Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015!

At this time of year we are already looking ahead to the coming year. We are thinking of our goals and resolutions and what it is we most want to achieve which is a worthwhile pursuit.

But before we go rushing into the new year how about we pause and do a quick review of the past year? It is always a good idea to reflect on what worked and what didn't.

Here's some questions to help you out:

(1) What are you most proud of in the past year? What did you achieve?

 Hopefully you wrote out your goals for 2014 at the beginning of the year so you can review which ones you achieved ( You did write them down, didn't you?)
Take some time to really savor your successes. Often we get so caught up in the rush to start the next project that we forget to truly relish the present success. Write down everything that went well and then celebrate them: buy yourself a reward, share your joy with a friend, give yourself a pat on the back.


(2) What didn't work out for you?

Celebrating our successes is important, at the same time it is important to look at what didn't work.

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
― Thomas A. Edison

Reviewing what didn't work so well gives you the chance to tweak it, alter it and have another go, or ditch the idea altogether and try something new. Either way give thanks for the opportunity to grow.

(3)  What are you grateful for?

In what ways did you grow? Where did you push yourself? What were some of the special moments that took your breath away? Give thanks for all of that. Hopefully you are already practicing gratitude daily in your gratitude journal. If not make that an intention for the new year.

(4) What do you need to let go of? 

Did you have an argument with someone this year that you keep going over in your head? Time to let it go.

Or are there situations from even further back that you keep mulling over? Let that go too.

How about clutter? Old files, magazines, things you have been meaning to get around to but still haven't? All that stuff weighs you down so now is the time to sot it out and LET IT GO!

While we are on the subject of letting things go here's some tips on how to do just that:

(1) Clutter:

First let's define clutter: clutter is anything that is lying around that is no longer operational or useful. If you haven't touched it in the past six months chances are high you won't in the next six months either so ditch it.

If you are holding onto to it because it may come in handy some day, check your calendar. Some day is not a day of the week - out it goes!

Ladies, this applies to clothes in your wardrobe too! If you haven't worn it or are waiting until you can fit it again, you know, when you lose those last 5 pounds? Yup time to ditch them.

If you struggle with letting stuff go then set up a bag system; one for charity shops - this is for stuff you are ready to let go of and the next one is for things that you just can't bear to part with but know you need to. After all your clutter clearing seal up the bag with things that you can't let go of, put it in the garage and if after 6 months you haven't opened it to get something out of  - ditch it. WITHOUT REOPENING IT!

(2) Old arguments:

Sometimes we just wish we had said that one killer line that would have stopped the other person dead in their tracks. Or we feel like we just didn't really get to tell them just how we felt . Or, or, or...... the tape in our heads seems to be stuck on a constant replay loop. It might go quiet for a while and then one night we won't be able to sleep and off it goes again.

We don't want to drag all that baggage into the coming year but how do we, finally, let it go and move past it?

There are two ways that work really well and neither of them involve confronting the other person (hooray!)
(a) The first method involves writing it all down. Pouring out all those great one liners and comebacks that you have had stored up in your brain. Pour it all out onto paper. Tell them exactly how you felt, how you feel, what an arsehole they are. Everything you never got to say. Then burn it. In fact you may need to do this a couple of times. And, man, it feels good to vent, to finally get it all off your chest.
You can make the burning of it into a ceremony, with candles and silent prayer and calling on the angels ( Archangel Micheal is great for cutting cords between you and the other party) or you can just chuck it on the fire.Whatever works for you, do that.
You should feel a sense of lightness, like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders, when you finish. If you find the tape playing again go through the whole procedure once more - chances are you hadn't quite got it all out.

(b) The next method involves EFT or tapping. The points are marked on the chart below. Start on the karate chop point and say "Even though I had this argument and I can't get it out of my head, I still deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself. Even though this happened ages ago and I don't see how this tapping will work I still deeply and completely love accept and forgive myself." Then tap through the rest of the points  saying things like this : I'm still so angry. Every time I think of it or I see... I feel so angry. I'm just so hurt. All this hurt and anger. I'm ready to let it go now. No,I'm not. Yes, I am. I need to let this go. ( Deep breath) But I'm still so hurt. I can choose to let this go.

Keep going saying whatever you need to say until you feel a shift and a lightness inside. Then think of the situation again  and if it doesn't kick off the old tape again you have successfully cleared the memory of its toxic charge.

Right, are you ready to embrace the new year now?

(1) Set your intention

Kick off the new year by setting an intention for the year. What do you intend to create, manifest and produce in the coming year?
To me intention has a more tangible feel to it than a goal. In sports a goal is something that you aim for but don't necessarily hit.

An intention is something that you plan for, that has a purpose and an objective.

The most important part of your intention is to write them down. " I intend to..." They say that the only difference between a billionaire and a millionaire is that the millionaire writes down their goal (intentions) daily and the billionaires do it twice a day.

Write them down, read them over and over. Take action

(2) Pick a theme for your year

Last year my theme for the year was "SELF LOVE" and it is likely that that will be my theme again this year. This covers not only the work that I will be doing on myself but also my main focus for my business.
Having a theme gives your intentions a framework: Is my intention to spend more time with my family in keeping with my theme of self love? If not rework your intention.

You could even go so far as to have a theme song for the year. Every time you hear it, it will refocus you on your core intention for your year. Or you can set up a playlist to keep you motivated every day.

(3) Create a vision board

Gather together images of what you want to create in the new year. How do you want to feel? What is your year going to look like? Some people like to cut pictures out of magazines but I prefer drawing my own images and coming up with my own words . In my opinion it connects me deeper to my subconscious mind and my true heart's desires. And I'd rather have an image that sings to me than try to fit my dream into some image from a magazine. But if the magazine thing works for you then go to it!

