Growing gratitude

I just read a great blog post on things we need to let go of to help our kids. In it she talks about how kids these days have a sense of entitlement that we didn't back in the day and I would like to add that it's not just kids ore teenagers or Gen x or whatever.

It is all of us.

We have taken the planet for granted for too long. We take the privileges that we have as a first world country for granted for too long. We have forgotten how blessed we are to have electricity at the flick of a switch , hot and cold running water inside our homes, a pantry stocked with food, a car to take us where we  need to go and a closet full of clothes.

There was a disaster in Vanuatu recently, a country not far from mine, and the devastation was overwhelming but what was even more  amazing was seeing how these people had been living before the disaster. Most lived with a tin roof generally held down by something heavy instead of nails which are hard to come by. And after the cyclone they are recycling what few nails they had to rebuild. After the disaster food was in short supply and a simple cabbage was for sale for $25. I bought one here in NZ for $2.

The trouble is we don't see it. We are safe and secure in our own little bubble. Sure, it is on the nightly news amidst the usual litany of murder and mayhem so we can tune it out and carry on with our own busy lives. While we watch our flat screen tev's and moan about the speed of our internet connection a vast majority of the world are wondering if they will have something to eat tonight or if they will get bombed in their homes. They worry about the drinking water and how safe it is to drink while we use it to flush the toilet or have another shower.

I am not saying that we should go back to those days but more that we should take more time to give thanks for all that we do have. I'm not talking about merely paying lip service to it either but really think about what our lives would be like without all those luxuries that we take for granted.

Take some time each day to give thanks for one thing; running water or electricity or great cell phone reception. Then delve deeper into the why you are grateful for it. What does having access to this allow you to do? How does it impact on your overall quality of life.

Then extend it further and look at the people in your life and give thanks for them. again look at the deeper why of it. What do they bring to your life and how would you feel if they were no longer part of it? Write them love letter and let them know just how much they mean to you. Don't wait until Valentine's day or Mothers Day or some other prescribed day to love them , love them now and let them know. Having recently lost a mother in law, a brother and a dear friend I know only too well that life is short and it is worth enjoying and embracing every minute of life.

Here's my gratidue for today:

(1) I am grateful for my darling husband who loves me unconditionally and always has my back and supports me in all my crazy dreams.

(2) I am grateful that I have followed my heart and finally put my book out there in the world so I can help other women learn to love themselves. You can get your copy of The Goddess Guide to Sex, Love and Life here

(3) I am grateful for our beautiful cosy, warm home  and the abundance of fruit that we have on our trees which enables us to preserve it for over winter while still having enough to share with family and friends.

(4) I am grateful for my healthy body that enables me to do whatever I want with ease and grace.

(5) I am grateful for my connection to the internet and all the information I have at my fingertips and also for the ability to connect with friends and family where ever they are in the world.

What are you grateful for today? Make  gratitude a new part of your daily routine.

The Door of Awesomeness (aka The Fridge)

Just some of the things on my fridge door.

There is one door in my house that I affectionately call the "Door of Awesomeness" and that is the fridge door. Everything goes on there. Fridge magnets that I love, photos of  my kids and grandkids before I put them in frames or the photo album, but mostly it is covered in quotes that I love.

I am a wordy person and I have been collecting quotes for as long as I can remember.

I collect them in note books and scraps of paper. I have folders full of the ones I have printed out and I always have some on the fridge. Always.

That is until a few weeks ago when I was doing a big de-clutter, spring clean ( even tho where I am we are moving into Autumn!). In a flurry of domesticity and a desire for a more zen like calm in the house, I stripped the fridge door bare... and left it like that. For about a week.

There was the fridge door in all its stark, stainless steel glory. All shiny and gleaming. But it didn't feel right. Worse, it didn't feel, like me anymore.

The thing is all those quotes and pictures are  things I read whenever I open the fridge or stroll through the kitchen. sometimes while I am sitting over  at my office desk I will glance into the kitchen and read something off the fridge to inspire me or ground me.

When my youngest son moved overseas I printed out an A4 sized pic of him and placed it on the fridge because I missed him. Soon my husband ( who is notorious for coming up with nicknames) started refering to him as FridgeBoy: "Have you heard from FridgeBoy recently?"

Nothing stays the same in life, or on my fridge and so that pic has come down (my son is now living in the UK), new grandchildren have been born ( their pics went on the fridge and have now come down), new inspiration comes, new poems are found and they all spend time on the fridge

I guess my fridge is a bit like a mini vision board or collection site for all my current interests. My shower is another place for me to gather my poems and quotes. This is where I post quotes to inspire me for the morning or prayers that I am working with. In fact, if I really break it down my whole home is full of altars and vision boards, places to savour the word in all its many forms - quotes, poems, intentions and prayers.

