Touch Deprived

We live in a technological world.

We are bombarded with information at  an astonishing rate of speed that our forebears would not have been able to comprehend.

We have lost touch with each other.

It is now easier to send a text message than pick up the phone and call someone to wish them "Happy birthday" or "Merry Christmas". Seriously, when was the last time you had a phone call that wasn't a telemarketer or a charity looking for donations?

And  who, exactly, is keeping the card industry going?
 ( apart from me, obviously!)

We feel so inundated with sensory overload; texts landing on our phone, music playing in the background as we surf the web with a million and one ads flashing at as from the sides of the website we are browsing or drop down boxes asking us to sign up for the latest newsletter, phones ringing ( pesky telemarketers!), people talking, cars racing past and sirens wailing. Makes me exhausted just writing it.

I live in blissful peace and quiet, in the countryside, tapping away at my keyboard and seeing clients are about as exciting as it gets around here. Sure my rooster is incredibly loud ( especially at 4am ) and sometimes the neighbours tractor and spraying equipment gets on my nerves. But it is quiet and relaxing .

When I go to the city I feel overwhelmed and just want to retreat back into my cave so I get it. I get that we are overly stimulated on the sensory front and that tends to make a lot of us pull back into our selves, longing for a bit of space, a small gap of solitude to call our own.

The trouble is a lot of us are doing this by withdrawing touch from those around us. I read recently that  the young people in Japan have stopped having sex with each other altogether and that this is having a devastating effect on their economic growth ( or will do in the near future). No sex, no babies, no next generation coming up through the ranks. Some of the reasons given for the no sex was that the females are now earning their own money and are not prepared to give that up to be the domestic goddess their husbands and their society demands.

As a non domestic goddess myself, I can't say I blame them but I know I sure as hell wouldn't be giving up sex for it either. The males, on the other hand,are eschewing sex as they no longer want to give up a large part of their wages to maintain the wife staying at home and all that entails.

Sounds to me like they need a sexual revolution a la 1960 rather than everyone just giving up on sex .

Meanwhile over in the good ol' U S of A kids are being suspended from school for hugging their teacher  and even, in some extreme cases, for little boys kissing a girl in kindergarten.

I mean come on people, this is all getting out of hand.

What we are, as a whole, is touch deprived

We are so disconnected from each other, from our own bodies, from the pure sensual delights that are available to us that we are forgetting how to touch each other

In fact technology in general and porn,specifically are ruining our lives. Okay maybe that is a very broad, sweeping statement but it seems that some people are becoming addicted to the ease of porn and the instant gratification that it brings so much so that it impacts their sex life and not in a good way.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt recently made a movie on this very topic. Don Jon is a typical young guy. He works out, he hangs with his buddies and he goes to clubs looking to score with chicks, which he does on a regular basis. And even though he is so great with the ladies once he is finished having sex with them, it's off to his computer for some porn. Even when he meets the girl he thinks is the love of his life. Even after she catches him and he promises he will stop. ( I won't give you any more info because you really should watch it - great movie)

Young guys have a false idea of what sex looks like from watching too much porn. They have a limited idea of what it entails and that actual feelings are involved.

Girls, on the other hand , often have sex thinking it will bring them love ( yup, even now)

What we all need, however, is to start hugging each other on a regular basis. This will release feel good chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine and help us feel more bonded and connected with each other.

And the hugging and touching shouldn't stop when we are in a relationship. No, quite the opposite in fact. If we want our relationship to flourish and feel deeper and more connected to each other as the years pass we need to keep the touching going, all day, every day.

Sadly, more and more couples are living in sexless marriages when one partner decides to withdraw all sex and touch goes a long with that. Sure, they could divorce but often time they still feel deeply committed to each other, it's just that one partner has taken sex off the table. And so as not to "lead the other partner on" all touch goes with that.

I just read this article over at Elephant Journal about pledging to increase pleasure in our lives and I have to say I agree with her.

It is time for us to Pledge to Take our Pleasure Seriously. To commit to more touching not just to more sex but to more connection, more intimacy and more, just more.

So how do we start?

(1) Greet your friends with a hug. Touch their hand when you are listening to them so that they know that you are.

(2) Make eye contact with people when they are talking to you. Show up and be present.

(3) Ask for hugs when you need them. don't just wait for them to be offered.

(4) Ask your friends if they need a hug when they are having a bad day. then hug them... for 20 seconds.

(5) Ask your partner for hugs. Explain that you are not necessarily wanting sex, you just want a hug.

(6) Call your mother..... just to say hi!

(7) Give thanks for all that you presently have in your life. Especially the relationships that you cherish. Then ring them and tell them you are grateful for them and why. Think of it as a verbal hug.

If you are struggling with feeling touch derived and need some direction to help you move back towards it. If you have issues with touch or intimacy and need someone to help Contact me via Facebook messaging to arrange a session.

The greatest gift you can give your partner

There is always one person that you just can't find a gift for.

Often it is our partner but sometimes it can be our parents or a good friend . Even though I said in the title that this gift is the greatest thing you could give your partner it works for other significant people in your life, even your kids. Especially your kids.

This is a clue!

Every one wants to feel special.

To feel that they are loved, lovable and loving.

So how do we give that to people? How do we let them know that they are  loved?

Sure, we can tell them but often the words don't sink in, heart deep.

We can show them by doing things for them, but again that can be easily overlooked.

We can buy them things, which is what we all do at Xmas, but how do you convey depth of feeling with a dollar value? Do you even want to?

We can give hugs and touch and this is always a good place to start. although some people find touch uncomfortable as a means of receiving love. Especially if they have issues with past abuse.

These are all worthwhile and loving things to add into any relationship and if you are not already doing them  then I suggest you get on to it.

No, what I am talking about is giving your presence instead of just presents.

Being fully present  with the people you love means connecting with them, with your eyes, when they are talking. Giving them your full attention. Not just half listening, not thinking of what you are going to say next. Not mentally writing your shopping list or planning on how to fix the clunk in the engine.

Nope, none of that shit.

Just focusing totally on the moment and what is being said, paying attention to the body language and checking in.

Doing this when your 5 year old has something important to share about their day? Priceless gift, because lets face it often we are too busy but if you start this practice with them when they are little  they will still come and tell you about their day when they are 15 or 16.