The main idea is that it is colorful and inspiring. Now you need to put it somewhere that you will see it daily like inside your wardrobe on on the outside of your glass shower or beside your bed.

(4) Gratitude Journal

I love stationery so I already have my new gratitude journal just sitting waiting for the start of the new year. I will take some time to read through the entries from the past year to remind myself just how far I have come. If you haven't started keeping a gratitude journal make 2015 the year you start. Each day write down a minimum of 5 things that you are grateful for. If you want to truly get the most out of it then add why you are grateful for those things too.
Drilling down into the "why" stops it from being a rote list of banal things into a powerful tool for transformation. You really start to see the wonder in your life and stop taking things for granted, something we are all guilty of in the West.


I'm excited to see what the new year has in store. To keep up to date with all the new programs I will be launching in 2015 fill in the form below to join my mailing list.
Happy New Year!

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I have permission to....

Hands up if you have high expectations!

Yeah me too. Not only do I have high expectations of others, I have high expectations of my self.

I expect my friends to be loyal, to respect my time (like I respect theirs) and not be late when we make arrangements. I expect them to talk to me and not gaze at their cell phones every five minutes. I expect them to be there for me like I am for them. It doesn't seem like a lot to ask... but sometimes it is.


At this time of year we also have high expectations for family gatherings. We all want the picture perfect family gathering; happy families, gorgeous food, lots of presents - we see it on every sit com and television show . Sure there might be a little family upset but nothing that cannot be resolved in a half hour time slot or a one hour movie. ( Unless it is August Osage County - love that movie. So much more realistic)

The reality is much more like slow burning resentments, crappy presents and people who barely tolerate each other ( or is that just my family???? (Family of origin not my kids who are AWESOME))

But here's the thing you have permission to do things your own way, to not go to family functions unless you actually want to.

In 2012 I wanted to have all my family together just in case the world ended  because my youngest would be heading off overseas the following year and it would be the last opportunity for all of us to gather in one place ( we have seven kids between us so it's not easy to organize). But here's the thing, one by one, for lots of different reasons, the kids canceled. Sure, I was disappointed but if they didn't want to be here I wasn't about to force them or manipulate them or guilt them into coming.


Recently my nine year old granddaughter came to stay for two and a half weeks. I have 11 grandchildren altogether and they all live far away so I get to be the grandma that drops in for flying visits or sends parcels in the mail. Not the Grandma who bakes. Not the Grandma who has the kids for sleepovers. Not the Grandma who goes to school plays.

And to be honest I don't want to be that Grandma. I like swooping in and swooping out. I like hunting for just the right gift ( okay this is getting harder as they get older and I refuse to just give money!). And most of all I like time to myself. Lots of time to myself. Lots and lots.

So I have my granddaughter staying and the weather is crap and I have a long list of "Shoulds" going on in my head..... a long long list.

So I take a deep breath and let it go and with it all my expectations of how this "should" be and how I "should" be. Because the reality is this is me and I have permission to be my most awesome self.

I have permission to be the kind of Grandma that I am ..... rather than squash myself into to some Grandma shaped mold.

I have permission to not want to do crafts...... because I suck at them.


I have permission to put movies on for her to watch so I can catch up on my writing... because I'm a write and I need to get that shit down on paper ( well, computer screen)

I have permission to be me.

My question you is where are you not giving yourself permission to be you?

Where are you compromising to the point that you don't feel like yourself any more?

Where have you bent so far that you feel like you are going to break?

The Ultimate gift you can give yourself this Christmas is permission to be authentically yourself, to say "No", to "yes" if that's what floats your boat, to be unapologetically YOU!.

This is it. Your Permission Slip. Go be awesome.


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Reasons to believe that the world is a good place

At times it can feel like the world is falling apart.

We hear stories of war, terrorism, bloodshed, murder and mayhem on a daily basis and it feels like there is no good left in the world.

Sadly the media has a "if it bleeds, it leads" mentality and so all the crap that we do to each other is what makes the headlines which leads to a very sordid, sad and depressing view of the world.

The reality is that the wold is full of miracles. Everyday there are people going out of there way to make this world we live in a better place. We've just been looking in the wrong places trying to find it. And if we want to believe in the world being a good place filled with loving kind people then we need to focus more on that and less on the other.

In the Law of attraction it is stated that what you focus on expands so if you want a peaceful loving world then you need to focus on seeing a peaceful loving world around you. Not just at Christmas but all year round and as Ghandi says  " Be the change you want to see in the world". That means YOU need to be more peaceful, loving and kind on a daily basis.

(1) #Illridewithyou

On Monday hostages were taken in a Sydney cafe by a man. He had them hold up a flag in the window with Muslim writing on it. The media went into a frenzy that this was terrorism and was Islamist. At the same time a couple of people on twitter started the hashtag #Illridewithyou to reach out to the Muslim community in Sydney to show them that they were not willing to lump them all under the same banner and that they would be willing to stand up and support them against racism or abuse from fellow Australians who were perhaps, not so enlightened See some of the tweets here

(2)  Secret Santa

In America tensions between the public and  the police have been at an all time high due to various court rulings on police killing innocent black men ( I won't list them here but I do believe #blacklivesmatter)

A wealthy businessman in America has made it a practice each year to give away money at Christmas time. This year he enlisted the local police force to help him to do his part in restoring some faith in cops and help out the deserving at the same  time.

(3) Random Acts of Kindness

People doing random acts of kindness for no other reason than because they can. One woman paid off  the lay away tabs for a whole store. Or all the people that sent Christmas cards to a dying girl. Or the woman who paid for coffee for the person behind her and everyone continued it for the rest of the day.

Random acts of kindness can be big or small but the impact and feel good vibes they leave behind linger for a long, long time. In fact studies have been done that show that just witnessing a random act of kindness makes people feel happier and floods their bodies with feel good hormones.