What prayers keep you going?  Is there a quote that you carry with you or have somewhere in your home? Is your fridge a door of awesomeness that you renew as the mood takes you? If it is I would love you to share it on Instagram with the hashtag #doorofawesomeness so I can check it out.

In the meantime Sign Up for my newsletter to keep up with all the new stuff I have coming for you.

Subscribe to our mailing list

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name

Last Name

Email Format

• html
• text

Learning to let go

Letting go of anything is a process. It is not simply a matter of opening your hand and releasing something - if it was that easy we would all be doing it.

Image from Spruce

But it's not and we don't

We hold on even if we are miserable....in the vain hope that things will get better.

There is a Grumpy Cat Meme that sums it up nicely: There are two things I hate - change and the way things are.

We all want a different life we just don't want to change anything in the process. No, what we would really like is for a Fairy to come along and with one wave of her magic wand transform everything that we feel needs changing. The thing that we forget is that we are the Fairy... and the magic wand.

There are differing layers in letting go. Letting go of a piece of clothing that you have had for years is easier than letting go of a dear friend has become anything but friendly. The big thing to remember is that by clearing space in your life you make room for the new to bloom and grow.

Every time I have moved home it has been a wrench for me; this is the place where my children were born, here is where they took their first steps, over there is where we created memories. The whole house feels permeated with our tears of laughter and of joy, our highs and lows and it is  which is why space clearing your environment is vital.

Someone once told me that all I put out in the world has claw marks on it and she was right - I fight to hold on and I fight to let go. I have found that my fight to hold on is easing and that my letting go is much more fluid. I am opening and softening into releasing things into the world. Lovely word releasing sounds so restful whereas letting go sounds like work ( well it does to me)

Image from Spruce

Here's some tips to help you on your way:

(1) Start small. 

Whether you are letting go of a place you live to move somewhere new or leaving a relationship the process is the same. Pick one area to work on- one small drawer to clean out. If you focus too much on the job at hand - moving house, it can feel overwhelming so zero in on one drawer, one desk, one room.
If you are leaving a relationship take one small step towards the life you want - tell a friend you are thinking of leaving, start looking at a new rental. Keep it simple.

(2) Go slow.

Letting go is a process, a journey it doesn't happen in one fell swoop. think of it as more of a gradual easing of the grip. Remember those claw marks I mentioned? those come from clinging too tightly, too fiercely and will become a stranglehold if you are not careful. What we are aiming for is a gradual softening, relaxing into it a little more every day. A slow realization that this is happening and becoming at peace with that.

All those house moves I talked about? They were moves that I absolutely wanted to happen but what lay before me; new towns, new people, new life were all uncharted territory and therefore a tad scary. Venturing into unknown territory is always scary and that is why we take it one step at a time, slowly, gracefully and easily.

(3) Keep your eye on the prize

It's easy to forget where you are headed, to let the fear of all the newness overwhelm you and collapse in a heap just remember where you are headed and why. Look at the big picture - a fresh start in a new town is a chance to totally reinvent yourself, breathing space from the end of one relationship gives you a chance to reconnect to who you are  as a singleton.

(4) It's all energy

In the process of clearing clutter, shifting house and ending a relationship you are clearing and making space for new energy to enter your life. This process can release all sorts  of emotions that have been buried underneath a mountain of stuff. Expect to feel weepy and emotional. Expect to have emotional outbursts. It is all part of the process and it's all part of the healing.

Yes, even just clearing out a closet can feel overwhelming! I just did this on the weekend and as I uncovered old parts of me: kids clothes from kids who have long since left home and now have kids of their own, a bag I bought over 25 years ago when I first left my ex husband, leather gloves I bought back when we were still together and on the list goes, I had to decide which bits to keep and which to let go of. The gloves went and so did some of the kids clothes but that hippie bag? Yeah, I kept that .. for a while longer at least.

(5) Be ruthless... and gentle

Sometimes letting go is like ripping off a plaster - one good yank and you are done and sometimes it needs to be that quick. There are times as you are clearing through the closet when you can happily biff things without a second glance... and yet there are also times to be tender and gentle and hold on for just a bit longer. There have been many times when I have thrown things away without a second glance only to realize much later that I wasn't quite done with it yet.

When I first left my husband I gave away everything - EVERYTHING! And one of those things was a leather handbag that he gave me. I really didn't want to let it go because I loved that bag but I was being ruthless so out it went.  And I have been searching for another bag like it ever since.

What is your biggest lesson from letting go?



Want to stay connected?

Subscribe to our mailing list

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name

Last Name

Email Format

• html
• text

Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015!

At this time of year we are already looking ahead to the coming year. We are thinking of our goals and resolutions and what it is we most want to achieve which is a worthwhile pursuit.

But before we go rushing into the new year how about we pause and do a quick review of the past year? It is always a good idea to reflect on what worked and what didn't.

Here's some questions to help you out:

(1) What are you most proud of in the past year? What did you achieve?