Doing this with your 15 or 16 year old when they are telling you about their latest conquest on Xbox     (or Playstation) or when they are telling you about what Brittany said that made them feel like  shit and she's such a bitch and .. and ... and? Priceless gift and they will come back again and again to feel validated and heard and possibly even share life changing decisions with you because they know you listen.

Doing this with your parents or in laws when they are in their 70's or 80's and telling you ( again) about their childhood and how different life was back then? Priceless gift because old people need to feel valued too,. Even better? Ask them for advice so they still feel they have something to contribute.

Doing this with your partner as they tell you about their day, in minute detail? Priceless gift and likely to lead to great sex later.

Doing this while having great sex, fully being in the moment, not in your head but connected to your body and your partners body and all the sensations that are taking place, instead of lost in your own little fantasy world? Priceless gift and likely to make the great sex you were having, the best sex you have ever had.

Simple isn't it? Because let's face it we don't really need more things. What we need is a deeper connection with those we love and the easiest way to do that is to give them more of us.



What is the best gift you ever received? Leave me a comment below

The Season of Giving is upon us

I'd settle for the foot massage....... and the orgasm!

Christmas is now breathing down our necks and will be here before you can bat an eyelash. Christmas is about giving and families and celebrating .

When we were little we would write out our wish list of all the things we wanted  Santa to bring us, we knew that we might not get everything on the list. We knew that Santa was assessing whether we had been naughty or nice ( that judgey bastard!) and we were hoping he would let some things slide and still give us what we wanted.

We all know that it is better to give than receive - we've had that drummed into us since we were kids.

A long with the "it's the thought that counts"when faced with a less than fabulous present. We are taught to be grateful for anything that we get.

 These are good and valuable lessons.

But somewhere a long the line we forgot about asking for what we wanted.

We stopped allowing ourselves to compile a "wish list"of things that we wanted.

Instead we got busy giving. Because, apparently, that's what adults do. We give and give and give. This is especially true f you are a mother. In fact it seems to come downloaded with the meeting with the egg and sperm! I am surprised it isn't one of the commandments - "Thou shalt give ...... and then give some more."

What we seem to forget tin this equation is that there is someone on the other end of all that giving - the receiver. Yes, I know I talk a lot about being grateful and yes, that is still important.

What I want to talk about is opening ourselves up to two things (1) asking for what we want and (2) being open enough to actually receive it. Because here's the thing, we tend to have forgotten how to be open enough to really, fully receive what is being offered to us.

Lets talk about compliments, for a start. Most women ( and I am going to be speaking generally because I haven't actually met every women on the planet yet) tend to brush aside compliments. I see it all the time, "Oh I got this dress/outfit/handbag on sale at  ( insert generic store name here)" or "Thanks but look at you. You look amazing!"or  "No, I haven't lost weight. In fact I think I must have gained about 3 pounds this week" or well, pick from a myriad of reasons why a compliment shouldn't be received. ( and yes, I am aware that all those examples relate to looks because as women that seems to be the issue that we are (a) most often complimented on and (b) find the most difficult to hear or accept. See my aside about speaking generally).

Or what about the wrangling that goes on at the local coffee shop over which friend is doing the buying. Each wanting to make sure that the other friend is made to feel special rather thatn accept the generosity offered as a gift from a friend.

Or ( here's where it really gets juicy) what about in bed. Often times we are so focused on giving our partner pleasure that we overlook our own or feel that perhaps we should just fake it as we are obviously taking too long. We forget the fact that men take, on average, about 7 minutes to climax, while we are barely getting warmed up ( women take, on average about 20 minutes to achieve orgasm). So consequently we feel we should be performing better, faster or just differently than how we are currently.

The worse part is that with the proliferation of porn on the internet men are under the ( deluded) idea that all women should be writhing in ecstasy at one mere thrust of their amazing penis ( let's not get into the array of other false impressions that men get from porn or we will be here all day!). And , sadly, there are still some men who  do not know where the clitoris is, let alone the G spot, hell the scientists/doctors/gynecologists can't even agree as to whether we all have on. What the hell is that all about?

Yeah, it's complicated!

That's like saying some people are born with a penis and others aren't ( oh wait, bad example). The fact is all females have a G spot
( mmhmm, *nodding my head*, even you, dear reader. Unless you are a male, in which case "Hi"and happy to have you here!). The fact that nobody has found it in your body, yet (YET!) does not mean that it does not exist. It is not the Yeti ( oh did LOL when I read that last bit back cos it kind of is the Yet -i of locations - nobody has found yours yet!)

And the reason nobody has found your elusive G spot ( if they have congratulations and there probably nothing more for you to see here) is because you have not allowed yourself the pleasure of relaxing into being open to receive.

To open into a place of receiving we have to be willing to surrender, to get out of our head and into our body. We also have to feel that we deserve the pleasure . We have to feel that our partner genuinely wants to please us and is willing to take the time. If they aren't then you have a great indication of just how committed they are to the longevity of your relationship.

Intimacy is something that we develop, that take nurturing and openness and yes, even surrender. We have to be willing to be vulnerable, to ask for what we want and to allow ourselves the time we need to embrace our pleasure.

When you full open into the space of receiving you are opening up and feeding your sense of self worth. Not to mention unleashing all the creativity and inspiration that is stored in lower chakras that can be utilized through orgasm ( yeah, that's whole other blog right there).


Meanwhile back at Christmas, if you are still in the gift buying mode
 ( sitting here smugly having finished all mine ) why not follow my Golden Rule of Gift Buying ( so special it has it's own name and deserve highlighting). Here it is; Buy yourself something nice first.

This was first born when I was a single mother of two darling wee boys
 ( later turned into three but that's another story). I figured if I didn't buy myself presents then who else was going to? And I have kept it up even though I am now happily married. On any gift buying expedition first up is finding a gift for my favorite person in the whole world, Me! With that out of the way I can then focus my attention on thinking about what other people like/want. Otherwise I end up buying all my lady friends things that I really would rather keep for myself.

So tell me do you have trouble receiving? Can you take a compliment? Have you been faking it all these years or are you willing to ask for and get the pleasure you deserve? I would love to hear your feedback


Come over and join us on my Facebook page where we will be kicking of 100 Days of Self Love soon!

Ten things you should say ( or express) more often in your relationship

Every woman wants to feel like a Goddess in her relationship.

Every man wants to feel like a God in his relationship/

We all want to know that we are appreciated, that we are loved, that we are valued for who we are and not just what we do.

