Uncovering your authentic self

Who are you?

Now, who are you really?

Aside from your name and your job title who are you?

Being authentic is one of those catch phrases that gets bandied about a lot lately and it seems like we are all trying to figure out just who the hell we really are.

Why is that?

Well, generally it is becasue we have spent so much fucking time and energy trying to please somebody, or several somebodies, or everybody. We seem to have got the message early in our life that we just weren't measuring up so we figured that we needed to be "something else" only that never felt quite right so we tried again and again to be "just right"

Oh my God it's exhausting just writing that all down. But we've all done it haven't we?

Smiled when we wanted to cry.

Smiled when inside we were seething.

Smiled and said "I'm fine" when we wanted to scream and fall apart.

Smiled, through gritted teeth and smiled and smiled and kept everything so tightly wrapped so you didn't unravel.... until.

Until you noticed that your face ached and your stomach felt tied in knots and you were looking forward so, so much to that glass of wine ( or three) at the end of the day so you could "relax"  only you still felt wound tight as a drum.

Until your body was screaming at you, in constant pain with lots of little, and big, niggles; headaches, back aches, aches upon aches, sore throats, chest infections, skin eruptions. Oh,the list is long.

Until. You. Just. Can't. Take. It. Any. More.

So you set out to be your most authentic self..... only you have forgotten what that looks like. Or feels like.

In fact you just feel numb and Oh my God, so TIRED.

You have forgotten how to just be you.

You have forgotten how to have fun without alcohol

You have forgotten how to feel.

How do you get back to yourself?

(1) Start saying "no"

If someone offers you something; a piece of cake, a job, the chance to go to a party and you don't feel a "Hell, Yeah" inside of you then it's a "Hell, No". End of story.
doing things out of obligation or a sense of "having to" isn't fun for anybody so don't do it.

(2) Spend some time alone

We get so used to  being plugged in; to our phones, to the internet, that we forget what it is like to be alone with our own thoughts. try it. Try for one day to disconnect from the phone, from the computer, from other people. Just be with yourself and see what comes up. Figure out what you love to do and do that.

(3) Remember

Find some pictures of you when you were a child, the younger the better and try and remember what lit you up then. Chances are there is some part of you that would still love that now.

(4) Play

Take sometime to paly. Splash in puddles. Blow bubbles. Spend the afternoon coloring in. Or ride your bike. Go to the beach.

Spend some time doing nothing much at all that doesn't involve electronics. You might find you actually like it.

(5) Spend time in Nature

Nature soothes us like nothing else. It takes us back to our primal state and restores our Soul.

(6) Journal

Handwriting activates different parts of our brain and helps us to unravel all the ideas, thoughts and beliefs that we have banging around inside our heads.  Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way" is a great place to start as it gives you writing prompts for each day.


(7) Book a session

If all else fails book a session with me so we can uncover what is truly holding you back from being your most awesome self.

Breaking down, Breaking through

I've been reading  "Women who run with the wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes and last night I read the chapter about the Ugly Duckling and how it never really fit in anywhere and how this is the epitome of the Wild Women.

I was nodding so vigorously my head nearly fell off because that was me.

All through my child hood I felt like I didn't fit in.

When I was in my teens I was convinced that I must have been adopted even though I looked exactly like my brothers and sisters and was often mistaken as a twin of one of my sisters.

I just felt alien, other, different, wrong.

I also couldn't stand my name - or any variations of it. So I tried on different names and settled on my initials for a time.

I thought things would get better when I left home. They didn't.

My mother in law had distinct ideas of how and who I should be and try as I might I wasn't that
either.
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The Joy is in the Journey

I bet you thought this blog was going to be about a road trip….. And it is.

Kind of.
Only the road trip we are taking is one through our sex lives.

Part of the fun of a road trip is the journey itself; the scenery, the pit stops,the checking out the random things you see and suddenly must investigate further. Well, sex is just like that and just like no road trip is complete without someone asking, from the back seat, “are we there yet?” often our sex ride is interrupted by some one asking (or thinking!)”are we there yet?”, which in sex talk looks more like “where did my orgasm go?”.

The trouble is too many of us, especially us women, are focused on the end goal - arriving at the destination marked “Orgasm” rather than just enjoying the journey.

Great sex should be more of a marathon than a sprint, although that analogy tends to make it sound more like a test of endurance and stamina rather than the joyful adventure that it is.

We all seem to feel so pressured ( again, I’m talking to you, ladies) on reaching an orgasm in a short space of time and we seem to forget that sex is supposed to be fun, first and foremost.

With all this pressure to “hurry up and come” we lose the ability to be fully present in the moment and experience all the sensations and bliss that is happening right now, in this moment.

Nowhere was this made more clear to me than in a recent article I read on XOJane.

The article itself was great as it was giving  five  ways to make masturbation even better and spoke of setting the mood,using a yoni egg and meditation among other things but it was the comments that I found most interesting, for two reasons; (1) the amount of women who were worried about the yoni egg disappearing inside of them which just shows the disconnect from our bodies and basic anatomy and (2) how many of them were looking at just “getting off” and wanting tips for better vibrators.


Now there is nothing wrong with vibrators or wanting a "quick orgasm",  I'm just saying it shouldn't be like all the time. we should learn to savour the trip so here are my tips for slower, sexier journeys


(1) Take in the scenery


Just like on a road trip you take time to admire the views the same can be said for a good sex session. Take the time to admire your partner.

 Notice their long legs, their broad shoulders and their cute little toosh.

Spend time exploring their body.

(2) Have a pit stop





Go get a drink or something sexy to nibble on. Hydration is always essential for an extended session which then leads to.....
Take a pee break. Nothing will take the focus off your orgasm quicker than needing to pee!


(3) Change drivers

Everyone gets tired so if one partner has been doing all the hard yards give them a break and you take over for awhile.

(4) We're here!

Even if only one of you orgasms it can still have been a fun trip. Focusing only on the destination can make any adventure long and tortuous but going along for the ride, just for ufn, makes it all worthwhile.


The biggest thing I want you to get from this blog post is to just S-L-O-W D-O-W-N. Take your time. Take the pressure off both you and your partner about when or if you are going to orgasm. The more you tense up and stress about it the more fleeting it will become. Just relax, breathe and enjoy the ride.

PS: and if all else fails there is always vibrators!
 
PPS and as an FYI there is no way a yoni egg can "disappear" inside of you to wander forlornly among your entrails. NOPE, ain't going to happen