An Ode To Women

As I said in last weeks post An Ode to Men I would write an ode to all the fabulous women in my life, of which there are many.

Things I love about my Friends:

My wedding day 2009. That's me in purple!

(1) They inspire me
My friends Heather and Margie knew that my wedding day was hard for me as my parents had decided not to come due  to a family feud
(shit happens!) so they decided to be my Fairy God Mothers. After the wedding ceremony they came and anointed my husband and I with Fairy Blessings and wishes which was incredibly special and sometime I will never forget.
I got a message from Heather yesterday that she is losing her battle with cancer. she battled through bowel cancer before I met her and then this year developed breast cancer and had a mastectomy. Unfortunately it has now returned. And its winning. Heather has always remained true to her own beliefs and has been an amazing tower of strength for me. she is an inspiration.

(2) They encourage me
I have been working on various projects and my friends constantly urge me onward ( some might call it nagging!). On the days when I want to chuck it all in and think that every word I write is shit, they are there reminding me that this is part of the process and things will get better.

(3) They nurture me
When I have days  when I am overcome with sadness about the state of the world, life and everything else they check in on me to make sure I am eating and getting dressed or they drag me out of the house to remind me that there is still the wonders of cake to behold.

(4) They are real
We don't do mean gossip or keep up with the Kardashians or American Idol or X Factor. It's ok if that's your thing but it's not what we are into. We share about how life really is for us - no holding back, no "I'm fine" when your life is falling apart. I am there for them and they are always there for me.

(5) We eat cake
My friends come in all shapes and sizes and none of them is obsessed with the calorie count of the food they eat. We eat what we love and enjoy it without the "Ooo I shouldn't have eaten that " bullshit.

My friends are all amazing, intelligent and creative women and I am blessed to have them in my life.


My Daughters:

I would love to post a picture of them because they are all stunning but I haven't asked them if I can so I won't :(

Technically they are my step daughters but they are just as much a part of me as my sons and have been part of my life for 22 years which is longer than any of them had been alive when I came into their lives.

(1) They accept me
Yes, it has been a turbulent, roller coaster ride but we are comfortable with each other now. I love them and they love me.
The day I married their father was the happiest ( and saddest) day of my life and my daughters made everything go smoothly without being asked and I don't know where we would have been without them

(2) They are talented
All of them are creative and talented in a myriad of ways. In fact one of them is designing the artwork for the cover of my upcoming book. She sent me the sketch for it the other day and it was so beautiful I can't wait to show it to you.!!

(3) They own their shit
As I mentioned in #1 it has been an interesting ride but I have to give them credit for apologizing for  past events. That takes immense courage and is more than many people take the time to do.


My Mother in Law

My mother in law passed away at the beginning of this year and I was truly blessed to have her in my life. She was a beautiful women, both inside and out. All the jokes about mothers in law being obnoxious was not true in her case. She loved me and I loved her and I miss her daily.

Women can be the most loving, supportive and nurturing forces in your life or they can be bitchy, back stabbing energy suckers. I have had both in my life but due to natural selection I am now only surrounded by amazing women.

I honor them for the parts they play in my life and I treasure each and every one of them. A network of amazing friends is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Choose wisely and don't be afraid to let some friendships end. It just makes space for someone better to arrive.

How to love your life

When you read the average magazine you soon discover that you are broken.

You discover that who you are and how you look is not enough.

Your hair is not straight enough or the right colour or glossy enough compared to the women in the adverts.

Your body is not tall enough or thin enough.

You didn't bounce back to your pre baby weight within days of giving birth like all the movie stars and models did.

Your life isn't unfolding into one glorious , joy filled, panorama, full of endless close family gatherings at which everyone is deliriously happy,. It is not an endless round of happy coffee outings with half a dozen of your best friends because in reality you only have one or two close friends.

You are not having wave after wave of orgasmic sex with your husband night after night because frankly you are too tired.

Your home does not look like the pages of magazine either.

So you try a little harder, you work out more, you eat better, you clean the house and straighten your hair. You read all the self help books and the articles in the magazine. You buy all the right products. You attend seminars and courses.

But nothing seems to work. Somehow you still feel like things are just not quite "right" and you don't know why.There is even a name for it now "the Goldilocks Effect" or trying to be "just right".