It's not a big request.

It doesn't take any special skills or high tech gadgetry to make the one you love feel SPECTACULAR on any given day.

No, it is by merely sprinkling your conversations with these simple statements;

(1) I love you.

There. Simple. A complete sentence all on it's own...... and yet we are often stingy with it's use. We think it . We feel it. But we hesitate to say it as though we could use up all it's juicy goodness by using it too often.

Trust me, we all need to say it and hear it far more often that we are at present. So next time you feel all that gushy, juiciness building inside your heart, let it out. Bathe your darling with those words as often as possible ( it's always possible)

On a side note: stop saying I love this thing or that thing. Love is for people .... not things.

(2) I'm sorry.

We all make mistakes but we don't always apologise for them..... and we should, especially with our significant other.

My darling and I were shifting furniture the other day ( well he was shifting it and I was directing where it should go). It's something I like to do regularly to shift the energy in the room and something he goes along with because he loves me.

Anyway at some point, late in the day I got snippy with him ( I bet you thought it would be the other way around right? and no it's not all peaches and cream, sunshine and rainbows over here. I can be a right bitch at times, shocking, I know)

Bless him, he just carried on shifting things and walked out of the room. When he came back I apologised because I was just being mean, for no good reason. So next time you mess up ( and you will because we all do) apologise. Just say those three little words - I am sorry.

(3) Thank you.

Yes, we are back to gratitude. Thank you darling for taking out the trash. Thank them for cooking you dinner. Thank them for getting the car serviced. Thank them for making you breakfast ... and lunch. Thank them for making you a cup of tea. Thank them for being part of your life.

Thank them for anything.

Thank them for everything.

Sounds simple but it is oh so effective.

(4) Can I help you with that?

Again very simple but also very effective.

Offering to help shows the other person that you are paying attention. You can see that, perhaps, they are struggling with something; wrestling with the kids trying to get them into their pajamas while helping  Miss 5 with her homework or talking on the phone and trying to ensure that the potatoes don't boil dry.

In reality this one doesn't even need to be said. Instead you can just pitch in and start helping.

And ladies, this goes for you too. sometimes our blokes are so busy doing their bloke thing and yet they could still use a hand maybe to fetch them the right tool so that don't have to be getting up and down off the ladder or up and down out from under the truck ( or sink or wherever other blokey job is taking place).

By offering to help you are letting the other person know that you are there for them when they need you.

(5) I see you.

This is another one of those statements that you don't necessarily say.

Every body wants to be seen for who they truly are. Not the "I'm doing fine"mask that a lot of us wear just to get through the day. But the real us, the authentic "I've been to hell and back and survived and here are my scars" us.

If we are loved enough for this"us", it shines out of us and we grow ever more confident in ourselves.

Let your partner know that you really see them for who they are and not how you think they should be. Acknowledge their past hurts and let them know that you are here to help them heal and not to inflict more damage to them.

(6) You are beautiful. Inside and out

Ladies love to hear that you think they are beautiful, gorgeous, talented beings.

Men love to hear that you think they are sexy and handsome.

My husband tells me everyday in a million little ways that he thinks I am the hottest thing he has ever seen.

How does that make me feel? Like the hottest thing, ever.

(7)  I remember when.....

Sharing the first time you kissed . Or the first time you went on a date or the first anything, really keeps the spark of romance alive. It reignites all those emotions you felt then; the flutter in your stomach, the catch in your throat, the excitement of being in love.

Looking back, in love, helps you move forward with renewed passion.

Looking back at all the mistakes however, and dragging them back up to be revisited, not so much. In fact that is a surefire way to head straight for the divorce courts!

(8) I just called to hear the sound of your voice.

With the advent of texting we often forget the joy of hearing our beloveds voice on the end of the phone. Sure a text is a quick, efficient way to keep in touch but nothing beats the sound of your honey on the end of the phone.

(9) Let's have sex

Photographer unknown

I read an article the other day that said that 1 in 7 relationships are now sexless. ( take your time to read that again)

One in Seven.

Now this makes me unbearably sad.

What was even sadder is that these relationships were between people in their 30's and 40's

. I know we all buy into the myth ( it's a MYTH, people!) that sex stops at a certain age. Poor old Miley thinks that age is 40. Sadly for some people, she is right.

I know our lives are busy and days ( sometimes weeks) go by without stopping for the delicious interlude of sex, but it is a slippery slope to No -Sex -land. In all the cases mentioned in the above article sex either petered out ( pun intended) or stopped altogether in one fell swoop.

Sex, like hugging or other nonsexual touch, releases oxytocin which is a hormone that helps us to feel bonded and emotionally connected to each other. Once sex is off the table other touching goes too and then you feel less and less connected to your partner and before long you are drifting in opposite directions.

All it takes is for one partner to keep the flame flickering by instigating sex. Asking for it while still clothed and going about your daily routine plants the seed that this might be on the agenda and anticipation builds arousal better than any pill.

 (10) Let's go do ( insert favorite shared activity) together.

Spending time togeher is vital for a great relationship to thrive. Doing things together whether it is going to dinner, going to movies, gardening, or working on a project together builds  a sense of togetherness and kinships.

Asking to spend time together lets the other partner know that you enjoy their company and look forward to spending time with them. This, in turn, makes them feel special. And we all want to feel special, right?



What do you think? What would you add to the list? Leave me a comment with your additions below.


If you are having issues in your relationship and want some help check out the Services page to book a session.

The Power of "Thank you"

I have been keeping a Gratitude journal for years. Well, mostly in fits and starts. Some weeks I do it every day and then somehow I fall of the wagon and days, sometimes weeks or even months go past without a single gratitude entry. And here's the funny thing ( not funny haha, just funny/strange) when I am doing my gratitude everyday my life flows better.

I notice things to be grateful for; the soft rain after days of sunshine, a warm fire when it's freezing outside, new flowers on my rose bushes, birds flying up to my window to say "hi" and always, a;ways my darling for being awesomely himself.

Then life starts getting busier. I am happier, calmer and more grounded and somehow the ritual of writing in my gratitude diary falls by the way side.

That is until this year.

This year I made a conscious choice to continue the practice all year. I even added in an extra component, a gratitude jar. I had a large flagon that my father in law had given me ( actually he gave me three - lucky me! thanks Bill!) and I started to write down things that happened each day or week that I was grateful for, I wrote them on little post it notes and I will take them out on New Years Eve to look back over my year and see just how blessed I truly am.

