Digging Deep, Letting go, Moving on

The trouble with doing deep, inner transformational work is that it never ends.


 Just when you think you have got all your shit handled you will find or be presented with a new scenario, a slightly different slant on the same old story. Something or someone ( it's usually a someone) will present it itself and you will be stopped in your tracks.

The bad news is that the deeper and clearer that you get with your boundaries the more this is likely to happen.

I think  the Universe ( God, Goddess, Source whatever you call it) has a warped sense of humour. She ( I'm going with she because IT is just a tad impersonal for the maker/creator of the Universe, but that's just me) will see you cruising along with all your ducks in a row, feeling like the Queen of your Universe and so she will think to herself "I wonder if she has finally let all of that shit go? I know I'll just give her a little test"  And Voila just like that a situation is placed before you that resembles some chit from the past that you have already let go of....... or so you thought.


The good news is that if you have been paying attention to your own life and you are awake and processing your stuff, you will immediately recognise this for what it is, a test.  With that clarity you will handle the situation differently, gracefully and with the utmost ease and you can carry on your happy way.

Or............

You haven't processed your stuff, you have stuffed it down deep inside and when a new situation arises to test you, you hang your head and go "Why does this shit always happen to me?"


Um, well that's because you need to learn this lesson.

You need to learn how to release and let go.

Letting go is one of the hardest things that we, as humans , do.

We cling to people, situations, even things that NO LONGER SERVE  US!

Why?

Because letting go is painful. It requires change.

Most of us would do anything rather than change.

Change means looking at everything in your life and asking "does this serve me?" If the answer is no then you let it go.

Change means reevaluating the relationships in your life. This one is really scary because we don't want to upset people. We want people to like us, often, at any cost. Even if that cost is to ourselves.

Change means taking a leap of faith and working out the details on the way down. Faith means trusting in something greater than yourself. Trusting that the Universe has got your back.... and she does.

Change takes courage. Courage to do things differently. Courage to stand up and say "This is who I am!" Courage to do what is best for YOU, regardless of others opinions.

Change is about being comfortable with your discomfort. Stepping out of your comfort zone, stepping into where the magic happens and knowing that you have what it takes to make it happen.

Change means loving yourself enough to carry on in spite of what others think.

 Changing the world happens when the world is full of people with the courage to live life on their terms. When people are fully awake to their own potential and are ready to do what ever it takes to make their dreams a reality.

Letting go, it sounds so easy but take a look inside a hoarders house and you will see that those two little words pack a  big punch. If you are ready to make some changes in your life then take a look at your own clutter and see where it is that you are still holding on. Decluttering is a powerful tool for inner work.

Start with one drawer, or one room and see and feel the shift in your energy as you drag out all the old memories and decide which ones to keep and which to let go of. Do not be surprised if it is harder than you think.
 Clarity is the gift that you receive at the end of it ( and generally, several bags of junk to take to the dump or donate to goodwill).



If you have an area that you need some help with, if you are wanting to move on and not sure how or have some issues you need help letting go of, click on the SERVICES tab above to see how I can help you

Life interrupted

You know how it is ; one minute your life is sailing along and the next you somehow get derailed, shunted sideways by life and you are no longer sure of which way is up.

That's what has happened to me.

somehow or other I lost my footing on my path and took a tumble. While I was down there I started questioning what the hell it was that I was even doing? Why did I write my blog? Why did I have a Facebook page? Why did I feel an overwhelming urge to share all the ins and outs of my life with you, the faceless readers? Why? Why?
 And I found I didn't have a decent reason to.

So I stopped.

I shut down my business.

I closed my Facebook page.

I logged out of Linked In.

I kept Twitter and Google+ ( mainly because I forgot I had it LOL) and I kept my blog. Only I didn't really post anymore - just sporadic bursts of indignation that the world had not healed itself yet goddammit! and why were we still being so vile to one another??

During all this time I have taken a wander deep, deep, deep ( yup that deep!) into myself.

I did a 21 day mantra meditation journey with Deva Premal because chanting always grounds me. In fact I'm listening to mantras on Grooveshark as I'm writing this.

I have returned to my gratitude journal to give daily thanks for everything in my life; the good , the bad and the ugly  as it were.

I have practised daily EFT as I go to sleep and as I awake every morning and night for weeks.

I have  read and read and read some more.
I have blobbed out in front of mindless television,  watching all the episodes of Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad back to back.
I have practiced hoóponopono for anything and everything that you can imagine.
I have given myself daily Reiki sessions.

And I still feel broken, lost and confused.

Until last night.

I have taken a part time job working night shift at a small kiwifruit lab. I have made a few friends and one of them asked me a few days ago why and how I always stayed positive. she sees me as the woman who always has a smile on her face and who is always upbeat ( ahhh the masks that we wear)  So I shared with her some of the things that I have been doing ( listed above) and suggested that she think of 5 things that she could be grateful for and a few other simple suggestions.

Last night she thanked me for helping her and when I shared that this was the work I had been doing before starting at the lab she said "Well you are really good at it and you should go back to it"

Now I had spent the night doing my work and asking the angels for guidance, for some sign of what my next step should be.

Do you think I got my answer? I do.

So I have decided I am going to start, gently easing myself back into........ something.

I have a passion for helping woman feel comfortable with their bodies the way that they are now. You see often we get the "I"ll be happy when"syndrome : I'll be happy when I lose  x number of pounds/kilos, I'll be happy when I can fit into a size...., I'll be happy when I get the perfect haircut, I'll be happy when  I have bigger/smaller breasts, I'll be happy when ...... and the list never ends..... and we never realise that we get to choose to be happy now.