We all seem to be round pegs trying to fit into a very square hole. An unattainable square hole called "perfection". an unattainable square hole shaped by photoshop and unrealistic ideas of what beauty actually is.

And here is the thing that we have all forgotten.


The one thing that if you take the time to remember it and use it everyday will transform your life.

Are you ready?

You are not broken.

There is nothing about you that needs to be fixed because you never were broken.

Now I am not saying that we shouldn't exercise or eat right or maintain our bodies. No, what I am saying is that it is time for us to try loving ourselves as we are  right now, today!

We have tried (and tried and tried and tried!) to fit ourselves into the acceptable image that the media, society and everyone else constantly shoves down our throats. We have tried to be "normal" but more and more  we are realizing that "normal" isn't who we are.

Most of the people I know are rebels, idealists, dreamers, creatives and "normal"just is not their frame of reference. Our society has become so homogenized and bland that we have forgotten who we are and who we want to be.

What I am suggesting is that we start a movement towards self love. That we stop feeling like we have to conform, to squeeze our self into the prescribed image  that society has laid down for us. That we get in touch with our own bodies and figure out what works for it best. That we stop comparing ourselves to the stick thin models on the runway and realize that they were blessed with exceptional genes that we do not posses. That we wake up to the photshopping and retouching that goes on in print media so that what gets printed is not even remotely like the model or actress that stood before the camera.

Let's take a collective deep breath and honour who we are. We have value far beyond just our looks so let's stop obsessing over every pound ( or gram or whatever measurement your country uses to keep track of your weight) we lose or gain. stop obsessing over what size clothes we fit into. I know America has an adult size 0 but frankly I still believe that size is for babies and that is all. And let's face it every brand has a slightly different version of any so called standard size..

I see far too many truly, beautiful women who do not get naked with their husbands or who are constantly trying to lose weight to measure up to some ideal version of themselves. Too many of us have given up on showing up in the world because of the opinions of others and it has to stop.


I am currently creating a LOVE YOUR BODY program complete with workbook, gratitude journal and meditations to help you learn to love every aspect of your body. Sign up for my FREE monthly newsletter for all the latest info and helpful hints for loving your body today. Click the highlighted link for the sing up form
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Digging Deep, Letting go, Moving on

The trouble with doing deep, inner transformational work is that it never ends.


 Just when you think you have got all your shit handled you will find or be presented with a new scenario, a slightly different slant on the same old story. Something or someone ( it's usually a someone) will present it itself and you will be stopped in your tracks.

The bad news is that the deeper and clearer that you get with your boundaries the more this is likely to happen.

I think  the Universe ( God, Goddess, Source whatever you call it) has a warped sense of humour. She ( I'm going with she because IT is just a tad impersonal for the maker/creator of the Universe, but that's just me) will see you cruising along with all your ducks in a row, feeling like the Queen of your Universe and so she will think to herself "I wonder if she has finally let all of that shit go? I know I'll just give her a little test"  And Voila just like that a situation is placed before you that resembles some chit from the past that you have already let go of....... or so you thought.


The good news is that if you have been paying attention to your own life and you are awake and processing your stuff, you will immediately recognise this for what it is, a test.  With that clarity you will handle the situation differently, gracefully and with the utmost ease and you can carry on your happy way.

Or............

You haven't processed your stuff, you have stuffed it down deep inside and when a new situation arises to test you, you hang your head and go "Why does this shit always happen to me?"


Um, well that's because you need to learn this lesson.

You need to learn how to release and let go.

Letting go is one of the hardest things that we, as humans , do.

We cling to people, situations, even things that NO LONGER SERVE  US!

Why?

Because letting go is painful. It requires change.

Most of us would do anything rather than change.

Change means looking at everything in your life and asking "does this serve me?" If the answer is no then you let it go.

Change means reevaluating the relationships in your life. This one is really scary because we don't want to upset people. We want people to like us, often, at any cost. Even if that cost is to ourselves.

Change means taking a leap of faith and working out the details on the way down. Faith means trusting in something greater than yourself. Trusting that the Universe has got your back.... and she does.

Change takes courage. Courage to do things differently. Courage to stand up and say "This is who I am!" Courage to do what is best for YOU, regardless of others opinions.