But mostly I write in my journal. I also created the 100 days of Gratitude over  on my Facebook page , come over and join us, we are on day 63!! This has been a great way to keep the focus on gratitude and share it with my followers. The lovely part has seeing how they are joining in and sharing what they are grateful for too.

At Christmas time I start feeling all mooshy and grateful for all the people who have helped me throughout the year and one of the ways I share this is by sending them "thank you"notes or buying them chocolate
 ( because that's the same thing, right? ). I do this for my hairdresser, my accountant, our postie  and , when I lived in town, the guys who picked up the recycling (only I got them beer).

Gratitude is one of the highest vibrations

You see, it is so easy to take people for grated. Sure, I am paying those people to do a job for me and all of them do it well so isn't it worth acknowledging how much you appreciate the work they do for you by giving them a gift? To say "hey I really value and appreciate the work you do for me?". Because, let's face it, everyone like to know that they are appreciated.

And here's the funny thing about showing appreciation; you feel good, they feel good and (wait for it) anyone who sees the exchange also feels good. How cool is that? Everyone gets a boost of feel good hormones coursing through their bodies, which boost the immune system, lowers the blood pressure and generally just makes you go all mooshy and lovey dovey inside.

Now, if you believe in the Law of attraction ( which you should, because it is a law, just like gravity. Uh oh things are getting a bit woo woo in here, brace yourselves) what you will begin to notice is that as you express more gratitude you will find more things to be grateful for. You will realize that you are already blessed with an abundance of good things in your life and begin to feel more content with yourself, your relationships and life in general.

Gratitude can change the world

All this from the simple act of writing down what you are grateful for, each day.

One of the things I give thanks for each and every day is my husband. Which makes me more loving towards him, which in turn makes him more loving towards me ( you see how this can spiral out of control can't you?)

Not noticing all that your partner does for you can lead to feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction but by simply acknowledging what they are doing, thanking them verbally and also in your journal, shifts the energy noticeably and in a short space of time.

Gratitude has the power to transform your life and the lives of those around you. It is simple, effective and costs next to nothing

So who do you need to say "thank you"to?  What and who are you grateful for? Now is a good time to let them know.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Thank you for sharing it  ( you are sharing it, right?) Thanks for coming over and liking my Facebook page. Oh and thanks for leaving a comment, I love hearing from you guys!!

Love letter to my darling

It is easy to take your partner for granted.

I do all the cooking and cleaning ( hahahaha, that's a good one! I'm so not a Domestic Goddess!), scratch that I do all the cooking and occasionally clean).

He does all the outdoor, mendy-fixy-blokey-things, looks after the car  - oil changes, tyre pressure checks, books it for its warrant of fitness.

He also drops his clothes all over the house ( ok I tend to shed my jewelery, randomly around the place too), stacks dirty dishes on the bench instead of loading them in the empty dishwasher, hangs his towel over the shower not the towel rail and tends to leave things right in front of the door for people to trip over.

We have been together for 21 years and married for 4 ( yup, only four years) and I wanted to take a moment and write him a letter to let him know just how awesome I think he is, after reading articles like this and this.

Dear Rob,

I still remember the first time I saw you. I was 19 and you would have been 29. We were both married to other people and yet you still made an impression on me, just by being you. We bumped into each other a few times over the intervening years, nothing special. Just life in a small community where everyone knew everyone.

I still remember where I was when I heard you and Rosza had separated and the pang of sadness, for you, that went through me. I had left Brent by then and was embroiled in an affair. Life goes on.

That affair ended. I grieved and again life moved on.

I still remember when Lyn told me you had asked her out and the immense pang of jealousy that went through me although I had no reason to be jealous as I barely knew you. But it hit me like a thunderbolt.

You see I feel like I have been waiting for you my whole life.

I knew when I was 15 what I was looking for; a six foot, blond, surfie so how the hell I ended up with a 5 foot eight biker is beyond me. But that divergence gave me my kids and ultimately led me back to you. You always tell me that you wouldn't have been right for me way back then and you are probably right. But oh how I wish we had started our family instead of trying to blend two together.

It's been a rocky road trying to do just that.

For a long time you had one foot out the door. It was hilarious the other day when you finally admitted that, that was true, as if revealing some well hidden secret when I knew it all along. But for all of that one-footedness you also never gave up on us. Even when I was packing your bags and kicking you out the door. No, that love that you had in your heart wouldn't let you give up and for that I am truly, truly grateful

So I want to let you know some of the things that I absolutely adore about you;

(1) I love the way you listen to me.
It doesn't matter if we are discussing  the weather, what car to buy or having some deep, meaningful conversation, you always give me your full attention. I remember the first time I realized that you were fully engaged in what I was saying, eyes locked on mine, and I thought to myself "wow, he's actually interested in what I'm saying". It was a huge revelation., I'd never had any one's attention like that before. It made me feel like what I had to say was worth listening to

(2) I love the way you tell me how beautiful I am.

It started right at the beginning when you used to call out to me in the mornings "Good Morning Gorgeous" and even though we weren't even going out then it made my day. You never miss a day. EVER. Your constant "how's my beautiful wife?", "I love the way this dress shows off your curves" , "Look at your beautiful face" comments, never get old and also make me feel more confident and sexy, every day.

(3) I love the way you thank me every night for cooking your dinner.

I love cooking for you. feeding you healthy, nourishing meals makes my heart sing, even more so because you appreciate it so much.

(4) I love how creative you are.

From your ability to fix any thing, to the way you come up with new ideas for growing our garden to the awesome stories you write for our grand kids to the drawings that go with them, I love your creativity. You truly are an artist and I only wish that you saw yourself that way more  too. There is so much more to you than you realise
I miss all the romantic poems you used to write me and the messages you would write on the sheets for me to find after you left  but I know that life gets in the way.

(5) I love our long, talky bath sessions.

After all these years we still have so much to talk about and share and discover about each other and that gladdens my heart. I sometimes am amazed at how long we spend in the bath together, even when we struggle to see each other as it gets darker and the water goes cold and we turn all wrinkly and prunish and still we sit and talk.

(6) I love the way you introduce me to people.