 I am passionate about making the world a better place to live by showing people how to love themselves first and foremost because in loving yourself and having compassion for all the fuck ups that you make in your own life you will have so much more compassion for everyone else that you ever come in contact with. In my work I have found that the person most people struggle to forgive the most is not the person who inflicted incredible pain on them; no, they struggle most in forgiving themselves. I know that this has been what I am struggling with and the more that I forgive myself the happier I am with my life.

I am passionate about writing.

I am passionate about having the best, juiciest relationship int he world and helping others to achieve a deep level of intimacy that they may not have reached before. I believe that we connect with each other on a primal level when we engage in sex and sometime those "hooks"need to be released from past sexual encounters so that we can move into a deeper connection with the person in front of us now. Sexual wounding happens to all of us from time to time but we tend to push it down or deny to our selves that it ever took place and by doing this we shut off part of our sexual juice.

I could go on .... and on but somehow I am going to pull all the threads of my passions into SOMETHING. So brace yourself World, I'm back on track and with a firmer grasp of who I am and what my purpose is.

Wish me luck xx

Letting Go Part Two

I've been a bit quiet lately. My youngest son moved home for the month of February before he headed off overseas so I have been spending a lot of time connecting with him.

Yesterday I took him to the airport and said good bye. Not entirely sure when I will get to see him again. Any of you who are parents and have experienced this will  know what I'm talking about.

When they move out of home to go flatting  you know that  there will be visits home, whether it's for Christmas or weddings or just because, kids always come home. But when they head off overseas they are off for the adventure of a lifetime.

It has almost become a rite of passage for Kiwi (New Zealand) kids. We are so far from everything that , inevitably, the kids head off overseas. Some come home after a few years and some never do.

My son was an accident. He was the baby I had when I was separated from his father. He has always been my boy as his father and I never got back together. sure he has had contact with his dad. His father was there at his birth and stuck around in NZ for the first few months before heading back to the US. And that has been the pattern throughout my son's  life, Dad would drop in for a few months, the kids would go visit him and then he would return to the US.

My current husband met me when I was pregnant and has been a constant in our lives ever since. He is the man that has raised my youngest son, although my son has always known exactly who his father is, I made sure of that. I took photos of them together and hung them by his bed and every nap time and every bed time we talked about who that man in the picture holding him was, from 5 months onwards.

It is only recently that my son has told me about how much he felt he missed out by never living with me and his Dad together as a family. I always knew that it would be an issue but never realized the full impact on him. He would hear his brothers talk about things we had done as a family and he felt excluded.

I did my best. I gave him a family with my husband and his daughters but it is never the same.

So my son has set off to the US to live with his Dad for a while and sort out his relationship to this man who is his father, who has never fathered him. I know that this is what he needs to do. I know that this is vital for him to fully grow into the man he is meant to be. I have known that this was going to happen at some point from the time he went to visit his Dad for 6 weeks when he was 11. He came home from that trip and told me "I'm a city kid and I want to live over there one day".

I have been mentally preparing myself for this day.

It still takes some adjusting to. as I've said before letting go is never easy.

Fighting Fair

Into any relationship a little rain must fall and lets face it, if we were happy, smiley, loving couples all the time life would get pretty boring.

The trick to fighting fair and not completely losing the plot is to remember that this is the person that you love. You may not love them much in this moment but they are the person that you what to keep waking up to everyday.
The trouble with most of us is that we save up all the little niggly things that our partner does and we also harbor grudges from all the past indiscretions they have ever made and then we attach it to the latest grievance and voila, we dump it all on their heads in one fell swoop.

We drag up all the things that they ever said or did wrong. Any time that we caught them glancing at another woman, lets just through that on the fire! POW!

And the time they didn't back us up in that disagreement with their mother. Kapow!

Oh and that time they said they would be home at 7 and then they didn't get in until 9pm? Lets chuck that in to! Biff!

By now things are in full roar and there is no stopping you.

In fact you might have even forgotten what you were originally arguing over.

So back to the idea of fighting fair and believe me it can be done. The main thing is to keep to the topic in hand and not go back to every other argument you have ever had and throw that on the fire.

Express your emotions from an "I feel" perspective instead of a "You did" or "You always" .

 Own your feelings and  state them clearly: "I felt really let down when you came home at 9 instead of 7. I had been really looking forward to seeing you and when you were late and didn't call me I started to worry about what had happened to you.'"

Do you see how that statement doesn't add any fuel to the fire but at the same time let's the other person know exactly what was going on for you?

If the other party chooses to lash out an drag in other issues then you can quietly remind them that the topic is the one at hand and not past grievances.

The other important thing to remember is that there are three sides to any argument; your side, their side and the truth.

 None of us come to an argument with a clean slate. We all have baggage from past relationships, our families and friends. So when we start an argument we are looking at things through the filters of our past and its just like looking through tinted glasses, when you take off the glasses everything looks completely different. Your partner is looking through their filters and so what they see is not the same as what you see.
When you realize this you can shift from your perspective to one of compassion, understanding and love which, ultimately, takes the heat out of any argument.

You gain  a new perspective of your partner that gives you a greater understanding of what makes them tick and shifts you back into a loving state.


Try it next time you are arguing, listen for the clues as to what is really going on for your partner and what filters they are looking through.


If you are having issues in your relationships; your intimate relationship, relationships with friends, family of with your self  then contact me for a one on one session; in person or via Skype http://www.cgrace4wellbeing.com/wellbeing-intimacy-packages.php