Learning to let go

Letting go of anything is a process. It is not simply a matter of opening your hand and releasing something - if it was that easy we would all be doing it.

Image from Spruce

But it's not and we don't

We hold on even if we are miserable....in the vain hope that things will get better.

There is a Grumpy Cat Meme that sums it up nicely: There are two things I hate - change and the way things are.

We all want a different life we just don't want to change anything in the process. No, what we would really like is for a Fairy to come along and with one wave of her magic wand transform everything that we feel needs changing. The thing that we forget is that we are the Fairy... and the magic wand.

There are differing layers in letting go. Letting go of a piece of clothing that you have had for years is easier than letting go of a dear friend has become anything but friendly. The big thing to remember is that by clearing space in your life you make room for the new to bloom and grow.

Every time I have moved home it has been a wrench for me; this is the place where my children were born, here is where they took their first steps, over there is where we created memories. The whole house feels permeated with our tears of laughter and of joy, our highs and lows and it is  which is why space clearing your environment is vital.

Someone once told me that all I put out in the world has claw marks on it and she was right - I fight to hold on and I fight to let go. I have found that my fight to hold on is easing and that my letting go is much more fluid. I am opening and softening into releasing things into the world. Lovely word releasing sounds so restful whereas letting go sounds like work ( well it does to me)

Image from Spruce

Here's some tips to help you on your way:

(1) Start small. 

Whether you are letting go of a place you live to move somewhere new or leaving a relationship the process is the same. Pick one area to work on- one small drawer to clean out. If you focus too much on the job at hand - moving house, it can feel overwhelming so zero in on one drawer, one desk, one room.
If you are leaving a relationship take one small step towards the life you want - tell a friend you are thinking of leaving, start looking at a new rental. Keep it simple.

(2) Go slow.

Letting go is a process, a journey it doesn't happen in one fell swoop. think of it as more of a gradual easing of the grip. Remember those claw marks I mentioned? those come from clinging too tightly, too fiercely and will become a stranglehold if you are not careful. What we are aiming for is a gradual softening, relaxing into it a little more every day. A slow realization that this is happening and becoming at peace with that.

All those house moves I talked about? They were moves that I absolutely wanted to happen but what lay before me; new towns, new people, new life were all uncharted territory and therefore a tad scary. Venturing into unknown territory is always scary and that is why we take it one step at a time, slowly, gracefully and easily.

(3) Keep your eye on the prize

It's easy to forget where you are headed, to let the fear of all the newness overwhelm you and collapse in a heap just remember where you are headed and why. Look at the big picture - a fresh start in a new town is a chance to totally reinvent yourself, breathing space from the end of one relationship gives you a chance to reconnect to who you are  as a singleton.

(4) It's all energy

In the process of clearing clutter, shifting house and ending a relationship you are clearing and making space for new energy to enter your life. This process can release all sorts  of emotions that have been buried underneath a mountain of stuff. Expect to feel weepy and emotional. Expect to have emotional outbursts. It is all part of the process and it's all part of the healing.

Yes, even just clearing out a closet can feel overwhelming! I just did this on the weekend and as I uncovered old parts of me: kids clothes from kids who have long since left home and now have kids of their own, a bag I bought over 25 years ago when I first left my ex husband, leather gloves I bought back when we were still together and on the list goes, I had to decide which bits to keep and which to let go of. The gloves went and so did some of the kids clothes but that hippie bag? Yeah, I kept that .. for a while longer at least.

(5) Be ruthless... and gentle

Sometimes letting go is like ripping off a plaster - one good yank and you are done and sometimes it needs to be that quick. There are times as you are clearing through the closet when you can happily biff things without a second glance... and yet there are also times to be tender and gentle and hold on for just a bit longer. There have been many times when I have thrown things away without a second glance only to realize much later that I wasn't quite done with it yet.

When I first left my husband I gave away everything - EVERYTHING! And one of those things was a leather handbag that he gave me. I really didn't want to let it go because I loved that bag but I was being ruthless so out it went.  And I have been searching for another bag like it ever since.

What is your biggest lesson from letting go?



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Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015!

At this time of year we are already looking ahead to the coming year. We are thinking of our goals and resolutions and what it is we most want to achieve which is a worthwhile pursuit.

But before we go rushing into the new year how about we pause and do a quick review of the past year? It is always a good idea to reflect on what worked and what didn't.

Here's some questions to help you out:

(1) What are you most proud of in the past year? What did you achieve?

 Hopefully you wrote out your goals for 2014 at the beginning of the year so you can review which ones you achieved ( You did write them down, didn't you?)
Take some time to really savor your successes. Often we get so caught up in the rush to start the next project that we forget to truly relish the present success. Write down everything that went well and then celebrate them: buy yourself a reward, share your joy with a friend, give yourself a pat on the back.


