The greatest gift you can give your partner

There is always one person that you just can't find a gift for.

Often it is our partner but sometimes it can be our parents or a good friend . Even though I said in the title that this gift is the greatest thing you could give your partner it works for other significant people in your life, even your kids. Especially your kids.

This is a clue!

Every one wants to feel special.

To feel that they are loved, lovable and loving.

So how do we give that to people? How do we let them know that they are  loved?

Sure, we can tell them but often the words don't sink in, heart deep.

We can show them by doing things for them, but again that can be easily overlooked.

We can buy them things, which is what we all do at Xmas, but how do you convey depth of feeling with a dollar value? Do you even want to?

We can give hugs and touch and this is always a good place to start. although some people find touch uncomfortable as a means of receiving love. Especially if they have issues with past abuse.

These are all worthwhile and loving things to add into any relationship and if you are not already doing them  then I suggest you get on to it.

No, what I am talking about is giving your presence instead of just presents.

Being fully present  with the people you love means connecting with them, with your eyes, when they are talking. Giving them your full attention. Not just half listening, not thinking of what you are going to say next. Not mentally writing your shopping list or planning on how to fix the clunk in the engine.

Nope, none of that shit.

Just focusing totally on the moment and what is being said, paying attention to the body language and checking in.

Doing this when your 5 year old has something important to share about their day? Priceless gift, because lets face it often we are too busy but if you start this practice with them when they are little  they will still come and tell you about their day when they are 15 or 16.

Doing this with your 15 or 16 year old when they are telling you about their latest conquest on Xbox     (or Playstation) or when they are telling you about what Brittany said that made them feel like  shit and she's such a bitch and .. and ... and? Priceless gift and they will come back again and again to feel validated and heard and possibly even share life changing decisions with you because they know you listen.

Doing this with your parents or in laws when they are in their 70's or 80's and telling you ( again) about their childhood and how different life was back then? Priceless gift because old people need to feel valued too,. Even better? Ask them for advice so they still feel they have something to contribute.

Doing this with your partner as they tell you about their day, in minute detail? Priceless gift and likely to lead to great sex later.

Doing this while having great sex, fully being in the moment, not in your head but connected to your body and your partners body and all the sensations that are taking place, instead of lost in your own little fantasy world? Priceless gift and likely to make the great sex you were having, the best sex you have ever had.

Simple isn't it? Because let's face it we don't really need more things. What we need is a deeper connection with those we love and the easiest way to do that is to give them more of us.



What is the best gift you ever received? Leave me a comment below

Ten things you should say ( or express) more often in your relationship

Every woman wants to feel like a Goddess in her relationship.

Every man wants to feel like a God in his relationship/

We all want to know that we are appreciated, that we are loved, that we are valued for who we are and not just what we do.

It's not a big request.

It doesn't take any special skills or high tech gadgetry to make the one you love feel SPECTACULAR on any given day.

No, it is by merely sprinkling your conversations with these simple statements;

(1) I love you.

There. Simple. A complete sentence all on it's own...... and yet we are often stingy with it's use. We think it . We feel it. But we hesitate to say it as though we could use up all it's juicy goodness by using it too often.

Trust me, we all need to say it and hear it far more often that we are at present. So next time you feel all that gushy, juiciness building inside your heart, let it out. Bathe your darling with those words as often as possible ( it's always possible)

On a side note: stop saying I love this thing or that thing. Love is for people .... not things.

(2) I'm sorry.

We all make mistakes but we don't always apologise for them..... and we should, especially with our significant other.

My darling and I were shifting furniture the other day ( well he was shifting it and I was directing where it should go). It's something I like to do regularly to shift the energy in the room and something he goes along with because he loves me.

Anyway at some point, late in the day I got snippy with him ( I bet you thought it would be the other way around right? and no it's not all peaches and cream, sunshine and rainbows over here. I can be a right bitch at times, shocking, I know)

Bless him, he just carried on shifting things and walked out of the room. When he came back I apologised because I was just being mean, for no good reason. So next time you mess up ( and you will because we all do) apologise. Just say those three little words - I am sorry.

(3) Thank you.