Want to flood yourself with even more goodness? Here's some stories from Random act of Kindness Week in February of this year.

Want more random acts of kindness? Go here for another ten stories to warm your heart.

(4) All the parents who are doing an AWESOME job of raising their kids

In this age of technology it is now easier than ever to capture ( and share) those moments when you get parenting right ( and let's face it sometimes it feels like you never do!) These parents (and many others) are doing an epic job.

Check out this blog and this one from Hands Free Mama

Shaping young lives is a full time job. Holding space for them to figure out who they are and who they want to be takes patience, love and patience ( yup lots and lots, that's why I wrote it twice) and is THE MOST IMPORTANT job in the world and yet we barely acknowledge it.

And when we look at the world through the eyes of our children we see that it is still full of magic and wonder. Let's not lose that.

How are you making the world a beautiful place today? What random act of kindness can you do to shape the world we live in tomorrow?

Self Care for surviving the holiday season

We all seem to go just a tiny bit crazy over the holiday season. We rush around like the world is going to end to morrow with "To Do" lists a mile long.

And an even longer list of "Shoulds": 

I should buy everyone I know a gift including the kids teachers, the postman, the garbage collection guy and the lady that does my hair.

I should go home for the holidays. I should go to all the events I am invited too so I don't hurt any one's feelings.

My house should be decorated and everything should be cleaned and look like the team from House and Garden are about to drop by for a photo shoot.

I should cook everything form scratch and provide alternatives in case any vegan/lactose intolerant/gluten free/following a strict diet/Paleo/ nut allergic people stop by.

I should prepare enough food in case the apocalypse happens over the holiday break happens.

*Yawn* makes me tired just writing it. The reality is that we don't need to do any of that stuff. What we need more than anything is to take a deep breath ( gone on just try it, right now) and relax.

We need to switch our focus back to what the holiday season is all about ; LOVE, PEACE and GOODWILL to ALL. The holidays are a time to reflect on the past year and look forward to the coming year with anticipation of better things to come.

Here's a list to help guide you through the coming season:

(1) Breathe: If you find yourself getting worked up or agitated take a moment to take three nice, slow deep breaths. If you are still worked up try another three. Trust me, just pausing to breathe can make the world of difference.

(2) Simplify: Write a list of all that you need to do. Now look at it and decide how you can cross at least half of it off. Do you really need to make everything from scratch or can you buy some of it ready made? Is it really important to clean the windows, clean the carpets and reorganise the linen cupboard or could you just leave that til later?  Does the garden really have to look perfect? Get the idea? Pull back to a level of sanity.

(3) Delegate: Look at your list again and ask yourself who else could do that job for you?

(4) Enjoy: IF you aren't having fun then you are doing it wrong! The holidays are about FUN and if you are so busy running from one task to the next that you are just stressed and grumpy then everybody loses

(5) Hydrate: ( this one is for all of us in the Southern Hemisphere!)  While you are out and about doing all your Christmas jobs remember to DRINK, and NO, I don't mean alcohol! It gets hot and shopping is hard work so always take a water bottle with you and actually drink it.

(6) BREATHE: Yes, I know it's on here twice because that is how important it is.

(7) Hug: Hug yourself, hug your kids, hug your friends, hug your partner. Hugging releases oxytocin which is not only the bonding hormone but also makes us feel more connected, relaxed and secure and we could all do with more of that.

(8) Relax: Christmas is only one day and we all try to cram in so much activity and a years worth of bonding into one day. We also have far too high an expectation of what our family holiday is supposed to be or should ( there's that word again!) so just STOP and let it all unfold without feeling you have to control it all.


That's it in a nutshell. What is your best tip for surviving the holidays? Leave me a comment below.


My book "Every Goddesses Guide to Sex, Love and Life" is coming out in the New Year. Join my email list to keep up to date with all things  Goddess -y

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An Ode To Women

As I said in last weeks post An Ode to Men I would write an ode to all the fabulous women in my life, of which there are many.

Things I love about my Friends:

My wedding day 2009. That's me in purple!

(1) They inspire me
My friends Heather and Margie knew that my wedding day was hard for me as my parents had decided not to come due  to a family feud
(shit happens!) so they decided to be my Fairy God Mothers. After the wedding ceremony they came and anointed my husband and I with Fairy Blessings and wishes which was incredibly special and sometime I will never forget.
I got a message from Heather yesterday that she is losing her battle with cancer. she battled through bowel cancer before I met her and then this year developed breast cancer and had a mastectomy. Unfortunately it has now returned. And its winning. Heather has always remained true to her own beliefs and has been an amazing tower of strength for me. she is an inspiration.

(2) They encourage me
I have been working on various projects and my friends constantly urge me onward ( some might call it nagging!). On the days when I want to chuck it all in and think that every word I write is shit, they are there reminding me that this is part of the process and things will get better.

(3) They nurture me
When I have days  when I am overcome with sadness about the state of the world, life and everything else they check in on me to make sure I am eating and getting dressed or they drag me out of the house to remind me that there is still the wonders of cake to behold.

(4) They are real
We don't do mean gossip or keep up with the Kardashians or American Idol or X Factor. It's ok if that's your thing but it's not what we are into. We share about how life really is for us - no holding back, no "I'm fine" when your life is falling apart. I am there for them and they are always there for me.

(5) We eat cake
My friends come in all shapes and sizes and none of them is obsessed with the calorie count of the food they eat. We eat what we love and enjoy it without the "Ooo I shouldn't have eaten that " bullshit.

My friends are all amazing, intelligent and creative women and I am blessed to have them in my life.


My Daughters:

I would love to post a picture of them because they are all stunning but I haven't asked them if I can so I won't :(

Technically they are my step daughters but they are just as much a part of me as my sons and have been part of my life for 22 years which is longer than any of them had been alive when I came into their lives.