 Hopefully you wrote out your goals for 2014 at the beginning of the year so you can review which ones you achieved ( You did write them down, didn't you?)
Take some time to really savor your successes. Often we get so caught up in the rush to start the next project that we forget to truly relish the present success. Write down everything that went well and then celebrate them: buy yourself a reward, share your joy with a friend, give yourself a pat on the back.


(2) What didn't work out for you?

Celebrating our successes is important, at the same time it is important to look at what didn't work.

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
― Thomas A. Edison

Reviewing what didn't work so well gives you the chance to tweak it, alter it and have another go, or ditch the idea altogether and try something new. Either way give thanks for the opportunity to grow.

(3)  What are you grateful for?

In what ways did you grow? Where did you push yourself? What were some of the special moments that took your breath away? Give thanks for all of that. Hopefully you are already practicing gratitude daily in your gratitude journal. If not make that an intention for the new year.

(4) What do you need to let go of? 

Did you have an argument with someone this year that you keep going over in your head? Time to let it go.

Or are there situations from even further back that you keep mulling over? Let that go too.

How about clutter? Old files, magazines, things you have been meaning to get around to but still haven't? All that stuff weighs you down so now is the time to sot it out and LET IT GO!

While we are on the subject of letting things go here's some tips on how to do just that:

(1) Clutter:

First let's define clutter: clutter is anything that is lying around that is no longer operational or useful. If you haven't touched it in the past six months chances are high you won't in the next six months either so ditch it.

If you are holding onto to it because it may come in handy some day, check your calendar. Some day is not a day of the week - out it goes!

Ladies, this applies to clothes in your wardrobe too! If you haven't worn it or are waiting until you can fit it again, you know, when you lose those last 5 pounds? Yup time to ditch them.

If you struggle with letting stuff go then set up a bag system; one for charity shops - this is for stuff you are ready to let go of and the next one is for things that you just can't bear to part with but know you need to. After all your clutter clearing seal up the bag with things that you can't let go of, put it in the garage and if after 6 months you haven't opened it to get something out of  - ditch it. WITHOUT REOPENING IT!

(2) Old arguments:

Sometimes we just wish we had said that one killer line that would have stopped the other person dead in their tracks. Or we feel like we just didn't really get to tell them just how we felt . Or, or, or...... the tape in our heads seems to be stuck on a constant replay loop. It might go quiet for a while and then one night we won't be able to sleep and off it goes again.

We don't want to drag all that baggage into the coming year but how do we, finally, let it go and move past it?

There are two ways that work really well and neither of them involve confronting the other person (hooray!)
(a) The first method involves writing it all down. Pouring out all those great one liners and comebacks that you have had stored up in your brain. Pour it all out onto paper. Tell them exactly how you felt, how you feel, what an arsehole they are. Everything you never got to say. Then burn it. In fact you may need to do this a couple of times. And, man, it feels good to vent, to finally get it all off your chest.
You can make the burning of it into a ceremony, with candles and silent prayer and calling on the angels ( Archangel Micheal is great for cutting cords between you and the other party) or you can just chuck it on the fire.Whatever works for you, do that.
You should feel a sense of lightness, like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders, when you finish. If you find the tape playing again go through the whole procedure once more - chances are you hadn't quite got it all out.

(b) The next method involves EFT or tapping. The points are marked on the chart below. Start on the karate chop point and say "Even though I had this argument and I can't get it out of my head, I still deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself. Even though this happened ages ago and I don't see how this tapping will work I still deeply and completely love accept and forgive myself." Then tap through the rest of the points  saying things like this : I'm still so angry. Every time I think of it or I see... I feel so angry. I'm just so hurt. All this hurt and anger. I'm ready to let it go now. No,I'm not. Yes, I am. I need to let this go. ( Deep breath) But I'm still so hurt. I can choose to let this go.

Keep going saying whatever you need to say until you feel a shift and a lightness inside. Then think of the situation again  and if it doesn't kick off the old tape again you have successfully cleared the memory of its toxic charge.

Right, are you ready to embrace the new year now?

(1) Set your intention

Kick off the new year by setting an intention for the year. What do you intend to create, manifest and produce in the coming year?
To me intention has a more tangible feel to it than a goal. In sports a goal is something that you aim for but don't necessarily hit.

An intention is something that you plan for, that has a purpose and an objective.

The most important part of your intention is to write them down. " I intend to..." They say that the only difference between a billionaire and a millionaire is that the millionaire writes down their goal (intentions) daily and the billionaires do it twice a day.

Write them down, read them over and over. Take action

(2) Pick a theme for your year

Last year my theme for the year was "SELF LOVE" and it is likely that that will be my theme again this year. This covers not only the work that I will be doing on myself but also my main focus for my business.
Having a theme gives your intentions a framework: Is my intention to spend more time with my family in keeping with my theme of self love? If not rework your intention.

