Body shame

We all know that we are supposed to love our body.

And we all have that one niggly part of us that we just wish looked better.

That spot is different for all of us. For some its their thighs, or their cellulite. For others it is the size and shape of their nose.

Still others wish that their butt was bigger or smaller or a tiny bit more pert.

And some of us resort to surgery to "correct" the imperfection.

It seems like no sooner have we got comfortable with ourselves than somebody ( and I have not even the vaguest notion of who it could be) comes up with yet one more thing that we should be striving to attain.

First it was the "perfect" vagina which saw a huge upswing in requests for labiaplasty which still continues to blow my mind on a regular basis. ( Go check out my other post on Your Amazing Vagina or Love your labia, ladies).


Then came the "thigh gap" which only a tiny number of people can attain. Although according to this article "thigh gap" is just a new name for "heroin chic"( seriously, who comes up with these names) which preceded it.

All any of this does is make us, as women, uncomfortable in our own skin. We feel that there is some unattainable standard that we are failing to meet. With the ubiquitous use of social media and hashtags we are able to compare ourselves to other women out there who are posting pictures of their perfect thigh gap. Or boast about their session at the gym. Or show you just what they are eating.

Which, for those that may already be feeling insecure about their bodies, just makes us all feel a little bit worse.

What if, instead of looking at all those pictures on Instagram we look in the mirror and tell ourselves how beautiful we are and how much we appreciate our body?

What if instead of comparing our body to some media image we set about falling back in love with our bodies and the gifts that they give us? Have you ever watched  a bay or a toddler playing ? they take a never ending delight in their own bodies, it is only as we get older that we switch to feeling like we are less than.

What if instead of looking at the pics of someone else's green juice or plate of healthy salad we head to the kitchen and create our own self nurturing, healthy concoction?

What if we told ourselves every day, endlessly, all day long that who we are is enough. That how we look is just fine?

What if we told each other how great we are and got really comfortable giving and receiving compliments? And not just for how we look but for the way that we go about our lives.

What if we made the best compliment that you could give someone "You are an awesome kick ass women" instead of "You look great. Have you lost weight?"

Step away from technology. Look in the mirror and remind yourself of all that you have been through and all that you have achieved and you are still here. Strong, capable, beautiful. Sure you may have a few silver hairs or a laugh line here and there maybe even a stretch mark or two They are marks that you have lived, where them with pride.


Want to learn how to let go of the past and move into your future with a deeper sense of self love? Then check out the Awaken Your Inner Goddess course.

Energy Revamps

Yesterday my husband and I had an argument - nothing savage, just a miscommunication that led to frayed nerves, tension and a general feeling of "BLAH" throughout the house.

Since I practice what I preach I woke up this morning and set about shifting that "Yuck -ness" out of the house, out of the bed, out as far as I could shift it.

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Actually, to be honest, I started last night. I grabbed my journal and wrote it all out. Not the who said what but all the feelings and issues that had been raised. Three pages later and I felt much better and calmer. Then I decided to run a bath, a great purifying ritual if ever there was one. In went the Epsom salt and the essential oils and then in went me  for a good twenty minute soak.

Then I took myself off to do some self reiki and a good nights sleep = BLISS.

Once I got up I decided the house needed a good cleanse so out came my white sage bundle and I smudged everything, including myself. The house now smells divine and the energy feels much clearer.

Out came the Inner Domestic Goddess and everything got a good once over- vacuumed, dusted, wiped and spritzed. Then it was time to strip the bed and get that refreshed as well. Sheets and blankets are now out on the line getting some fresh air drying so my bed will smell DIVINE tonight.

And through all of that I have been listening to my favorite music - LOUD!

Shifting the vibration of your house is vital to keeping your energy high. I like to move my furniture around from time to time too. This helps the energy from stagnating. So does opening all the windows and letting in lots of fresh air - not always easy in the middle of winter but worth it on the days that you can.

It isn't until you have cleansed and shifted the energy in your home that you realize just how "icky" it was before.

How do you shift the energy in your home? What techniques have you used and what differences have you noticed?

Toxic People..... and how to avoid them

Toxic People

 We all have  them in our life. Or if we are lucky we had someone like that in our life but had the foresight to  move on.

I bet that title has already brought several people to mind. 