Change is about being comfortable with your discomfort. Stepping out of your comfort zone, stepping into where the magic happens and knowing that you have what it takes to make it happen.

Change means loving yourself enough to carry on in spite of what others think.

 Changing the world happens when the world is full of people with the courage to live life on their terms. When people are fully awake to their own potential and are ready to do what ever it takes to make their dreams a reality.

Letting go, it sounds so easy but take a look inside a hoarders house and you will see that those two little words pack a  big punch. If you are ready to make some changes in your life then take a look at your own clutter and see where it is that you are still holding on. Decluttering is a powerful tool for inner work.

Start with one drawer, or one room and see and feel the shift in your energy as you drag out all the old memories and decide which ones to keep and which to let go of. Do not be surprised if it is harder than you think.
 Clarity is the gift that you receive at the end of it ( and generally, several bags of junk to take to the dump or donate to goodwill).



If you have an area that you need some help with, if you are wanting to move on and not sure how or have some issues you need help letting go of, click on the SERVICES tab above to see how I can help you

Powerful women

Women are the most powerful creatures on the planet,

How do I know this? Because every culture and religion tries its damnedest to oppress us, to shame us, to curb our rampant lust. Our sexuality is so powerful and overwhelming that we are made to feel ashamed of our bodies, feel ashamed of our capacity to enjoy sex and generally squashed into what society deems to be appropriate for us. For if we were to truly unleash our sexuality on society would not exist as we know it.

Modern media portrays women as the ones who are always saying no to men. In fact  there is barely a sitcom on television that doesn't at some point make reference to the women not wanting sex while at the same time any women who is assertive or strong willed is seen as "ball busting, dominating bitch".

The truth is our sex drive is just as strong as mens, if not stronger. I was reading In Bed with Married Women's review of Naomi Woolf's book "Vagina" and was struck by this quote from the book "Women are designed to receive pleasure, and experience triggers to orgasm from skillful caressing and rhythmic pressure of all kinds over many, many parts of their bodies. The pornographic model of intercourse--even our culture's conventional model of intercourse, which is quick, goal-oriented, linear, and focused on stimulation of perhaps one or two areas of a woman's body--is just not going to do it for many women, at least not in a very profound way, because it involves such a superficial part of the potential of a woman's neurological sexual response systems," writes Wolf.


Our very chemistry has us hard wired to love sex and yearn for more of it. The fact is that most of us are not receiving the kind of sex that we need to stimulate that yearning. In fact mens inadequacy is what turns us off sex. Not that it is solely their fault as they haven't been taught any different. And that falls back to us. Because it is up to us to teach them that the "wham bam thank you Ma'am" just doesn't cut it with us.


To do that we need to feel confident in our selves, to know our own bodies, to listen to that deep inner yearning for a deeper more soulful sexual experience.

And that is the Catch 22.


If we knew that then we would be clamouring for it but we don't because we are taught to play nice, keep quiet, good girls don't enjoy sex blah blah blah.


 You see we are born with an innate ability to create, to manifest , to bring to life all manner of wonderful creations. It is literally hard wired into us. When a woman orgasms the areas of her brain that light up are to do with courage, creativity and self confidence and we are divinely connected to the current of all life.


In an article on Jezebel was this quote from the book "What do women want"  by Daniel Berger:

“Women’s desire—its inherent range and innate power—is an underestimated and constrained force,” he concludes. In the Middle Ages, it was constrained by the idea that “lust-drunk witches … left men ‘smooth,’ devoid of their genitals.” In the last century, it was constrained by Freud’s theory that women have “a weaker sexual instinct” than men. Now, it’s constrained by modern evolutionary psychology that says that “women are rigged by their genes to seek the comfort of relationships.”

What we do want is a connection to our partner but also a deep inner satisfaction and a release of our creative energy. According to the team Explosive Sexual Healing our vagina's are sponges for emotional and sexual debris. They can soak up limiting beliefs, doubts and fears related to not only sex but other aspects of our lives. By clearing out this stale energy your life can be transformed and you can finally step into your full creativity and being as a fully aware, powerful woman.

So you see sex is a revolutionary act and one that we need to need to fully participate in order to not only transform our own lives but also to  change the world