You could even go so far as to have a theme song for the year. Every time you hear it, it will refocus you on your core intention for your year. Or you can set up a playlist to keep you motivated every day.

(3) Create a vision board

Gather together images of what you want to create in the new year. How do you want to feel? What is your year going to look like? Some people like to cut pictures out of magazines but I prefer drawing my own images and coming up with my own words . In my opinion it connects me deeper to my subconscious mind and my true heart's desires. And I'd rather have an image that sings to me than try to fit my dream into some image from a magazine. But if the magazine thing works for you then go to it!

The main idea is that it is colorful and inspiring. Now you need to put it somewhere that you will see it daily like inside your wardrobe on on the outside of your glass shower or beside your bed.

(4) Gratitude Journal

I love stationery so I already have my new gratitude journal just sitting waiting for the start of the new year. I will take some time to read through the entries from the past year to remind myself just how far I have come. If you haven't started keeping a gratitude journal make 2015 the year you start. Each day write down a minimum of 5 things that you are grateful for. If you want to truly get the most out of it then add why you are grateful for those things too.
Drilling down into the "why" stops it from being a rote list of banal things into a powerful tool for transformation. You really start to see the wonder in your life and stop taking things for granted, something we are all guilty of in the West.


I'm excited to see what the new year has in store. To keep up to date with all the new programs I will be launching in 2015 fill in the form below to join my mailing list.
Happy New Year!

Subscribe to our mailing list

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name

Last Name

Email Format

• html
• text

An Ode to Men

Let me just state right up front that I love men in general and my husband in particular. Sure, men are hairy and loud. They fart and think that belching the alphabet is funny and they scratch their privates while in public but lets face it, where would we be without them?

Yes, I know that women are equally as awesome ( and obnoxious, in different ways)

Yes, I know that  women can do all that men can do.

I also know that we need to start taking the time to appreciate each other more.

I read 81 Things that Dads do that make us Weak at the knees which made me smile and remember raising my kids.

That post then inspired Steven Lake to write My Wife tells me Ten Things I do that Make her Happy

And now I'm writing my own list.

10 Things My Husband does that make me weak at the Knees:

(1) Empties the trash. No big deal, no "look what I'm doing for you". Nope, he just empties the trash. Sure he may not always replace the bin liner but so what?

(2) He is always glad to see me.  It doesn't matter if I am looking frazzled, with my hair pointing in every direction but the one I want it too or all glammed up  he always greets me  with "Hey Beautiful" . That is a little slice of heaven right there.

(3) He calls me his Life Wife. We are both doing this marriage thing for the second time so that is a vote of confidence in our relationship and our bond. *swoon*

(4) He says "thank you" after every meal. No matter what I cook for him he thanks me for a delicious meal. Every time. *double swoon*

(5) He always checks the car. Putting petrol in the car is about my limit when it comes to car maintenance. So if I am off on a trip he does all the blokey checks; tyres, oil and whatever else needs doing. He also schedules all the servicing after asking me if I need the car that day.

(6) He made it part of our wedding vows to keep me in chocolate and "bling". He looks at jewelery catalogs more than I do!

(7) He listens. Whenever I am talking to him I get his full attention. He makes eye contact and fully engages with what I am saying regardless of whether it interests him or not.

(8) He sends me texts so I know he's thinking of me. Once or twice a day I'll get a text from him just to say "hi". Some are smutty. some are lovey dovey. Either way I know he's been thinking of me . *melting*

(9) The way he smiles. Just that. Seeing his face wreathed in joy makes my heart go all gooey inside.

(10) His hugs. He wasn't much of a hugger when we first got together  but now he gives the best hugs ever.

Bonus (11) Love the way he is sooo gentle with animals.

Five Things I love about my Sons:

(1) They are not afraid to be totally themselves. They are all different and they are all proudly who they are.

(2) They embrace their soft side. My eldest has four kids and I have seen hi be incredibly gentle and tender with his daughters while encouraging them to be adventurous  too. My middle son used to try and organize romantic interludes for my hubby and me when he was 11. Or he would pick flowers for hubby to give me. So sweet

(3) They call their mother. My youngest just had some great news. Who did he call? His Mum. One hour later and we ran out of things to talk about. So grateful that they keep in touch.

(4) They know what I like. Youngest sent me a purple scarf from the US. ( Love purple, love scarves!) Middle son gave me a turquoise Buddha for my birthday ( I now have quite a collection of Buddhas). Eldest sent flowers and photos of my grandy's.

(5) They all end their calls with "Love you Mum" * just a puddle on the floor*

Three Things I love about my  (male) Hairdresser.

(1) He listens. Yup, listening is HUGE. HUGE I tell you!. By simply paying attention I feel validated, heard and valued.