You know who I mean. Those people who make cutting remarks; about your weight, your job, your life and when you get upset they merely turn to you and say “ What I was only joking/teasing? Don’t be so sensitive/ defensive. Lighten up” 

Guess what? 

It’s not you.

It is them.

You are entitled to your feelings and if you feel hurt or upset by something someone says it is not always down to you being  “too sensitive” . I’ve never understood what that phrase means. I feel things . Maybe I do feel more intensely than others. This is a good thing. It means I haven’t numbed out everything in my life in order to exist. Sensitivity, therefore, should be celebrated, embraced and cherished.

Not scorned or ridiculed by those who have chosen to numb themselves to their own  emotions . Why is that considered a good thing to do? So you can move callously through the world with complete disregard for others emotions? No, thanks I’ll stick with sensitivity.

What do we do about toxic people in our lives?

It is not always easy, generally because they have convinced us that we are the problem. Us, with our sensitivity, our emotions and feelings, not them with their callous disregard, lack of compassion and hard heartedness.

It can be even harder if these people are members of your own family, that safe, nurturing sanctuary.  

•  Accept that it is not your issue:

We are entitled to feel what we feel without censure or ridicule or being told to “lighten up”. Once we accept that our feelings are valid we can then decide how we are going to react to the situation.

If we constantly feel that the other person is justified in their statements we begin to devalue ourselves, our feelings and our reactions.STOP! Anyone treating you badly for feeling how you feel is a dick. The end 

•   Value your feelings:

Celebrate your sensitivity!  It makes you more compassionate, more loving and more open than those who are less sensitive.

Allow yourself to feel  what you feel without censoring it for the benefit of others.

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•  Establish a clear boundary:

Now that you have acknowledged the validity of your feelings it is time to let those people who have  treated your feelings with casual disregard that it is no longer acceptable and that you will not tolerate it.

Pick a time when you are not feeling emotionally vulnerable and approach the person concerned and calmly tell them that you do not appreciate their constant negating of your feelings and ask them to stop treating you this way.

This may bring on the usual round of “ stop being so sensitive. Lighten up”  etc so practice being a stuck record and ask them (nicely, calmly) to respect your feelings in the future.

Refrain from name calling or blame , merely state your position and ask them to respect it.

•  Distance yourself :

If they continue to disrespect you once you have established your boundary then you move on to the next step of avoiding contact with them.

Some people won’t change. This is the way they have always been and they truly believe that it is you that has the issue. In this case you have no choice but to avoid them. Yes,even if they are family.  Especially if they are your family. Family is supposed to be the one place that we can go to count on for love and support and nurturing. It is supposed to be a place to retreat from the world. Sadly this is not always the case as I know only too well.

It is okay to love them from afar. You don’t have to put yourself in the place of being treated badly. Sure, give them the option of treating you right by telling them how what they are doing or saying is making you feel. If they continue to do the same old, same old then you have the choice to not show up any more for that treatment

YES, BUT

I can hear you now; Yes but how do I do that when they are family/ a coworker/ my partner? Well guess what ? As Dr Phil says we teach people how to treat us.

How do we do that?

But putting up with their shit.

If you don't like it say something and keep on saying it until you are heard. It is called the broken record technique.

Think of a two year old; they ask for something and you say "No" so what do they do they ask again ... and again ..... and again until you give  in just to get some peace. So if your toxic person doesn't get it the first time that you tell them their behavior upsets you tell them again... and again .... and again. And keep your distance. Don't engage with them. Just stop: talking, texting, Facebook messaging, phoning, emailing or catching up to "just chat"., if at the end of these things you are left feeling; less than, drained, belittled,  or bad about your self then this person IS. NOT. GOOD. FOR. YOU. Full stop, the end.


If you need help forming clear boundaries then contact me to set up a Skype or one on one session  :
Details Here



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The greatest gift you can give your partner

There is always one person that you just can't find a gift for.

Often it is our partner but sometimes it can be our parents or a good friend . Even though I said in the title that this gift is the greatest thing you could give your partner it works for other significant people in your life, even your kids. Especially your kids.

This is a clue!

Every one wants to feel special.

To feel that they are loved, lovable and loving.

So how do we give that to people? How do we let them know that they are  loved?

Sure, we can tell them but often the words don't sink in, heart deep.

