I have committed to writing every day this month because I do love a challenge. The theme for the month is GROW which gives me lots of space to play around so lets dive in shall we?
Now that I've launched my first book I have turned my thoughts to what to write about next and it seems that I haven't finished with the theme of sex quite yet.
And just to put you out of your misery there is still no Viagra specifically for women.
So what's a girl to do when her libido starts to wane?
For starters realise that you are not alone, a flagging libido is a common complaint for women. The trouble is that we are very complex creatures and it is not a simple process of flicking switch A and *poof* we are turned on. When it comes to being turned on things are far, far simpler for men but even then the result of taking a pill, such is Viagra, is not the ultimate solution for them either. sure they may have a raging hard on but if they haven't adequately turned on their partner before taking it then all their hopes may be in vain.
When it comes to female arousal even the experts are at a loss.
As I said before women are complex when it comes to arousal, it's not just a question of getting the blood flowing in the right places it is also about how connected we feel to our partner, how pressured we feel in our daily lives, the state of our hormones, other medications such as the pill and our ability to orgasm not to mention the pain some women experience during sex. Once you factor in all these issues you begin to get some sens of how big an issue it is for women and their partners.And lets not forget the constant impression we get from the media that women (a) don't want sex as much as men or (b) if they do they are sluts. religion also likes to jump on this bandwagon too which leaves us all feeling a lot of pressure to conform to the "good girl" model and play down our sexuality.
You just need to look at the popularity of "Fifty Shades of Grey" to see that there is a lot simmering away beneath the surface, that women are interested in sex and all sorts of sex.
Here's some tips to start turning yourself on;
(1) It's not his job.
Our libido is in our hands... literally. It is not anyone else's job to turn us on , it is up to us. A great way to keep your engine rev-ing is masturbation. I know, I get it, no-one likes to talk about it but the fact of the matter is our libido is a use it or lose it proposition so do yourself a favor and keep your engine in idle by spending a little quality alone time(2) Read some erotic fiction.
Go grab the Fifty Shades books or find some other stories to find out just what gets your juices flowing.(3) Lube up.
Make sure that pain is not on the menu and always, always have plenty of lube on hand (pun intended). I love coconut oil as it has a myriad of uses in the bedroom and doesn't contain any nasty chemicals to irritate your delicate feminine tissues. It's not great with latex though so don't use it if you are using condoms.(4) Get physical.
Movement is how our body operates and if you spend lots of time sitting for work then this could be part of the low libido issue. Dancing is great fun and you can do it by yourself at home without any equipment. Dancing will give you a burst of the happy's and release all sorts of feel good chemicals in your body which may be just the spark you are looking for. Or walk. Or go to the gym. Or try yoga, anything that will get your blood flowing and your heart pumping.(5) Check with your doctor.
If you are taking any medication already ask your doctor if a low libido could be a side effect and if it is, is there an alternative that you can try. Antidepressants and contraceptive pills can both play havoc with your libido so keep trying different ones until you find one that works for you.You might want to check for any other issues that might also be having an impact.
(6) Clear your past
Let go of any old issues of trust or shame or guilt to do with sex that are a hang over from past relationships. I know that is easier said than done but if it is interfering with your current life then it is time to let that shit go. Find a great therapist, cry, write letters to old lovers ( to burn, not to send!!), try EFT ( tapping - check out Youtube for some videos) but let it all go(7) Use it or lose it.
Yes, it is worth reiterating. Think of your libido as a fire. When the fire dies down it can be reignited if there are still some embers left but when it has gone out completely then you have to start from scratch and collect paper, kindling and matches. Your libido is just the same - if it has gone out completely due to lack of sex or lack of a partner than you are going to slowly have to start building it up again. And once you do make sure to keep the embers burning.Make sure to check out my new book The Goddess Guide to Sex, Love and Life.
It has a whole chapter on navigating the sexual wasteland.
How have you dealt with a low libido?
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