What have I been up to?

 You may have noticed I'm not posting here as much.

Do not despair!

 I am still around , still writing , just posting in different places.

Yesterday I started writing this piece for my new website ( you should definitely go check it out!)

 Daily Self Love

Self love is a daily requirement. Just like we need to shower, brush our teeth, make healthy food choices and exercise, we need to work self love into our daily lives. The trouble is that we think that by doing the things listed before that we are loving ourselves and while they are certainly part of the equation, they are definitely not the whole story.

The whole story is being gentle with yourself on the rough days. The days when life is dragging you down and you are not sure if you want to get back up and instead of berating yourself or eating a tub of ice cream or listening to the voice in  your head that tells you all the reasons that you are worthless and a failure you choose to get up, look yourself in the eye and say “It’s okay, babe, you got this.”

The whole story is talking nicely to yourself to drown out the Negative Nelly in your head so that the bitch sits down and shuts the fuck up so you can carry on with your day.

Click on the link below to read more

http://www.caitlingraceauthor.com/blog/daily-self-love/

 Or you hop over here and read my latest post for The Huffington Post

 Divorce: 22 years later 

I divorced my first husband 22 years ago.


This weekend I just had him, his new wife and my ex mother-in-law over for an extended family get together and it was lovely. There were no big dramas other than 2-year-old teething tantrums from my granddaughter and squawks from the 4-month-old twin granddaughters. In fact it was the best family gathering I have had in my home for a long while.
Click the link to read more
 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/caitlin-grace/divorce-22-years-later_b_9214442.html 

 

Hot Mess Sisterhood

Let's face it on any given day we can all be a bit of a hot mess.

i know that when I was growing up I thought that by the time I reached X age I would totally have all my shit together.

I am 53.

I am still waiting for that day.

The truth is we are all making it up as we go along.

When we were kids it looked  like all the adults knew what they were doing. They knew how to parent, drive a car, balance a checkbook, keep food on the table and keep their relationship going. To be honest my parents relationship didn't look that great so I was taking notes on "what I don't want in a relationship". Turns out I wasn't paying close enough attention  but that's a story for another day.

I left home at 18 and moved straight in with my boyfriend and thought that now I would have my shit together and begin to "adult". Boy, was I wrong. I went on to have kids and figured now I would know how to "adult". Nope, wrong again. Instead I suffered from post natal depression and our kindly doctor told us that I needed loving support from my husband. Instead I left him when my son was four months old.

We got back together but eventually I left him.

With two young kids I figured now I would begin to get my life sorted. Oh, how I laugh! Instead I got pregnant to my ex and then divorced.

I have just staggered from one cluster fuck to the next all in the guise of being an "adult" and "knowing what I am doing". I did make some smart moves though, namely meeting and marrying my current husband.

I am older and wiser now but life can still knock you sideways which is what happened to me a few years back when I went through a complete nervous breakdown. And just like Brene Brown's therapist I call it a Spiritual Awakening ( watch until the 11 minute mark to get the reference).

I dissolved into a heap. I didn't function. I went on antidepressants which is so against everything I believed up until that point.

This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I am a therapist. I am the one that helps people and here I was, not even able to help myself. It took me a long time to pull myself back together and it took lots of self care, lots of unending support from my beloved husband and time, lots of time.

Then it became my dirty, little secret. I felt like a fraud helping people when I had fallen apart so spectacularly. I didn't want to share about it. I didn't want to blog about it (although the nudge to do so has been there for a long time) I kept it to myself.

So why am I sharing it now?

Because we all have crap days.

Because talking about our shit, heals our shit.

Because I want you to know that I know.  I know what it is like to fall apart. I know what it is like to struggle. To struggle with being a Mum and wondering if you are doing a good job . To struggle with the idea of leaving and "what will that do to the kids?" . To struggle with an inopportune pregnancy and weigh all of that up. To struggle with starting anew relationship when there are kids involved.

Because I survived it all and thrived and I know you can too.

Because putting all my cards on the table feels real and raw and vulnerable and powerful and empowering all at the same time.

Because reclaiming myself as a Sex Goddess and stepping fully into my authenticity is just how I roll.


Want to join me? Check out my book "The Goddess Guide to Sex, Love and Life"

Or come join me over at Awaken Your Inner Goddess Facebook group

My embarrassing body

I was a skinny girl and grew into a skinny women. Was I happy? No. I always felt that I was too skinny or, even when I was skinny I somehow felt fat.
I have spent my life, like most women, obsessing over my body. Trying to make it fit some perceived ideal in my mind.

Image by Sue Fitzmaurice

When I lay on the beach I would flip onto my stomach if anyone approached as I felt my ribs and hips stuck out too much.
I wanted my calves to be fatter so they would fill out boots better.

Then I had kids and I still wasn't happy with the way I looked. My tummy was now more squishy and my husband wanted me to look like I had before, even though I was still far from fat. He nagged just as my father had nagged my mother.

We moved to a new town and were now living closer to some old friends of his. He was biker and she was small, blond and petite. Next to her I felt ungainly and huge ( I wasn't). I am tall with broad shoulders, more of an Amazon than a Barbie. It didn't help that my (ex) husband and his mate would constantly make comments on my figure, how hot I would look if only I took better care of myself. It didn't stop his mate from constantly hitting on me though.

I finally left him only to get pregnant to him a couple of years later ( long story!) . Then I had my son, had a tubal ligation ( not letting THAT happen again!), turned thirty, got divorced and started dating the love of my life.
The weight fell off me at this point and I finally felt sexy, hot and fabulous. Although when I look at  photos of me then I was waaaayyyyy too thin. My hair also started falling out from all the stress and I ended up having to bottle feed my boy from about 3 months as my milk dried up.

 Two months later all the weight I lost started piling on. I went to the doctor feeling like my body was out of whack but was told everything was normal. Since then my weight has continued to climb. I have had numerous visits to doctors, always to be told the same thing, everything is normal.

It took me a long time to adjust to being a fat girl after years of being underweight, the image in my head was still a skinny girl.

My husband loves me regardless of my size. He has seen me fat and thin and everything in between. What he loves about me has nothing to do with the way I look and everything to do with who I am. When I see myself through his eyes I realize that I am beautiful, talented, loving and compassionate.

Quote by J K Rowling

I am much more than my body, My size is irrelevant, what matters most is what comes from my heart.

I am learning to love my body. Some days are easier than others. When I take the time to remember all that my body does for me it is far easier to love it.

Every day we are bombarded with images of stick thin models and actresses. They are photoshopped to within an inch of their live so that it no longer even resembles the person in real life.The actresses are on constant diets and exercise regimes to maintain their image and are mocked for looking anything less than stellar in any photos, whether they are walking the red carpet or hanging out at the beach. Julia Roberts is famous for saying even she doesn't look like Julia Roberts when she wakes up in the morning.

I would like to start a love your body revolution. For the next month make a pledge to greet yourself each morning as you look in the mirror by saying "Good morning Gorgeous. I Love you. Have a great day." It will seem strange at first but stick with it and say it like you mean it. Leave me a comment to let me know how you get on and to say you have taken the pledge.