(1) They accept me
Yes, it has been a turbulent, roller coaster ride but we are comfortable with each other now. I love them and they love me.
The day I married their father was the happiest ( and saddest) day of my life and my daughters made everything go smoothly without being asked and I don't know where we would have been without them

(2) They are talented
All of them are creative and talented in a myriad of ways. In fact one of them is designing the artwork for the cover of my upcoming book. She sent me the sketch for it the other day and it was so beautiful I can't wait to show it to you.!!

(3) They own their shit
As I mentioned in #1 it has been an interesting ride but I have to give them credit for apologizing for  past events. That takes immense courage and is more than many people take the time to do.


My Mother in Law

My mother in law passed away at the beginning of this year and I was truly blessed to have her in my life. She was a beautiful women, both inside and out. All the jokes about mothers in law being obnoxious was not true in her case. She loved me and I loved her and I miss her daily.

Women can be the most loving, supportive and nurturing forces in your life or they can be bitchy, back stabbing energy suckers. I have had both in my life but due to natural selection I am now only surrounded by amazing women.

I honor them for the parts they play in my life and I treasure each and every one of them. A network of amazing friends is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Choose wisely and don't be afraid to let some friendships end. It just makes space for someone better to arrive.

An Ode to Men

Let me just state right up front that I love men in general and my husband in particular. Sure, men are hairy and loud. They fart and think that belching the alphabet is funny and they scratch their privates while in public but lets face it, where would we be without them?

Yes, I know that women are equally as awesome ( and obnoxious, in different ways)

Yes, I know that  women can do all that men can do.

I also know that we need to start taking the time to appreciate each other more.

I read 81 Things that Dads do that make us Weak at the knees which made me smile and remember raising my kids.

That post then inspired Steven Lake to write My Wife tells me Ten Things I do that Make her Happy

And now I'm writing my own list.

10 Things My Husband does that make me weak at the Knees:

(1) Empties the trash. No big deal, no "look what I'm doing for you". Nope, he just empties the trash. Sure he may not always replace the bin liner but so what?

(2) He is always glad to see me.  It doesn't matter if I am looking frazzled, with my hair pointing in every direction but the one I want it too or all glammed up  he always greets me  with "Hey Beautiful" . That is a little slice of heaven right there.

(3) He calls me his Life Wife. We are both doing this marriage thing for the second time so that is a vote of confidence in our relationship and our bond. *swoon*

(4) He says "thank you" after every meal. No matter what I cook for him he thanks me for a delicious meal. Every time. *double swoon*

(5) He always checks the car. Putting petrol in the car is about my limit when it comes to car maintenance. So if I am off on a trip he does all the blokey checks; tyres, oil and whatever else needs doing. He also schedules all the servicing after asking me if I need the car that day.

(6) He made it part of our wedding vows to keep me in chocolate and "bling". He looks at jewelery catalogs more than I do!

(7) He listens. Whenever I am talking to him I get his full attention. He makes eye contact and fully engages with what I am saying regardless of whether it interests him or not.

(8) He sends me texts so I know he's thinking of me. Once or twice a day I'll get a text from him just to say "hi". Some are smutty. some are lovey dovey. Either way I know he's been thinking of me . *melting*

(9) The way he smiles. Just that. Seeing his face wreathed in joy makes my heart go all gooey inside.

(10) His hugs. He wasn't much of a hugger when we first got together  but now he gives the best hugs ever.

Bonus (11) Love the way he is sooo gentle with animals.

Five Things I love about my Sons:

(1) They are not afraid to be totally themselves. They are all different and they are all proudly who they are.

(2) They embrace their soft side. My eldest has four kids and I have seen hi be incredibly gentle and tender with his daughters while encouraging them to be adventurous  too. My middle son used to try and organize romantic interludes for my hubby and me when he was 11. Or he would pick flowers for hubby to give me. So sweet

(3) They call their mother. My youngest just had some great news. Who did he call? His Mum. One hour later and we ran out of things to talk about. So grateful that they keep in touch.

(4) They know what I like. Youngest sent me a purple scarf from the US. ( Love purple, love scarves!) Middle son gave me a turquoise Buddha for my birthday ( I now have quite a collection of Buddhas). Eldest sent flowers and photos of my grandy's.

(5) They all end their calls with "Love you Mum" * just a puddle on the floor*

Three Things I love about my  (male) Hairdresser.

(1) He listens. Yup, listening is HUGE. HUGE I tell you!. By simply paying attention I feel validated, heard and valued.

(2) He cares. When my mother in law passed away earlier this year and I had a not-so-great haircut from one of the other stylists at the salon, Richard fixed it for me and made me feel great in the midst of a shitty, shitty time.

(3) He gets me. He understands the look I want to achieve and at the end of cutting my hair he says
" There you are. Now you look more like you." *swoon*
( If you want to check out his work go here )

Come back next week and I will post my "Ode to Women" for all the Fabulous ladies in my life.

Who do you need to show some appreciation too?


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When Life hands you lemons

Life is unpredictable.

Life is about change. We are either green and growing or ripe and rotting. Doesn't sound very inviting does it?


But the reality is that the only constant in life is change. Trouble is most of us get uncomfortable with change we like things as they are.

We like the status quo.

Its familiar and comfortable and comforting but you don't get to grow with comfortable and comfort.

               Let go or be dragged. Zen Proverb

Seeds only grow when they are buried deep underground. There in the dark their outside is cracked open and then and only then can the transformation into a plant begin.

Chicks resting in their eggs can only be birthed from cracking the shell from the inside. If you try and crack it from the outside then life dies.

In order for a caterpillar to transform into a beautiful butterfly it has to completely let go of all it knows, melt into liquid and then.....wait.

Life is like that .

Transitions are never easy. Transitions are not comfortable but they are necessary for us to grow, change and transform into all that we can be.

               Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Haruki Murakami

What are you struggling with at the moment?

What transitions are you going through?

What do you need to let go of?


Come over to my Facebook page  and tell me what you are going through to go in the draw to win a FREE session with me either in person or via Skype. (valued at $80NZD)

  Come back next week for some tips to get through it, get on top of it or let it all go.

Nurturing November - Daily Self Love

We are now into the  third month of  our self love journey. We started in September with the Self Love Challenge and continued by awakening all of our senses with Orgasmic October.

Now we are moving into Nurturing November.

Why Nurturing?

First let's look at the dictionary definition;

nurtured, nurturing.

1.

to feed and protect:

to nurture one's offspring.

2.

to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster:

to nurture promising musicians.

3.

to bring up; train; educate.

noun

4.

rearing, upbringing, training, education, or the like.

5.

development:

the nurture of young artists.

6.

something that nourishes; nourishment; food.

From this we can see that nurturing ourselves can mean that we are literally nourishing  our bodies, mind and spirits but we are also educating and training ourselves to put ourselves first, to take better care of us and not always put others first.

So here are the daily challenges for Nurturing November

(1) Wash your make up brushes. This is one of those little jobs that we often overlook but it is important. Every time we use them we are trapping skin cells and bacteria in them and then next time we use it we spread that bacteria across our face. Not a great idea!

(2) Take a technology break. This one can be a real challenge but lets face it do we really need to be available 24/ 7? Walk away from your computer, put down your cell phone and relax.

(3) Check the expiry dates on your make up and skincare. Yes, they all expire! The life of a mascara is only about 3 months!! Check out this article for the shelf life of your other make up essentials.

(4) Drink, drink, drink! yup, I'm talking about water here. Not coffee. Not alcohol. Not tea. Just pure, clear water. Did you know dehydration could be the reason you wake up still tired in the morning? Or how about the fact that dehydration impacts on lubrication??? If that doesn't make you grab a glass of water I don't know what will.

(5) Make a spritz for your face. Blend together some of your favorite essential oils and water. Find a misting bottle and away you go. Check out this article for some inspiration.

(6) Give yourself permission to say "No" . We are coming up for the silly season which can mean lots of function to attend. Some are a "Hell, Yes." While others are a "Do I have to?" and these are the ones that you just say "No." IF that feels too bald a statement to make then amend it to " No, that doesn't work for me." Simple. Clean. No apology necessary.

(7) What makes you happy? Stop and think about what really lights you up. Create a list of all the things that bring you joy. Start doing these things regularly ( if you are not already). Keep it somewhere handy for next time you are having a down day and then do one of those activities for a quick lift.

(8) Find a picture of the younger you. I've got a picture of me at 7 and another of me at 11 on my altar and I talk to her daily. Doing inner child work helps us to feel loved and secure as adults. especially if we didn't feel that way as a child.

(9) Buy an indoor plant.  Peace lilies, spider plant, gerberas, Mother-in -laws tongue and golden pothos are just some of the plants that are great for purifying the air in your home. I have a phalenopsis orchid on my office desk because orchids flower so long and are simply stunning and I love to surround myself with beauty.

(10) Book in for a check up with your doctor. I don't often go to the doctor as I tend to treat myself. There are somethings that you need to get checked though. Blood pressure, cholesterol levels, smear tests and breast checks are important and we tend to put them off. Your health is important so go get checked.

(11) Eat some kelp. October was Breast cancer awareness month or as I like to call it BREAST HEALTH AWARENESS ( yes I meant to put that in capitals.) Breasts need iodine (hence the kelp) and selenium, both of which are deficient in NZ soils. Men need both of these for their prostate health too so it's a win/win. Good sources of iodine are : kelp,kombu, wakame and Himalayan pink salt.

(12) Eat or drink something fermented.  I love making my own fermented products such as kefir and kombucha. These products are rich in probiotics in concentrations far greater than any commercial yogurt or probiotic pill. Populating your gut with healthy bacteria can have a positive impact on your mood especially if you suffer from anxiety or depression.

(13) Practice deep breathing. Most of us breathe far too shallowly so take a few minutes to slow down and just breathe in as deep as you can.

(14) Ask your Angels for a sign.

When we were building our house we were trying to decide between two building companies as they both had floor plans that we liked. One company had a plan that was called Grace and the other one was called Tuscan. On the day we decided I asked the Angels for a sign to help us. As we drove from one company to the next I kept seeing the word Grace everywhere.... so we went with that one. Ask for a sign and then pay attention!

(15) Start a journal. I am stationery mad and have numerous journals going at all times. I have a gratitude journal, an inspiration journal, a quote journal and a myriad of others. Keeping a journal can be a place for you to pour out all your angst, catalog all your ideas, and get all of your "to do's " out of your head.

(16) Massage your breasts. Breasts need regular massage to ease the congestion caused by wearing a bra all day. Underwire bras can stop the flow of lymphatic fluids and breast massage helps move and release this. Want more info? Go here.

(17) What is your proudest moment?  Take some time and reminisce about the proudest moments of your life. Write them down in your journal. Start a discussion with your husband and children about what their proudest moments are.

(18) Clean out your handbag. Handbags are like a time capsule of our life. All manner of things get tossed in there for safe keeping or for "just in case" moments. I don't know about you but I tend to be a bit of a good girl scout and carry all sorts of things "just in case"; tampons, panadol, plasters, safety pins, pens and paper to name just a few. I also like to rotate my handbags ( I have a handbag fetish) which means I get to go through and toss items I don't need in there like old receipts, old tissues and business cards of people I no longer remember.

(19) Start growing your own sprouts. Simply having a jar of sprouts on your bench will make you feel healthier, not to mention virtuous! Sprouts can be tossed in a salad, added to a sandwich or added to your green juice. YUM!