It is always "And this is my lovely wife, Caitlin." or "This is my beautiful wife Caitlin." or "Have you met the love of my life, Caitlin".  I always feel valued and affirmed

I love you for being completely you. I love your loyalty, your honesty, your integrity, your passion and  your sensual nature. I love that we are growing old together and that we are comfortable with our sagging, wrinkly skin, grey hairs and creaky joints. I love the way we reminisce about all the times we met before we met and all the romantic steps that lead us here.

I love you forever. And then just a little bit more.

Yours truly, madly, deeply

Our wedding day 27.12.2009

Bling xx

Healing Touch

* Heavy sigh* I have just been BLISSBOMBED!

I have talked before about the importance of touch and I still believe that we all need to be touched, far , far more than we actually are.

I, myself, am a bit of a touch whore, I need to be touched , lots and often, In fact I think my idea of heaven is somewhere that you lie around being touched and pampered all day, every day.

Now, I'm not selfish ( well maybe just a little bit), I also do a fair amount of touching, hugging and pampering of those people who are precious to me.

Image from Raising Ecstasy Facebook page

As I have said  we all need touch and none more so than those who are healers, which, let's face it is all of us whether we realize it or not.

I have had a rough week this week, with lots of minor stresses and strains. This generally results in my shoulders hovering up around my ears somewhere, tension headaches and snappish moods, not great for anyone to be around. Luckily, I had booked in for a massage with the lovely Pauline from Healing Touch by Pauline.

I've had massages before and they have been great but none of them came close to the experience of a hot stone massage with Pauline. I had heard of hot stone massage before and seen images of people with stones lined up down their back but I had no idea what I was in for.

First up was selecting the wax that Pauline was going to use and since I was interested in feeling like a girly-girl I went for Jasmine and Neroli - simply divine. The room was dimly lit which created a lovely soothing atmosphere, as did the soft music and plush towels. So far, so massagey

Once I stripped off and snuggled under the towel Pauline reemerged and ever so gently, but  firmly, started massaging my back And then she started hitting the knots and tight bits. Oh my Lord! You never fully realize how tight you are until a massage therapist hits those spots. Once she introduced the hot stones the bliss escalated to a whole new level.

At first I wasn't sure if she had just warmed her hands on the stones or if she was actually massaging me with the stones. She was. And OMG they are the most amazing feeling! The best way I can describe it is they feel like liquid heat and take your body into a completely different dimension. I imagine it as something akin to lava (you know, without the skin melting temperature), melty ( in a good way) just hot enough to be soothing and make your muscles sigh with delight.

I cannot begin to describe for you all the intricate ways in which she used those stones.

Artist unknown

I do know that once I rolled over ( not a small feat in itself as I was already mostly jelly from all the relaxation, oh and naked.... did I mention I was butt naked? And my boobs do tend to take on a life of their own when freed from the confines of my bra, so all semblance of decency had left the building by this stage. I went to a male masseuse at one stage and he discreetly left the room for me to roll over - one boob still managed to wrangle its way out from under the towel, which he thoughtfully tucked back in when he returned LOL. ) now where was I? Ahh,yes, lying on my back Pauline  proceeded to place hot stones all down my front (delicious) which was great right up until I laughed and it became like a 10 point earthquake with stones about to be launched in all directions ( note to self: tuck in boobs and don't laugh on the massage table).

After two whole hours of being pampered ( could have happily laid there all day), oiled to within an inch of my life ( still delightfully oiled even now as I write this - delicious), muscles in a  state of total bliss, unfurled and soft, I feel unbelievably grounded in my self, centered in a way that I wasn't before we started.

Now, just a quick word for the ladies, Pauline also does breast massage ( take a deep breath). She only does so if you are comfortable with the idea and let me tell you, you should get comfortable with the idea , pronto. Sure my husband "massages"my breast on a regular basis but it is nothing compared to the therapeutic benefits of a proper breast massage and yes she uses the hot stones here too - heavenly. You see our poor breast get hoisted into bras which prohibits proper lymphatic drainage, especially if you wear under wire bras ( and with boobs the size of mine I need all the help I can get to keep them pointing outward and not downward).

If you want to make an appointment with Pauline ( and really you should) go here. and if you are not in NZ or too far away hunt out your local massage therapist and book yourself in today because as the ad says "Because I'm worth it"

Things I love about my body

I have been immersed in my Love Your Body program; busily listing why you should love all the  parts of your body, creating meditations to help you love your body, recording EFT ( tapping) audios to help you love your body and researching the benefits of positive thinking and affirmations on your body.

I've been reading positive body image blogs and joining Facebook pages that promote body love.

One of those pages, The Militant Baker is holding a Body Love conference next year which will be AWESOME!! She posted a Crowdfunding video this morning ( go check it out on her page) or better yet go donate some money to get this conference happening

IT all got me thinking about my own awesome, beautiful body so I thought I would share with you some of the things that I love about my body.

(1) I love my hair.
I started going grey in when I got divorced, had a baby and met the love of my life all in the same year. Now you have to understand that I have a cow's lick and if you don't know what that is consider yourself blessed by the Hair Fairy and move on. And that is where the first few grey hairs popped up, right at the front of my hair.

So I did what any sane 30 year old does - I went straight to the hairdresser and got her to dye my hair black ( I was already dark, dark brown) , except for the piece of hair at the front, that we dyed platinum blonde. Result? Sheer awesomeness!

I only did it the once though because frankly, life is too short to sit around waiting for your hair to change color ( but that's just me).

Now my hair is a mix of grey, white and the remnants of dark brown and I still love it. My silver highlights are taking over and I'm okay with that.

(2) I love my hands.
If you know me you know that they are usually festooned with as many large rings as I can comfortably wear on them at any one time.

I'm still looking for the perfect thumb ring.

And no, you cannot have too many rings. Ever.

(3) I love my breasts, always have.

They are not as pert as they once were. I remember my sister and I worrying about the pencil test when we barely had boobs. The pencil test, for those of you that don't know, is whether you can hold a pencil under your breast, if you can your breasts are too saggy.

Mine are now at the point that I could probably hold a whole pencil case under there quite happily. And you know what? I'm okay with that too. These breasts have fed three babies, I've lost count of the times my babies fell asleep sucking and all the hours I nursed them to make them feel better or cam them down.
In the right bra they still look magnificent.

(4) I love my face.

Artist unknown but I adore this pic

Complete with eyes that shine, a mouth that smiles and the odd wrinkle to show that I have lived.

