Hot Mess Sisterhood

Let's face it on any given day we can all be a bit of a hot mess.

i know that when I was growing up I thought that by the time I reached X age I would totally have all my shit together.

I am 53.

I am still waiting for that day.

The truth is we are all making it up as we go along.

When we were kids it looked  like all the adults knew what they were doing. They knew how to parent, drive a car, balance a checkbook, keep food on the table and keep their relationship going. To be honest my parents relationship didn't look that great so I was taking notes on "what I don't want in a relationship". Turns out I wasn't paying close enough attention  but that's a story for another day.

I left home at 18 and moved straight in with my boyfriend and thought that now I would have my shit together and begin to "adult". Boy, was I wrong. I went on to have kids and figured now I would know how to "adult". Nope, wrong again. Instead I suffered from post natal depression and our kindly doctor told us that I needed loving support from my husband. Instead I left him when my son was four months old.

We got back together but eventually I left him.

With two young kids I figured now I would begin to get my life sorted. Oh, how I laugh! Instead I got pregnant to my ex and then divorced.

I have just staggered from one cluster fuck to the next all in the guise of being an "adult" and "knowing what I am doing". I did make some smart moves though, namely meeting and marrying my current husband.

I am older and wiser now but life can still knock you sideways which is what happened to me a few years back when I went through a complete nervous breakdown. And just like Brene Brown's therapist I call it a Spiritual Awakening ( watch until the 11 minute mark to get the reference).

I dissolved into a heap. I didn't function. I went on antidepressants which is so against everything I believed up until that point.

This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I am a therapist. I am the one that helps people and here I was, not even able to help myself. It took me a long time to pull myself back together and it took lots of self care, lots of unending support from my beloved husband and time, lots of time.

Then it became my dirty, little secret. I felt like a fraud helping people when I had fallen apart so spectacularly. I didn't want to share about it. I didn't want to blog about it (although the nudge to do so has been there for a long time) I kept it to myself.

So why am I sharing it now?

Because we all have crap days.

Because talking about our shit, heals our shit.

Because I want you to know that I know.  I know what it is like to fall apart. I know what it is like to struggle. To struggle with being a Mum and wondering if you are doing a good job . To struggle with the idea of leaving and "what will that do to the kids?" . To struggle with an inopportune pregnancy and weigh all of that up. To struggle with starting anew relationship when there are kids involved.

Because I survived it all and thrived and I know you can too.

Because putting all my cards on the table feels real and raw and vulnerable and powerful and empowering all at the same time.

Because reclaiming myself as a Sex Goddess and stepping fully into my authenticity is just how I roll.


Want to join me? Check out my book "The Goddess Guide to Sex, Love and Life"

Or come join me over at Awaken Your Inner Goddess Facebook group

Loving yourself whole

The way I see it we have only one choice - we have to love ourselves

All of our selves.

The flawed, quirky parts of us.

The wounded parts of us.

The parts of us that were wounded when we were little. ( Yes, I mean our Inner Child)

The parts of us that didn't quite fit in when were teenagers. (More Inner Teenager than Inner child)

The parts of us that were damaged from the relationship break ups.

The parts of us that don't have a f@+%ing clue what we are doing with our lives even though we are now (fill in the blank) age and should have our shit together.

The parts of us that are changeable and fluid and bend which ever way the wind is blowing, or when some new inspiration hits. "I'm going to become a writer.... no, I'm going to move to the South Island, no, I'm going to dye my hair green, no wait....I'm going to"

The parts of us that are so deep and dark and scary that we hide them... even from ourselves.

The parts of us that just want to crawl under the covers and come out when the world is nicer.

We need to love ourselves back to wholeness, back to happy, back to abundance, back to our natural loving, open armed, open hearted selves.

The eternal question is how?

How do we love all of that messy, dark , wounded parts of us?

By admitting that it is there.

By taking ownership of it.

"Yes, I am flawed. Yes, I do get angry and fly off the handle far too easily. Yes, I have been hurt. Yes. Yes.Yes. This is me in all my flawed beauty"

By acknowledging, to yourself, all that you have been through and learning the lessons from them.

By accepting that this is who you are - without judging or feeling sorry for yourself .

Because if we can accept and love our friends when they are being jerks then surely we can love ourselves too.

If we can love our partner/husband/wife/lover when they just made a dick of themselves, not to mention all their irritating little habits then surely we can love ourselves too.

If we can love our children when they poop on us or vomit on us or (when they are older) when they make silly mistakes then surely we can love ourselves too.

We all make mistakes, we all screw up the trick is to love ourselves through all of it. We do it for everyone else maybe it's time we did it for ourselves too.



Want more of this? Check out my book "The Goddess Guide to Sex, Love and Life"