(20)  Make a vegetarian meal. Adding just one vegetarian meal to your week will increase your vegetable intake and improve your health. Not to mention the impact on animal welfare if we all ate less meat. Need some inspiration? Click on the link. Lots of great recipes and information here.

(21) Try oil pulling. This one takes a bit of getting used to. I've been doing it for a couple of years now and my mouth just doesn't feel clean until I've done twenty minutes of oil pulling. So what is it? Simply take a spoonful of oil ( I use coconut oil as it is antibacterial) and swish it around in your mouth like you do mouthwash. Do it for twenty minutes. You need to build up to this as you mouth will ache at the beginning so start with five and then keep going. Your breath will be fresher and your mouth will be healthier. Spit your oil in the rubbish not down the sink or you will clog your pipes.

(22) Drink some kombucha. Kombucha is fermented tea. I know, it sounds disgusting but it really is delicious. There are a few commercial brands available now so check out your local health shop and give it a try.

(23) Clean your car inside and out.  Cars, like handbags, are a time capsule of your life and nothing feels nicer than getting into your car when it is all sparkly clean. So get to it.

(24) Write a letter to your inner child. Let her know that everything worked out ok. That you love her and share with her some of what you have learned from being an adult.

(25) Upgrade yourself. Find a way to upgrade some aspect of your life today. Do you always buy a small drink? Upgrade to medium. Do you always buy the cheapest toilet paper? Upgrade to a 3 ply.
Do you always pluck your own eyebrows? Upgrade to an eyebrow shape and tint. You deserve the best so upgrade yourself today.

(26) Make your own body scrub. Get some sugar or fine salt. Add enough oil until it looks like wet sand ( apricot oil or sweet almond oil are good). Add a couple of drops of your favorite essential oil. Stand in the shower stall ( water off) and scrub your whole body then turn the water on and rinse off. Your body will feel soft and delicous.
Dance.

(27)Dance. Put on your favorite music and have a dance party for yourself.

(28) Indulge in your favorite treat. For me that is Whittakers Creamy Milk chocolate. Whatever it is for you take a moment and truly savor your treat.

(29) What is one thing that you struggle with about yourself?  Write about it in your journal. Ask yourself what it would be like if you accepted this. How would you be different if you accepted it?  What would need to change in order for you to accept it?

(30) Give yourself a pedicure. Our feet do so much for us and yet we ignore them. Just for today treat your feet.
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Being authentic

On any given day we wear numerous masks; being who people expect us to be.

We are the good mother to our children, the perfect wife for our husband, the loyal worker and the trusted friend.

Sometimes in amongst all of that being everything to everybody we lose ourselves. We forget who we are, what we want , what lights us up.

Now I am not saying that we need to stop being all those other labels and hats that we wear .

What I am saying is that we need to give ourselves the space, time and commitment to being our most authentic selves. We need to get still and quiet and listen to our inner voice, our gut instinct, our true nature.

If you have been following along with the September Self Love challenge and the Orgasmic October - awakening all of our senses blogs you will have some ideas for creating more space for your authentic self to shine through. ( stay tuned for the November blog - I haven't finished with self love yet!).

Peeling off the layers of others ideas of you can take time. We are so much more than anyone has ever led us to believe. And as Marianne Williamson famously said "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

But instead of reaching to be our most authentic selves we hide behind the mask of our small idea of our self.

I get it.

I truly do. If we were to be our most authentic selves we would have to put ourselves out there. We would have to be bigger than our fears and those suckers, on any given day, can go from tiny to monumental, insurmountable. We would have to fulfill our potential, not just talk the talk but actually take the action necessary to achieve our goals and dreams.


Mmmmmhmmmm scary!

So instead we play small.

We blame our parents. Our ex. The government.

We list all the reasons why we shouldn't go be awesome; I'm not good enough. Who am I to think I can do that?

Oh, that little negative voice in our head can be a real bitch at times. I hear her kick in every time I sit down in my chair to write a blog post or send out a newsletter. Some days she is very, very loud and insistent so I take her out for coffee and we have a little chat.

You see I have been getting the urge to write since as long as I can remember. I adore stationery  (clue number one). I cannot go past a book shop with out stocking up on pens and paper and I now have lost count of how many notebooks and journals I have got ideas jotted down in.

I read. Constantly (clue number two). If there are no magazines or books to hand I will read a cereal packet from top to bottom.

Words and quotes  make my heart do the happy dance (clue number three). But for some reason I never put all that together to mean I should be writing.

Even when I was told (repeatedly) in card readings, clairvoyant readings etc that I was a writer I would smile politely and nod and then file that away as "not on your life"

Then I found blogging. Oh happy day!!! Now I finally felt that I had a voice!!

Then people actually started reading, following and commenting. Joy upon joy!

What does this mean for you?

(1) Go back to the beginning. If you haven't found something that lights you up from the inside out go back and look for clues in your younger years. Trust me the child in you knew what lit you up then and you can rediscover it by looking backwards

(2) Keep it simple. What makes your heart sing doesn't have to be earth shattering and of epic proportions. What it does have to do is make you want to do the happy dance every time you think of it. It does have to make you lose yourself in the process of doing it.

(3) Commit time to it. If it lights you up then you will be your most authentic self while you are in pursuit of it. Look at all the people who dress as their favorite characters at Comic Con? Do they care what others think of them? No, they are deliriously following their passion and have committed time and effort to it for no other reason than it brings them joy.
It might look like they are trying to be someone other than themselves but in reality they are tapping into the archetype of the hero to bring that aspect of themselves to the fore.

(4) Be open. Being our most authentic self means we have to be open and vulnerable. Sure some people might not like you and may be more than happy to tell you so but that is more about them than it is about you. Being your most authentic self does threaten those who are heavily invested in playing small, it shakes their comfortable view of the world. Leave that issue with them and keep being open and authentic.

