Touch a, touch a, touch me!

 We all need to be touched.

We yearn for it .

We ache for it.

And some of us go to great lengths to get it. Touch, that is.

The name of this blog post is from  The Rocky Horror Picture show Youtube clip.

If you have never seen it go and check it out. The link above is to one of my favorite songs from the show.


However, some of us seem to be under the impression that when men touch it is purely as a prelude to sex or sex related. Consequently a lot of women withdraw or refrain from touching the men in their lives as they don't want to encourage sexual advances.

As women, we have the luxury ( yes, it is a luxury and don't you forget it!) of regular human contact . If we are single we will get hugs from our girlfriends ( and if you are one of my girlfriends you will soon realize that you will get hugged..... a lot!).

We hug.

We rub each others arms.

We put our hands around each others shoulders.

We just reach out and touch each others arms or hands

Hell, I have even been known to walk arm in arm with my BFF's ( yes, I have more than one) when strolling down the street.

Now pause for just a moment and think about any males you may know and ask yourself when was the last time you gave them a hug or a pat on the back or nay other form of affectionate touching. Then ask yourself when did they get that from one of their male friends . The answer is, probably never.

Because it would be considered , well, a bit "gay". And therein lies the problem. Men touching each other is frowned upon. It is seen as  too girly or poofterish ( yeah, I'm not politically correct. Deal with it)

Men on the sports field however will touch and hug and generally release all of their touchy feelings while at the same time being as butch as you like.

But if your man is not a sportsman he isn't getting that kind of interaction. So the touching is, literally, all in your hands

And they need it just as much as we do.

Some of them need it more. They are crying out to be touched, to be held.

Why?


Because it is a basic human need.

 Like breathing.

It is one of the first ways that we start to connect to the world. We, hopefully, are laid on the bare skin f our mother, nurtured and cradled, moments after leaving the womb. It is this connection, this touch that we yearn and crave for all our lives.

When I was a young girl of 11 I would hug my father good night, usually I would sit in his lap. Innocent, natural. But then one day Dad decided that I was now "too old"to sit in his lap. This was the only affection I received from my father on a daily basis and just like that, it stopped.

I was devastated. I couldn't understand why he was rejecting me , because that is what it felt like. What had I done wrong?

Grow up.
 That was the mistake I had made. I was developing breasts round about then so that made me "too old" for affection.

Guess what?

We do this even younger to our boys.

When they are born we cuddle and nuzzle them. As toddlers we hold their hands and stroke their hair and cuddle them. Then, at some point, and it's different in every family, we start being told  by other males or family members to "stop babying him"  or some such nonsense. Sometimes the boys themselves will resist the hugs you give them but deep, deep inside they still want it . They have just learnt that thy have to be tough or brave or manly ( or a long list of stupid words)

The sad thing is, at whatever age it happens, we stop touching them. Whether they are in their early teens or late teens or at some stage before that we just stop.

And the tragedy of it all is this is when they need it most.

I have spoken before about how to raise gorgeous boys and the importance of touch  and sadly, I will probably talk about it again and again until we get the message. Men need to be touched. We all do. It is part of being human.

I have recently met a beautiful woman whose job is all based around touch and you can connect with her here

Raising gorgeous boys

  I am a mother of three sons.

I am a step mother to four daughters.

I am a grandmother to seven grandsons and two grand daughters

It hurts my heart to know how many boys suffer from depression during there teenage years. Sadly, many of them go on to commit suicide.

Some use drinking and driving as a means of shortening their lives. Others use drugs or huffing. Some find the pain of being alive so unbearable that they take extreme measures to end their lives.


One of the greatest gifts we can give our sons is our time.

One of my sons suffered through a bout of depression and I would often just go and sit in his room, not talking, not trying to get him to talk. Just allowing the space for him to talk if he chose too but content either way to just be with him and for him to be with me.

I have always made it a practise to hug my sons and tell them how much I love them, regardless of their age, or how uncool it was and,bless them  they always hugged me back and said "I love you too Mum." even when it was not cool.

Sadly, some parents stop hugging their kids when they reach a certain age.

I remember clearly when my father stopped hugging me. Every night I went and sat on my Dads lap and gave him a hug and a kiss good night. When I was around 11 he picked me up off his lap and told me I was too big for that now. I was devastated and refused to even kiss him goodnight for days.