(5) I love my butt.

Curved just right, not too big and fills out my jeans just nicely thank you very much.

(6) I love my big, soft belly.

It is soft and jiggly and bears the scars of stretch-marks from my babies and surgery (so I don't have any more babies!!)

(7) I love my arms.

For all encompassing hugs and with all my soft jiggly boobs and belly, I give great hugs.

(8) I love my legs.

They reach all the way from the ground right up to the curve of my arse - perfect. I used to get teased about how skinny they were but I still loved them even then. Yes, my thighs touch but my knees are not knobbly and these legs carry me through my days.


I could go on and on because, lets face it, my body is pretty damn spectacular....... and so is yours.

If you are struggling with body issues then sign up  for my newsletter (Click the link on the sidebar at the top of the page) to find out all the details of the Love Your Body program and how you can get your hands on it.

So tell me what parts of your body do you love?

10 Random Facts about ME

I am a great fan of The Militant Baker and she just posted 10 random facts about her and I'm going to play her game and post some random facts about me.

If you have been following my blog you already know quite a bit about me; I'm married, I have three sons and four step daughters and a basquillion grandchildren ( well, it feels like it when they all come visit). So what I'm going to post now are totally random and all totally true.

(1) I've broken my left arm four times!

The first was when my sister pushed me down the stairs ( I was three). Apparently, I was in her way and wouldn't move so she pushed me. ( Funnily enough, in a totally unrelated way, I no longer speak to her). The second time I fell off a skateboard, the third was falling off a jungle gym and the fourth was a boy standing on my jandal (flipflop) while I was running away from him. For a while there all we seemed to be ding was taking me to the hospital to get my arm put in a cast. I think I was my mother's worst nightmare.
My eldest son broke his arm falling out of a tree and a tiny little bone at the base of the thumb falling off a skateboard. Anyone would think we are a family of klutzes.

(2) I never really learned to swim.

I can dog paddle and splash around a bit in the water but swimming just isn't for me although I do love playing in the pool. I don't like putting my head under water.

My Mum  took me to special swimming lessons when I was 11 but I still never got the hang of it.

(3) I don't like wearing sandals with w piece between your toes.

I was traumatized with the whole jandal-wearing-arm-breaking thing and loathe the feeling of something between my toes. ICK!

(4) Armpit hair is my friend.

I know this will gross some of you out but I don't shave under my arms. There I said it!  The sensation just makes me want to throw up. Yeah I could get them waxed but pffft I like it so, yeah it ain't going to happen. The only part of my hair that gets shaved is my legs and then only sporadically.

With the whole Brazilian-craze and total de-hairing of the body I guess I just missed the memo. And guess what? the world didn't end and I still get laid on a regular basis!!

(5) I still watch Friends.

I have watched it since it began and whenever it plays on repeat ( which it does almost continuously in NZ) I still watch it and I still laugh. A lot!.

I sing the theme song and clap at the appropriate times.  I can just about repeat what they are going to say but I still enjoy it.

Whenever I move furniture in my house I invariably go "Pivot, Pivot" at some point ( if you've ever watched Friends you will know what I mean. If not, well I just feel sad for you)

(6) I love my breasts.

Even though they are not as pert as they once were, they are still frickin' awesome! Wearing low or v-neck clothes works for me and I flaunt them as much as I can.

(7) I've been blogging on and off for about 4 years.

I've had personal blogs, business blogs and just ranty blogs. The truth is I always wanted to be a writer and now that I have found my voice I am totally loving the shit out of it.

(8) I've posed for nude photos.

Back in my skinny days a male friend asked if I would pose nude for him as he was wanting to get into nude photography. I loved all his black and white work and so I said yes. It was one of the most awesome experiences of my life.

(9) I've been a catwalk model.

When I was a teenager I always wanted to be a model but I didn't have the confidence.

A few years back a local fashion boutique in our town started running a yearly fashion show with all local ladies as models. Some of them had been models in the past. The guy organizing it wanted a diverse range of sizes and ages and asked me to model for him . I  did it for a couple of years and it was  great fun and a great confidence booster.

(10) I have been working on  the Love your Body Revolution program for far too long!!

It started out as a set of cards, like an oracle deck, but I kept putting it back in the "too hard"basket for years. Now that I have developed it into a program with all sorts of bells and whistles I am getting really excited to finish it and get it out on to the market to help women start loving their gorgeous ( whether they know it or not) bodies.

Sex just gets better

A Good Woman's Dirty Mind    is a great blog (if you haven't checked it out already get over there and do so - after you've finished reading mine, of course) and she wrote a piece recently on the differing sex lives of Liberals versus  Democrats.

Turns out the Conservatives sex lives dry up at about age 68 (eek!) whereas Liberals continue an active sex life into their 80's ( I knew there was a good reason I was a Liberal!!)

I also r4ead recently that dear old Miley ( yes the twerk mad pop star) thinks that if you are over 40 ( 40!! people, come on what drugs is she on???) then you are no longer having sex. EVER. AT. ALL.


Well I would just like to state for the record that sex only gets better with age. Much like a fine wine or a good cheese.

If you have been reading any of my blog posts ( and if you haven't then check out some of my other ones as soon as you finish this one. Trust me it will be worth it.) I am now 51 while my darling hubby is 61. So in the world according to Miley we have been sexually inactive for the past 11 years for me  and since the Hubster and I didn't get together until he was forty our sex life would have never got off the ground.

I know! Shocking so lets all take a nice deep, cleansing breath and relax because I am here to tell you that sex only gets better (well for us Liberals, anyway).

That's right sex gets better...... and better..... and better ( oh my God it is soooo GOOD!)

We have had our house full of kids for years. In fact we have only been empty nesters ( hideous phrase, someone come up with something cool and sexy STAT) for the past two years. Yup,two years! and there is nothing like a house all to yourself to completely unleash all of your sexy, sexiness to its full potential, like having the house completely devoid of children, or anyone else for that matter.

All you parents out there will know what I'm talking about. No having to worry if the kids are asleep or wondering if they are going to tromp down the hall going  "Muuuuuummmmmm"at just the wrong moment (and trust me, they do)

Earlier this year my youngest moved home for month before flying off to America this led to one embarrassing moment which can happen after months of the house all to yourself.

Me in all my sexy glory.

The intimacy and depth of trust in a relationship grows over the years and this allows you both to stretch more fully into your sexual selves. There is comfort in knowing that your partner still finds you desirable even though your body is not the same as it was when you got together.

