My embarrassing body

I was a skinny girl and grew into a skinny women. Was I happy? No. I always felt that I was too skinny or, even when I was skinny I somehow felt fat.
I have spent my life, like most women, obsessing over my body. Trying to make it fit some perceived ideal in my mind.

Image by Sue Fitzmaurice

When I lay on the beach I would flip onto my stomach if anyone approached as I felt my ribs and hips stuck out too much.
I wanted my calves to be fatter so they would fill out boots better.

Then I had kids and I still wasn't happy with the way I looked. My tummy was now more squishy and my husband wanted me to look like I had before, even though I was still far from fat. He nagged just as my father had nagged my mother.

We moved to a new town and were now living closer to some old friends of his. He was biker and she was small, blond and petite. Next to her I felt ungainly and huge ( I wasn't). I am tall with broad shoulders, more of an Amazon than a Barbie. It didn't help that my (ex) husband and his mate would constantly make comments on my figure, how hot I would look if only I took better care of myself. It didn't stop his mate from constantly hitting on me though.

I finally left him only to get pregnant to him a couple of years later ( long story!) . Then I had my son, had a tubal ligation ( not letting THAT happen again!), turned thirty, got divorced and started dating the love of my life.
The weight fell off me at this point and I finally felt sexy, hot and fabulous. Although when I look at  photos of me then I was waaaayyyyy too thin. My hair also started falling out from all the stress and I ended up having to bottle feed my boy from about 3 months as my milk dried up.

 Two months later all the weight I lost started piling on. I went to the doctor feeling like my body was out of whack but was told everything was normal. Since then my weight has continued to climb. I have had numerous visits to doctors, always to be told the same thing, everything is normal.

It took me a long time to adjust to being a fat girl after years of being underweight, the image in my head was still a skinny girl.

My husband loves me regardless of my size. He has seen me fat and thin and everything in between. What he loves about me has nothing to do with the way I look and everything to do with who I am. When I see myself through his eyes I realize that I am beautiful, talented, loving and compassionate.

Quote by J K Rowling

I am much more than my body, My size is irrelevant, what matters most is what comes from my heart.

I am learning to love my body. Some days are easier than others. When I take the time to remember all that my body does for me it is far easier to love it.

Every day we are bombarded with images of stick thin models and actresses. They are photoshopped to within an inch of their live so that it no longer even resembles the person in real life.The actresses are on constant diets and exercise regimes to maintain their image and are mocked for looking anything less than stellar in any photos, whether they are walking the red carpet or hanging out at the beach. Julia Roberts is famous for saying even she doesn't look like Julia Roberts when she wakes up in the morning.

I would like to start a love your body revolution. For the next month make a pledge to greet yourself each morning as you look in the mirror by saying "Good morning Gorgeous. I Love you. Have a great day." It will seem strange at first but stick with it and say it like you mean it. Leave me a comment to let me know how you get on and to say you have taken the pledge.

The Myth of Sisterhood

We like to think that women are soft, caring nurturing people.

That women support and cheer on their fellow women.

We have this illusion reinforced with television shows such as Sex and the City, Friends and The Gilmour Girls and Hot in Cleveland.

We see it in movies such as Steel Magnolias and Bridesmaids


But the fact of the matter is women are often quietly undermining each other;  sniping and sneering at other women, walking down the street, bitching about their friends to other friends and delighting in others misfortune ( albeit, quietly to ourselves).

We see it with magazines that exalt a movie star one week and then post unflattering pics of the same star the next with nasty headlines.

We seem to take devilish delight in the fall of stars like Lindsay Lohan and Brittany Spears, snapping up magazines with tales of their latest exploits.


Amanda Foy of The Goddess Imperative wrote a recent blog post asking why we do this to each other and pleading for it to stop.

And then I read this interview with Christiane Northrup and realized that yes, sometimes, some of us undermine each other but we often, we also are the loving, nurturing and caring people we think we are.

I loved the graphic illustration Christiane Northrup uses, of the compliments we give each other being like the placenta, to nourish and support other women.

I had an experience like this today. I was at the doctors surgery getting some results and feeling a little fragile when I walked up to the reception I was greeted with another patient exclaiming "I LOVE your dress! It is just gorgeous." I had never seen this woman before and the compliment left me feeling ten feet tall and bullet proof.

You see I haven't worn a dress out of the house for about 15 years. I had got so comfortable in jeans that dresses stopped being part of my routine. Until this summer, when I found a dress in my colors, that I loved. I have worn it around home but not out and about and when the trip to the doctors came up I had planned on changing into jeans but decided "what the hell, its just a quick trip.So that one compliment has boosted my self esteem no end.