(5) Play. Take a leaf out of Madonna and David Bowie's book and keep trying different persona's until you feel you have found your right fit. Just like a child plays dress up trying to figure out what being an adult will look like to them, try on different aspects of yourself until one just feels right. The more fun you have with it the better.

What do you think? What is the best way to find your most authentic self? What worked for you?
I would love to hear your thoughts.

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Does sexy have an expiry date?

Due to a technical glitch I lost the first post of this so here we go again with take two:

This morning I started my day by watching this video from a project called What's underneath.

In it Jackie O' Shaugnessy a 62 year old actor and model talks about how she has never felt enough; thin enough, smooth enough or just enough at all. She had always felt that she needed to modify her looks in order to be acceptable.

The same can be said for just about every woman on the planet which is why we have a multi billion dollar industry for weight loss, cosmetic surgery and not to mention hair dyes and make up. Women being dissatisfied with their bodies is a lucrative business.

And then I read this article from Carol Sarler and here's the headline:

Don't believe the ads. I'm afraid sexy does have a sell-by date and it's way before 60

Venus of Willendorf - Fertility Goddess

She had also seen Jacky in some advertisements for underwear but instead of seeing this as an empowering beautiful  acceptance of bodies of all ages and sizes she chose to see it as an excuse to berate older women for showing their bodies. In her mind being sexy is something only young fertile  women should be. I'm not entirely sure what her cut off date is for being sexy but she does go on to mention 

"Sexy is the means by which the female lures her mate.
Sexy is attracting the seed to make your babies"

Um, all I can say is WTF?

If sexy was only about fertility and breeding then I suggest we go back to these fertility symbols as the epitome of "sexy". The truth is what I find sexy and what you find sexy might be poles apart and have very little to do with procreation and more to do with just plain sex.

Let's stop judging and berating women for what they choose to wear, for what size they are and whether or not they fit into your idea of "sexy" or not.


How I look and choose to dress is up to me. Your approval is not needed or required.



 What we should be doing is applauding and celebrating the diversity of images that we are, finally, starting to see in the fashion industry. After all it is what we have been asking for, for years; more ethnic diversity, broader spectrum of ages, different body shapes and sizes. Now they are listening we  ( well a small sector) are saying "Oh no, my eyes are offended"

And let's just talk about sex for a minute ( or maybe longer). Sex doesn't stop just because you are no longer having babies. In fact some of the best sex you will ever have happens after all the kids have left home and you are moving towards menopause. It is something we would all rather not talk about  because the thought of old people having sex is  ewww gross ( not really but in our youth obsessed culture that's more bull shit we are fed)

We have become so youth focused that we are all ( supposedly) trying to cling to the last vestiges of our youth by whatever means possible but let's be realistic for a moment, youth is fleeting. On average we live until our 80's and are only sexually available from our late teens and once we hit our 30's it is (supposedly) all over. that is a very brief window in which we are "allowed" to be sexy.

.        Youth is wasted on the young. Oscar Wilde

Sex gets better as you age. You become more comfortable in your own skin ( hopefully). You are less inhibited and the rush to orgasm is lessened. You are not so driven by lust (and that powerful urge to procreate) and so sex becomes a sensual feast rather than the drive thru take away it was before. Now I am not saying that the sex you have when you are younger isn't great  ( okay I am but that's because I've been young and now I'm old -ish and I know what I'm having now transcends the sex I had when I was younger).

If we truly want to make the world a better place to live in then articles like the one in the Daily Mail do us a huge disservice. We need to celebrate beauty in whatever form it comes in. Instead of dragging people down for how awful they look ( in your eyes) let's celebrate all the differences. Instead of trying to squash everyone into a small box marked beautiful, sexy people let's redefine what that means with much broader strokes.

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Orgasmic October - Awakening all our senses

I don't know about you but I loved the September Self Love Challenge. In fact I loved it so much that I decided to put my thinking cap on and come up with a follow on.

So here we are at Orgasmic October. But it's not quite what you think.

Orgasmic October is about awakening ourselves to all of our senses - getting back in touch with our truest self. We seem to get so busy rushing around being everything to everybody that we forget to stop and savor the little moments and those little moments are our life.

And who knows becoming more aware of all your five senses might just open you up to being a more sensual you

So here are the Orgasmic October Challenges

(1) Dance like no one is watching. The latest version of this meme is " Dance like no one is watching... because their not they are  all looking at their phones" .
For me there is nothing I like more than my own dance party at home to music I love and the bonus is it's a great way to get in some exercise Check out this girl for some inspiration

(2) Clean your windows, Lacking some clarity in your life? Clean your windows  for a fresh new perspective. Yes, really!
As a bonus clean your windows and dance!!

(3) Add some aromatherapy oils to an oil burner. There are so many great blends you can choose from . Ask yourself how do you want to feel and then google a blend to help with giving you more of that blend. Or go check out Le'Esscience Gillian has blends for sleep, concentration,  destressing, or even feeling more sensual.

(4) Stop and smell the flowers. Now that Spring is here the flowers are starting to show their faces again so take a moment and truly appreciate all their beauty.

(5) Open all the doors and windows in your home. Let that fresh sweet Spring air blow all the cobwebs away literally and figuratively. There is nothing nicer than allowing fresh air into your home.

(6) Buy some body butter and use it all over your body. Give thanks to all parts of your body as you rub it in.

(7) Get a massage. Either ask your partner for one or book in at your local day spa.

(8) Buy some sexy underwear. In September I urged you to replace your old, tired undies. Now I want you to go buy something sexy. Not just any cotton underpants will do for this but something that will make you feel like a million dollars.

(9)  Make a delicious fruit salad. Savor all the different flavors of the fruit and let the juices drip down your chin, fully immerse yourself in the lushness and sweetness of the fruit.


(10) Sit in the sun for twenty minutes. Soak up those rays and allow yourself to revel in how good it feels on your skin.