Sure, we still have some less than ecstatic experiences as any long time married, working couple will tell you, sometimes you are both just tired or sex is the last thing on your mind or well, whatever, life sometimes just gets in the way. But, thankfully, we also have some mind blowing, leg - trembling, mind blowing ecstatic experiences and , blissfully, these are more and more common and well worth waiting for.

Part of this, for us, was a conscious decision to focus on improving our sex lives. Yes, it does need some though and action on your part, it doesn't just happen. No magic fairy is coming along to anoint you with new sexual powers ( sad but true). Reading Nicole Daedone's book Slow Sex ( if  you haven't read it, go get a copy) and putting it into practise was a step in the right direction. I also made the decision that I was a Sex Goddess, several years previously and that added another dimension to our sex lives, fully embracing my sexuality has been HUGE, huge I tell you.
So if your sex life has gotten a little lack luster remember that (a) there is hope (b) it is up to you to change it, not your partner, YOU .

What about you? Have you noticed that your sex life is getting better as you get older? Leave me a comment below.

The One with the Penis Beaker

 This one is not for the faint hearted or those of a delicate constitution. NO!  We will be delving into sex and all it's inherent messiness, so if squeamish back away slowly, now. Or run, your call!

A month or so ago I came across a story that , to be honest, had me completely stumped.

It was the one about the penis beaker.

A woman wrote on Mumsnet about her and her husband's after sex clean up routine, at which point my mouth fell open and kinda stayed that way for a while as I slowly shook my head from side to side and I began to feel like I had missed a class in sex ed and , well life , really.

I mean here I am, a grown women of 51 with grown children and grandchildren for, goodness sake, and never once had it crossed my mind to

• instigate a clean up routine after sex

• invest in a penis beaker

No, our after sex routine, generally involves  snuggles, a kiss and exclamations that we have, in fact , got that shit ( not literally because, eww gross) everywhere, a giggle then we roll over and go to sleep, or get a drink and then sleep . (TMI???? Deal with it )

No penis beakers.

In fact, I just can't get my head around the whole need for a clean up routine at all.

Before sex , definitely. After sex, no thanks Id rather drift off in an endorphin, post orgasmic slumber, sounds much more fun.

I mean who really wants to get out of bed in the post coital glow? Or am I , in fact, a dirty, dirty girl???

And why are we all so obsessed with being clean anyway? I have to confess to being a bit of an old hippie. Don't get me wrong, I shower every day and often bath with hubby when he gets home from work ( YUM!) but it seems to me that we all get a tad carried away with all this cleanliness business.

What is wrong with the scent of sex, which to me is delicious(TMI?? again, you have been warned because this post is likely to contain more. Brace your self) or sweat, not stinky I-haven't-showered-all-week-while -working-outside-in-the-hot-sun but fresh, sweat from today, or the delightful smell of your own vagina which emits different smells throughout your cycle.

 All that stuff is loaded with pheromones, those lusty little chemicals, that help us to sniff out our ideal mate.The trouble is that we are so obsessed with smothering our natural scents under, deodorants, scented pantyliners, perfumes, moisturisers and anything else with the smell of a thousand flowers that is not our own natural scent.

Heaven forbid that we go around smelling like ourselves. Yes, I shower. Do I wear deodorant? No and haven't for years. Do I wear perfume? Only if it is a natural one and not one that contains synthetic scents in some hideous chemical concoction. Which means generally, no.

But back to sex, it is supposed to be "dirty". A great session involves losing yourself completely in the throes of passion which leaves you with legs too weak to stand, rather than leaping out of bed to "clean up", you relax completely satisfied and blissed to move.

Or is that just me? God, I hope not.

What about you? Do you have a clean up routine? Leave me a comment below.

Marriage is ......

Last week Seth Adam Smith wrote  blog post explaining  the advice his father gave him about marriage. That marriage isn't about you , it is about making your partner happy.

Here's an excerpt " My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

And while it made me go "awww sweet" It also got me thinking.

Because marriage is not just about family or making your partner happy or having kids.

No. Marriage is far, far more than that.

Try telling a gay couple that marriage is about the family that they will create. Oh wait, they can't unless they adopt or have a surrogate.

Try telling an infertile couple that they are marrying for a family.


Try telling an older couple that marriage is about creating a family.

Marriage is for sharing your self completely with another human being.

Marriage is about love and commitment.

Marriage is about wanting to spend the rest of  your life with the same person, through all the highs and lows.

Marriage is a declaration, to the world that this person, this person standing next to you is the one that you love with your whole heart.

If you enter into marriage aiming to make the other person happy, regardless of your own happiness you will fail. Marriage , great marriage, is about growing together and supporting each other in your paths.

When I married the love of my life we already had 7 kids between us ( 3 sons, mine, four daughters, his) and we had no intention or possibility of having any more.

Our wedding day with 6 of our kids

Did that make us think that marriage wasn't for us?
No.

Our marriage was a way for us to declare to the world that we were committed, to each other and to the relationship.

You see most second marriages fail.  Especially when there are kids involved. Don't shoot the messenger! I'm merely quoting statistics.

It took us a long time to get to the point of marrying. We were together 17 years before we married.

And it was well worth the wait. Why?

Because we had worked through our baggage and were more committed to each other than ever.

So, yeah marriage is about way, way more than creating a family or  making the other person happy and it definitely is about YOU.

What did you think of Seth's blog? What are your views on what a marriage is? I would love to hear your comments.

I don't understand the world

There are lots of things that I just don't understand about the world

( 1) Beiber Fever - ok I know I'm not the target demographic for this one .

(2) Adult Onesies - seriously?  What the ....?????

(3) Any adult wearing a size 0 - hell my babies were barely in a size zero fro any length of time ( they were very long babies - I would say tall but babies lie around most of the time and tall just doesn't sound right)

(4) How come there is always enough money for war and never enough for health care..... or education?

(5) How come First world countries have kids that go hungry, homeless people and people who work several jobs but still not be above the poverty line?

(6) Oh my Lord I could go on and on but it all seems so depressing when I know, KNOW that there is also so much good in the world - so much.

But this week I'm struggling.

I wrote about Steubenville , several times. And the rapes in India. I must admit I lost heart and couldn't continue writing about rape and rape culture. I didn't write about the most recent case in America where the victim and her family were forced to leave town and then their house was burnt down while the perpetrators ( yes, there was more than one... again) got off scot free.