(2) He cares. When my mother in law passed away earlier this year and I had a not-so-great haircut from one of the other stylists at the salon, Richard fixed it for me and made me feel great in the midst of a shitty, shitty time.

(3) He gets me. He understands the look I want to achieve and at the end of cutting my hair he says
" There you are. Now you look more like you." *swoon*
( If you want to check out his work go here )

Come back next week and I will post my "Ode to Women" for all the Fabulous ladies in my life.

Who do you need to show some appreciation too?


Want to keep up to date with all things SELF LOVE? Then Join my email list today.

Subscribe to our mailing list

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name

Last Name

Email Format

• html
• text

It's all about time

 I seem to be fascinated with time today I just wrote this article for The Wellness Directory and now I am working on this chapter of my upcoming book: Every Goddesses guide to Sex, Love and Life.

This is just a wee snippet. If you love it sign up for my newsletter for all the updates on when the book will be available.

The Curse of Busy

We all do it. We use busy as an excuse for getting out of things or as a catch cry for everything; “I’m so busy” “I’d love to but I’m just really busy right now.”  We think it makes us seem important , all this busy-ness means we have so much to do, so much to juggle and so we rush through our days, being busy, often though, the very act of being busy is stopping us from actually being productive or connected or from just being. We have got so caught up in the rush and thrill of being busy that we have forgotten how to just be.

After all we are human beings not human doings, though if you were to check us out on any given day you would find that we spend far more time doing than being. Our lives rush past us in a blur of busy-ness, we seem impatient for the next step the next achievement and forget that this moment right here, is our life.

This is never more apparent than when we are raising our children; we cannot wait for them to reach the next milestone; sleeping through the night, rolling over, crawling, walking, talking and the days slip by without us registering the enormity of us having birth to this human being. We need to stop, slow down, take a breath and drink it all in.

This became fully apparent to me when I had my youngest son; that this would be the last time that I would be pregnant, the last time that I would breastfeed, the last time that I would be there for so many first times. I still didn’t get it right all the time, I don’t think anybody ever does and by trying to make it perfect we suck all the joy out of it anyway.

For all you mums out there take it easy on yourself, it doesn’t matter if the laundry doesn’t get folded, it does matter if you sit and listen to your child explain what is going on for them whether they are 2 or 15 or 25  no, it never stops and yes, listening is always that important).

We forget in the midst of all the busy work; the laundry folding, dish washing and meal cooking that life is happening and life is what we are supposed to be paying attention to. Your life, your kids’ lives, your life with your partner (husband, lover whatever you want to call him –or her). Step out of the kitchen, put down the phone, step away from the computer and find something, anything that connects you to you. We all need to spend more time connecting with our centre, finding out what makes us tick and letting go of our baggage.

One of the ways that we stop ourselves healing from our past is the eternal quest of busy; reading one more email, writing one more post on Facebook, running endless errands, anything that will stop us from being still and looking inside ourselves and asking “ What do I need to heal? What do I need to let go of?” This is the real work of living, developing and growing into the finest, highest, best version of yourself, peeling off all the masks that we wear and looking ourselves in the eye and loving who we see staring back at us. And we don’t get to do that if we are constantly busy, if we are running from one job to the next and the only stillness in our day is when we plonk ourselves in front of the television for some mindless entertainment.

A true goddess has asked herself the big questions: Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose? And she likes the answers that she has come up with: I am a luminous being of Light and Love. I am here to share my Light and Love with the world. My purpose is to shine and help others to find their way.

Like this? Want to find out when the book is coming out? Fill out the form!

Subscribe to our mailing list

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name

Last Name

Email Format

• html
• text

Shit happens ..... and a 5 step guide to coping when it does

Shit happens.

Sometimes with monotonous regularity.

And it seems that this year, for a lot of people I know, has started particularly shitty. It seems like everyone is going through some epic stuff.

Now I know that I was all geared up for an epic start to the year; I was bursting with creative ideas for blog posts, meditation classes and was getting geared up for the launch of my self love club. Then my mother in law went into hospital on boxing day. My mother in law has become very, very special to me over the past few years. She is/was one of the few places of pure unconditional love  and acceptance in my  life and seeing her in such distress and hooked up to various machines was a great shock.

The month of January passed in a blur of text messages, phone calls, family visits and hospital visits. We all spent time sitting with her,  holding her hand, and, in my case, sending her reiki. Finally at the end of the month she passed away and we moved into the grieving process and caring for our father, father in law.

A week to the day after she passed I got the phone call that my brother's struggle with cancer was drawing to a close. He had been battling for 15 months and was now on a downhill slide. Again it was around of phone calls and texts but this time no family visits as I am estranged from most of my family of origin (Foo). He passed away yesterday with no fanfare, no funeral and  for me no family gathering but at least I got to say goodbye.

And I am not the only one.

