Self Care for surviving the holiday season

We all seem to go just a tiny bit crazy over the holiday season. We rush around like the world is going to end to morrow with "To Do" lists a mile long.

And an even longer list of "Shoulds": 

I should buy everyone I know a gift including the kids teachers, the postman, the garbage collection guy and the lady that does my hair.

I should go home for the holidays. I should go to all the events I am invited too so I don't hurt any one's feelings.

My house should be decorated and everything should be cleaned and look like the team from House and Garden are about to drop by for a photo shoot.

I should cook everything form scratch and provide alternatives in case any vegan/lactose intolerant/gluten free/following a strict diet/Paleo/ nut allergic people stop by.

I should prepare enough food in case the apocalypse happens over the holiday break happens.

*Yawn* makes me tired just writing it. The reality is that we don't need to do any of that stuff. What we need more than anything is to take a deep breath ( gone on just try it, right now) and relax.

We need to switch our focus back to what the holiday season is all about ; LOVE, PEACE and GOODWILL to ALL. The holidays are a time to reflect on the past year and look forward to the coming year with anticipation of better things to come.

Here's a list to help guide you through the coming season:

(1) Breathe: If you find yourself getting worked up or agitated take a moment to take three nice, slow deep breaths. If you are still worked up try another three. Trust me, just pausing to breathe can make the world of difference.

(2) Simplify: Write a list of all that you need to do. Now look at it and decide how you can cross at least half of it off. Do you really need to make everything from scratch or can you buy some of it ready made? Is it really important to clean the windows, clean the carpets and reorganise the linen cupboard or could you just leave that til later?  Does the garden really have to look perfect? Get the idea? Pull back to a level of sanity.

(3) Delegate: Look at your list again and ask yourself who else could do that job for you?

(4) Enjoy: IF you aren't having fun then you are doing it wrong! The holidays are about FUN and if you are so busy running from one task to the next that you are just stressed and grumpy then everybody loses

(5) Hydrate: ( this one is for all of us in the Southern Hemisphere!)  While you are out and about doing all your Christmas jobs remember to DRINK, and NO, I don't mean alcohol! It gets hot and shopping is hard work so always take a water bottle with you and actually drink it.

(6) BREATHE: Yes, I know it's on here twice because that is how important it is.

(7) Hug: Hug yourself, hug your kids, hug your friends, hug your partner. Hugging releases oxytocin which is not only the bonding hormone but also makes us feel more connected, relaxed and secure and we could all do with more of that.

(8) Relax: Christmas is only one day and we all try to cram in so much activity and a years worth of bonding into one day. We also have far too high an expectation of what our family holiday is supposed to be or should ( there's that word again!) so just STOP and let it all unfold without feeling you have to control it all.


That's it in a nutshell. What is your best tip for surviving the holidays? Leave me a comment below.


My book "Every Goddesses Guide to Sex, Love and Life" is coming out in the New Year. Join my email list to keep up to date with all things  Goddess -y

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What are you waiting for?

John Lennon once said "Life is what happens while you are making other plans" And its true. We seem to get so caught up in our own little plans and schemes that we forget that life is happening all around us, right now.

Now don't get me wrong, anticipation is a beautiful thing. It can give us a heightened sense of excitement. Think back to what it was like being a kid waiting for Christmas morning. The anticipation that built up once December hit was incredible.

The waiting that I am talking about is the kind where you think your life will be all sorted by the time you reach ( fill in the magical number) age. Or the "I'll be happy when...."; the kids start school, finish school, leave home, when I weigh ( fill in the other magical number), when  the house is renovated, we get a new car and on and on the list goes.

And our life slips by while we wait for everything to be just right.

I blame Goldilocks

Goldilocks had it all right in front of her: the ready made porridge, the cozy beds but she still managed to find fault with everything  before settling on the perfect bowl of porridge and the perfect bed. And we are the same. Life is laid before us, in all it's glory and we choose to wait for the right time, for things to be perfect, or for some other ephemeral thing.