I realise now that I was probably starting to develop breasts and he felt it inappropriate to have me on his lap. How sad. I was his daughter and he was the only means of male affection in my life. It is never inappropriate to hug your kids or show them affection.

Yes, some people are sick and twisted and inappropriate with their kids. Most are not. Don't refrain from hugging or being affectionate with your children in fear that "someone" will misconstrue it. that is political correctness gone mad and has no place in your home.

Our kids look to us to learn how to be in a relationship. They look to us to learn how to express emotions. They look to us for support and nurturing throughout their lives and our job is to let them know that they are loved, unconditionally regardless of the choices they make or the lifestyles they pursue. They need to know that we are proud of them, of who they have become.

We say that we want our men to be different in this world. That we want them to be more in touch with their softer side, more open and vulnerable with us. We say we want them to be strong and virile and yet soft and gentle.
                                                                    
                                                                                         It starts by raising gorgeous boys, by allowing them to cry, by teaching them the names for their emotions and allowing them to express them all. It starts by hugging our children all the way through their lives and telling them repeatedly how much we love them.

My son came out of his depression and is living a great life and I still tell him how much he means to me when he rings home or when I see him. I do this with all of my sons and daughters. I am so proud of them all and the lives that they are leading and yes, I tell them that too.

Who do you need to reach out to and hug? Who would love to hear you say "I love you" ?

For the world to be the delicious, loving place that we dream of we need to start reaching out and saying those magic words and hugging each other. So get to it! Go hug someone now!!

Tender Touch

Human beings need to be touched.

We crave it.

We yearn for it.

Psychologist Virgina Satir broke it down for us. She said that we need:

4 hugs a day for survival
8 hugs a day for maintenance  and
12 hugs a day for growth.

Think about that for a minute.

Then ask yourself  "how many hugs have I given today and how many have been given to me?"


I subscribe to an email  from Cheryl Richardson and today's offering was a doozy (you can read it here ). she tells the story of a listener of hers that she happened to meet at a conference and she gave him a hug. He then posted this to her facebook page:
“Meeting you yesterday and watching you work was profound. I am not normally the kind of person who gets emotional upon meeting a public figure, but as strange as it sounds, seeing you yesterday for the first time ever, the feeling came over me was the feeling one might feel upon seeing a beloved, favorite, loving aunt, lol. I don’t believe I’ve been hugged in 3 years. 
There were so many wonderful things I could say or reminisce about this weekend but I guess there are only really two words that will suffice.  THANK YOU! ;-)“

The saddest part is that he hadn't been hugged for three years. 3 YEARS!!

Now I am a very touchy, feely person and I cannot even begin to imagine what that would feel like.

I hug people on a regular basis. Its part of who I am. I will hug you when you arrive at my house and I will hug you when you leave. My husband knows that hugs are like breathing to me so he  gives me lots  and lots and lots of them.
When we first got together this was not part of who he was and he soon learned that this needed to change. I also got him hugging his daughters, my sons and his family.

His family were not huggy people and again they soon learned that I was. Now his mother and father know that they will get hugged when I arrive and when I leave and they now look forward to it.I know his father actually loves it and looks forward to it and will even ask for it if I have gotten caught up in conversation and not given him one when I arrive.

When this video came out it became a YouTube sensation and has been copied by hundreds of people around the world. Why? Because watching it makes you feel good. It restores your faith in humanity.

Many people refrain from hugging or any other touching  because they worry that others will assume they want sex. Women, in particular, shy away from touching their partners because they are concerned that he will take it as an open invitation to sex.
This makes me so sad for two reasons; (1) so what if it does lead to sex? Your husband still thanks you are hot and wants to have sex with you. Congratulations!
(2) you are depriving yourself of an intimate moment  "in case" someone gets the wrong idea. If they do get the wrong idea you can always set them straight but in the mean time you have fed your soul with the warmth of anothers touch. Woohoo!

Seriously people lets get out there and hug up a storm.Start with your family. I hugged my sons all through their awkward teenage years and they needed it. they needed to know that I still loved them. I was also showing them that hugging doesn't always lead to sex, that you can be close and intimate with people without expectation of something more. I also told them I loved them EVERY. SINGLE.DAY!!

So, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get out there and start hugging. Your friends. Your kids. Your husband. Your wife. Your parents. Go to it!!