While my mother in law was going through her turmoil her daughter was dealing with a breast cancer scare. My sister in laws brother has been diagnosed with throat cancer. A friend's father went into hospital with serious complications just days after her husband had a motorbike crash.

On and on it goes, shit at every turn. Let's not forget the turmoils in the world; Ukraine, Syria, major upheavals and unrest all round.

So when life is handing us a shit sandwich ( yes, shit is my new favorite word, thanks for asking) how do we keep ourselves from descending into a deep pit of despair?
Survival Tips
Great question! And here are my survival tips. These are what have kept me sane, grounded and functioning over the past two months. ( Ok sane might be a bit of a stretch!)

(1) It's ok to grieve;

Give yourself permission to feel what you are feeling. It doesn't matter whether you are grieving something major or something small, you are entitled to feel what you are feeling. This gem was passed onto me by my awesome hairdresser after a not so great haircut from one of the other hairdressers in his salon. I was explaining why  I wasn't happy with the cut and he said "You are entitled to feel what you feel".

Just like that. No justification necessary.

(2) Surround yourself with positive people;

As they say before you diagnose yourself with depression just make sure you are not in fact, surrounded by arseholes ( that's assholes to you Americans, same thing different spelling)

It is important to spend time with people who acknowledge and accept your feelings instead of dismissing them as trivial or unwarranted. These people are treasures and should never be taken for granted.

(3) Spend time in nature;

I live on a three acre block of land with a view of the sea . Walking around our orchard, feeding our chickens or just watching them be chickens fills me with a great sense of peace. A few days after my mother in law passed I had a flock of swallows and a group of dragonflies swooping and diving right outside my office window for a good fifteen minutes.

It really is the little things that heal your soul. Do whatever you can to spend time in nature.

(4) Meditate

In whatever way that you can spend some quiet time with yourself. Talk to your angels, God or whatever beings you believe in. Leave some space for them to answer and pay attention to any signs that come your way. This might be in the form of song lyrics, a feather on your path, butterflies, dragonflies or any other way messages show up for you.

If you don't feel like you have time to meditate than you need to make that time even more. Our lives need to be simplified more and more not overcomplicated so now might be a good time to skip a tv show and meditate instead.

(5) Practice gratitude

We have so much to give thanks for, every day. We have gotten so used to the luxury of our modern lives that we forget that there are still large parts of the world without running water, let alone hot and clod running water in their homes. Electricity, the internet, cellphones, cars an unlimited supply of food readily available at the local supermarket, the list is long. Then we have our healthy bodies with a complete set of fully functioning parts; you just need to speak to one person in hospital to realise what a gift that is.

Ok i said there was only 5 steps but here is a bonus for reading this far:

 (6) Practice kindness

Nothing is more guaranteed to get you out of your funk than to do something nice for someone else. It can be as simple as smiling at a stranger or letting someone go ahead of you at the checkout line or paying someone a compliment. Simple. Effective. And with a side bonus of making you feel better.

For more tips on how to be kind to you check out my blog on the 10 commandments for self love

Come and check out my Facebook page  where we are doing 100 days of Self Love

The greatest gift you can give your partner

There is always one person that you just can't find a gift for.

Often it is our partner but sometimes it can be our parents or a good friend . Even though I said in the title that this gift is the greatest thing you could give your partner it works for other significant people in your life, even your kids. Especially your kids.

This is a clue!

Every one wants to feel special.

To feel that they are loved, lovable and loving.

So how do we give that to people? How do we let them know that they are  loved?

Sure, we can tell them but often the words don't sink in, heart deep.

We can show them by doing things for them, but again that can be easily overlooked.

We can buy them things, which is what we all do at Xmas, but how do you convey depth of feeling with a dollar value? Do you even want to?

We can give hugs and touch and this is always a good place to start. although some people find touch uncomfortable as a means of receiving love. Especially if they have issues with past abuse.

These are all worthwhile and loving things to add into any relationship and if you are not already doing them  then I suggest you get on to it.

No, what I am talking about is giving your presence instead of just presents.

Being fully present  with the people you love means connecting with them, with your eyes, when they are talking. Giving them your full attention. Not just half listening, not thinking of what you are going to say next. Not mentally writing your shopping list or planning on how to fix the clunk in the engine.

Nope, none of that shit.

Just focusing totally on the moment and what is being said, paying attention to the body language and checking in.

Doing this when your 5 year old has something important to share about their day? Priceless gift, because lets face it often we are too busy but if you start this practice with them when they are little  they will still come and tell you about their day when they are 15 or 16.

Doing this with your 15 or 16 year old when they are telling you about their latest conquest on Xbox     (or Playstation) or when they are telling you about what Brittany said that made them feel like  shit and she's such a bitch and .. and ... and? Priceless gift and they will come back again and again to feel validated and heard and possibly even share life changing decisions with you because they know you listen.