We can show them by doing things for them, but again that can be easily overlooked.

We can buy them things, which is what we all do at Xmas, but how do you convey depth of feeling with a dollar value? Do you even want to?

We can give hugs and touch and this is always a good place to start. although some people find touch uncomfortable as a means of receiving love. Especially if they have issues with past abuse.

These are all worthwhile and loving things to add into any relationship and if you are not already doing them  then I suggest you get on to it.

No, what I am talking about is giving your presence instead of just presents.

Being fully present  with the people you love means connecting with them, with your eyes, when they are talking. Giving them your full attention. Not just half listening, not thinking of what you are going to say next. Not mentally writing your shopping list or planning on how to fix the clunk in the engine.

Nope, none of that shit.

Just focusing totally on the moment and what is being said, paying attention to the body language and checking in.

Doing this when your 5 year old has something important to share about their day? Priceless gift, because lets face it often we are too busy but if you start this practice with them when they are little  they will still come and tell you about their day when they are 15 or 16.

Doing this with your 15 or 16 year old when they are telling you about their latest conquest on Xbox     (or Playstation) or when they are telling you about what Brittany said that made them feel like  shit and she's such a bitch and .. and ... and? Priceless gift and they will come back again and again to feel validated and heard and possibly even share life changing decisions with you because they know you listen.

Doing this with your parents or in laws when they are in their 70's or 80's and telling you ( again) about their childhood and how different life was back then? Priceless gift because old people need to feel valued too,. Even better? Ask them for advice so they still feel they have something to contribute.

Doing this with your partner as they tell you about their day, in minute detail? Priceless gift and likely to lead to great sex later.

Doing this while having great sex, fully being in the moment, not in your head but connected to your body and your partners body and all the sensations that are taking place, instead of lost in your own little fantasy world? Priceless gift and likely to make the great sex you were having, the best sex you have ever had.

Simple isn't it? Because let's face it we don't really need more things. What we need is a deeper connection with those we love and the easiest way to do that is to give them more of us.



What is the best gift you ever received? Leave me a comment below

The Power of "Thank you"

I have been keeping a Gratitude journal for years. Well, mostly in fits and starts. Some weeks I do it every day and then somehow I fall of the wagon and days, sometimes weeks or even months go past without a single gratitude entry. And here's the funny thing ( not funny haha, just funny/strange) when I am doing my gratitude everyday my life flows better.

I notice things to be grateful for; the soft rain after days of sunshine, a warm fire when it's freezing outside, new flowers on my rose bushes, birds flying up to my window to say "hi" and always, a;ways my darling for being awesomely himself.

Then life starts getting busier. I am happier, calmer and more grounded and somehow the ritual of writing in my gratitude diary falls by the way side.

That is until this year.

This year I made a conscious choice to continue the practice all year. I even added in an extra component, a gratitude jar. I had a large flagon that my father in law had given me ( actually he gave me three - lucky me! thanks Bill!) and I started to write down things that happened each day or week that I was grateful for, I wrote them on little post it notes and I will take them out on New Years Eve to look back over my year and see just how blessed I truly am.

But mostly I write in my journal. I also created the 100 days of Gratitude over  on my Facebook page , come over and join us, we are on day 63!! This has been a great way to keep the focus on gratitude and share it with my followers. The lovely part has seeing how they are joining in and sharing what they are grateful for too.

At Christmas time I start feeling all mooshy and grateful for all the people who have helped me throughout the year and one of the ways I share this is by sending them "thank you"notes or buying them chocolate
 ( because that's the same thing, right? ). I do this for my hairdresser, my accountant, our postie  and , when I lived in town, the guys who picked up the recycling (only I got them beer).

Gratitude is one of the highest vibrations

You see, it is so easy to take people for grated. Sure, I am paying those people to do a job for me and all of them do it well so isn't it worth acknowledging how much you appreciate the work they do for you by giving them a gift? To say "hey I really value and appreciate the work you do for me?". Because, let's face it, everyone like to know that they are appreciated.

And here's the funny thing about showing appreciation; you feel good, they feel good and (wait for it) anyone who sees the exchange also feels good. How cool is that? Everyone gets a boost of feel good hormones coursing through their bodies, which boost the immune system, lowers the blood pressure and generally just makes you go all mooshy and lovey dovey inside.

