The art of the grunt

Any mother of teenage boys will be familiar with the grunt.

Teenage boys seem to grunt as a regular form of communication. Grunts can signify everything from "Yeah school was fine, I'm going to my room to chill out. Talk to you later" to "Today sucked and I'm going to go hang out in my room and play video games"

After a while  as mothers, we become proficient at interpreting these grunts and know when we need to give them space or just go sit with them for a bit or just take them some food and back away quietly.

Since I left home at 18 I have lived in houses full of males. The only females have been my cat, the dog and for a brief time two of my step daughters.

In this time I have become proficient in the art of the grunt so much so that I now use it myself.

Four years ago my youngest son moved out which meant the house was reduced to my hubby and me. After all the years of raising kids we were, finally, alone. An interesting thing happened - we reverted to grunting at each other.

A grunt can mean " Want a cup of tea?" to "Yes, and its your turn to make it". We are in tune and totally in sync. We have moved beyond finishing each others sentences to knowing what the other is thinking or saying the same thing at the same time.

I know, it all sounds a bit sickening and it is all true.

Then my youngest moved home for a brief spell. He's no longer a teenager he's now in his early twenties and having him home has taken a bit of adjusting for all of us. I'm a slob and he's a clean freak ( seriously? how did that happen????). I have to keep reminding myself that he is an adult and not to do a motherly fuss over him.

The funniest part?

"Use your words Mum"  Yup, my grunting bothers him. And so he says to me what I used to say to him when he first started grunting.

Actually there are a few "Mum -isms" that he now says to me which makes me laugh out loud. You know you have really got into their heads when they repeat you back to you.

Have any of your kids come home to live for awhile? How have you coped? What was the most challenging part?

Come over to my Facebook page to join the discussion

Being Manly

Last night I was making spaghetti bolognese  and it came to the part where I have to open the jar of pasta sauce. The jar I use has a wide lid and I was struggling to open it so I walked to the cutlery drawer and took out a butter knife and slipped it between the jar and the lid until the suction broke and I could open it with ease.

I learned this trick when I was a young, solo mum .

My husband had watched me and said  "You should let me do it so I can show you how manly I am"

I said to him "I already know how manly you are and it has nothing to do with opening jars."

And it's true.

To me manliness is the million and one ways that he takes care of his family; me, my kids, his daughters, his father (we lost his Mum 18 months ago).

He showed me how manly he was when we were friends and I was pregnant with my youngest boy. He saw how tired I was from looking after the kids and being pregnant and he knew the Dad wasn't around so he took my kids for the weekend so I could rest. He also came and cut firewood for me so we could be warm.

He showed me how manly he was when we had to get our dog put down and he came home and spent the afternoon with me and we cried and hugged each other. she had been his constant companion for 15 years even though she was supposed to be my dog, for them it was love at first sight.

He shows me how manly he is everyday by going to a job to support us while I follow my dreams.

He shows me how manly he is when he is gentle with animals. Like the day he put food out for a baby hedgehog.

My darling talking quietly to a broody chook as he puts eggs under her for hatching

He shows me how manly he is when he hugs me tight like he will never let go when we have been apart for only a few days. And always texts me - every day.

To me, manliness isn't about brute strength. Instead it is about how open and soft and tender  you are . How vulnerable you can be  while never once losing the essence of manliness.

I watched a Brene Brown talk on shame and felt completely crushed when she spoke about one man who came and talked to her  and asked why she never wrote about the vulnerability of men. You can read the transcript here ( scroll down to 16:22 to see the quote I'm talking about). He was saying that the women in his life would rather see him die on his white horse than see him be vulnerable.

Which just made me unbearably sad , not just for him, but for his wife and daughters too. Some of the most profound and deeply bonding moments fro my husband and I have been when we have dropped all our guards and be completely naked and raw with each other.

Photo from Twin Flame Sacred Keys

 

If we don't allow our partner to be truly themselves, if we expect them to always be stoic and brave then we can't be surprised when they crack under the strain or get ill with heart disease or ulcers or drink or just want to hang out with their friends.