Doing this with your parents or in laws when they are in their 70's or 80's and telling you ( again) about their childhood and how different life was back then? Priceless gift because old people need to feel valued too,. Even better? Ask them for advice so they still feel they have something to contribute.

Doing this with your partner as they tell you about their day, in minute detail? Priceless gift and likely to lead to great sex later.

Doing this while having great sex, fully being in the moment, not in your head but connected to your body and your partners body and all the sensations that are taking place, instead of lost in your own little fantasy world? Priceless gift and likely to make the great sex you were having, the best sex you have ever had.

Simple isn't it? Because let's face it we don't really need more things. What we need is a deeper connection with those we love and the easiest way to do that is to give them more of us.



What is the best gift you ever received? Leave me a comment below

Ten things you should say ( or express) more often in your relationship

Every woman wants to feel like a Goddess in her relationship.

Every man wants to feel like a God in his relationship/

We all want to know that we are appreciated, that we are loved, that we are valued for who we are and not just what we do.

It's not a big request.

It doesn't take any special skills or high tech gadgetry to make the one you love feel SPECTACULAR on any given day.

No, it is by merely sprinkling your conversations with these simple statements;

(1) I love you.

There. Simple. A complete sentence all on it's own...... and yet we are often stingy with it's use. We think it . We feel it. But we hesitate to say it as though we could use up all it's juicy goodness by using it too often.

Trust me, we all need to say it and hear it far more often that we are at present. So next time you feel all that gushy, juiciness building inside your heart, let it out. Bathe your darling with those words as often as possible ( it's always possible)

On a side note: stop saying I love this thing or that thing. Love is for people .... not things.

(2) I'm sorry.

We all make mistakes but we don't always apologise for them..... and we should, especially with our significant other.

My darling and I were shifting furniture the other day ( well he was shifting it and I was directing where it should go). It's something I like to do regularly to shift the energy in the room and something he goes along with because he loves me.

Anyway at some point, late in the day I got snippy with him ( I bet you thought it would be the other way around right? and no it's not all peaches and cream, sunshine and rainbows over here. I can be a right bitch at times, shocking, I know)

Bless him, he just carried on shifting things and walked out of the room. When he came back I apologised because I was just being mean, for no good reason. So next time you mess up ( and you will because we all do) apologise. Just say those three little words - I am sorry.

(3) Thank you.

Yes, we are back to gratitude. Thank you darling for taking out the trash. Thank them for cooking you dinner. Thank them for getting the car serviced. Thank them for making you breakfast ... and lunch. Thank them for making you a cup of tea. Thank them for being part of your life.

Thank them for anything.

Thank them for everything.

Sounds simple but it is oh so effective.

(4) Can I help you with that?

Again very simple but also very effective.

Offering to help shows the other person that you are paying attention. You can see that, perhaps, they are struggling with something; wrestling with the kids trying to get them into their pajamas while helping  Miss 5 with her homework or talking on the phone and trying to ensure that the potatoes don't boil dry.

In reality this one doesn't even need to be said. Instead you can just pitch in and start helping.

And ladies, this goes for you too. sometimes our blokes are so busy doing their bloke thing and yet they could still use a hand maybe to fetch them the right tool so that don't have to be getting up and down off the ladder or up and down out from under the truck ( or sink or wherever other blokey job is taking place).

By offering to help you are letting the other person know that you are there for them when they need you.

(5) I see you.

This is another one of those statements that you don't necessarily say.

Every body wants to be seen for who they truly are. Not the "I'm doing fine"mask that a lot of us wear just to get through the day. But the real us, the authentic "I've been to hell and back and survived and here are my scars" us.

If we are loved enough for this"us", it shines out of us and we grow ever more confident in ourselves.

Let your partner know that you really see them for who they are and not how you think they should be. Acknowledge their past hurts and let them know that you are here to help them heal and not to inflict more damage to them.

(6) You are beautiful. Inside and out

Ladies love to hear that you think they are beautiful, gorgeous, talented beings.

Men love to hear that you think they are sexy and handsome.

My husband tells me everyday in a million little ways that he thinks I am the hottest thing he has ever seen.

How does that make me feel? Like the hottest thing, ever.

(7)  I remember when.....

Sharing the first time you kissed . Or the first time you went on a date or the first anything, really keeps the spark of romance alive. It reignites all those emotions you felt then; the flutter in your stomach, the catch in your throat, the excitement of being in love.

Looking back, in love, helps you move forward with renewed passion.

Looking back at all the mistakes however, and dragging them back up to be revisited, not so much. In fact that is a surefire way to head straight for the divorce courts!

(8) I just called to hear the sound of your voice.

With the advent of texting we often forget the joy of hearing our beloveds voice on the end of the phone. Sure a text is a quick, efficient way to keep in touch but nothing beats the sound of your honey on the end of the phone.

(9) Let's have sex

Photographer unknown

I read an article the other day that said that 1 in 7 relationships are now sexless. ( take your time to read that again)

One in Seven.