This time though it has happened here... in New Zealand and in the area I grew up, West Auckland.

The UK has its chav's, the Aussies have their bogans and the US has it's "white trash". NZ has "Westies"

You can spot a 'westie'  ; the blokes have skin tight black( always black) jeans, a heavy metal tee shirt, tattoos and long hair and the girls are not much different. I grew up a westie although I didn't wear the uniform. when I left home at 18 my boyfriend was westie through and through. He rod up on his Norton motorbike with the leather jacket, tats and chains and we rode off into the sunset.

Many ( many) times we hung out with gangs and I was threatened with being put "on the block" ( gang raped) if I didn't stop being so mouthy. Luckily for me (a) I shut up and (b) we moved off to become random hippies in the far north before things got too ugly.

And now we have a gang of young men in West Auckland who have formed a club called "Roast Busters"
The sole aim of which is to find young girls between the ages of 13-15, get them incoherently drunk, rape them repeatedly and then boast about it on their Facebook page.

The police have known about the group for TWO YEARS but no arrests have been made due to insufficient evidence. Once the  news broke of this during the week several things happened (a) Facebook shut down the page (b) several girls came forward and said they had made complaints to police even though the police had previously said none had made complaints (c)  a ministerial inquiry is taking place and (d) the police are finally digging deeper into the cases.

IT seems that the boys had lots of friends that knew what was happening and they have been interviewed on television but "didn't think it was their place to interfere". In one case a thirteen year old girl was "roasted"  
 ( you and I would call it raped but I guess if we use our own pet name for it, it doesn't sound so bad? right?)  at a party and the friends of the boys said"well she shouldn't have been at the party" but didn't feel compelled to look out for a young girl clearly in the wrong place.

That seems to be a common theme.

In the Steubenville case the girl got incoherently drunk but none of her "friends"(and I use air quotes to make a point because true friends look out for one another)  looked  after her instead saying that she was behaving "too slutty" - you know, falling over and not knowing what she was doing, like drunk people do. So they left her to fend for herself.

Now the big question I want to ask is not (a) what were the girls doing out that late or (b) why did they drink so much or (c) why they were wearing inappropriate clothes. No the question I want to ask is what hell happened to compassion? Whatever happened to looking out for our fellow man or woman in these cases?

How are we raising boys to feel that they have the right to rape and feel ok with themselves? How can we KNOW that there are some of our friends doing these things and not feel some duty to take steps to stop them?

What the hell is wrong with humanity?

And taking a deep cleansing breath...... and another nice, deep cleansing breath and remembering that I have raised three gorgeous sons who have all of those good qualities and one is now raising his own family and passing them on to them. And remembering that there is so much good in the world and there are so many beautiful souls who are caring and loving and doing all the right things and that what is portrayed by these sad, sad young men is not the majority, it is far from the majority of humanity.

And one more nice deep cleansing breath and forgiving my younger self for putting her self in danger and realizing that while, yes, it could have been me, it wasn't and I am safe and free from danger and I have done well by my children and kept them safe and raised them to be beautiful, soft yet strong and kind. And even though I had no-one in my corner I was strong enough to look out for me and made better choices as I grew and learned more about the world.

Filling the world with love and light is the only way, the only way to combat the darkness. Adding more hate, denouncing those that perpetrate such acts as animals and calling for vigilante justice as is happening in some places does not dispel the darkness they have brought to the world - it just makes it darker. Instead I send them love, which they obviously desperately need, compassion and forgiveness.

 I hope with this being brought to light that these boys get the help that they need and that the girls can now move on with their lives and let the healing begin.

I hope that we take a long hard look at how we are raising our kids, all of our kids and realize that boundaries and limits and consequences are a necessary part of growing up .

Sexy is.......

Back in the seventies when I was growing up ( yeah I know that dates me) there was a cartoon series called Love is. 

They were designed by a woman called Kim Casali and were basically love notes to her husband.

I loved those cartoons as I was a romantic even way back then. I even had a set of Love Is sheets.

And if I was a talented  artist I would reignite the idea.

Only mine would be Sexy Is. Because it seems like  we have forgotten what it truly means to be sexy.

Even though we have nudity thrust ( good word, thrust!) in our faces and sex is used to sell anything and everything that you can imagine and now pop stars are posting naked selfies on Instagram and Twitter we seem to  think that that is what sexy is.

It’s not.

Here’s my take on what sexy is, just try and picture cute cartoon images to go with it.

Sexy is……… not a shape.

( Although if I had to pick one I would say it was round but that’s just me, yours might be completely different like a large thrusting ( yup, still love that word) rectangle or pillar)

Sexy is………. Not a size

( I know, I know we all assume it will be whatever size we are and frankly I think that is exactly as it should be. God knows ,I am sexy and large and quite possibly round)

Sexy is…… self- confidence.

( yes, it is that intangible, inner self belief that makes you sexy not the fact that you wear a size zero

 ( and seriously who are those people and could we not get them some adult size clothes) ( that’s my own personal rant against American sizing which just seems odd for fully grown adults)

Sexy is……… loving who you are

Sexy is…… willing to be naked; emotionally, spiritually and physically

(naked goes way beyond just removing your clothes. To me it is a willingness to see and be seen by those that you are intimately engaged with)

Sexy is……. All in the mind.

(Lets face it the brain is the biggest sex organ there is. Stimulate that and you are way ahead of the rest)

Sexy is……not an age .

( you can be just as hot at 50 as you can at 30.)

Sexy is….. different things to different people.

( I just went on Pinterest, purely for research you understand, and typed in sexy to the search bar. Seems like Justin Bieber is sexy and so is Johnny Depp. High heels, leather, lace, naked bodies- male or female, bondage, tattoos, spanking, being fit, reading, being intelligent and feet are just some of the things people find sexy)

I’m sure you get the idea. The more you feel like you are the sexy goddess ( or god, if you are male) that you are the more you will become that. It really starts with you. The minute you let someone else define whether or not you are sexy ( or anything else for that matter) that is when you give up control of how you feel about yourself. And if the day comes when that person no longer feels that way about you, then your world crumbles and you are left to rebuild your belief in yourself … one brick at a time.

What do you think? What does being sexy mean to you? Leave me a comment below, I’d love to hear your opinions.