We are supposed to be there for each other and allowing each other to share all of their emotions with us is part of that package. Holding space for your man is incredibly powerful and heart healing for both of you.

What does manliness mean to you? What is the most manly thing your husband has done?

Becoming a Luscious Woman

Over the past few months something has changed. It was subtle at first but I am noticing it more and more each day.

It started when I published my book, The Goddess Guide to Sex, Love and Life, which had been a work in progress for a long time. Far too long , in fact. I kept putting it back on the shelf as "a nice idea but who would ever read it?"

Well, it actually started way before that but I have noticed it more and more this year. A yearning inside of me to be more - more Goddess-y, more feminine, more my authentic self.

So I started off by deciding I was a Goddess - not just any kind of Goddess mind you, no, I declared myself a Sex Goddess. And it felt GOOD! Something shifted straight away - I felt like I had come home to myself and was finally owning who I was.

But that still wasn't enough.

Then I found out about Jade eggs* and started using them. This started making me feel more alive, more sensual and more awake and tuned in to myself. Around this time I also started doing womb healing meditations. First ones that I created for myself and then ones from Kundalini Dance. I have now joined her Female Sexual Soul Healing course and love it.

All of these practices and meditations have healed and cleared away so much emotional dross that I wasn't even aware of until it was gone. Spending time tuning into myself and reconnecting with a deeper sense of being a woman is life changing.

I feel softer and more open on a daily basis. I recently started re-reading Danielle La Porte's* Desire Map book and started working through that process. How did I want to feel? What got me fired up?
And what came up was Divinely Feminine and Sensually Awakened. Now I start each day by asking myself how I can incorporate those feelings into my routine. What would a sensually awakened woman be doing right now?

Each day I spend time connecting to my center through womb breathing, my jade egg practice and meditation. Then I do my affirmations as I shower and then I do my morning pages. I started this at the beginning of the year from Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way and now it is part of my regular routine.

People are starting to notice the changes in me. They say I am looking softer and my husband has noticed a new glow about me.Over all I just feel more womanly which is crazy as I have been around for a while and you would have thought I would have had the whole "woman" thing down to a fine art by now.

I guess there is no age limit on coming into yourself, fully, freely and lusciously.

Do you feel like a luscious woman? What practices do you do that help keep you feeling tuned in and connected to your womanly center? Or would you like to start?

Follow any of the blue links above to find out more about living a luscious life.

*Please note the sites marked with an asterisk are affiliate links I do receive a commission if you purchase through those links.

Sticks and Stones

"Sticks and stones may break my bones.
But words can never hurt me."

We all know the rhyme. We were taught it when we went to school. The idea was that it would make us impervious to all the horrible things that the bullies said to us.

The fact is it is bullshit!

Broken bones mend and, if you are lucky, you get a cool story to tell about how you broke it.

For instance, I have broken the same arm four times, FOUR!

The first time was when I was about three and my sister pushed me down the stairs - I've never found out how many stairs there were.

The second time was when I was about eight and stood up on a skateboard for the first time going down hill.

The third time was when a boy chased me in the playground and stood on my jandal (thongs if you're an Aussie, flip flops if you are American). I hate jandals to this day.

The fourth time was at the end of playtime when I fell of the jungle gym and landed on the metal bar that would now be buried in bark or some other soft matting, not the case back in the 60's.

( My arm is fine now, thanks for asking!)

During those same school years I was  skinny little thing and was teased -often.

 By adults: "Don't turn sideways or you might disappear all together"

By my father:" Your legs look like matchsticks with all the wood scraped off."

By kids: "Storklegs!" 

And even now, all these years later, I can still hear those words like it was yesterday and feel the shame and humiliation that I wasn't "normal"

I am no longer that skinny, wee girl. I grew into a voluptuous woman and it took me a long time to get comfortable with the size I am now, a long time.

A few years back I was leaving a weight loss clinic that I had joined , briefly. I had lost a few kilos and was feeling great... until I walked out the door and as I crossed the road, feeling proud, a car full of youths drove past and yelled "Fatty" out the window.

Words hurt.. and they linger, long past the person who said them will even remember .


