.

I watched an old video today of Julia Roberts interviewing George Clooney (because , you know, I love me some George! And lets face it , we all get lost in Youtube from time to time) and you can check it out here
Any way back to my blog ( because that's where all the FUN happens , people!)  George asks Julia if she has any body issues and her reply just STOPPED . Me. In. My . Tracks. She said "Well, yeah I'm a girl."

"Well, yeah, I'm a girl"

So all girls are supposed to have body issues? It's just a given now? We are alive, we are female and we have body issues?

When did this happen? And who forgot to give me the memo?

Its this kind of negative programming that has become so insidious in todays world.

Then we wonder why our kids are growing up wanting to change who they are or wanting plastic surgery to change what they can't fix.

So I say it again.... Why can't we just love ourselves? Why don't we try just loving our body as it is ? Today. Right now. Without having to change a thing.

Because if we truly loved ourselves then we would eat great food....... instead of food like substance that the advertising companies want you to eat.

If we truly loved ourselves we would move our bodies in whatever way felt great for us.

If we truly loved ourselves it wouldn't matter to us how others looked, we would be too busy enjoying our own lives to focus on what others are doing.

If we truly loved ourselves we would be working to create more beauty and love in our world purely for the fact that it makes our hearts sing.

So my challenge to you is this; commit to doing one small act of self love every day for 21 days.

Here's a few ideas to get you started:
(1) Meditate for ten minutes every day

(2) Create a green juice or smoothie that you love and add that to your daily routine

(3) Stand outside, in bare feet and connect with the Earth for 5 minutes each day

(4) Start a gratitude journal. Write down five things in your day that you are grateful for

(5) Try dry skin brushing before your shower. as you brush your skin tell your body how much you love it.

Life interrupted

You know how it is ; one minute your life is sailing along and the next you somehow get derailed, shunted sideways by life and you are no longer sure of which way is up.

That's what has happened to me.

somehow or other I lost my footing on my path and took a tumble. While I was down there I started questioning what the hell it was that I was even doing? Why did I write my blog? Why did I have a Facebook page? Why did I feel an overwhelming urge to share all the ins and outs of my life with you, the faceless readers? Why? Why?
 And I found I didn't have a decent reason to.

So I stopped.

I shut down my business.

I closed my Facebook page.

I logged out of Linked In.

I kept Twitter and Google+ ( mainly because I forgot I had it LOL) and I kept my blog. Only I didn't really post anymore - just sporadic bursts of indignation that the world had not healed itself yet goddammit! and why were we still being so vile to one another??

During all this time I have taken a wander deep, deep, deep ( yup that deep!) into myself.

I did a 21 day mantra meditation journey with Deva Premal because chanting always grounds me. In fact I'm listening to mantras on Grooveshark as I'm writing this.

I have returned to my gratitude journal to give daily thanks for everything in my life; the good , the bad and the ugly  as it were.

I have practised daily EFT as I go to sleep and as I awake every morning and night for weeks.

I have  read and read and read some more.
I have blobbed out in front of mindless television,  watching all the episodes of Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad back to back.
I have practiced hoóponopono for anything and everything that you can imagine.
I have given myself daily Reiki sessions.

And I still feel broken, lost and confused.

Until last night.

I have taken a part time job working night shift at a small kiwifruit lab. I have made a few friends and one of them asked me a few days ago why and how I always stayed positive. she sees me as the woman who always has a smile on her face and who is always upbeat ( ahhh the masks that we wear)  So I shared with her some of the things that I have been doing ( listed above) and suggested that she think of 5 things that she could be grateful for and a few other simple suggestions.

Last night she thanked me for helping her and when I shared that this was the work I had been doing before starting at the lab she said "Well you are really good at it and you should go back to it"

Now I had spent the night doing my work and asking the angels for guidance, for some sign of what my next step should be.

Do you think I got my answer? I do.

So I have decided I am going to start, gently easing myself back into........ something.

I have a passion for helping woman feel comfortable with their bodies the way that they are now. You see often we get the "I"ll be happy when"syndrome : I'll be happy when I lose  x number of pounds/kilos, I'll be happy when I can fit into a size...., I'll be happy when I get the perfect haircut, I'll be happy when  I have bigger/smaller breasts, I'll be happy when ...... and the list never ends..... and we never realise that we get to choose to be happy now.

 I am passionate about making the world a better place to live by showing people how to love themselves first and foremost because in loving yourself and having compassion for all the fuck ups that you make in your own life you will have so much more compassion for everyone else that you ever come in contact with. In my work I have found that the person most people struggle to forgive the most is not the person who inflicted incredible pain on them; no, they struggle most in forgiving themselves. I know that this has been what I am struggling with and the more that I forgive myself the happier I am with my life.

I am passionate about writing.

I am passionate about having the best, juiciest relationship int he world and helping others to achieve a deep level of intimacy that they may not have reached before. I believe that we connect with each other on a primal level when we engage in sex and sometime those "hooks"need to be released from past sexual encounters so that we can move into a deeper connection with the person in front of us now. Sexual wounding happens to all of us from time to time but we tend to push it down or deny to our selves that it ever took place and by doing this we shut off part of our sexual juice.

I could go on .... and on but somehow I am going to pull all the threads of my passions into SOMETHING. So brace yourself World, I'm back on track and with a firmer grasp of who I am and what my purpose is.

Wish me luck xx