I've been gulity of it myself. When I was younger I thought that things would look and be a certain way by the time I was thirty ( they weren't). I thought life would change radically when we moved house ( it didn't) but most damaging of all has been what I have denied myself in the process.

Stop Waiting

For years I didn't go swimming because I thought I was too fat and hideous to wear a bathing suit and then one day I changed my mind. I bought a bathing suit and went swimming. The Earth did not stop. In fact people barely even noticed. The day that I first ventured into a public swimming pool no-one even batted an eye. You see the thing is everybody is only wondering what people are thinking of them so they don't have time to worry about you too.

“You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”

I know I'm not the only one. We all seem to have this crazy idea that we have to be perfect and yet a lot of the things that we love about life were accidents or mistakes. Failure happens and you survive and often, your life is richer for the mistakes that you made. Your grow and stretch and realize that mistake wasn't a tragedy after all.

The movie "The Bucket List" got a lot of people taking action.

If you haven't seen it go rent it our and watch it. Two old guys decide to do things that they have always wanted to do because they are both dying. The sad thing is we all are dying we just don't know when. I guess this was brought home to me earlier this year with the two deaths in my family. My brother was diagnosed with cancer in 2012 and so he took up floristry, something he had always been interested in. Sadly he passed away in February this year but at least he got to try something he had always wanted to.

I always wanted to do yoga but my list of excuses was long: too fat, not bendy, it would be too hard for me and on and on it went. But the longing for it was always there so this year I finally did it. I've only been to three classes so far but I love it. Now I ask myself "why didn't I do this sooner?" And the asnwer is simple we think we have to wait for things to be perfect..... and they never will be

There is a Grumpy Cat meme that I love that says: There are two things I hate... change..... and the way things are. Which sums it up nicely, none of us likes change but a lot of us aren't happy with the way our life is either so we need to take action - even if it is one small step in the direction you want to go. Start. Now.

Top Five Tips for Changing Your Life

(1) Brainstorm ideas of everything you have ever wanted to do.
 Get it all down on paper and then take a look at it and cross off anything that isn't what you really want to do. Sometimes the things that we thought we wanted were just what we thought we should want and not what we actually want.

(2) Create a vision board
Now that you know what you want create an image of what that would look like and feel like. Grab a sketch pad and a stack of magazines and start pasting pictures of what you want to do onto it 

(3) Act "as if" 
This is the old fake it til you make it trick. My husband and I play a game where we talk about things as if they have already happened and we are enjoying them now. It helps shift your focus from what is happening at present so that you are a great er vibratory match for what it is you are trying to create.

As Einstein says  "You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it. You must learn to see the world anew.

(4) Repeat affirmations

If you have created a vision board hopefully you have written some affirmations on there as well. Affirmations are always written in the present tense and some times this feels like we are lying to ourselves.  Or our inner voice is going "I don't think so" One way around this is to state it  this way "I am in the process of.... losing weight, becoming a millionaire, winning lotto"or whatever else you are wanting to create . This shifts the focus to the reality - you are a work in progress.

(5) Gratitude

Ahh my old favorite. Give thanks for what you already have. Want a new, slimmer body? Love the one you already have because you cannot change anything from a position of hate. Want a flash car? Be grateful that the one you have already works fine and gets you where you need to go. I'm sure you get the idea.
 

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The things we take for granted

They say that a change is as good as a rest but do you know whats even better? An actual rest.

I've just been away for a short break. A break from work. A break from thinking too much. A break from technology. It was only for four days and it was brilliant.

The day before we went away the power was out until 1o'clock in the afternoon. This meant that all my last minute cleaning and laundry got put on hold for the better part of the day. It was almost like starting the holiday early. There was not a lot we could do so we relaxed and just let the day unfold as it would.

Luckily we had a small gas element so we could make a cup of tea to help us get into relaxed mode. Once the power came back on none of that "important"cleaning stuff seemed so important any more.