(2) What didn't work out for you?

Celebrating our successes is important, at the same time it is important to look at what didn't work.

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
― Thomas A. Edison

Reviewing what didn't work so well gives you the chance to tweak it, alter it and have another go, or ditch the idea altogether and try something new. Either way give thanks for the opportunity to grow.

(3)  What are you grateful for?

In what ways did you grow? Where did you push yourself? What were some of the special moments that took your breath away? Give thanks for all of that. Hopefully you are already practicing gratitude daily in your gratitude journal. If not make that an intention for the new year.

(4) What do you need to let go of? 

Did you have an argument with someone this year that you keep going over in your head? Time to let it go.

Or are there situations from even further back that you keep mulling over? Let that go too.

How about clutter? Old files, magazines, things you have been meaning to get around to but still haven't? All that stuff weighs you down so now is the time to sot it out and LET IT GO!

While we are on the subject of letting things go here's some tips on how to do just that:

(1) Clutter:

First let's define clutter: clutter is anything that is lying around that is no longer operational or useful. If you haven't touched it in the past six months chances are high you won't in the next six months either so ditch it.

If you are holding onto to it because it may come in handy some day, check your calendar. Some day is not a day of the week - out it goes!

Ladies, this applies to clothes in your wardrobe too! If you haven't worn it or are waiting until you can fit it again, you know, when you lose those last 5 pounds? Yup time to ditch them.

If you struggle with letting stuff go then set up a bag system; one for charity shops - this is for stuff you are ready to let go of and the next one is for things that you just can't bear to part with but know you need to. After all your clutter clearing seal up the bag with things that you can't let go of, put it in the garage and if after 6 months you haven't opened it to get something out of  - ditch it. WITHOUT REOPENING IT!

(2) Old arguments:

Sometimes we just wish we had said that one killer line that would have stopped the other person dead in their tracks. Or we feel like we just didn't really get to tell them just how we felt . Or, or, or...... the tape in our heads seems to be stuck on a constant replay loop. It might go quiet for a while and then one night we won't be able to sleep and off it goes again.

We don't want to drag all that baggage into the coming year but how do we, finally, let it go and move past it?

There are two ways that work really well and neither of them involve confronting the other person (hooray!)
(a) The first method involves writing it all down. Pouring out all those great one liners and comebacks that you have had stored up in your brain. Pour it all out onto paper. Tell them exactly how you felt, how you feel, what an arsehole they are. Everything you never got to say. Then burn it. In fact you may need to do this a couple of times. And, man, it feels good to vent, to finally get it all off your chest.
You can make the burning of it into a ceremony, with candles and silent prayer and calling on the angels ( Archangel Micheal is great for cutting cords between you and the other party) or you can just chuck it on the fire.Whatever works for you, do that.
You should feel a sense of lightness, like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders, when you finish. If you find the tape playing again go through the whole procedure once more - chances are you hadn't quite got it all out.

(b) The next method involves EFT or tapping. The points are marked on the chart below. Start on the karate chop point and say "Even though I had this argument and I can't get it out of my head, I still deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself. Even though this happened ages ago and I don't see how this tapping will work I still deeply and completely love accept and forgive myself." Then tap through the rest of the points  saying things like this : I'm still so angry. Every time I think of it or I see... I feel so angry. I'm just so hurt. All this hurt and anger. I'm ready to let it go now. No,I'm not. Yes, I am. I need to let this go. ( Deep breath) But I'm still so hurt. I can choose to let this go.

Keep going saying whatever you need to say until you feel a shift and a lightness inside. Then think of the situation again  and if it doesn't kick off the old tape again you have successfully cleared the memory of its toxic charge.

Right, are you ready to embrace the new year now?

(1) Set your intention

Kick off the new year by setting an intention for the year. What do you intend to create, manifest and produce in the coming year?
To me intention has a more tangible feel to it than a goal. In sports a goal is something that you aim for but don't necessarily hit.

An intention is something that you plan for, that has a purpose and an objective.

The most important part of your intention is to write them down. " I intend to..." They say that the only difference between a billionaire and a millionaire is that the millionaire writes down their goal (intentions) daily and the billionaires do it twice a day.

Write them down, read them over and over. Take action

(2) Pick a theme for your year

Last year my theme for the year was "SELF LOVE" and it is likely that that will be my theme again this year. This covers not only the work that I will be doing on myself but also my main focus for my business.
Having a theme gives your intentions a framework: Is my intention to spend more time with my family in keeping with my theme of self love? If not rework your intention.