Did that woman know what it meant to me? No. Was she just in the moment and voicing her opinion? Yes, and I am so glad she did.

Next time you are out shopping or going about your day and see someone looking gorgeous, or doing something extra nice or if their smile brightens your day, make sure to let them know and lets reclaim the meaning of sisterhood, lets empower and build each other up, one person at a time.


What do you think, are women too hard on other women? Leave a comment below or share your stories of women being nice to you

Dear Vagina,

You seem to get a bad rap so I thought I would spend some time just hanging out with you today. Everybody seems to have an opinion about exactly how you should look which seems a tad unfair.  I think because you are tucked away and hidden most of the time that how you look is really a matter for you and your owner and everyone else should mind their own damned business but noooooo, they comment on the amount of hair that is there ( or not), what constitutes a reasonable covering for you ( g-string, bikini briefs, "granny pants")  and even how you should smell.

Personally I think you are AWESOME in whatever form you take. I guess our poor friend penis cops his fair share of flak too. Although that mostly seems to be an issue  of size which is crazy because, you, dear vagina, are truly very accommodating. If only the penis users had a shred of a clue of all the wondrous things that they could be doing with their penis ( and , lets face it, the rest of their bodily parts) to make up for any perceived deficiencies of their appendage, we would all be a lot happier and talk of being "too small"would disappear!

I did my best to save you from the bumblings of teenage boys in our youth. I truly did. I felt that we both deserved to lose our virginity to a more experienced man. Sadly, it turns out that age is not a decent indicator of experience!
Thankfully I developed better taste in men as we got older and you and I have become better friends.
I want to apologise for all the times I cursed you when really it was the uterus who was to blame and those pesky hormones. I don't want to dwell on that too much as thankfully, those days are behind us now
I also want to apologise for that one time that I shaved you.
Can we please just put it behind us? I think we were both deeply traumatised by it.
 As for the stories friends tell me about getting theirs waxed? Makes me shudder ( and yes, I can feel you wincing from here) just thinking about it. Some swear by it and tell me how sexy it makes them feel and if it works for them that's great!

All you ever wanted to know about your vajayjay

My friend, Sharon, has written a great book called "The Vagina Buffet" about her time as a Brazilian waxer and as the owner of a vagina. Its great read and parts of it truly did make me giggle.
 I have also had it explained to me that being hair free makes for better oral sex which I'm sure is true but I can't help thinking about well, you know, stubble and regrowth.  And I am sure that with the proliferation of tongue piercings there is less trouble with those  pesky hairs getting tangled but, oh my, I guess I just like things less complicated.

I guess it also helps that you, dear vagina, are fairly sparsely haired to begin with and from the bottom of my heart I am grateful for that.

I would also like to thank you for delivering to me my three beautiful sons. You did a stand up job even though they were all blessed with incredibly large heads. You bounced back really well. I guess all those kegel exercises paid off over the years and now that I have my Kegelmaster  its like you are brand new again

Now that Hubby and I are taking time to practise Orgasmic Meditation  I have developed an even deeper love for you ( oh and hubby too!) . So thank you dear vagina, for being such an awesome part of my body and my life.

Uh oh! Menopause

Menopause. The one word that is likely to strike fear into any women of a certain age.

Society has been telling us that youth is where its at, that only the young are beautiful. So we have been trying to turn back time ( who sang a little Cher when they read that? yeah , me too!). Exercising our butts off, slathering on the latest anti wrinkle cream and eating anti aging foods.

But then menopause leapt out of the ethers and descended upon us. For some this means  night sweats, hot flashes, vaginal dryness and painful intercourse. If you read the popular magazines they imply that it is the majority of women that go through all these painful symptoms but that is not the case. Yes, some women do experience them but not the majority. some women may have some of these symptoms for a short while and some may breeze through it with barely a hot flash.

I am lucky enough to be in the latter group but I have been preparing for menopause since I was in my thirties. Why? well, because none of that sounded pleasant and I wanted to enjoy the freedom of finally having no periods to deal with.