And the words that we say to ourselves are some of the most damaging and detrimental to our well being. We foolishly think that because we don't say them out loud, that because they are thoughts  they don't have as much impact.

The reality is that we have them playing in a constant , repetitive loop in our head where they eat away at our peace, our confidence, our very soul.

While we can develop strategies for dealing with toxic people and trolls ( read Leonie Dawson's blog on trolls here it is harder to silence the inner voice.

It can be done but it takes time.

My number one strategy for talking nicely to myself is to post pictures of myself as a toddler, child and preteen in prominent places.

Would I really want to say that to her? Is that the way that I want to speak to myself?

Um, no.

It also takes a gentle hand because, lets face it, beating our self up for beating our self up is a loop we don't want to get caught in. Constantly reminding yourself that you will try better next time and being  gentle with yourself works best. And just like alcoholics or drug addicts we have to take it one day at a time.

The media will constantly tell you a million different reasons that you should feel bad about yourself so we have to stay vigilant and tell that voice in our head to sit down and shut the f@#$ up!


What helps you silence your inner mean girl?                                          

For more positive self talk inspiration go grab yourself a copy of my latest book The Goddess Guide to Sex, Love and Lfe

Turning up the heat

We all want to be thought of as being good in bed.

We want to think that we leave our partner satisfied and happy and with thoughts of only us dancing around in their heads for hours afterwards.

We like to think that they will have a sly smile on their face the next day whenever thoughts of us drift across their mind, which will happen often because the sex we had was just that good.

The trouble is, as women, we keep looking outside of ourselves for that magic solution on how to drive a man crazy in bed or make ourselves desirable.

We think it comes down to the right boob size. It doesn't.

Or the right dress size. Again it doesn't, in fact I dare you to ask your partner your dress size. I bet he doesn't have a clue.

Or we think it comes down to how much we weigh. Nah - wrong again.

Or whether we have cellulite on our thighs, or stretch marks,  or whether we have the right hairstyle, or , or, or. Our list of things that could be wrong with us is long and we think if we just fix that  then men will want us, desire us.

Then we think is we just do this or that then he will keep coming back for more.

We forget that we are enough.

I just watched a promo for a new program this woman has created that will have men flocking to you, enable you to unlock their deepest desires and become their all time fantasy woman and it's yours for the small price of $47 USD but you better hurry because she should really sell it for $297. This program will have men adoring you and begging to be your man and while it wasn't sleazy it is still focused on him and all you can do to help drive him wild.

At the same time I got an email from another person that I follow telling you ways to make you feel more like a Goddess all of which I already knew and wrote about in my book "The Goddess Guide to Sex, Love and Life" .

I know which one I am more interested in... and I hope you are too.

Becoming our most vibrant, sexual, sensual selves will bring about the most amazing change in our sex lives while at the same time making us happy and content within ourselves, boosting our confidence and all while taking the best care of ourselves .

Nothing is more potent and alluring to men than a woman who is completely at home in her own body. A woman who revels in her sexuality and isn't scared of embodying her inner goddess is a woman who will be adored but more than that she will enable her man to open fully into his own expression of his sexuality.

This isn't just a theory that I hold it is what has happened in my own relationship. We are not some hot, young couple just starting out on our journey together. No, we are a middle aged couple who have been together for the past 22 years and our relationship hasn't always been this way.

Get your copy here

In fact it has only been in the past 8 years that things have really begun to get hotter and steamier, right when the media would have you believe everything should be heading in the opposite direction. It wasn't until I changed that things took a turn for the better. One day I decided that it was time for me to embrace who I truly am and start living as a full expression of my authentic self and so I declared myself to be a sex Goddess and with that everything shifted.

Since then I have been writing and talking about self love, sexuality and being a goddess. Most importantly I finally published my book  in which I give women tips and exercises to do to help them become their most sensual selves.

One of the most heart opening aspects of all this has been that my husband has been able to shed years of guilt, shame and fully open into the gorgeous, sexy, loving man that was buried beneath all of that old shit. And none of that came about because I was focusing on him like all the articles suggest you do. No, it came about because I opened up to myself, just like Marianne Williamson says in her famous poem " And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”


So where are you going to look? Outwards or inwards?