You could even go so far as to have a theme song for the year. Every time you hear it, it will refocus you on your core intention for your year. Or you can set up a playlist to keep you motivated every day.

(3) Create a vision board

Gather together images of what you want to create in the new year. How do you want to feel? What is your year going to look like? Some people like to cut pictures out of magazines but I prefer drawing my own images and coming up with my own words . In my opinion it connects me deeper to my subconscious mind and my true heart's desires. And I'd rather have an image that sings to me than try to fit my dream into some image from a magazine. But if the magazine thing works for you then go to it!

The main idea is that it is colorful and inspiring. Now you need to put it somewhere that you will see it daily like inside your wardrobe on on the outside of your glass shower or beside your bed.

(4) Gratitude Journal

I love stationery so I already have my new gratitude journal just sitting waiting for the start of the new year. I will take some time to read through the entries from the past year to remind myself just how far I have come. If you haven't started keeping a gratitude journal make 2015 the year you start. Each day write down a minimum of 5 things that you are grateful for. If you want to truly get the most out of it then add why you are grateful for those things too.
Drilling down into the "why" stops it from being a rote list of banal things into a powerful tool for transformation. You really start to see the wonder in your life and stop taking things for granted, something we are all guilty of in the West.


I'm excited to see what the new year has in store. To keep up to date with all the new programs I will be launching in 2015 fill in the form below to join my mailing list.
Happy New Year!

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Self Love - Going deeper

Spring is an amazing time of year. It truly feels like a time of rejuvenation and rebirth and after a long cold, dreary  winter there is nothing I love more than to fling open all the doors and windows and let the fresh air clear out all the cobwebs and dust bunnies that have collected everywhere

Have you joined the September Self Love Challenge?

We are just over two weeks into the September Self Love Challenge and I have to say I am loving it. Have you been following along on my Facebook page? Each day I share exactly how I did that day's challenge and members of the page share their ideas.

But self love is more than just drinking green juice and giving yourself facials.

Going Deeper

Self Love is about accepting yourself on a deeper level.

Forgiving yourself for any past mistakes.

Embracing your shadow side - that part of you that you don't want people to know about. That you deny even to yourself (I'll write a blog on that next week - promise!)

It is also about releasing shame.

I listened to Brene Brown talk about the difference between shame and humiliation. Humiliation is I did something bad while shame is "I am bad". One of the areas in which we  are often ashamed is our sexuality.

I can only speak as a woman here and say that this is especially true for us. There are so many conflicting messages we receive around our sexuality ; we are supposed to be sexy but not too sexy, we are supposed to have sex but not too much, we are supposed to show we enjoy it but again, not too much and the list goes on and on.

I am sure men have a similar list because society is just not geared to cope with sexuality. Male sexuality is a tad more acceptable than woman's though.( in my opinion)

Womb Healing

At the beginning of last year I wrote this article about space clearing our genitals. As a Reiki therapist I "see" a lot of armoring and wounding in people's energy field. I know that this is cleared with Reiki energy.

To book your session

I recently found a Facebook page called Kundalini Dance and she has a course called Female Sexual Soul Healing and offered two of the meditations for free download over the course of the past two months, both of which I have downloaded and used for myself. Both practices are deeply healing and I highly recommend her course.

Now you are probably wondering what these meditations can do for you.For a start they will help you release any past traumas or painful experiences (Reiki can do this for you too) you may have had during your sexual awakening. And let's face it when  we first venture into the realms of sex and sexuality there are always some bumbling and fumbling issues which can leave us all feeling that somehow everyone else got the gist of sex ... except you.
I remember after my first sexual experience I thought to myself " is that it? what is all the fuss about?"  No, it was not a great experience even though, in all my worldly wisdom, I decided that I needed an older guy to deflower me as he would have some idea of what he was doing.

No, he didn't. ( he was 27, I was 16).

And that is just part of the sexual wounding that we can take on board.

 Releasing any old baggage whether through womb healing or Reiki makes us feel more like ourselves again, more alive, more vibrant, more confident.. Regardless of how much work you have done on yourself in the past there is always more to clear and release.

If you have never done any personal work then now would be a good time to start.
Contact me to book a session today.

Digging Deep, Letting go, Moving on

The trouble with doing deep, inner transformational work is that it never ends.


 Just when you think you have got all your shit handled you will find or be presented with a new scenario, a slightly different slant on the same old story. Something or someone ( it's usually a someone) will present it itself and you will be stopped in your tracks.

The bad news is that the deeper and clearer that you get with your boundaries the more this is likely to happen.