Then we were off for our actual holiday. Three nights staying at the lovely Taupo De Bretts; beautiful accommodation, king size bed, underfloor heating and best of all, all day passes for their thermal pools.Starting and ending the day lolling about in delicious hot thermal  pools is my idea of heaven

And then we came home and guess what? the day after we got home the power was off for the whole day . ( Seriously people stop crashing into power poles!) This was the third power outage in two weeks (two due to car accidents and one due to a storm) ( No one was seriously injured in either car accident)

Luckily I was still in holiday mode so decided to stay in my pj's and read all day. Yes, one whole book devoured just like that ( "Screw You Dolores by Sarah Kate Lynch in case you were wondering. Great book, did make me giggle quite a few times. Have now decided that Sarah Kate should be my new best friend! Though I don't drink so that's not likely to happen LOL!)

Things we take for granted

Once the power was restored ( again!) at 4:30 in the afternoon the house started to hum again and it made me realise just how noisy houses are . We don't notice the fridge humming and the whir of the computer until the power goes out and everything is completely silent. In our house when the power goes out so does the water  which can make things tricky. No showers, no flushing the toilet and no cups of tea.... unless there is some water still left in the jug.

So with all these power outages hubby and I are now thinking even more about being self sustaining.. we already have solar for the water heating and a wet back on the wood fire. Now we want to start collecting rain water so we don't have to rely on the town supply. All of which would bring me full circle to how I lived when I first left home. At that time my (ex) husband and I lived with no power. I cooked on a wood stove, which heated our water which we gravity fed from a spring (most delicious water I have ever tasted). I baked all our own bread ( no bread makers in those days), washed nappies in a wringer washing machine that my ex had rigged a lawn mower motor too. I loved it even though it was hard at times.

Now we have instant everything. Power at the flick of a switch. Hot and cold running water that we don't even think about. Instant connectivity via text or email.  Broadband that we moan about not being fast enough. In the process we have lost so much.

Talk to me

One of the things I love about spending time with my husband is how much we still have to talk about..... even after 21 ( nearly 22) years of being together. When we are together we are together. He's not attached to his cell phone checking his texts and neither am I . When we go out to a cafe or to dinner we sit and talk to each other. Sadly that is not that common these days as everyone seems to be gazing wistfully at their smartphone instead of into the eyes of their darling.

Life is short. And these days so is our attention span.

We spend far too much time checking our phones, updating Facebook (I know I am guilty of that!), taking selfies and reading our emails

We spend far too little time talking, hugging, touching, making love and connecting with those right in front of us.

The more we stare at our screens  the less connected we feel to those around us and the lonelier it makes us feel. It seems like everyone else's life is far more interesting than our own. We forget that they are only posting the highlights and often, are tweaking the truth to make it appear better than it actually is.

5 Simple steps to change your life:

(1) Set the timer when you sit down in front of the computer. Doesn't matter whether you set it for 5 minutes or two hours but once it goes off step way from the screen and engage in something else  or with someone  for the same amount of time that you were on the computer.

(2) Keep a gratitude journal. Each day take time to notice what you have in your life that you are grateful for. Try not to repeat the same things each day. Remember to include things like your eyesight, hot and cold running water.
Yesterday when the power finally came back on I took a shower and that water flowing over me  felt so good.

(3) Don't look at your phone.Make a commitment to not look at your phone when you are with ( a) your partner (b) your friends. Just be in the moment. Be present and give them your undivided attention. This alone will improve all your relationships.

(4) Have one day a week without electronics. In the past Sunday was a holy day. A day for going to church or at least, spending with family. Maybe now we need to set aside one day of the week that we do not have our cellphones or computers on. The world will not stop if we do this but our life may improve.

(5) Book a holiday. We all need to rest, relax and recharge. It doesn't have to be a long break, even a weekend away will do. You don't even need to leave home. Staycations are great...... if you commit to connecting with the people that you live with and disconnect from the technological world for the duration.

Bonus!

(6) Read a book. Seriously. Lose yourself in a rollicking good yarn. Nothing beats an actual book. Yes, I do have an e reader. No, I am not completely anti technology. In fact, I love technology and that is part of the problem we all love it so much we forget what it was like before it came along with all its sparkly, glittery distractions. Maybe its time we just took a teeny step back to how life was before. Technology will still be waiting for us when we decide to reconnect. Truly. It will.