Raising gorgeous boys

  I am a mother of three sons.

I am a step mother to four daughters.

I am a grandmother to seven grandsons and two grand daughters

It hurts my heart to know how many boys suffer from depression during there teenage years. Sadly, many of them go on to commit suicide.

Some use drinking and driving as a means of shortening their lives. Others use drugs or huffing. Some find the pain of being alive so unbearable that they take extreme measures to end their lives.


One of the greatest gifts we can give our sons is our time.

One of my sons suffered through a bout of depression and I would often just go and sit in his room, not talking, not trying to get him to talk. Just allowing the space for him to talk if he chose too but content either way to just be with him and for him to be with me.

I have always made it a practise to hug my sons and tell them how much I love them, regardless of their age, or how uncool it was and,bless them  they always hugged me back and said "I love you too Mum." even when it was not cool.

Sadly, some parents stop hugging their kids when they reach a certain age.

I remember clearly when my father stopped hugging me. Every night I went and sat on my Dads lap and gave him a hug and a kiss good night. When I was around 11 he picked me up off his lap and told me I was too big for that now. I was devastated and refused to even kiss him goodnight for days.

I realise now that I was probably starting to develop breasts and he felt it inappropriate to have me on his lap. How sad. I was his daughter and he was the only means of male affection in my life. It is never inappropriate to hug your kids or show them affection.

Yes, some people are sick and twisted and inappropriate with their kids. Most are not. Don't refrain from hugging or being affectionate with your children in fear that "someone" will misconstrue it. that is political correctness gone mad and has no place in your home.

Our kids look to us to learn how to be in a relationship. They look to us to learn how to express emotions. They look to us for support and nurturing throughout their lives and our job is to let them know that they are loved, unconditionally regardless of the choices they make or the lifestyles they pursue. They need to know that we are proud of them, of who they have become.

We say that we want our men to be different in this world. That we want them to be more in touch with their softer side, more open and vulnerable with us. We say we want them to be strong and virile and yet soft and gentle.
                                                                    
                                                                                         It starts by raising gorgeous boys, by allowing them to cry, by teaching them the names for their emotions and allowing them to express them all. It starts by hugging our children all the way through their lives and telling them repeatedly how much we love them.

My son came out of his depression and is living a great life and I still tell him how much he means to me when he rings home or when I see him. I do this with all of my sons and daughters. I am so proud of them all and the lives that they are leading and yes, I tell them that too.

Who do you need to reach out to and hug? Who would love to hear you say "I love you" ?

For the world to be the delicious, loving place that we dream of we need to start reaching out and saying those magic words and hugging each other. So get to it! Go hug someone now!!

Tender Touch

Human beings need to be touched.

We crave it.

We yearn for it.

Psychologist Virgina Satir broke it down for us. She said that we need:

4 hugs a day for survival
8 hugs a day for maintenance  and
12 hugs a day for growth.

Think about that for a minute.

Then ask yourself  "how many hugs have I given today and how many have been given to me?"


I subscribe to an email  from Cheryl Richardson and today's offering was a doozy (you can read it here ). she tells the story of a listener of hers that she happened to meet at a conference and she gave him a hug. He then posted this to her facebook page:
“Meeting you yesterday and watching you work was profound. I am not normally the kind of person who gets emotional upon meeting a public figure, but as strange as it sounds, seeing you yesterday for the first time ever, the feeling came over me was the feeling one might feel upon seeing a beloved, favorite, loving aunt, lol. I don’t believe I’ve been hugged in 3 years. 
There were so many wonderful things I could say or reminisce about this weekend but I guess there are only really two words that will suffice.  THANK YOU! ;-)“

The saddest part is that he hadn't been hugged for three years. 3 YEARS!!

Now I am a very touchy, feely person and I cannot even begin to imagine what that would feel like.

I hug people on a regular basis. Its part of who I am. I will hug you when you arrive at my house and I will hug you when you leave. My husband knows that hugs are like breathing to me so he  gives me lots  and lots and lots of them.
When we first got together this was not part of who he was and he soon learned that this needed to change. I also got him hugging his daughters, my sons and his family.

His family were not huggy people and again they soon learned that I was. Now his mother and father know that they will get hugged when I arrive and when I leave and they now look forward to it.I know his father actually loves it and looks forward to it and will even ask for it if I have gotten caught up in conversation and not given him one when I arrive.

When this video came out it became a YouTube sensation and has been copied by hundreds of people around the world. Why? Because watching it makes you feel good. It restores your faith in humanity.

Many people refrain from hugging or any other touching  because they worry that others will assume they want sex. Women, in particular, shy away from touching their partners because they are concerned that he will take it as an open invitation to sex.
This makes me so sad for two reasons; (1) so what if it does lead to sex? Your husband still thanks you are hot and wants to have sex with you. Congratulations!
(2) you are depriving yourself of an intimate moment  "in case" someone gets the wrong idea. If they do get the wrong idea you can always set them straight but in the mean time you have fed your soul with the warmth of anothers touch. Woohoo!

Seriously people lets get out there and hug up a storm.Start with your family. I hugged my sons all through their awkward teenage years and they needed it. they needed to know that I still loved them. I was also showing them that hugging doesn't always lead to sex, that you can be close and intimate with people without expectation of something more. I also told them I loved them EVERY. SINGLE.DAY!!

So, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get out there and start hugging. Your friends. Your kids. Your husband. Your wife. Your parents. Go to it!!