Now, if you believe in the Law of attraction ( which you should, because it is a law, just like gravity. Uh oh things are getting a bit woo woo in here, brace yourselves) what you will begin to notice is that as you express more gratitude you will find more things to be grateful for. You will realize that you are already blessed with an abundance of good things in your life and begin to feel more content with yourself, your relationships and life in general.

Gratitude can change the world

All this from the simple act of writing down what you are grateful for, each day.

One of the things I give thanks for each and every day is my husband. Which makes me more loving towards him, which in turn makes him more loving towards me ( you see how this can spiral out of control can't you?)

Not noticing all that your partner does for you can lead to feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction but by simply acknowledging what they are doing, thanking them verbally and also in your journal, shifts the energy noticeably and in a short space of time.

Gratitude has the power to transform your life and the lives of those around you. It is simple, effective and costs next to nothing

So who do you need to say "thank you"to?  What and who are you grateful for? Now is a good time to let them know.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Thank you for sharing it  ( you are sharing it, right?) Thanks for coming over and liking my Facebook page. Oh and thanks for leaving a comment, I love hearing from you guys!!

How to cope with being too sensitive

 Last week I wrote this Too sensitive.... too soft... too and it obviously struck a chord with a lot of people. So this week I thought I'd give you some ideas on how to cope in a world that doesn't "get"you.

Unusually, for me, I have been out and about mixing with people every. single. day. And it has been absolutely lovely. I have met some amazing new friends and strengthened the bonds with some old friends. I have had delicious lunches in  great locations. I have basked in the sunshine of love and light.

If I had not prepared myself for all of this socializing I would now be feeling like a rung out rag; exhausted and a bit ( who am I kidding?  I would be a lot ) grumpy.

Thankfully I have learnt a few things over the years.

(1) When we built our home I not only blessed the site when it was bull dozed ( after thanking all the earth spirits and devas and fairies - I know, why have they not carted me off to the looney bin???)  we also buried specific crystals in each corner of  where the house would be and a large piece of rose quartz at the "heart"of the home.

Our house.... being built!

The next layer was when the foundations were laid and then when the gib board went on I wrote affirmations over each doorway into the house asking for blessings of peace and love to all who entered. I also wrote various mantras on certain walls.

What does this do? It built up an energy of healing and love in the home while it was being built.

We also gave a gift to everyone that worked on the home. EVERYONE!  and thanked them for their part in building it.

Not everyone builds their own home but there are still things that you can do to impact the energy in your home. Gridding your home with crystals can be done at any time. Just select crystals with the porperties that you are looking to create and place in all four corners of a given room or of the house itself.

(2) Taking care of the energy in your home by regular space clearing is also a good idea. As we are moving into Spring here in NZ it is the perfect time to not only Spring clean your home but also the energy. There are numerous good books on the subject. Two of my faves are: Sacred Space by Denise Linn and Creating Sacred Space with Feng Shui by Karen Kingston.

Essentially you use vibration from singing bowls, bells, music or clapping or any combination to shift the vibtation in your home. Setting the intention of what it is that you are wanting to create is a good place to start.

 You can also use specific mantras to raise the vibration of your home. "Om mani padme hum" is a good universal mantra or even just "Om"on its own.

(3) I also have numerous geodes and crystals throughout my home as well as statues of Buddha, Ganesha and Kuan Yin to invite in more harmonious energy.

This one is in my lounge and is about 25kgs

Himalayan Crystal Salt Lamps are also great, not just for purifying the air but for creating a relaxing atmosphere.


(4) When it comes to my personal energy I  do several things everyday to keep my energy  clear; meditation, gratitude journaling and EFT practice.

Over at my Facebook page we are doing 100 days of Gratitude, come over and join us for a daily reminder on what to be grateful for.

(4) When I know I am going to be in a crowded environment or when dealing with clients I wear specific crystal pendants. I particularly like one from Life Energy that is embedded with Solfeggio frequencies
( seriously go check out their website for info on these and no I don't get a commission - I just really believe in their products)

I first discovered them years ago when they were making Negaters ( in fact I have one of the first ones they made) and now that they have added in crystal pendants its all I can do to stop myself buying one of each!




How do you keep your energy clear? Leave me a comment below.