Now this makes me unbearably sad.

What was even sadder is that these relationships were between people in their 30's and 40's

. I know we all buy into the myth ( it's a MYTH, people!) that sex stops at a certain age. Poor old Miley thinks that age is 40. Sadly for some people, she is right.

I know our lives are busy and days ( sometimes weeks) go by without stopping for the delicious interlude of sex, but it is a slippery slope to No -Sex -land. In all the cases mentioned in the above article sex either petered out ( pun intended) or stopped altogether in one fell swoop.

Sex, like hugging or other nonsexual touch, releases oxytocin which is a hormone that helps us to feel bonded and emotionally connected to each other. Once sex is off the table other touching goes too and then you feel less and less connected to your partner and before long you are drifting in opposite directions.

All it takes is for one partner to keep the flame flickering by instigating sex. Asking for it while still clothed and going about your daily routine plants the seed that this might be on the agenda and anticipation builds arousal better than any pill.

 (10) Let's go do ( insert favorite shared activity) together.

Spending time togeher is vital for a great relationship to thrive. Doing things together whether it is going to dinner, going to movies, gardening, or working on a project together builds  a sense of togetherness and kinships.

Asking to spend time together lets the other partner know that you enjoy their company and look forward to spending time with them. This, in turn, makes them feel special. And we all want to feel special, right?



What do you think? What would you add to the list? Leave me a comment with your additions below.


If you are having issues in your relationship and want some help check out the Services page to book a session.

The Power of "Thank you"

I have been keeping a Gratitude journal for years. Well, mostly in fits and starts. Some weeks I do it every day and then somehow I fall of the wagon and days, sometimes weeks or even months go past without a single gratitude entry. And here's the funny thing ( not funny haha, just funny/strange) when I am doing my gratitude everyday my life flows better.

I notice things to be grateful for; the soft rain after days of sunshine, a warm fire when it's freezing outside, new flowers on my rose bushes, birds flying up to my window to say "hi" and always, a;ways my darling for being awesomely himself.

Then life starts getting busier. I am happier, calmer and more grounded and somehow the ritual of writing in my gratitude diary falls by the way side.

That is until this year.

This year I made a conscious choice to continue the practice all year. I even added in an extra component, a gratitude jar. I had a large flagon that my father in law had given me ( actually he gave me three - lucky me! thanks Bill!) and I started to write down things that happened each day or week that I was grateful for, I wrote them on little post it notes and I will take them out on New Years Eve to look back over my year and see just how blessed I truly am.

But mostly I write in my journal. I also created the 100 days of Gratitude over  on my Facebook page , come over and join us, we are on day 63!! This has been a great way to keep the focus on gratitude and share it with my followers. The lovely part has seeing how they are joining in and sharing what they are grateful for too.

At Christmas time I start feeling all mooshy and grateful for all the people who have helped me throughout the year and one of the ways I share this is by sending them "thank you"notes or buying them chocolate
 ( because that's the same thing, right? ). I do this for my hairdresser, my accountant, our postie  and , when I lived in town, the guys who picked up the recycling (only I got them beer).

Gratitude is one of the highest vibrations

You see, it is so easy to take people for grated. Sure, I am paying those people to do a job for me and all of them do it well so isn't it worth acknowledging how much you appreciate the work they do for you by giving them a gift? To say "hey I really value and appreciate the work you do for me?". Because, let's face it, everyone like to know that they are appreciated.

And here's the funny thing about showing appreciation; you feel good, they feel good and (wait for it) anyone who sees the exchange also feels good. How cool is that? Everyone gets a boost of feel good hormones coursing through their bodies, which boost the immune system, lowers the blood pressure and generally just makes you go all mooshy and lovey dovey inside.

Now, if you believe in the Law of attraction ( which you should, because it is a law, just like gravity. Uh oh things are getting a bit woo woo in here, brace yourselves) what you will begin to notice is that as you express more gratitude you will find more things to be grateful for. You will realize that you are already blessed with an abundance of good things in your life and begin to feel more content with yourself, your relationships and life in general.

Gratitude can change the world

All this from the simple act of writing down what you are grateful for, each day.

One of the things I give thanks for each and every day is my husband. Which makes me more loving towards him, which in turn makes him more loving towards me ( you see how this can spiral out of control can't you?)

Not noticing all that your partner does for you can lead to feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction but by simply acknowledging what they are doing, thanking them verbally and also in your journal, shifts the energy noticeably and in a short space of time.

Gratitude has the power to transform your life and the lives of those around you. It is simple, effective and costs next to nothing

So who do you need to say "thank you"to?  What and who are you grateful for? Now is a good time to let them know.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Thank you for sharing it  ( you are sharing it, right?) Thanks for coming over and liking my Facebook page. Oh and thanks for leaving a comment, I love hearing from you guys!!