I started by taking Maca and it has become my best friend throughout the whole experience. I also drink lots of water every day and eat a diet full of fruit and vegetables and low on processed foods. The biggest step though has been learning to love myself and that has been the hardest journey and the most rewarding.
I also avoid xenoestrogens by not storing food in plastic or microwaving foods in plastic

First, lets talk about Maca. It is a cruciferous vegetable, grown in South America that  helps balance the hormones in males and females. It also helps boost your energy levels, increases stamina, supports the adrenals and supplies your body with all the B group vitamins and a host of other vitamins and minerals. Did I mention it boost your libido too? You can take it either in powder form or in tablets. I prefer the powder so I can regulate my own dose and add it to smoothies. ( in the next issue of my newsletter I will give you some delicious ways to add it to your diet - go sign up now!).

Secondly, drink lots of water........ and then go drink some more! Did you know dehydration plays a large part in lack of lubrication? Well now you do  - go have a drink now. Seriously! I'll wait......... there now doesn't that feel better?

Lubrication can become an issue during menopause and if you don't believe its a problem just try going down a slide ..... naked.! Yup, not comfy at all! So you are drinking plenty of water and taking your maca and things are still a little ... dry? What next? Drum roll please.... try the Kegelmaster.

Kegelmaster

Now when I was about 15 I learnt about doing my pelvic floor exercises and then promptly forgot about them again until after baby number 1. Kegels are vital for keeping a good blood flow to the whole vaginal region and blood flow equals increased libido ( ask any man if you don't believe me) and increased lubrication. Trouble is most of us have been doing them wrong.
 ( Hands up if you clench you buttocks or tighten your thighs? Wrong!!!).
This nifty little gadget allows you to tighten against it so that you are exercising the muscles in the right way . You also get to add differing levels of resistance as your muscles gt strengthened.

If all else fails then using a lubricant like coconut oil can add to the fun. I use coconut oil because I know whats in it and I don't want any chemical nasties in my delicate areas plus it works as a great overall massage oil to add more sensory delights to the process. Coconut oil is also antibacterial, anti fungal and shhhhh , tastes good too! Win win win! The only down side is you can't use it with latex rubber.


Lastly, loving yourself is the best gift you can give you. No, you are never going to be young again but you have wisdom and beauty far beyond mere looks and now is the time to fully embrace them.

Sexy at any age.

I was reading an article over at Mamamia ( you can read it here) about Pamela Stephenson admitting to plastic surgery, breast implants and botox so she "could look like a babe"

Now I believe everyone is entitled to do what they want with their body, it just saddens me that we are still so  obsessed with looking "young" and lets face it we aren't fooling anyone.

The too tight faces with the wrinkly neck, the dyed brown hair at odds with the rest of the body, the overly pert, round breasts on the stick thin frame ( Hello Victoria Beckham!).

Nobody is buying it. We all know what you are doing and why.

Some of the truly sexy, older women in the acting field are those who have done nothing. Think Helen Mirren , Meryl Streep, Sigourney Weaver and Judi Dench to name a few.

They know that true beauty shines out from within you.

True beauty has little to do with numbers on a scale, your dress size or the colour of your hair.

True beauty is being able to look in the mirror and say "I love you" and mean it.

Loving your body, the place that you live, the place that holds your essence, the very thing that gives you life. truly what is there not to love?

Ahh and when you love that place, then you can walk through this world with your head held high and know that age can not diminish the beauty that is YOU.

NOTHING is sexier than a woman who loves her body, who is proud of the stretch marks and her sagging breasts because it means she has brought new life into this world. Nothing is sexier than a woman comfortable in her own skin, revelling in her own sensuality.

Ladies, get comfortable with who you are. Get comfortable with how you look. Accept the fact that there will always be someone younger, prettier, someone with a tighter body. What they lack is the wisdom and life experiences that you have that make you uniquely you.

Life is not a competition or a race to be one. It is an experience to savour, a juicy adventure to live.

We waste our youth wishing that we were old enough to go out partying, or drinking. Wishing that some cute boy would ask us to the dance. Then when we  are old enough for those things we start longing for the simplicity of youth when we didn't have responsibilities, bills to pay, jobs to go to. when we are older still we wish that we still had that tight, pert, young body.

Lets tell a new story. Lets embrace wherever we are on the aging spectrum and look for the positives. Lets not hide the fact that we are getting older. with age comes, maturity, wisdom and freedom. Freedom from having to give a damn about what anyone else thinks. Freedom to be who you are without apology.

Now that my nest is empty I can relax into just being a couple with my darling, something that we missed earlier as we both came into the relationship with children. Now we can enjoy just being the two of us and it is pure heaven. Do I wish that I still had the body I did when I was 30? Hell yeah! But I am grateful that I still have the body I've got..... it means I'm still here, still alive and looking for more juicy adventure to live.