(11)Wear an outfit that makes you feel sexy. For a long time I have only worn jeans. That was until last summer when I found some gorgeous maxi dresses and now that the sun is out nothing makes me feel sexier than wearing one of  my maxi dresses... with out underwear. Shhhh it's our little secret.

(12) Order a jade egg. Ladies, you will not believe what this will do for your sex life. Jade eggs have been used for hundreds of years to tone and tighten your pelvic floor muscles. Now, I have been doing Kegel's ( sporadically) since I was fifteen but nothing compares to using one of these. I have discovered muscles I never even knew I had. Plus for any ladies in your menopausal years using a jade egg helps with elasticity and lubrication. Win, win , win. Just do it and use it. Trust me.

(13) Do a womb healing meditation. Last month we wrote a letter to our uterus and now we take it a few levels deeper and do some womb healing though meditation. I will be posting a womb meditation for purchase in my store in the next few days so make sure to come back and check it out.

(14) Try a new perfume. Spend some time at your local chemist or shopping mall and  try out some new scents. I recently asked my friend Raewyn of Nature's Finest Skincare to create an all natural perfume for me and I love it. She called it the Ultimate Goddess. Delicious.

(15) Eat your next meal mindfully. Studies have shown that when we are distracted like watching television or working at our computer while we eat we are barely aware of what we are eating  and hence we eat more. Just for one meal today focus only on your food. Present it in the most visually appealing way. Take your time and savor each mouthful. Put your knife and fork down between bites and just enjoy the food.

(16) Today whenever someone asks " How are you?" reply "I'm fabulous." By the end of the day you will be feeling more fabulous than when you started. Your mood is more in your control  than you realise and by affirming all day how great you are feeling you literally shift your perception of how well your day is going to one with more ease and flow. And that is FABULOUS.

(17) Chant. Chanting a mantra clears your throat chakra, raises your vibration and shifts your energy. If you pick a simple mantra such as "Om Shanti" which means " Peace" or if you prefer English " I am love" then you start to again shift your focus to  a more loving and peaceful state. The Buddhists traditionally chant any mantra for 108 repetitions. If you use the same mantra every day it becomes like your own personal theme song and will become part of your daily routine.

(18) Seduce your partner..... or yourself. We can get into a routine with our sex lives and forget the deliciousness of anticipation and the building of desire throughout the day ( and yes you can do this for yourself if you don't have a partner - that's what your imagination is for). Delayed gratification is not something we are used to anymore. We want what we want NOW not later but anticipation is a powerful aphrodisiac and will heighten all your sense for the whole day.

(19) Try our some new make up. Play dress up like you did when you were younger. Try some new looks with your make up. Go to a make up counter and ask for a make over. It is always good to try something new and not stick to the safe look you have always had.

(20) Make your bedroom a sensual haven. First off remove anything that doesn't have to do with sex or sleeping because that is all your bedroom should be about. No work, no television and no exercise equipment. Lots of soft furnishings, soft lighting, delicious smelling oils and romantic art work.

(21) Read a sexy book. Something better than Fifty shades of Grey . Here's some inspiration so head to your local library and see what you can find.

(22) Ask your partner to massage your feet. It has been proven that when your feet are warm you will be more orgasmic so don't head to bed with cold feet.

(23) Make some bliss balls.  For two reasons (1) they are delicious and (2) rolling them in your hands is a bit like when you were a kid. Here's a recipe to get you started.
 8 Medjool dates, pitted and blended with 1 tablespoon of hot water
2 tablespoons of honey
2 Tablespoons of Cacao ( raw cocoa)
2 T Hemp protein powder
1 Cup of nut butter
1 tsp vanilla essence
1/2 teaspoon of cayenne pepper.
Blend together and roll in coconut.
These are hot balls which is great for boosting blood to the extremities... if you catch my drift. Use less cayenne or omit if you are not keen on hot stuff.

(24) Space clear your home. Spring is a great time to ramp up the energy in your home. Check out  Karen Kingston's book " Creating Sacred space with Feng Shui" for tips on how to do a space clearing. Have fun clapping, ringing bells and singing bowls. The neighbors will wonder what the hell you are doing but your house will feel incredible when you have finished.

(25) Sit in silence for an hour. Just be still. Pay attention to the sounds around you. Feel the breeze. Smell the air.
Okay an hour might be too long but try and see how long you can sit for. Keep doing it each day until you can do it for one hour.

(26) Make a delicious raw dessert like Chocolate Caramel Pie: Sign up for my newsletter for the recipe. This is seriously delicious. I have a sweet tooth and have been working to reduce my sugar craving so raw desserts are  helping me curb the desire while being incredibly delicious.

(27) Laugh out loud. They say that kids laugh 300 times a day while adults only summon up 4.Sure we type LOL but most of us aren't actually laughing out loud. Today make it your mission to laugh out loud at anything. Ready? GO!

(28) Listen to your favorite sexy singer. Mine is Leonard Cohen, his sultry voice and awesome lyrics are perfect for getting in the mood. Create your own sexy playlist on Spotify and then play it often.

(29) Bath or shower with your partner. My husband and I spend hours together in the bath talking shit and being real. When you are that naked and close to each other it is far easier to be vulnerable and open.

(30) Smile. All day. Smile at strangers. Smile at the girl on the checkout. Smile at the guy making your coffee. Smile at the old lady who is taking forever to decide. Just smile. It's catching and costs nothing. But it makes you feel good.

(31) Embrace your inner pagan. It is Halloween so light a fire if you can or light some candles and make your house feel cozy. Toast some marshmallows.... even if it is over a gas flame. In the northern hemisphere it is time to celebrate the harvest and here in the southern hemisphere it is time to celebrate the coming of Summer. Do whatever you can to celebrate the changing of the seasons.

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