Yes, we are back to gratitude. Thank you darling for taking out the trash. Thank them for cooking you dinner. Thank them for getting the car serviced. Thank them for making you breakfast ... and lunch. Thank them for making you a cup of tea. Thank them for being part of your life.

Thank them for anything.

Thank them for everything.

Sounds simple but it is oh so effective.

(4) Can I help you with that?

Again very simple but also very effective.

Offering to help shows the other person that you are paying attention. You can see that, perhaps, they are struggling with something; wrestling with the kids trying to get them into their pajamas while helping  Miss 5 with her homework or talking on the phone and trying to ensure that the potatoes don't boil dry.

In reality this one doesn't even need to be said. Instead you can just pitch in and start helping.

And ladies, this goes for you too. sometimes our blokes are so busy doing their bloke thing and yet they could still use a hand maybe to fetch them the right tool so that don't have to be getting up and down off the ladder or up and down out from under the truck ( or sink or wherever other blokey job is taking place).

By offering to help you are letting the other person know that you are there for them when they need you.

(5) I see you.

This is another one of those statements that you don't necessarily say.

Every body wants to be seen for who they truly are. Not the "I'm doing fine"mask that a lot of us wear just to get through the day. But the real us, the authentic "I've been to hell and back and survived and here are my scars" us.

If we are loved enough for this"us", it shines out of us and we grow ever more confident in ourselves.

Let your partner know that you really see them for who they are and not how you think they should be. Acknowledge their past hurts and let them know that you are here to help them heal and not to inflict more damage to them.

(6) You are beautiful. Inside and out

Ladies love to hear that you think they are beautiful, gorgeous, talented beings.

Men love to hear that you think they are sexy and handsome.

My husband tells me everyday in a million little ways that he thinks I am the hottest thing he has ever seen.

How does that make me feel? Like the hottest thing, ever.

(7)  I remember when.....

Sharing the first time you kissed . Or the first time you went on a date or the first anything, really keeps the spark of romance alive. It reignites all those emotions you felt then; the flutter in your stomach, the catch in your throat, the excitement of being in love.

Looking back, in love, helps you move forward with renewed passion.

Looking back at all the mistakes however, and dragging them back up to be revisited, not so much. In fact that is a surefire way to head straight for the divorce courts!

(8) I just called to hear the sound of your voice.

With the advent of texting we often forget the joy of hearing our beloveds voice on the end of the phone. Sure a text is a quick, efficient way to keep in touch but nothing beats the sound of your honey on the end of the phone.

(9) Let's have sex

Photographer unknown

I read an article the other day that said that 1 in 7 relationships are now sexless. ( take your time to read that again)

One in Seven.

Now this makes me unbearably sad.

What was even sadder is that these relationships were between people in their 30's and 40's

. I know we all buy into the myth ( it's a MYTH, people!) that sex stops at a certain age. Poor old Miley thinks that age is 40. Sadly for some people, she is right.

I know our lives are busy and days ( sometimes weeks) go by without stopping for the delicious interlude of sex, but it is a slippery slope to No -Sex -land. In all the cases mentioned in the above article sex either petered out ( pun intended) or stopped altogether in one fell swoop.

Sex, like hugging or other nonsexual touch, releases oxytocin which is a hormone that helps us to feel bonded and emotionally connected to each other. Once sex is off the table other touching goes too and then you feel less and less connected to your partner and before long you are drifting in opposite directions.

All it takes is for one partner to keep the flame flickering by instigating sex. Asking for it while still clothed and going about your daily routine plants the seed that this might be on the agenda and anticipation builds arousal better than any pill.

 (10) Let's go do ( insert favorite shared activity) together.

Spending time togeher is vital for a great relationship to thrive. Doing things together whether it is going to dinner, going to movies, gardening, or working on a project together builds  a sense of togetherness and kinships.

Asking to spend time together lets the other partner know that you enjoy their company and look forward to spending time with them. This, in turn, makes them feel special. And we all want to feel special, right?



What do you think? What would you add to the list? Leave me a comment with your additions below.


If you are having issues in your relationship and want some help check out the Services page to book a session.

Love letter to my darling

It is easy to take your partner for granted.

I do all the cooking and cleaning ( hahahaha, that's a good one! I'm so not a Domestic Goddess!), scratch that I do all the cooking and occasionally clean).