I think  the Universe ( God, Goddess, Source whatever you call it) has a warped sense of humour. She ( I'm going with she because IT is just a tad impersonal for the maker/creator of the Universe, but that's just me) will see you cruising along with all your ducks in a row, feeling like the Queen of your Universe and so she will think to herself "I wonder if she has finally let all of that shit go? I know I'll just give her a little test"  And Voila just like that a situation is placed before you that resembles some chit from the past that you have already let go of....... or so you thought.


The good news is that if you have been paying attention to your own life and you are awake and processing your stuff, you will immediately recognise this for what it is, a test.  With that clarity you will handle the situation differently, gracefully and with the utmost ease and you can carry on your happy way.

Or............

You haven't processed your stuff, you have stuffed it down deep inside and when a new situation arises to test you, you hang your head and go "Why does this shit always happen to me?"


Um, well that's because you need to learn this lesson.

You need to learn how to release and let go.

Letting go is one of the hardest things that we, as humans , do.

We cling to people, situations, even things that NO LONGER SERVE  US!

Why?

Because letting go is painful. It requires change.

Most of us would do anything rather than change.

Change means looking at everything in your life and asking "does this serve me?" If the answer is no then you let it go.

Change means reevaluating the relationships in your life. This one is really scary because we don't want to upset people. We want people to like us, often, at any cost. Even if that cost is to ourselves.

Change means taking a leap of faith and working out the details on the way down. Faith means trusting in something greater than yourself. Trusting that the Universe has got your back.... and she does.

Change takes courage. Courage to do things differently. Courage to stand up and say "This is who I am!" Courage to do what is best for YOU, regardless of others opinions.

Change is about being comfortable with your discomfort. Stepping out of your comfort zone, stepping into where the magic happens and knowing that you have what it takes to make it happen.

Change means loving yourself enough to carry on in spite of what others think.

 Changing the world happens when the world is full of people with the courage to live life on their terms. When people are fully awake to their own potential and are ready to do what ever it takes to make their dreams a reality.

Letting go, it sounds so easy but take a look inside a hoarders house and you will see that those two little words pack a  big punch. If you are ready to make some changes in your life then take a look at your own clutter and see where it is that you are still holding on. Decluttering is a powerful tool for inner work.

Start with one drawer, or one room and see and feel the shift in your energy as you drag out all the old memories and decide which ones to keep and which to let go of. Do not be surprised if it is harder than you think.
 Clarity is the gift that you receive at the end of it ( and generally, several bags of junk to take to the dump or donate to goodwill).



If you have an area that you need some help with, if you are wanting to move on and not sure how or have some issues you need help letting go of, click on the SERVICES tab above to see how I can help you

Letting Go Part Two

I've been a bit quiet lately. My youngest son moved home for the month of February before he headed off overseas so I have been spending a lot of time connecting with him.

Yesterday I took him to the airport and said good bye. Not entirely sure when I will get to see him again. Any of you who are parents and have experienced this will  know what I'm talking about.

When they move out of home to go flatting  you know that  there will be visits home, whether it's for Christmas or weddings or just because, kids always come home. But when they head off overseas they are off for the adventure of a lifetime.

It has almost become a rite of passage for Kiwi (New Zealand) kids. We are so far from everything that , inevitably, the kids head off overseas. Some come home after a few years and some never do.

My son was an accident. He was the baby I had when I was separated from his father. He has always been my boy as his father and I never got back together. sure he has had contact with his dad. His father was there at his birth and stuck around in NZ for the first few months before heading back to the US. And that has been the pattern throughout my son's  life, Dad would drop in for a few months, the kids would go visit him and then he would return to the US.

My current husband met me when I was pregnant and has been a constant in our lives ever since. He is the man that has raised my youngest son, although my son has always known exactly who his father is, I made sure of that. I took photos of them together and hung them by his bed and every nap time and every bed time we talked about who that man in the picture holding him was, from 5 months onwards.

It is only recently that my son has told me about how much he felt he missed out by never living with me and his Dad together as a family. I always knew that it would be an issue but never realized the full impact on him. He would hear his brothers talk about things we had done as a family and he felt excluded.

I did my best. I gave him a family with my husband and his daughters but it is never the same.

So my son has set off to the US to live with his Dad for a while and sort out his relationship to this man who is his father, who has never fathered him. I know that this is what he needs to do. I know that this is vital for him to fully grow into the man he is meant to be. I have known that this was going to happen at some point from the time he went to visit his Dad for 6 weeks when he was 11. He came home from that trip and told me "I'm a city kid and I want to live over there one day".

I have been mentally preparing myself for this day.

It still takes some adjusting to. as I've said before letting go is never easy.