He does all the outdoor, mendy-fixy-blokey-things, looks after the car  - oil changes, tyre pressure checks, books it for its warrant of fitness.

He also drops his clothes all over the house ( ok I tend to shed my jewelery, randomly around the place too), stacks dirty dishes on the bench instead of loading them in the empty dishwasher, hangs his towel over the shower not the towel rail and tends to leave things right in front of the door for people to trip over.

We have been together for 21 years and married for 4 ( yup, only four years) and I wanted to take a moment and write him a letter to let him know just how awesome I think he is, after reading articles like this and this.

Dear Rob,

I still remember the first time I saw you. I was 19 and you would have been 29. We were both married to other people and yet you still made an impression on me, just by being you. We bumped into each other a few times over the intervening years, nothing special. Just life in a small community where everyone knew everyone.

I still remember where I was when I heard you and Rosza had separated and the pang of sadness, for you, that went through me. I had left Brent by then and was embroiled in an affair. Life goes on.

That affair ended. I grieved and again life moved on.

I still remember when Lyn told me you had asked her out and the immense pang of jealousy that went through me although I had no reason to be jealous as I barely knew you. But it hit me like a thunderbolt.

You see I feel like I have been waiting for you my whole life.

I knew when I was 15 what I was looking for; a six foot, blond, surfie so how the hell I ended up with a 5 foot eight biker is beyond me. But that divergence gave me my kids and ultimately led me back to you. You always tell me that you wouldn't have been right for me way back then and you are probably right. But oh how I wish we had started our family instead of trying to blend two together.

It's been a rocky road trying to do just that.

For a long time you had one foot out the door. It was hilarious the other day when you finally admitted that, that was true, as if revealing some well hidden secret when I knew it all along. But for all of that one-footedness you also never gave up on us. Even when I was packing your bags and kicking you out the door. No, that love that you had in your heart wouldn't let you give up and for that I am truly, truly grateful

So I want to let you know some of the things that I absolutely adore about you;

(1) I love the way you listen to me.
It doesn't matter if we are discussing  the weather, what car to buy or having some deep, meaningful conversation, you always give me your full attention. I remember the first time I realized that you were fully engaged in what I was saying, eyes locked on mine, and I thought to myself "wow, he's actually interested in what I'm saying". It was a huge revelation., I'd never had any one's attention like that before. It made me feel like what I had to say was worth listening to

(2) I love the way you tell me how beautiful I am.

It started right at the beginning when you used to call out to me in the mornings "Good Morning Gorgeous" and even though we weren't even going out then it made my day. You never miss a day. EVER. Your constant "how's my beautiful wife?", "I love the way this dress shows off your curves" , "Look at your beautiful face" comments, never get old and also make me feel more confident and sexy, every day.

(3) I love the way you thank me every night for cooking your dinner.

I love cooking for you. feeding you healthy, nourishing meals makes my heart sing, even more so because you appreciate it so much.

(4) I love how creative you are.

From your ability to fix any thing, to the way you come up with new ideas for growing our garden to the awesome stories you write for our grand kids to the drawings that go with them, I love your creativity. You truly are an artist and I only wish that you saw yourself that way more  too. There is so much more to you than you realise
I miss all the romantic poems you used to write me and the messages you would write on the sheets for me to find after you left  but I know that life gets in the way.

(5) I love our long, talky bath sessions.

After all these years we still have so much to talk about and share and discover about each other and that gladdens my heart. I sometimes am amazed at how long we spend in the bath together, even when we struggle to see each other as it gets darker and the water goes cold and we turn all wrinkly and prunish and still we sit and talk.

(6) I love the way you introduce me to people.

It is always "And this is my lovely wife, Caitlin." or "This is my beautiful wife Caitlin." or "Have you met the love of my life, Caitlin".  I always feel valued and affirmed

I love you for being completely you. I love your loyalty, your honesty, your integrity, your passion and  your sensual nature. I love that we are growing old together and that we are comfortable with our sagging, wrinkly skin, grey hairs and creaky joints. I love the way we reminisce about all the times we met before we met and all the romantic steps that lead us here.

I love you forever. And then just a little bit more.

Yours truly, madly, deeply

Our wedding day 27.12.2009

Bling xx